Wednesday, April 16, 2014

What's the secret?

After a week on Atkins I am down 7.5 lbs.  Super exciting... but I have a predicament.  I did really well that first week (minus a couple of cheats) but this week is way more difficult than last.

Monday began a rather stressful and taxing, mentally draining work week for me.  My boss is taking it out of me from his office in ATL and plans to be up here for the next four to five weeks starting this coming Monday.

For me stress, mental exhaustion lead to eating and craving. Monday evening (keep in mind my 1 week weigh in was just that morning) I said fuck it and had Chick-fila for dinner along with 1/2 of a Sonic Blast.  Well within 15 minutes I was praying to the porcelain gods since my body went into total shock over the amount of sugar I had just ingested.... a couple of hours later I was starving so I had a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich... yep, got sick again, but this time went to bed.

Yesterday I did good during the day (it's normally always easier when I'm at work...) But then when I got home not so much.  I made made myself a huge salad with chicken I had done with cajun seasonings....I tried a new salad dressing that was AWFUL... I had 2 flavors of it... Honey mustard which tasted like Elmer's glue smells, and Bacon Ranch which tasted like ball sweat and ass.  OMG it was dreadful.  I mixed up some oil and vinegar to use instead.  But within 10 minutes it was like I had never eaten anything and I was staving all over again.  I ended up eating two little debbie brownies (which Jen had bought--I had sent the majority of my craving foods out of the house with the kid when he went to visit my mom for spring break)... and a small glass of milk.

Today, I just want to curl up and go to bed and hide from the world.  I'm craving like everything... I had an Atkins freezer meal a few minutes ago... which tasted good but will not be something that I will buy in the future because it's just not worth it for the portion you get in my opinion.

Nothing seems to be hitting the spot and the only thing that kept me from going to the vending machine in the break room was the fact that what is normally peanut M&Ms was replaced by the milk chocolate ones.  Not a fave of mine.

I don't want to undo everything I did last week but I'm struggling.  IF my boss is going to be up here for over a month I have to figure out some kind of plan because I can't afford to emotionally eat the whole time and I don't really want to rely on Xanax because while that may mellow me out, it may also make me not give a shit about what I do or don't eat, lol.


Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Drop it Low!

I don't have much time these days which should explain my lack of blogging over the last year...but just wanted to share something...I'm adopting a low carb lifestyle.

The scales have tipped at damn near 300 lbs and for my 5'3" self--OMG.  The sad thing is that I don't feel that big. However, when I look at pictures of me I want to hide and never leave the house again.  I just don't get it.  How did this happen?  It's always been easy for me to blame whatever medicine I was on at the time... granted, 9 times out of 10 that was a legit cause. I can't use that as an excuse anymore though, because it doesnt matter what size I am now or 100 lbs from now, I'll always have to be medicated.  I can't risk my bipolar disorder getting out of wack and teetering to manic or super depressed--gotta keep it as close to the middle as I can.

I attempted Atkins about a month ago and every week since.  My sister was starting it and I felt like doing it with her (even though she's five hours away) would be a good idea.  I didn't do the research though, I just took her word for it on what to do.

Needless to say my uniformed self wasn't successful.  I'd start out okay then by the weekend I was back to my old eating habits.  Then that Monday would roll around and there I was standing on the scale, exactly where I had been and sometimes a couple of pounds heavier.

I'd lose a few pounds and then celebrate with icecream, chips, pizza, etc--doesn't work that way.

I had tried to give up all artificial sweeteners as well (at the same time) OMG! I don't recommend that one.

Well last weekend I downloaded the Atkins book to my Kindle App and got an idea of what I needed to do and I feel much better about it.  I've given up the majority of artificial sweeteners, but I take advantage of the Atkins shakes and snack bars (even though the price is as high as giraffe pussy) ... I couldn't do this without something sweet in my life.

I have 150 lbs that I want to and will lose.  It's not going to happen overnight, but it will happen.  I've got to turn over a new leaf and keep it turned... I can't afford to go back to my old ways.

They say "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels..." Well I wouldn't know--I'm a food addict and have never had an idea of what skinny feels like so I was fine with tasting EVERYTHING!!!

This is my 4th attempt in the last 4 weeks... I feel better about it though.  Easy to say on Day 2, but it's hard to explain, unless you've felt what I'm trying to talk about--my attempt at explanation will be lacking and a total fail.

I'm going to get back into the habit of blogging--not just about weight loss and health stuff but just in general.  It always made me feel better and I've lost that part of me--time to get it back.

Wish me luck.