Wednesday, April 16, 2014

What's the secret?

After a week on Atkins I am down 7.5 lbs.  Super exciting... but I have a predicament.  I did really well that first week (minus a couple of cheats) but this week is way more difficult than last.

Monday began a rather stressful and taxing, mentally draining work week for me.  My boss is taking it out of me from his office in ATL and plans to be up here for the next four to five weeks starting this coming Monday.

For me stress, mental exhaustion lead to eating and craving. Monday evening (keep in mind my 1 week weigh in was just that morning) I said fuck it and had Chick-fila for dinner along with 1/2 of a Sonic Blast.  Well within 15 minutes I was praying to the porcelain gods since my body went into total shock over the amount of sugar I had just ingested.... a couple of hours later I was starving so I had a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich... yep, got sick again, but this time went to bed.

Yesterday I did good during the day (it's normally always easier when I'm at work...) But then when I got home not so much.  I made made myself a huge salad with chicken I had done with cajun seasonings....I tried a new salad dressing that was AWFUL... I had 2 flavors of it... Honey mustard which tasted like Elmer's glue smells, and Bacon Ranch which tasted like ball sweat and ass.  OMG it was dreadful.  I mixed up some oil and vinegar to use instead.  But within 10 minutes it was like I had never eaten anything and I was staving all over again.  I ended up eating two little debbie brownies (which Jen had bought--I had sent the majority of my craving foods out of the house with the kid when he went to visit my mom for spring break)... and a small glass of milk.

Today, I just want to curl up and go to bed and hide from the world.  I'm craving like everything... I had an Atkins freezer meal a few minutes ago... which tasted good but will not be something that I will buy in the future because it's just not worth it for the portion you get in my opinion.

Nothing seems to be hitting the spot and the only thing that kept me from going to the vending machine in the break room was the fact that what is normally peanut M&Ms was replaced by the milk chocolate ones.  Not a fave of mine.

I don't want to undo everything I did last week but I'm struggling.  IF my boss is going to be up here for over a month I have to figure out some kind of plan because I can't afford to emotionally eat the whole time and I don't really want to rely on Xanax because while that may mellow me out, it may also make me not give a shit about what I do or don't eat, lol.


Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Drop it Low!

I don't have much time these days which should explain my lack of blogging over the last year...but just wanted to share something...I'm adopting a low carb lifestyle.

The scales have tipped at damn near 300 lbs and for my 5'3" self--OMG.  The sad thing is that I don't feel that big. However, when I look at pictures of me I want to hide and never leave the house again.  I just don't get it.  How did this happen?  It's always been easy for me to blame whatever medicine I was on at the time... granted, 9 times out of 10 that was a legit cause. I can't use that as an excuse anymore though, because it doesnt matter what size I am now or 100 lbs from now, I'll always have to be medicated.  I can't risk my bipolar disorder getting out of wack and teetering to manic or super depressed--gotta keep it as close to the middle as I can.

I attempted Atkins about a month ago and every week since.  My sister was starting it and I felt like doing it with her (even though she's five hours away) would be a good idea.  I didn't do the research though, I just took her word for it on what to do.

Needless to say my uniformed self wasn't successful.  I'd start out okay then by the weekend I was back to my old eating habits.  Then that Monday would roll around and there I was standing on the scale, exactly where I had been and sometimes a couple of pounds heavier.

I'd lose a few pounds and then celebrate with icecream, chips, pizza, etc--doesn't work that way.

I had tried to give up all artificial sweeteners as well (at the same time) OMG! I don't recommend that one.

Well last weekend I downloaded the Atkins book to my Kindle App and got an idea of what I needed to do and I feel much better about it.  I've given up the majority of artificial sweeteners, but I take advantage of the Atkins shakes and snack bars (even though the price is as high as giraffe pussy) ... I couldn't do this without something sweet in my life.

I have 150 lbs that I want to and will lose.  It's not going to happen overnight, but it will happen.  I've got to turn over a new leaf and keep it turned... I can't afford to go back to my old ways.

They say "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels..." Well I wouldn't know--I'm a food addict and have never had an idea of what skinny feels like so I was fine with tasting EVERYTHING!!!

This is my 4th attempt in the last 4 weeks... I feel better about it though.  Easy to say on Day 2, but it's hard to explain, unless you've felt what I'm trying to talk about--my attempt at explanation will be lacking and a total fail.

I'm going to get back into the habit of blogging--not just about weight loss and health stuff but just in general.  It always made me feel better and I've lost that part of me--time to get it back.

Wish me luck.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

"An artist in our midst..."

That was the subject of the company wide email that went out yesterday.  Unbeknownst to me my coworker Jane decided to share a piece of artwork that I did for her.

I wasn't mad about it, just caught off guard.  I don't usually do paintings for recognition purposes but because I enjoy them...I don't normally sell my artwork either...if I have a friend of family request something I'll charge them for the canvas and paint, but not for my time...If it is a painting that I just felt like doing and think that someone I know will enjoy...then I just give it away...

The piece I did for Jane was the first piece I ever sold.  I didn't charge her anything ridiculous (though when I got started on it good really kicked myself in the head for agreeing to do it in the first place, but it all worked out...) Perhaps I should start from the beginning:

Back at the end of September Jane, who works at our Jacksonville, FL corporate office came up to the plant here near Virginia Beach for some product testing and plant visits with potential customers.  I had just finished giving our break room a much needed makeover.  Our raw materials are dirty/dusty so everything inside gets dusty and built up overtime...combine it with about 10-12 guys who get filthy either from machinery or just the product in general, it's safe to say the break room need an update.  It looked dirty, no matter how clean we managed to get it.  This bothered me in general, but especially at the thought of potential customers seeing it and thinking that we're gross--when really our plan is the cleanest one I've ever seen considering the materials we use.

I did an accent wall in red, the other 3 walls a silver gray and on the wall that you see first when you enter the break room, I painted the company logo.  They didn't have a banner large enough in the marketing department at corporate so I took a normal size bumper sticker and blew it up to be about 2'x8'...

The CEO liked it when he came up on the same trip and Jane was really impressed.  She showed me a picture of a painting that is at one of her and her fiance's favorite Mexican Restaurant down in Florida... The owner of the restaurant had told them he bought it in Mexico City--three trips to Mexico City and they still couldn't find the artist and the restaurant owner wouldn't sell it to them...

So she asked me if I thought if I'd be able to paint it.  I don't typically copy other people's work, but figured hey what the hell...she really wanted to surprise her fiance for Christmas.  She thought it would be perfect since he's the most difficult person to shop for that she knows...

Well I gave it a go and I pulled it off.  I normally do paintings that are more abstract or "flowy" if that makes since... I like to take an object and do a version that isn't realistic at all...I'm sure there is a name for it but damn if I can think of it right now...

So the original:

And Mine:

I can safely say I impressed myself... I didn't know I could do something like that!!! I also impressed her... I was a couple days behind schedule but was able to get it shipped to her and delivered by the 23rd of December and a friend of hers who does custom framing... had it framed and wrapped for her by Christmas Eve so that it could be opened/unveiled on Christmas Day...

A success.  Her fiance said there was only one problem... he isn't sure how she is going to top this gift next Christmas, lol.  Some of the people who work for the company all over the country responded with how great it was...and even the CEO said, "Are you sh''''in' me? WUNDERBAR." Needless to say our CEO is pretty awesome if he'd say shittin' me in an email...lmao.