Lather, Rinse, Repeat

I'm in a rut. My life is SO repetitive during the week--always the same. I wake up and my first thought (regardless of the day) is; I can't wait to get this day over so I can come home and go to sleep. That to me is a red flag...who wants to rush their days away--I mean hell I don't exactly know how many I'm going to have, though I hope its many.


I hit the snooze button about seventeen times (I set two clocks the night before, the alarm clock and the alarm on my cell phone x 3) I hit it one too many times, and begin to run late. Mind you, I generally get up to pee by 6 am (this is the ideal time for me to get up and moving) but instead I reset an alarm and curl right back up in bed.


I get up with only ten minutes available to put on clothes, shoes, etc, brush my teeth, wet my hair, put on lotion (perfume optional) grab my laptop bag and head downstairs. Normally, I'd have to then let the dog out to go handle her business and she knows when I'm running late because she purposely takes her sweet ass time doing what she needs to before coming inside, but this week is different because my Aunt stays overnight to help with Gma during the day, so she lets her out. (Side note: Jen has leg room this week because Pepper puppy is a traitor and is sleeping with Aunt Melissa more than she is me, lol) but I digress.


I pour some cereal into a cup, pour milk on top, grab a spoon and head out. By this time its between five minute til I need to be at work to five minutes after I should already have been there. I eat cereral while driving, which is an art I have pretty much perfected I'm proud to say.


I get to work and show security my bag, so they know I'm not smuggling in any questionable items into the warehouse. Unlock my office, boot up the computer, wait as long as I can while prairie doggin' it (because the women's rest room generally isn't done being cleaned until 8) and out of courtesy I don't blow up the other bathrooms because they are much smaller and heavily used. So anyway, then I head out on the warehouse floor, talk to various contractors, say good morning and what not and kill time until the 8:45 meeting which is a daily thing, but rotates between three different meeting places in the warehouse.


Finish there in time for first break (I try to be in the office during breaks in case any of my contractors have issues)--fast forward to later in the day....


Two more breaks down, phone calls made, my boss has checked up on things out here (today was a meeting at 9:30 where we are going to go over the implementation of a new program with our contractors so my boss was on site with me like all day...). At 4 o'clock I put my computer back, let security check it so they know I'm not stealing merchandise from the warehouse, get in my car and head home--mailing any mail for grandma that I was supposed to mail on the way to work that I didnt have time to since I was running late.


I get home and cant help to think how great a nap would be. Grandma fills me in on her day, who died (though she doesnt listen when I say I don't know them) and goes on to tell me about how she knew them and blah blah blah....I go upstairs for a bit and try to get motivated to do homework, shut my eyes for like ten minutes and then here lately my aunt yells that dinner is ready (normally i have to cook, so this is a nice change)...


I eat, then have to wait to digest a bit so I don't throw up after working out... been there done that...not fun at all. Last night I did homework then worked out, but the drawback to that is that I worked out too close to bed so it was another hour after that before I could actually crawl into bed. I of course got wrapped up in Jen filling me in on random "gay" news she found about El Paso, by gay I mean two gay men being discriminated against and thrown out of a taco chain for kissing or something, her reading me some of the blogs of folks she follows and CSI (doesn't matter if its New York, Miami, or the regular one)...


I shower to get rid of all the sweat from working out and to try and relax. Crawl in bed between 11:30 and midnight only to do the same exact thing the very next day.


Sure there are minor things that may change things up but not enough to make a difference. I'm always tired (especially now that I'm working out)--I wasn't going to do it last night but I felt like the guilt trip Id give myself for not doing it would make me feel worse than being tired would. I dunno its weird. I need to figure something out for real.

This rut I'm in is kind of for the birds.


My eyeballs are on fire and feel like bricks are attached to my eyelashes making them heavy. I look forward to Saturday because then I can generally sleep in. It's at the point where I'm considering not having a life on the weekends just so I can catch up on rest...I need to break the habit though because this weekend is an early morning fishing trip opportunity with some coworkers that I dont want to miss out on.

I hate being tired all the time, I just don't understand it. Everyone keeps asking me what I'm depressed about, but I'm not depressed about anything. I've been depressed before... Hell I was treated for being bipolar for years before it was discovered I had a hormone imbalance and hell that hasn't been fixed yet either. I dunno. I've gotta break this cycle. I'm not depressed or hormonal right now...I'm physically and seriously tired... I just want to turn it off. I like to consider myself upbeat but its hard to be lively when you don't have the strength. Blah.