Tuesday, January 29, 2013


I made an offer on a house yesterday that will be submitted this morning.  I'm not all that positive that it will go through... I mean at the end of the day it will end up being 15000 less than what they are asking for.  I like the house and can see myself living there, but Jen loves it more.  Considering that I hadn't got much of a reaction out of her over the last several months we've spent looking at houses... I figured it was a sign.

I actually think I'd prefer our plan B house which is on the same street.  It's a foreclosure so I could probably get a good deal on it... the only draw back to that one is that the fence in the back yard is only partially complete where the other is finished.  So sure a little bit extra work before we could get into it... but still awesome.  The cabinets are cool and it has a corner sink which is one of those weird things that I just really dig.  It has a detached two car garage with a workshop that I could just see myself disappearing to and doing random projects like building those adirondack chairs I've always wanted to make...

But i would be content with either one should the stars be in my favor... It's exciting and scary all at the same time... I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best... should things work out, we'd be moved into our new place by the beginning of April at the latest...

At this point, time will tell.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Before Christmas I went from a naturaly light brown/dark blonde to black.  I felt like it "matched my soul" lol... a few weeks ago, I bleached out the black and went "Hot Tamale" which was a reddish orange color... I wasn't feeling that so last week I went burgandy....I'm not really feeling that right now either so I think Im going to bleach it again and go blonder... The problem is that my hair is the longest  it's been in a long time and my meds are making my hair not as "tough" as it used to be... so my hair is already breaking so I'm tempting fate by bleaching it again, but I'm an idiot and never learn... so I've got hair today, but doesn't mean I'll have it tomorrow... luckily I have a nice hat collection :) Crossing my fingers.

lesbian fiction via R.E. Bradshaw

Okay I've recently started what I believe is my fourth book written by R.E. Bradshaw.  So far none have come close to comparing with Waking Up Gray, but were enjoyable. 

I get irritated sometimes because it seems to be a common thing in her books where the main character is beautiful, comes from money or inherited a crap ton of money... and sometimes I sit and wonder where are the chunky/fat girls that are broke.. don't they deserve love too, lol.

I guess I'll have to write that book... and who knows, maybe one day.  For now I'll stick to blogging my random "empty" thoughts and working on my novel (if you would call it that...I'm not sure) I havent worked on it in months and know that once I start again words will pour out of me, but for now I'm just not motivated in that direction.  I think it's because it has to do with my life and I'm at a point in my life where I just don't want to think about some things--sure they made me who i am today, but doesn't mean I want to rehash this stuff daily...

But I digress... R.E. Bradshaw is a great author and I do like her work don't get me wrong, I just needed something that was "different." I am not reading Rainey Days (a mystery)... so far I like it.

Previously I read, Waking up Gray (which was beyond phenomenal in my opinion)... Sweet Carolina Girls which wasn't bad and The Girl Back Home which again wasn't bad but just wasn't what I was in the mood for I suppose.

I've got several different books on my Kindle App that I want to read but just can't get into at the moment.. so if nothing else, one positive note about RE Bradswhaw's books is that she keeps my attention... that is not an easy thing to do.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Being married has me bummed

I should have known better than to have an idea of how things would be in my head prior to it happening... I figured a same sex marriage would be the same as a hetero one in the sense of ceremony, announcements, gifts, etc....

I'm finding however that this is not the case.  I'm bummed because I've only had about 3 people congratulate me.  Of those 2 were family (my mom and grandmas) okay so make that 4 total... But no one made a big deal of it or even really acknowledges it and that bothers the pure piss out of me.

This is my first and hopefully last marriage and Jen's second.  Jen had the stereotypical wedding last time so for her, it was no big deal to just elope.  For me... I have gone from not believing in marriage or ever being able to see myself with one person in the long term to well, married and committed.

My dream wedding (like if I had unlimited funds) would have been to rent out a bed and breakfast in Vermont and have mine and Jen's family stay there with us... make a weekend out of it.  I'd stand at the alter in a white flowy basic dress next to Jen in something similar (both of us in flip flops)... and our bridesmaids would have a different color dress on and stand next to us going something like red, orange, yellow, green, white, white, blue, indigo, violet and have a rainbow and it would just be fabulous...

Well in real life, it was a trip to DC in a day to get hitched and then back home.  Money is tight and stuff went wrong with our license so we had to change dates last minute (and I do mean last minute)... but it worked out... it was practical and a great marriage isn't based off of how spectacular a show you put on for the ceremony... it's just a "hey that would have been cool" kind of notion.

