LOVE LOVE LOVE

Pepper LOVES LOVES LOVES riding in the car. I took her with me to mom's house this afternoon...head out of the window just taking it all in...new smells in the air--they are harvesting the corn now....I LOVE LOVE LOVE taking her for car rides.


My hair is growing WICKED FAST now... Exciting. I finally broke down and put some highlights in the front of it for a lil punk rock appeal...I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fact I have hair again and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that green Hollister shirt that I bought on ebay for 1.05 plus shipping...


Jen is SUCH A GIRL these days. It's cute. Since we've been dating she's lost the long fingernails, let me chop all of her hair off, she wears make up from time to time, and is even dressing like a girl every now and then (like in non-work situations)... Granted she hasn't done this because I've told her to by any means (that's not how we roll) but I LOVE LOVE LOVE how she goes all out on a regular basis to impress me and always keeps me on my toes...I just think it's adorable :) She's beautiful.... absolutely beautiful !!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this woman.

This is a picture from my most recent trip to Hatteras, NC. Hurricane Bill was coming in so the waves were choppy and rough, but as always it was beautiful. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the ocean.


I LOVE LOVE LOVE that I just reread the syllabus for one of my classes and I don't have three papers to right after all....just two. One is a 10 page business plan and the other is a 20 page research project which I have opted to focus on some aspect of domestic partnerships being excluded in the business world as far as insurance and other regular every day company perks are concerned. I LOVE LOVE LOVE having less work than originally planned. This is GREAT news.

The Mother's day painting

This was the original painting that I did for my mom for Mother's Day. (the one that she brought back to me a few weeks ago and asked me to "fix" because the yellow streaks in the sky bothered her. Really? Okay, so not my best work but I liked it and the yellow light from the lighthouse was/is my favorite part.

Rather than repaint that one and try and get it to the point that she'd like, I just did a new one (at least until I decide if I'm going to paint over the original or not) This one she is supposedly happy with. Mom has been told to not expect any artwork probably ever again...(she already has a lot of my stuff framed, mainly water colors, a sculpture, and some metal work--she's good in my opinion)...Its hard enough for me as it is to paint something for anyone these days because I'm not confident with acrylics but I enjoy using them... no one wants to put themselves out there and be shot down... (well I can't speak for everyone, but I know I don't).

Monday Memories #2

For the past couple of days a random memory has been lingering in my mind.

I've been the type of person who from the time I was a small kid, when it was time to get in the shower or change into my pjs--would take my pants and underwear off in the same step. Hell, I do this still today.

The only difference is that I have to remember to separate the underwear from the pants before doing laundry... no biggie and it works for me. As gross as this may seem to some, I also have been known to wear the same pair of pants two days in a row (this is especially applicable to my bum around clothes which I put on at home after work and a shower...) I know when they are dirty and I learned while in college that if you have to pick up a pair of pants and smell them prior to wearing them, odds are you don't need to put them back on until after they've been washed. End of story.

Well anyway, onto that memory I mentioned earlier. In seventh grade, I remember going to school one day and feeling something weird in my pants leg while standing in the hallway...some of you may already see where this is going...

I got to the classroom and looked down only to, at the same time as a couple of boys that were in my class, notice that my underwear from the day before had just fallen out of my pants leg and were now on the floor nestled soundly by my right foot.

I was horrified. I tried to play it off, I scooped them up real quick, some pink fruit of the looms...freakin' a...I ran to my locker and put them in my back pack so that i wouldn't have to deal with the situation right then....I'm not sure if I ever actually convinced one boy that it wasn't underwear but something different...but I don't recall it being that serious in the long run either way.

I'm not sure why this image has been in my head... just one of those things.

Seeing Red

I'm tapping the Rockies this evening and hiding out upstairs. You see, I was having a weird day today... not a bad day, I was just in a weird mood. The littlest things were setting me off. As the day progressed I seem to move to a deeper and darker place.

I felt bad, Jen never knows what the hell triggers them and I can't explain it to her because I don't freaking know myself. We still had a good day overall... we ran errands and picked up stuff for Jen to make her kick ass creamy Caesar chicken. She serves it with egg noodles and extra caesar dressing and it just ROCKS MY WORLD. But I'm getting ahead of myself... let me start at the beginning.

Slept great....woke up, still a little groggy but alive enough to start the day. Fixed lil man a bowl of cereal, but got his order wrong...He clearly stated that he asked for Cookie Crisp and well, silly me... I fixed him Cocoa Crispies--what was I thinking.

I finished homework and got dressed so that we could get it moving. A trip to Jen's townhouse for her to handle some biznazz...then off to another city... a new way... adventure, just driving. A shoe store, nothing good...Cato...some cute shorts, nothing worth buying in my size... off to the grocery store to get the "goods"--Yet again I go somewhere with Jen and run into someone that knows me, lol... This time we picked a different city (still one on the outskirts of mine) and sure enough in the parking lot I hear, "Hey tommy, what are you doing in this neck of the woods?" Yep, another one of my contractors, Jen jokes on me and says something about me being a celebrity, haha...damn small towns.

A stop by moms after winding back roads (which made Jen car sick)... my bad. I was supposed to do mom's and aunt melissa's hair...but wasn't in the mood after all. So I told mom I'd do it tomorrow. She was in a pissy mood anyway so it worked out...

And then home--I walked in the house and was immediately verbally raped by Grandma who had been alone for a few hours and felt compelled to fill me in on any and everything that happened from the time god was a little boy to minutes before me pulling in the driveway. So and so died, and she forgot Pepper outside for a couple of hours because the phone rang and blah blah blah....

Gma: You don't care about much of anything right now huh
Me: Gma is not that I dont care, it's just that every time I walk in the house you immediately start filling me in on kinds of stuff and I don't have time to digest any of it...
Gma: Well maybe I feel like if I don't tell you right then, I'll forget
Me: Maybe, I dunno...

I go upstairs.

I ay down and take a nap for about an hour trying to put myself into a better mood. Jen comes to wake me up, dinner is ready. I go downstairs (enter chaos, stage left)... The tv is blaring loud, normal kitchen noises from cooking and serving food, Jen and Lil man are trying to talk to me, Gma immediately starts reading an email over all of the noise and adds to the chaos.

Me: Gma, please not right now, there is too much going on
Gma: You know you have a real attitude lately (mumbed as she turned off the tv)
Me: Who me?
Gma: Who me? Yeah you

I close my eyes--all I see is red. I open my eyes and see Jen mouthing to me "Go outside, breathe." I'm livid...(she later tells me that she got scared, she had seen my face get red before but never my arms and other areas at the same time...)

Awkward during dinner. Grandma continues to do things just to spite me. I tell Pepper to lay down (because I hate her begging at the dinner table) and Grandma puts broccoli on her fork and let's Pepper eat it. Fucking a grandma...REALLY? She then continues to eat with the same fork (which just bothers me)...

