Friday, May 13, 2016

More change is on the horizon...

Jen is being transferred.  So, We are being transferred.  It has barely been a year since we sold our house in Virginia to begin a new life here in Knoxville, TN and we are already leaving.

I can't say that I'm totally upset about leaving TN though... I've kind of been miserable and spent the majority of my time fighting a deep depression.  I miss my family a great deal, but at least have been in driving distance and have made semi-regular trips to see them.  My sister lives 3.5 hours away, so I've visited her the most.  My brother is 8 hours away, but travels a lot with work, while my parents are 9 hours away.  I've made several trips to see them because I love them and because they live on the beach (total win). I've even lucked up and seen my brother while at my parents house which saved a bit of driving.  Usually when I go to see my parents who live on Hatteras Island, NC, I swing by my sister's house, say hi and then drive to my Grandma's house in the country of VA where I used to live.  From there I swing through Elizabeth City, NC to see my other Grandma and my Aunt and then to the beach.... It's a lot of driving by the time all is said and done, but it's worth it.

The problem I face now is that Jen's job is transferring her to Denver, CO, so visiting my folks will no longer be a quick jaunt of any kind.  It's about a 27-29 hour drive from there to my mom and dad's, so driving is out of the question.  My sister doesn't have money for plane tickets, my brother probably would never come out even if he did have money for the plane tickets because he'd have to bring his huge family and that would be super expensive.  My parents are on a fixed income now that they are retired, but would do their best to save money to come and visit.

I'm still not working, so can only hope to find a decent job in CO that will allow me to put away extra money to go see my folks/family.  It scares me to be that far away from them.  Every time I think about it, I start to cry to be honest.

Denver, CO offers the chance of a new adventure.  I'm about to be 35 in a couple of weeks and I have spent the majority of my life in the same place, so it's time to get out there and see a little bit more of the "world."  But I'm scared.  Jen's family lives within a couple of hours of Denver, so we'd be able to see them frequently, but they aren't the family that I'm used to.

What if I get out there and hate it, I'll be stranded.  I already know that I don't like snow and the cold and's going to be a hell of a lot colder and snow way more there than it ever did in VA or NC.

Jen already has friends out there, I know no one.  Her friends aren't going to become my friends... like we may talk and get along, but they aren't going to be my go to's because they are already Jen's...

I'll have to find a job, find a new doctor to keep my meds in check and ensure I don't let my depression push me over the point of no return... I'll have to start over, again.

I love Jen and at least this time she discussed the move with me prior to accepting the offer, unlike last time.  I don't know.  I'm just freaking the fuck out.  Freaking the fuck out.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Death by boredom...

In the beginning, this whole not having a job thing was AMAZING.  Now, I fear I may die of boredom.  I get tired of doing the same things in day in and day out.  I don't have the money to just get out and go explore or try new things and discover what Knoxville, TN and it's surroundings has to offer.

Money is tight.  That translates to stress levels being increased and fights being more frequent.  This year is not starting the way I imagined it. But I feel like it's early enough into it that things are going to improve.  In fact, I'm afraid, I have no other choice but for things to improve.

It will be a chain reaction.  Getting a job = more money = more places visited and fun experiences had = less fighting within the household and less me going stir crazy = bliss.  (or something to that effect)

Oh my god I am so freakin' bored.  I wish I was motivated enough to take longer walks or get more exercise.  The problem is that if I take a walk by myself then I feel guilty because the dogs aren't getting the opportunity for exercise, but if I take them with me then I have to worry about them attacking other dogs, etc.

I'll figure it out, I always do.