We sent out announcements to family and friends letting them know that we were hitched.  We've recieved no congrats cards in the mail, no phone calls wishing us luck, nothing.  My grandma is the exception because she was super excited and reminded me that even though she doesn't necessarily agree with it (or it's not for her) she believes that you can't ignore your heart... well she bought Jen and I a crap load of Omaha Steaks as a wedding present. 

Even my parents didn't make a big fuss over the whole thing.  I want to be selfish right now. I want the spotlight on me and Jen and I want to get wedding presents dammit.  What bride doesn't want presents?  At this point I'd settle for acknowledgement.

I'm not going to hold my breath... but for now I am bummed.  I'll get over it I'm sure...

I was going to go on a diet, but decided to weight.

It's no secret that I've struggled with my weight since I was in middle school.  Each year the scale reads a higher number and my clothes seem to go up in size.  I've stayed around the same give or take 10 pounds for the last couple of years (though it doesn't make world of difference in the scheme of things).

The problem I face now is that my work pants, aka company issued uniform pants are too tight.  They are Women's Dickies Carpenter jeans and already look ridiculous because they are cut weird and the butt pockets sit on the back of my leg and not my butt...

Well even if I were to just say screw it and go up another size--THEY DON'T EVEN MAKE A BIGGER SIZE!!! My usual size 22 ass is already in a 24 because the way that Dickies are cut... and well anything larger isn't an option with the company that issues us our pants...

I already don't have uniform shirts like everyone else because everyone else is a dude and I'm a chick so the dude style button up shirts don't work for me either...they make me look sloppy because the short sleeves come down as 3/4 length sleeves--anyway it's a hot mess.

So I've decided that now is the time to really make an effort.  I can't be miserable in pants that I can't button or worry about blowing the ass out of my pants when I squat down to pick something up... I'm going to go low carb as of tomorrow. (yes it's always tomorrow)...

I've got to do something different and well Atkins style is going to be the quickest way to jump start something...once I get down a few pounds then I'll adapt it and do something a little different.

I'm giving myself a goal as well.  With tax time here and potential money coming back, I always like to get a tattoo when I have "extra" money... well I'm not allowing myself to get a tattoo until I'm down 50 pounds.  No matter how long that takes or how much extra money I have... no tattoos for me... which means tattoo #21 is on hold for now.

I can do this, i can do this, i can do this...OMG!!! I just need pants that fit--i'm miserable in my body right now and it's affecting all aspects of my life, not just work pants... crossing my fingers and sticking to this dammit.

Thursday, January 17, 2013


I had heard this song a few times on the reaido and fell in love with it... I watched the video for the first time today and actually got a teary eyed at the end...  great song "supports marriage equality"

My new favorite song

Lil man and I love love LOVE THIS SONG. I play the edited version for him of course.  Now we have music, movies, legos, and other random things in common... gotta love it.

Yes, yes, I do dammit.

Jen and I made it official in Washington, D.C. on December 31, 2012.  Sure, we live in Virginia so our union isn't recognized as a marriage or anything for that matter and well, no we can't claim anything other than Single on our taxes for state or Federal for that matter... and yes it's true--if I were to be put on life support, she couldn't make any decisions for me or speak for me on my behalf.

But despite all of the things that my "same-sex" marriage doesn't allow for, Jen and my relationship and love for each other makes up for anything lacking.  Do we want to be equals with the hetero world, absolutely... Do we want to be recognized as a regular married couple, absolutely... Do we want to be treated like we have the plague when we go to school on the same night for school functions to support our 9 year old--um, hell no.

Jen and I are just regular people, in our world anyway.  We are a family.  The only difference is that where the "norm" (as overrated as it may be) is for there to be a mom, dad, kids, etc...ours has two moms, a son, two dogs, a hermit crab, etc

We ran into a situation a couple months back where lil man had a friend over to spend the night.  Usually, this kid is good, plays well with lil man and what not, but this time I overheard them playing and lil man's friend said something was gay.  I asked him what he said and he repeated it as if nothing was wrong--but first off kid you are 9 and second of all where do you get off using gay as an adjective--what do you know? He had overheard it in the Tony Hawk cartoon movie I had bought lil man--one that I didn't think I was going to need to prescreen, but turned out otherwise.  I had to nip that in the bud right there and explain that there is nothing wrong with being gay and that it shouldn't be used in a negative context. (though I said it more on a 9 year old's level)

Lil man tripped over the dog on the back porch and hollered SON OF A and then screeched to a halt when he saw me standing at the foot of the deck steps.  The moral of the story is that I know he's going to pick things up (I say son of a --normally stop before the bitch part comes out but not always) and he sees TV hears things at school etc... What's important to me is that he doesn't get to the point in his life where because of what some kids at school may say about having two mom's he feels like an outcast or like having two moms is wrong.