She then has the nerve to say how she appreciates me laying out her clothes last night and washing her sheets and making her bed, and cleaning her bathroom....I didn't acknowledge her. I refuse.

As Jen and I clean the kitchen Gma continues reading us obituaries, emails, anything she can think of just to hear her own fucking voice and annoy the shit out of me.

I'm fucking pissed off. Livid.

She went to bed early and is probably still pouting and all I can think is how I can't wait to have my degree done, find my "dream" job--one where I can afford to pay rent (even if it's just halfing it with Jen) and peace the fuck out from this situation.

She is NEVER going to change. Things are not going to get better. She seems to be getting worse--it seems that the people that do the most for her (me and my mom primarily) are the ones that she treats the worst. Just yesterday I was bathing her, wiping her ass, scrubbing her shit off of every inch of the toilet, off the floor, cutting her diaper off, getting her another pad, putting her shoes on for her and today this bullshit. I just want to look at her and say, you want to see an attitude problem, I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM.

I don't like this person she is making me become. I used to be caring and compassionate...but now, now I dread coming home. I dread the next time I have to wipe her ass or smell one of her pissy diapers or be yelled at for throwing away food that has gone bad but that she still wanted to eat....to hear about how wasteful I am and how she hates how I don't come and socialize with her friends when they come over...

WELL YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT...THEY AREN'T MY FRIENDS. I don't not speak, but I'm going to pass on your fucking old ass mother fucking friends commenting on my weight, or their views of my "lifestyle choices," their thoughts on how I'll be roasting in hell... (oh no thats before they realize i'm actually in ear shot...) when they see me its always, Awe Tommy, your grandma is so lucky to have you hear and a fakeness that I just don't have time for. Period.

This is bullshit. I am not this person. I don't have time for this...I have too much going on in my life for the added responsibility or being a fulltime caregiver as well. Grandma is just as good as she was before her fall, but she seems to be worse. IT's like she got used to the attention and now won't do shit for herself...she still refuses to drive or leave the house... if she wants to be a shut in, she needs to move to an assisted living facility because I can't keep doing this.

Fuck me. I'm stuck right now. My mom always jokes that I can move in with her for a while...oh yeah that's a great idea (too much estrogen there, already three dogs) and no extra space because one room is the nursery...) I'm stuck for now, gotta make the most of it...at least until I am financially able to ride off into the sunset with Jen and to our own place far far way. I don't even know where to begin in my job search...I just know that where I am now, is just a stepping stone to where I'm headed...its the destination thats a little blurry right now.

Sex in real life

I've always had a theory and that is basically that sex in real life will rarely ever be like it is in the movies. This has become even more apparent since I've been with Jen. Perhaps you are wondering what I'm talking about and what the fuck this has to do with anything.

First of all, back off because when has anything I've had to say really been relevant... GOSH. Anyway...

An example of real life sex was seen today. Jen and I slept in and lil man was still knocked out so there was time for a good ol fashioned rubbin'. Sure, that's hot right... You know the kind where you wake up, stretch out roll over and realize the best part of waking up--she's right there next to you...you start touching her, running your hand across her everything... both of you start getting a little fidgety and then one thing leads to another. Kissing with morning breath, breathing deepens and becomes faster.... you get the point.

Well in the midst of this morning rub fest, Jen (sorry babe for putting your biznazz on front street but it had to be done)... who is obviously right around the corner in the cumming department... I'm at the point of ego boost...giving my self an inner monologue style ego boost (something like, yeah Tommy YOU ARE a rock star...Damn Jen is so fucking hot... I love this woman and how she makes me feel)...

Real life sets in: Pick up your phone its your grandma callin', pick up the phone it's your grandma callin'--My phone rings. Fuck... it's obviously grandma... as I have set her ringtone to be this catchy lil ditty to not slip up and answer the phone inappropriately.... I refuse to answer it. I whisper in Jen's ear and urge her to ignore her, your so close I tell her... don't let her distract you.... I don't feel guilty at this point...I was on a mission dammit, I was not letting Gma keeping me from making her cum...

Okay here we go back on track, I feel it building again....FUCK... Jen's phone is now ringing. Yep, you guessed it, it's grandma calling Jen's phone now. Son of a bitch. Jen is too nice to not answer, lol....so I'm still rubbin' (which is a fun thing I like to do, especially if she's on the phone for her mom, haha... makes things extra funny for me, seeing her try and talk to her mom in a regular non panting voice, lol) but I digress....I hear grandma say, "tell Tommy I need her help again." Jen responds, "Okay, I'll send her down there in a minute or two." Call ended.

Within the next thirty seconds the deed was done and I felt Jen's whole body explode in ecstasy... both of us feeling accomplished... I head downstairs to help grandma and discover that she had made the calls a few minutes before from the commode. She had had an accident and shit (literally) was everywhere. I had a mess to clean up to say the least.

I was relieved that I didn't get up extra early and get motivated cleaning...I'd be pissed if I had just scrubbed the bathroom and she had shit smeared everywhere like she did...poor lady. It can't be easy having to have someone else help you clean yourself up, wipe your ass and all that. Later in the afternoon she gave me a hug and told me how much she appreciated me and actually started crying...she says all the time that "Old age ain't for Sissies." I believe her.

She stresses me out on the regular but I feel good overall that I'm here to help her when she needs it. She should be back to "normal" by now though... she never needed this much additional help before her fall... my mom is at the point where she's going to tell Gma that if she continues needing this much additional help she's going to need to look into assisted living.

I have other examples of how sex in real life is nothing like in the movies, but I think I've put mine and Jen's biznazz out there enough for one night...

Pick up the phone it's your grandma calling, pick up the phone it's your grandma calling

Slithering through the night

I get home after watching a movie Friday night...I beat Jen here by just a few minutes. I went outside to wait for her and let Pepper handle her biznaz....

Well we come inside and Pepper was messing around in the sunroom, I assumed that she was just playing with Chino and kept it moving. It was later when I heard Pepper bark and lots of commotion downstairs that I thought something was up. I called her and when she didn't come I got freaked out because that is SO unlike her.

I get downstairs and turn the light on only to see Pepper come past me with A SNAKE hanging out of her mouth. JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.... I freak out over a spider looking at me and tonight I get the pleasure of A SNAKE IN THE HOUSE, WHAT THE FUCK? I'm all about being one with nature in the sense that it respects me as I respect it... in other words, when I come inside the house, it respects me and stays the hell outside. I mean hell, everyone needs to have boundaries.

Jen, who had been getting ready to hop in the shower has noticed that I've been MIA for a hot minute and hollers down the stairs, "Babe, everything okay?"

me: Um, no
Jen: What's wrong
Me: um, it's a snake, come look at this shit
Jen: SHUT THE FUCK UP

She comes down the stairs wrapped in a towel to find me standing in the doorway of the sunroom with a chef knife in each hand.

Jen: Whoa Rachel Ray, WTF?
Me: Dude look at this shit...I killed it

You see Pepper was still in the stages of playing with it, it was still very much alive and slithered toward me in a fashion in which I completely didn't appreciate in the slightest. I had grabbed the chef knives from the drawer as quick as I could and tried to be all ninja like and chop it's head off with one swift motion...yeah didn't happen like that...it instead was now bleeding and still slithering toward me all pissed off. FUCK MY LIFE.

I use the chef knife in my right hand to hold it still and the chef knife in my left hand to slice its head off. (weird that I'm doing more shit than normal left handed these days...I'm a righty) When Jen came down she saw it's head still moving and since I'm not real educated in the snake department I wasnt sure if it was just nerves or something so I tried to cut the head in half and hear this awful crunching noise (you know the one you hear when you step on a beetle...it was gross. I scooped it up in the dust pan and tossed it outside as if to say to all other snakes and outdoor creatures: WARNING: Death to all who trespass...stay your slithering freaking asses outside...

I go upstairs....Jen is in the shower by this point and I'm sitting on the toilet, I'll say peeing since I honestly don't remember and I'm talking to her:

Jen: blah blah blah snake
Me: blah blah blah i know right snake
Jen: Fuck, there's a spider in the shower
Me: what does it look like
Jen: it has long legs
Me: is it one of those "dust" spiders
JEn: it has long legs
Me: what color is it, black, brown
JEn: kind of light brownish...it has long legs
Me: Um, okay help me out, daddy long leg looking legs
Jen: I dunno it just has long legs... its going down the drain now

WTF? I have done something to upset Mother nature or the Nature police... First the snake and then the spider in the shower (which my paranoid ass totally assumes was contracted to scare/eat/kill me, but Jen opted to shower first and the spider became discombobilated)....I HATE THE MOTHER FUCKING COUNTRY... is there anywhere that doesn't have freaky bugs, spiders, reptiles or animals? I want to move there if so.

A minor detail I chose to neglect until the end, just for effect is the fact that the snake was probably the size of my pinky girth wise and like 14 inches tops... but still scary and still dead now.

Oh happy Day

It's FINALLY Friday. Finishing up another busy day at work. I can't complain about the week overall--you see, I've never actually had this much shit to do so while I can't blog that often from work, (which I had cut down on drastically anyway) it makes the day go by faster. I've been training new contractors and certifying them on equipment and lots of coaching and development activities...good stuff.

My boss is going out of town Tuesday afternoon and will be gone for a week. She's not a bitch by any means, but it's still nice to have a little more "freedom" than normal, plus some additional responsibilities for me, to help her not fall too terribly behind. She is going out to Wisconsin or Minnesota...I dunno--wherever the Gay World Series is being held this year. Exciting.

I had training scheduled for this afternoon but the dude showed up wearing Adidas sandals, obviously oblivious to the fact that this is a WAREHOUSE...who the fuck wears sandals to a warehouse...so anyway, I rescheduled him and told him to wear "real" shoes come Monday...that meant I had more time to get caught up on little things in the office, like organizing the file cabinet and things that I'm anal about but have been able to ignore for a bit.

When I get out of here, I'm headed to Chesapeake to buy hair color. Every 5 to 6 weeks I do my boss's mom's hair. There was so much pressure the first time I did it and I just knew she hated it the first time I did it, that was months and months ago and she keeps calling...so I guess it wasn't the case. It took us a couple of attempts to concoct her perfect shade of red though--we started out a little too punk rock for her I think, lol. Then off to Smithfield, to do the actual hair. I'm hoping to have a few extra minutes before I'm scheduled to be at her house because my favorite thrift store is in Smithfield and I'll feel AWFUL if I don't get to go while I'm already out there. Its the DAV, meaning all the proceeds go to Disabled American Veterans which I'm all about supporting. I used to want to be in the military, but I get tired of rules all the damn time...and besides I want shit my way, not how I'm told they should or need to be, but I digress.

Whenever I finish there its back to the homestead to say hi to GMA, change clothes and out again to Chesapeake (a lot of driving going on today)...I'm going to go see a late movie at Jen's theatre. I'm thinking Final Destination... my friend J needs to get out and my sister and aunt may go as well.

Yesterday, J was issued a final warning at work (she works for the client company that I work onsite for)...when I saw her she looked like she had been crying, so I closed the door to an office that wasn't even mine to give her a minute to pull herself together. The drama with her ex and them not speaking is really breaking her heart right now. She was all to pieces. To top it off, she can't keep her "happy pills" in stock because the monthly cost is more than she can afford...she's still "young" and hasn't figured out the responsibility related to Finances yet (hell I went through it...I went bankrupt for my 21st birthday for pete's sake... but now I pay my bills and you'd never even know as far as my credit goes which is great...guess that means I'm a grown up)...anyway her bank account was in the negative again because of overdoing it for the ex... etc...after talking I said, "you'll feel better after a smoke..." SHE WAS OUT OF CIGARETTES...dude was killing me, lol. I made her come to my office on lunch and get my bank card (since I don't carry cash) and use it to go buy herself some cigarettes. She knows that the things she's dealing with right now she has to man up and handle on her own, but I just reassured her that I'd be an ear if she needed it. I try to not give her too much advice since I'm kind of brash and it comes across wrong often times. Today she was in better spirits and said she wanted a sugar mom, but not just a regular one, she wanted her to be old as shit, like "one who if she tried to do anything sexually would turn to dust she's so old"... I was like, what the hell do you have against older women dude... she was apparently kidding... I'd like to see her end up with someone she has stuff in common with...she doesn't need a sugar mom, she just needs to get her shit together, grow up and stop making excuses for things... she'll get there though I'm sure.

By the time the movie is over, Jen will already be at my house, lil man will be asleep and hell, she will too potentially... if so she's gonna get woke up... I see a little kinky fun in her future... of course that might just be a smudge on my crystal ball, lol. I'm going to take lil man to my aunt to watch him a few hours tomorrow morning so I can clean gma's part of the house and do some homework then we're gonna hang out and play legos... maybe i'll get him to help me wash my car or something... who knows...

Either way, I've got a lot of shit going on as always. I still havent started any of the papers I have due in two weeks. I need to tighten up. Fuck me. Happy Friday.

Pepper got Violated

So Pepper has been draggin' and scootin' her ass on EVERYTHING I own. She used to do it every now and then, but here lately it's an every 15 minute occurrence. When she dragged her ass across my comforter... I couldn't take it anymore.

I turned to my friend GOOGLE and did some research. It could have been one of two things...tapeworms in rare cases, but most likely her anal "glands" needing to be drained. I got home from work and put Pepper in the car...a trip with her hanging her head out the window, ears blowing in the wind, nostrils filling with wind at an average speed of sixty miles an hour and we were off...