Lil man's father is morman.  So when lil man is visiting his dad he has to spend like all day Sunday in church, he's not allowed caffeine, etc...when he's with his mother and me (which is like 302 days a year) he has the option of going to church and we let him decide what kind he wants to go to--I feel like he should be exposed to as many different things as possible so that he not only grows up a little more well rounded, but so that he can respect the fact that people are different and that's what makes the world great.  A lot of times lil man will opt to just stay in pajamas and have "family time" where we all kind of just veg and watch movies, break for alone time, and then go back to family stuff... it works for us...

Does everyone agree with this, no... but do I lose sleep over it, absolutely not.  For now lil man loves having two moms.  He likes the reaction he gets from kids in his class when he talks about his mom and his mommy, and how it makes him stand out and get attention because so far he's been the only one to have that in his classes thus far (a perk to living in the country I suppose, he gets extra attention and stands out)... there will be a point that some kids parent is going to not let there kid come over and play because of the fact he has two moms and part of me dreads that day.

He loves that he gets so much attention from his moms and that he doesn't have to fight to be in the spotlight.  Jen and I got married while he was visiting his dad for Christmas break--we knew that he wanted to be there for it, but we eloped and opted for a simple deal focused more on the making it official part than the ceremony itself... so he was okay with it in the long run, but when he found out--the first thing he asked me was, "Ya'll aren't going to have anymore kids now that you're married are you?" I just smiled and said, "EWWWWWW. I don't even like little kids" to which he laughed, gave me a hug and ran up to his room to play for a bit. 

He still hasn't outgrown the stage where when we all go to the store or something he stands in the middle of Jen and I and holds both of our hands... I cherish those little things and it does scare me to think about what will happen in all of our futures if the world doesn't become a little more open minded of a place.

Jen and I are wife and wife now and we are lucky to after over four years together be able to say we have a great family, not only in our home, but extended as well.  It took Jen's family a little more to get used to the idea that she was gay and she'll never be quite as open as I am (unless she's hanging out with my family and well then she always surprises me with some of the stuff she says, but she knows it's acceptable because my parents, sister, and brother, etc all say what's on our mind and very seldom do we filter it for anyone...)

I didn't know what married life would feel like but I knew it was going to be great.  In truth, it's no different overall--except for the smile that comes across Jen's face when I refer to her with a mocking "wifey" or vice versa. 

I'm one of those people that wants everyone to know I'm gay...Jen is more reserved and feels like it's not everyone's business--but more than I want people to know that I'm gay--I want people to know that I'm in love with a wonderful woman and that we have a great family.  That at the end of the day is what matters.  Not what anyone calls it, not how anyone feels about it, just the fact that my family is great and is just like yours, only maybe a little bit better, lol.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

sleeping my way to the top

I work as a plant administrator for a great company.  What that means is I'm a plant manager without a background in manufacturing... I am the only woman here.  There are other women in this small company (all about 70 or 80 employees total in the US) but I'm the only one here in Virginia.

Yesterday I walked passed a dump truck that was dumping a load into the pit for us.  I didn't recognize the driver, but I still smiled and said hello to HER and kept walking so that I could do what I went out to do. I found out this afternoon (the day after seeing the dump truck chick) the conversation that occurred.

Chick driver: Who is that?
employee: She's our boss
Chick driver: Your boss? Is she the owner's wife?
employee: No, why would you ask that
Chick driver: well how did she get to be the boss

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? It is hard enough in this industry to be taken seriously by all the men I'm surrounded by... female management in manufacturing, distribution, etc seems to be far from the "norm."  I would expect a dumb ass comment like to come from arrogant ass dude, like one of my employees after pissing him off or something...

But for that dumb shit to come out of a woman's mouth--a woman driving a dump truck no less really pisses me off.  No, I didn't blow anybody to get my job.  The next time I see her I want to be like "BITCH, YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE." lol... but I won't I'll be professional like always and keep it moving--but I'll say really mean shit about her in my head.

Hmmmmmmph, the nerve of some people.  That would be like me asking her if she was a lesbian just because she drives a truck, ASSANINE really.  hell if I knew getting a job was as easy as putting an ad in the paper offering to trade sex for a job I wouldn't have been unemployed for as long as I was prior to this. 

Stupid bitch.  She puts the C in cunt (a word that I love, sorry ladies or anyone offended by it) Whatever happened to the fight for equality... apparently she had too many pricks in her face to realize that times have changed and women can do anything they want (well except for marry another woman in most states)... lol for the love of pete... I want to hit someone now... time to just take a breath and move past people's stupidity.