A new adventure. We pulled up at the vet and she lost her sense of enthusiasm, but didn't freak out which was a plus. We're told it will be a minute so I take her outside to pee....we walk in and there waits the vet tech/assistant... Pepper and I GULP simultaneously...but we keep it moving.

I lift her on the table, the rubber gloves smack on the vet tech's hand extra loud, most likely for effect. Some butt lube and raised eyebrows later....Pepper was officially violated. This awful smell fills the room...OH DEAR GOD THATS GROSS. It was like a swamp decomposing crotchedy fishy ass smell. I glance at Pepper's face and at this point couldn't tell if she was mortified or enjoying herself.

The Tech finishes up and sprays Pepper with cologne spray to mask the fowl aroma lingering around her anus and we're off...to the register...boy am I glad they have "people" for this. I just couldn't respect Pepper in the morning if I stuck my finger in her butt.

Her anal glands were very full the lady said and kind of gritty which definitely explains the scooting she's been doing...hopefully now my comforter and personal space is safe from anal attack. Fingers crossed.

Song of the day

I was on my lunch break and heard some new fabulous lyrics on the radio...I of course being the cool hip person that I like to consider myself, Googled them...

The song is One Day by Matisyahu. A lot of you may have already heard it (I'm not exactly ahead of the times when it comes to music, but I really like this song...the lyrics are great...)

Sometimes I lay under the moon
I thank god I'm breathin'
Then I pray dont take me soon
Cuz I am here for reason

Sometimes in my tears I drown
But I never let it get me down...

What do you think?

Dump Cake

One of my contractors gave me a new recipe to try... DUMP CAKE... it was really easy and ended up tasting fabulous... Jen really loved it too and grandma referred to it as SINFUL... lol... i love it when she says stuff like that.

DUMP CAKE

1 can (20 oz) crushed pineapple (in syrup)
1 can (20 oz) cherry pie filling
1 box yellow cake mix
Pecans to taste
1 stick butter/margarine

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Using a 9 x 13 x 2 pan:
Dump can of crushed pineapple, undrained --spread into an even layer
Dump can of Cherry Pie filling, spread into an even layer
Dump dry cake mix over the top (distributed evenly)
Sprinkle with pecans to your liking
Top with thinly sliced squares of butter (use the whole stick)
Bake for 48-53 minutes

Eat hot or cooled...

Give it a try.

New favorite song

So my new favorite song is She Wolf by Shakira...please click on it and watch the video if you've never heard this song. The song itself is really catchy. I have been hearing it on the radio but could never catch who sang it...I finally remembered a couple of lyrics and googled it and VOILA!!!

Exciting...Shakira is hot as always, but I'm not real sure how I feel about her dancing in the video... I'm not judging... it was still fun to watch. I could do without those long fingernails though...SCARY.

Enjoy.

This is it, # 200

So I've officially hit my 200th post. Exciting right...I blew through the first one hundred, simply because I'm a blog addict--so no big tadoo for that one... but this, this I feel is notable. What does one right for such a fabulous milestone? Do I switch it up and blog about world peace, or my views on politics, or enlighten everyone with my thoughts on religion...Seriously? What do you take me for... I'm gonna keep it real and treat this as if it were any other blog, because in short...that's all it is.

Pepper is shedding all over the couch.

Grandma had her first Pasta bowl from Dominoes tonight and loved it. I'm trying to be more patient with her considering she really isn't trying to piss me off, it just so happens that the smallest things she does sets me off...sometimes just the sound of her voice makes me so angry...I can't even begin to explain why...

I think it's cute that my mom is taking lil man shopping tomorrow and on a "lunch date." She wanted to help Jen out with his school supplies and some of his back to school clothes...that's super cool in my opinion.

My friend (we'll call her J)...is in a world of drama right now. The poor thing has been in love with this girl for ages and the girl is nothing but toxin to her. She treats her like shit, uses the stuff they talk about against J later on. The girl, we'll refer to her as M, is older (27/28) and a lot meaner. She is an alcoholic and possibly bipolar. J, who is only 21/22, has low self esteem and feels like when they fight that no matter what, it's her fault. They were only an official couple for about a month, but J has Loved her everyday she has known her. M always says she loves J, but then always puts a disclaimer on things which indicates she doesn't really want to be with J at all, but likes having her around to keep her amused when no one else is. Most recently, J and M got a room... they hooked up and did their thing and M made plans with J for the following day, only to blow her off. The next day they hung out again and made plans for the day after, M blew J off AGAIN. No explanation, no acknowledgment or even owning up to the fact she had made plans...J asked M if she was fucking her best friend who is a dude....which in my opinion, J is a little insecure about a lot of things, but is confused as shit because M is always saying one thing and doing something completely different. M flipped out. Yelled at J, told her that she didn't want her in her life and to leave her alone. This really upset J...later on M texted J demanding that she look in her car, find the dvds she left and then drive them out to her (which was not a trip just right up the road....) J refused, but only because M said she wouldn't talk to her and the dvds werent actually in her car. The following day M text J and told her to meet her in town, buy her a 12 pack because J, "owed her that" and J DID!!!! There was a huge scene in the grocery store, more awful things were said, etc etc etc

The moral of the story is that J feels like it's her fault that M isn't speaking to her. J has admitted to me that she tolerates the fucked up shit that M does/says to her because at least she's in her life. It's a fucked up situation that I don't understand at all. She is miserable right now. I'm trying to get J to change her number and get rid of this girl all together, but she is stubborn and doesn't hear anything I say. I told her today that she is my friend and that I don't like seeing her miserable, that she deserves better, and there are plenty of fun fabulous women out there that she could give a try...but she's too busy being obsessed for a lack of better words with one that treats her like complete and total shit. I'm frustrated and told her that she is impossible to talk to when she is in the current mood she is in. I feel like it's pointless and I don't know what to do.

She told me that she understands how frustrating she must be and that she's a hypocrite because back in the day (last year) when I was with, (who she deemed Grandma Moses)... she would get irritated with me for bitching about Gma Moses and then going right back to hang out with her and here she is doing the same...I'm lost. I don't even want to talk to her at this point because she's the only one that can change her circumstances and she refuses to do it...I can't take it anymore... ya know. I don't know what to do.

I worked more today than I have in the past year at my job. I trained four people, had to fire one of the people I trained because their background came back dirty and they couldnt work for our client, which stinks cuz he was a cool guy. I did something that I thought was thinking outside the box and didn't consult my boss first, thinking it would show my initiative...it kind of bit me in the ass more than anything. I was all proud of the leg work I had done, especially after going for 9.5 hours nonstop.... I consulted with two managers, two sups, and moved one contractor who was struggling from one area where she'd be more successful and lined someone to start in her place effective tomorrow. My boss saw that as me potentially abusing the "system" she had spent the last two years putting into place out there. It's not something that I would do for every person struggling, and I wasn't playing favorites, but in my mind, my company supposedly prides itself on "finding the perfect fit"...she wasn't in the spot to make her successful and when I fixed it...I pretty much got my bubble busted... dammit.

Frustrating. I'm behind at work but I'm glad to have all this work to keep me busy and make my day fly by.

My hair is growing out nicely...it's nice to have hair again. I colored it and put some highlights in the front again...I was tired of that mousy brown natural shit. I gave jen some copper highlights to go with her root touch up as well...she looks fierce as always :)

I should be doing homework but I'm not. Just a few more weeks to go and I'll be done with school. I want to look into Master's programs just so I don't have to pay back those pesky loans...but I need a break. At least a few months...maybe I'll start on an MBA in biznazz sometime in January...who knows.

I want chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.

A hot fudge sundae would be marvelous right now.

Pepper has some ferocious gas...I just threw up in my mouth a little...I wish grandma would stop feeding her shit from the table...

I painted a picture for my mom for mothers day. She gave it back to me and actually asked me change something that was bothering her...jeezus, I thought I was anal. I'm going to keep the original and paint her another one...insane...and i'm not exactly going to rush to do it either....

I have a crucial inner ear itch.

Monday Memories Numero Uno

I've decided that instead of only ever having negative Monday blogs...I'm going to try and start a new blogging tradition which will be to just share some random fun memories...sometimes via pictures, sometimes stories, whatever so long as it's not always my miserable Monday stuff (I'm trying... I'm not going to change over night dammit)...

I've decided I'm ready for my sister to not be pregnant anymore... I want her to have an easy labor and healthy baby, but right now I just want her to be able to drink again, haha. We've had some good times and a lot of those times alcohol was involved. I enjoyed drinking a few beers with Jen this past weekend--I really don't drink like I used to... too much other stuff going on and when you live in BFE...its a lot of driving to get to and from places, so I opt to avoid the DUI or killing someone and generally stay sober....

Anyway, back to the memories....

When I have a buzz... it doesn't matter where I am, I always end up trying on someone's hat and posing for a picture, lol. I was out with Mandi the night this was taken... we were out with friends from work... (2007 I believe)....

Heh heh... same night... getting ready. One of my favorite pictures of my sister... we were pre-drinking, lol....but never forgot good oral hygiene...

This picture is from a trip to Radford, VA (it's up near Va Tech)... Byrd, me, Mandi, and Taco Bell... he was the waiter of the Mexican restaurant.... he told us his name was Taco Bell...he was lot's of fun...

Earlier that same night... My Mucho Margarita was kickin' in... I'm also kind of famous for getting a buzz and doing my "duck billed platypus" face, haha... DON'T JUDGE ME.

A separate trip to Radford... we went to the local bar (where Mandi's Baby's daddy worked)... I insisted we go so that I could have a JOOSE story... THEY SERVE JOOSE IN THE BAR!! and even pour it in a glass for you if you want... for those of you who don't know what JOOSE is (other than heartburn in a can), it's a Malt Liquor Energy Drink thing... you're not allowed to have more than 2 served to you at the bar, for your and everyone else's safety, haha. I drank hers and mine that night because she just wasn't in a drinking mood... I ended up smoking half her pack of smokes, gave her a lap dance, (a clean one, i mean shit, she is my sister), and took a lime out of the mouth of a woman who had like two teeth WITH MY TONGUE...something I swore I'd never do... she later whispered something about her place, a plastic shower curtain on the bed, A/C, and baby oil... Mandi, has never let me live that down... Mandi bumps into the lady from time to time and always jokes about how "my girlfriend" asked about me... Not funny. Turns out that the lady is actually the ex girlfriend of my sister's baby daddy so even if it was just a drunken tequilla shot that links me, I'm technically linked to my own sister and her baby daddy...that's some West Virginia type shit. Oh well... Now you know why I don't drink JOOSE anymore, or drink that often anymore period, haha--and I ESPECIALLY do not, DO NOT, mix my alcohol...not in public anyway... bad situation you see.

Miserable Monday #2?

So I had a brilliant idea last night that involved fasting for three days and then kicking off a new ultimate healthy lifestyle of fruits and vegetables after the three day mark. I woke up this morning and was going to attempt it...

Three hours into my work day I was fighting serious hunger pains and thinking I would die for sure.... at lunch time I went to Subway... lol... who the fuck was I kidding, I so can't NOT eat.

Today was a bad day in general. I just feel icky. I would like to take a coat hanger and remove my ovaries/uterus...the shit is defective anyway and I'm not using it for anything productive...so why have it? I woke up feeling sick to my stomach after not sleeping well. I had a headache but made myself get up and go to work instead. I made my first lap around the warehouse and was pouring with sweat....the fever I was rocking certainly helped that along... my boss was like whoa... you don't look good... I kept working anyway...

The headache got worse...subsided for a minute but then came back with a vengeance... ugh. Fucking migraines... I got home with the headache even worse.... my uncle was in the driveway and wanted to talk, I essentially told him as politely as I could manage to shut the hell up I need to vomit...hey, I wasn't lying. I told grandma the same...she mumbled something about my flow? or some 1850s hip slang referring to God's warped sense of humor, aka a PERIOD... wtf?

I got sick, curled up in my dark bedroom with Pepper... Chino joined us after a few minutes and I was out. Woke up, tried to grab a sandwich before my class meeting...only to get sick again... what the hell is going on. I feel like shit. My head STILL hurts. and I get this stabbing pain in the dome piece that makes me dry heave... I don't get it. But I need to blog...since I'm addicted and all... so it is what it is.

Moral of the story is... my mom, aunt, and preggo sister have opted to do Weight Watchers and count their points... I have to dig all the info out so that I can start...for now I'm not real concerned since by definition I'm bulemic today... ugh.

Why did my vacation have to end... and why didn't I get a say in this whole fucking uterus situation. Fuck me in the ass sideways... (not really).

The Honest Scrap Award

There are three rules for this award:
1. Link back to the person who gave you the award.
2. Forward the award to 10 bloggers.
3. List 10 honest things about yourself.

Let me start by saying that Jude at 7senses totally made my day today. I came into work this morning and it was HELL...for a lack of better words. A typical Monday multiplied by three and I just didn't feel good. But when I checked my blog and discovered that she had given me an Honest Scrap award--I WAS STOKED. Jude is good people...she's a fabulous blogger and secretly my hero (well I guess it's not so secret now, huh?) Thank you again Jude... You're a real rock star. I stole her pic for this thing too FYI...

I feel like the following ten folks deserve this award...(crap, do I even follow ten folks...Jeez...lol)

1. Well Jude is a given...lol...I don't know that I can count her or not though...

2. Jen of course. There's a good chance I'm biased here... Not only is she a wonderful girlfriend, she is a dreamer and I love that. She blogs about a little of everything...even after I've burst a bubble of hers, or two :) Whether sharing her excitement over new lip gloss (she's finding out she's more of a girl than she realized, lol) or telling everyone how great I am (which hello...I'm all about an ego boost) she'll keep you entertained.

3. Vixen Kitten is always so kind in her words and seems to always be able to relate to whatever the topic may be...she occasionally has naked chick pics on her blog which are fun, but my faves are of her dog Honey. She's a caring and kind hearted, lil blonde with lots of "pep" (but not in a bad way, lol)...and an excellent writer. I thoroughly enjoy reading her stuff and I appreciate all the super fabulous comments she leaves :)

4. Helen of Feeding a Family of Five for Fifty is a Scottish chick whose lot's of fun (I read her blogs with a scottish accent just for more fun) and have learned a lot from her. She shares great recipes and her blogs offer a great deal of variety. Though I warn you, don't check her out on an empty stomach... she takes pics of the food she prepares and I'm telling you...IT'S GOOD STUFF.

5. Donna Gotlib is a fantastic artist. She creates unique and fun digital collages that I enjoy because they make my mind wander. Sometimes I look at her work and just get lost. As with many artists, I'm not always sure of the story behind the work she did (at least from her perspective), but I'm ALWAYS pleased with the way her work beckons my mind to become engaged...I guess in short, it makes me think and it's pleasing to the eye :)

6. Asphalt Cowboy is one of my newest guilty pleasures. Rhett's blog is one that I visit just to get away...when I am in the mood to crawl around in someone else's head besides my own... Just one of those bloggers that I seem to really identify with though sometimes I'm not even sure why... for a lack of better words, Asphalt Cowboy's blog is the couch to my lazy days... a place I feel comfortable and am content just "being."

7. Elizabeth from Seriously KEEPS IT REAL. She doesn't sugar coat anything and she speaks her mind...that's something I can appreciate. She is open and honest and I love that... I never know what to expect when reading her blog and the "surprise" keeps me coming back for more.

8. Real Live Lesbian always brings something fun to the table. From great Margarita recipes to just fun in general...she's a great way to break up the monotony in any day.

Wow...I guess I'm a couple short...pretty lame huh? Well we'll just chock it up to the fact that I just haven't had the time to "discover" new great and wonderful blogs yet...I am open to suggestions :)

Ten honest things about me:

1. My favorite smells include: fresh cut grass, puppy breath, my dog's feet when they kind of smell like popcorn, the smell right before it rains/storms, the smell when they plow the fields and dig up the peanuts--but only for a couple of days, then I get tired of it, Jen's perfume, Jen's hair after work, smells like buttered popcorn, lol, my old spice SWAGGER deodorant...and really just the fact that I rock some old spice deodorant, ha.

2. One of the things that makes me happiest is to take Pepper on a car ride and look over in the passenger seat or in the rear view (depending on where she decides to sit that day) and seeing her little doggy smile that shows her true contentment in the situation.

3. I love lightning storms...I like sitting out on the front porch of my mom's house in the rocking chair just watching it streak up the sky.

4. It dawned on me when I looked in the back seat of my car this morning and saw a kid's booster seat that even if my license plate says VAGYNA, I'm not nearly as cool as I once thought I was...and I was okay with it.

5. My biggest fear is failure, followed closely by spiders... though if I had to choose to be locked in a room with one of them with no way out, I'd quickly learn to be okay with failure, ha. I've embraced the fact that things don't always go according to plan or on time time schedule I'd like them to. It doesn't mean I have given up on myself or anything of the sort...it will come when the time is right.

6. I go through phases where I want to be a truck driver... but then I take a look at my driving record and figure for the safety of everyone around me, it's probably a good idea I don't follow through on that dream...

7. I think that more kids should get their ass beat than actually do. Sometimes the parents need their asses beat as well.... one day, I'll probably be on the news for beating some random kid or the adult with them just out of principle because they were being a "bebe's kid" and annoying the piss out of me.

8. I'm becoming my mother more and more each day. I didn't used to think that this was a big deal until I heard her say, "Why should I let anyone else do it when I'm just going to have to re do it to make it right, hell--I'll do it myself the first time." I don't want to be that way and I see it more and more each day... with little things like cleaning, cooking, okay EVERYTHING...I don't know how Jen stands it some days...

9. I want a tattoo of a hippo but am too chicken shit because I think it's fucked up to be a "big girl" with a hippo tattoo...just seems wrong... but will probably not deter me in the long run. I'd also like a beaver tattoo because well it's just funny to me and I'm easily amused.

10. I want more friends. I want more gay people in my life. I'm a hermit a lot of the time, which is easy because of school and work and what not... but dammit I'm a few weeks away from being done with school and I want a group of lesbian, gay, trangendered....I dont care or mixed group of folks to play cards with and have a beer or two with...folks to just chill out and say hey whats up and I don't have that. I don't make a great deal of time for the friends I do have which is awful of me to admit to, but I want more friends that I have stuff in common with, but I don't want the bar scene to be what we have in common, does that make sense. I'm not into the bar scenes anymore, I just want to take it easy and do "grown up things" and still be able to enjoy their company even if I'm not in the mood to drink...I dunno...it's weird. I'm weird...what the fuck... it is what it is...it will happen when it's meant to.

Vacay Schmay day

These are little waves compared to what we were seeing today...and what's expected later in the weekend--Beautiful nonetheless.

No shirt. No shoes. No problem.

I HEART HATTERAS ISLAND, NC. We are cutting our get away a smidgen short because of the hurricane that is off of the coast. It's not going to really be a big deal really, but there is a portion of the island where the road washes out during high tide when storms are out at sea pushing the water higher...

Rather than be stranded...we are going to finish our getaway from the comforts of home. Now if we can find an accurate tide prediction, we'll be good to go.

As always, Pepper had a blast playing and diggin' at the beach. Look at her cute furry ass and sand covered nose. We also took her to the "sound" side where there are no waves and shallow water and she got to doggy paddle around for a bit...she had a BLAST. And lil man had a good time pretending to be a dolphin on the sound side...its a good thing there are options down here, because the "surf side" (waves) has strong rip currents because of the storm and the beaches are being closed at high tide to prevent people being stupid and getting sucked in.

More to come later...for now it's Beer thirty...and I need to tap the rockies, lol.

To my secret stalker out there

So Jen's ex has been harassing her. The best I can figure is that she is miserable in her life and regretting fucking things up with Jen when she had the opportunity to be with her and all that jazz and now that she's miserable...and is trying to bring Jen down to her level.

I normally don't respond, comment, or acknowledge such foolishness but I really do have to ask, WHAT THE HELL DUDE? Apparently Jen's Ex has been reading my blog and pulling details from it to use against Jen... Jen and I talk about everything so I've known about the majority of times that the ex has contacted Jen, or Jen reached out because they were still connected because of a "financial matter" or whatever.... it didn't matter. I don't delegate to Jen who she can and can't talk to. If she wanted to be friends with her ex, hey more power to her...I'm not going to tell the person I love how to live her life because then she wouldn't be able to be herself...she'd just be living her life according to my orders...and I don't play that game. So from the dawn of time...aka We'll say October ish of last year I've known about the existence of the ex. Again...it never bothered me because this chick is like three thousand miles away. But, I do feel the need to finally vent about it if this girl...I won't even say woman because her maturity level doesn't warrant it...decides to start trashing my girl on every social networking site she is a member of. I'm not even venting because of what she's saying because it's irrelevant... I'm more concerned at the fact that she would use my thoughts or words and twist them to try and verbally stab the woman I love.

I will say a few words on this matter and be done...it's not my fight....but they need to be said. I'm a firm believer in no response is the best response...but in this situation YOU need to be schooled (you know who you are...):

1. First of all stop stalking Jen through my blog and stop "stalking" me. You don't know me...so when you text or email Jen and say hateful things, the following phrases are not suitable....

-Tommy only dates you because....
-Tommy is lying to you just like I did
-Tommy...

Bitch, this isn't my fight...you don't know me, we don't hang out on the weekends...you don't know what I'm thinking or anything for that matter....You aren't woman enough to be in my life...so stop trying to act like you know anything

2. There has been many a time I considered picking up the phone and set your ass straight (no pun intended)...but out of respect for Jen and her wishes I left it alone. You've spent almost an entire year now trying to bring Jen down to your level because you are miserable and regretting the decisions you made. Wise up. No one is living your life for you. You made your bed, you get to sleep in it--I hear down comforters are nice....

You cheated on Jen and never could come to terms with the fact that you had lesbian tendencies...i say tendencies since you professed your love to Jen on the regular and were busy fucking a dude in the process. Even after you got knocked up, Jen allowed you to stay in her life and even helped you take care of your son....hell...she saved your life and the life of your baby before you even actually gave birth...She's a better person that me....I'll leave it at that. I wouldn't have pissed on your if you were on fire.

Here you are now with baby number two...congratulations would be in order for most people, but you are up to your same old games. Married and lying to your husband while you try and get Jen to profess her undying love to you so that you won't feel guilty for how you did her "dirty." It's just a matter of time until your husband finds out the truth about you. It won't come from me because it's not my place, but my dear, KARMA IS A BITCH...

3. Jen is a lot stronger than I think you realize. You sucked the life out of her and injected her with your venom for long enough. She wised up and ditched you...made a new start for herself and for her son and her life in general....Sorry about your luck, but you aren't part of that equation. Fuck off.

4. I encourage you to read my blog as often as you like. Start from the beginning if you like. If it's in my blog, it's not exactly a secret....but in the long run, it's just going to make you that much more miserable...because its just going to reiterate the fact that Jen is happy, I'm a fabulous person, and you're a damn dirty dumpster cunt...oh my bad... i mean, sucks to be you. Bookmark my page while you're at it...it will save you time in the long run.

5. Jen has not once been referred to as anything less than my girlfriend. I have never kept her closeted to my family or my friends....I guess that works out for the both of us since I don't pretend to be something I'm not. She doesn't have to be anyone but herself and DAMN....SHE'S GOOD AT IT.

6. It must eat you alive inside to see how happy we look in pictures together....and stab a little bit deeper to know that lil man never even mentions your name...He doesn't think about EVER... oh wait...maybe I'm getting a lil mean...

Bitch you don't know how mean I can get. But as I said before, this is the one time I'm speaking on this subject....after tonight...you will once again be dead to me, nonexistent, a waste of good air.

7. It probably makes your cringe to know that I'm the one holding her at night...and curling up in between her legs and touching her in places you are bound to miss....I get to taste her kiss and feel her touch, while you are there...across the country laying next to a man that you don't even love.

8. Wise up. Get a life. Spend your time focusing on those two kids of yours and stop meddling in mine. I don't have the time to be dealing with you or the negativity you bring into the equation. You are toxic. Jen has moved on. And newsflash...even if she wasn't with me, she STILL WOULDN'T BE WITH YOU. You fucked up...face the facts and live with the consequences...you did this to yourself...nobody did it for you.

I'm finished. I'm going to get back to my beach vacation with a wonderful woman... We are having a few beers, gonna watch a movie and let's just say that some good ol' fashioned dirty kinky drunk sex is on the agenda. Hope you're having a great night over there in California...How's the weather? Oh wait, I forgot, I don't give a shit.

Just so we are on the same page, don't forget that you don't know me, if you were on fire I wouldn't spit on you, and I saw you on the street, I'd probably cunt punt you out of principle.

OH WAIT....

9. I'm not using Jen for free movie passes...I have a job and her theatre just so happens to fall in my budget, $4 matinee and six bucks any other time....I can dig in the fucking couch cushions if I need to see a movie that bad. You are so clueless. Maybe when you are older, it will all make sense to you.

10. I just recently watched this movie called Love and Suicide. It was about two teenage girls that fall in love with each other but end up breaking up because one of the two girls couldn't come to terms with the fact she was gay and didn't have the balls to tell her family....I don't want to ruin the ending...but seriously...it's a little low budget, but you might want to check it out. That goes for anyone...for the record.

Meme

So this fun Scottish chick named Helen, tagged me for this...so I'm going to have to do my best, put in a lot of thought and effort and all that stuff. If you ever get the chance to check out her blog you should...I warn you though, don't do it on an empty stomach...this woman can COOK!!!

The rules are, erase the answers already listed and fill in your own then pass it on to four bloggers of my choice. So here it is:

1. Who is the hottest Movie Star?
Ashley Judd....I mean Hello...she's so "girl next door" but would totally kick your ass if necessary. Drew barrymore is also a fave of mine....and for some reason...Sean Connery with his distinguished flare is always at the top of the list and John Cusack...but definitely Ashley Judd...

2. Apart from your house and car, what is the most expensive item you have ever bought?
A hooker....NOT REALLY :) Hmmm....I'm going to go with text books...yeah I know lame right...but when I have a lot of money it goes to bills, lol... school books are really my only other "splurge"

3. What is your most treasured memory?
This one time at band camp...ha...In all seriousness my most treasured memory is probably getting locked out of the house after school one day...me, my mom, my sister and brother....I was prob no more than ten (it happened a couple of times) but this particular time mom sang us funny songs and we all just laughed and sang and cut up waiting for dad to get home with the key...funny how mom always broke the door down well before that time though....

had a lil dog named jack...put him in the barn and he peed out the crack...

a peanut laid on a track, his heart was all a flutter...a choo choo train came around the bend and TOOT TOOT....PEANUT BUTTER....

My bonnie has tuberculosis
my bonnie has only one lung
my bonnie can burp up her tonsils
and roll them around on her tongue...
come up come up
come up dear dinner to me to me
come up come up
come up dear dinner to me to me
I'm a comin' I'm a comin
the cheese is gettin stale
I can hear the future voices callin
Urp Slop Bring the mop....

I dont recall this but I apparently was put on the spot when I was about four years old and asked to recite Mary had a little lamb...I did as I was told but my mom and gma nearly died when I said:

Mary had a little lamb
She tied him to a heater
and every time he turned around
he burned his little peter

HAHAH

4. What was the best gift you ever received as a child?
My parents weren't loaded so we'd get the necessities and keep it moving most times, but my mom and dad always found a way to get my sister and brother and I something special. I'm going to be sappy and say my sister and brother...they are the best gift i could have even asked for.

5. What is the biggest mistake you have ever made?
I've had a lot of regrets over the years, but I have accepted that dwelling on them doesn't fix the issue. Everyone asks themselves a lot of what ifs...what if I hadn't done this, or what if I had done that instead...they get you know where. I know that hind sight is 20/20...and that where I am now is exactly where I'm supposed to be :)

6. 4 words to describe yourself?
Random, Honest, Compassionate, Quirky

7. What was your highlight or low light of 2008?
Jen found me :) Hooray... That kind of sounds conceited but she really did stumble upon me and we've been good to go ever since...

8. Favorite Film?
I have a metric shit ton of favorites ranging from Amelie, to Super Troopers, to Serendipity...to the Hangover...just depends on the day my friend, just depends on the day... I like a lot of John Cusack films especially...but yeah I dunno

9. Tell me one thing I don’t know about you.
Wow this is hard because I'm not exactly a secretive person and I tend to over share...but.... I never had a single boyfriend I didn't cheat on. I'm awful right... but since I stopped living a lie and came out of the closet...there hasn't been a single incident where I have cheated on a girlfriend...and I don't plan on breaking this record anytime soon. This is a huge feat for me in my opinion because for a long time when things with my ex were rocky I had my opportunities...but I didn't even as much wink at a girl.... and with Jen in my life...I mean hello...not even an issue. SHE'S HOT.

10. If you were a comic book/strip or cartoon character, who would you be?
Remember the cartoon on MTV back in the day called Daria? I'd be similar to her...as far as sarcasm and cynicism, but I'd also be able to touch a book and know everything in it... I'd be full of random useless knowledge.... and I'd have a pink bow in my hair with a skull on it?

The four bloggers I am tagging with this Meme are:
Jen
VK
Jude
Asphalt Cowboy

Peanut Butter Phenomenon

So this guy I work with just came in and asked me if I've ever heard of peanut butter hot dogs? I hadn't, nor had I ever thought to combine the two. His wife loves it, he's tried it and didn't hate it...but I'd like to know if anyone out there has tried it...I'm half tempted to give it a go....but i'm sort of on the fence about it. Apparently, Peanut butter hamburgers are also available in some areas?

Thoughts?

Wax on Wax off

Let's discuss a topic that many women choose not to acknowledge publicly...one that may not affect all, but does affect way more than it should in my opinion.

CHIN HAIR, LIP HAIR, FACE HAIR, Hair in general where it just shouldn't be on a woman...

I have personally decided that if I was born transgendered, I'd be set for the female to male transition and I could just give up waxing for a while and be good (save some money on some doctor prescribed stuff....) I know it doesn't work that way in real life but that's how I feel.

I've always been curious and interested in learning more about transgendered individuals, but still have a way to go...but I digress. No, I'm not done...I mean it's gotta take real "balls" ya know. Its like I take pride in who I am and my "lifestyle" but still catch hell for it sometimes...it takes an even stronger person to function in the "genderqueer" world I would assume. I dunno, the whole concept in general fascinates me....but again, I'm off topic....

Chin hair is frustrating. Hormone issues are frustrating....sometimes i think that my mind and body aren't on the same page, honestly...I mean the fact that my body seems to think I'm a 37 year old lumber jack from wisconsin with the beard I can grow and me trying to pretend that I'm a "lady"...or as much ladyish as I'm willing to be just doesn't add up. AT ALL. A little side note is that I suffer from Penis envy but more in a I just want one that really long to smack people in the face with when they say stupid shit....

What inspired this blog was me sitting at the desk and trying to tweeze a lip hair with my fingernails...it's not working. The chin hairs which are bristly by themselves are easy to grab if I neglect to wax or shave...but this one bristly lip hair is going to put me over the edge. I can feel it and it's bothering me. I have also started growing hair under my chin as well so I have to have someone else tell me when that gets unruly as sometimes I can't see them and I walk around with hair long enough to put beads on and shit... I should play for a ZZ Top cover band perhaps...

Just say fuck it...stop tweezing, waxing, plucking, and shaving and just go au natural... yeah right I'm too anal for all that "free ballin" hair growth shit...i hate hair. To the point that I often shave my arms just to not have to look at it. I know part of this is hormones, a little PCOS (polycystic Ovarian Syndrome)...but right now it just sucks. I have more testosterone (or the female equivalent) than some burley men I know...it's out of control.

A happy trail....pubes that would grow down to my knee caps and up to my boobs if I let them... ugh...I'm so tired of hair. It's going to drive me batty. This is probably TMI for anyone reading but dammit, someone had to say it. I can't be the only one out there that could audition for the part of Beast from XMen and get the part by just not shaving or waxing. I'm so not a chick to the core...haha...I just have tendencies I suppose. I'm confused

Heavenly balls

My recent experience with some gross candy inspired my need to share the most fabulous experience ever. I refer to them as heavenly balls, as any other type of balls (aside from meatballs or these chocolate balls are not conducive to my lifestyle...)

They are made by Lindt and are part of their Lindor Truffles line... they are seasonal, meaning they change the wrapper based on the season, but if you ever get the opportunity to try them oh my god are you in for a treat.

They are milk chocolate on the outside with a creamy white chocolate filling. Granted 3 of these balls (which is the serving size) are 18 grams of fat....oh my...

But they are heavenly....just heavenly. The warehouse was getting rid of some whose date was about to "expire" which meant they couldn't get them to the store to sell them in time so we got them as freebies....Grandma ate one and said, "Oh my...those are heavenly..." Aunt Melissa is now addicted to them as well...

They are just that good...its like you put them in your mouth, bite down and unveil a "zen" center...mmmm nom nom nom

Violet Mints

So I was out on the warehouse floor when I bump into my friend Julie and shoot the shit for a second. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out "Violet" mints and says I just have to try one. They smell really good...almost perfume-y so I give it a go. It started out rather enjoyable, but the more I chewed, the more I wanted to vomit...to each is own I guess.

In my opinion, thats what sucking on one of those pine tree violet scented air fresheners would taste like...some of ya'll may be into that. Apparently they are made here in America... I'm not impressed, lol.

Check them out here...one more random thing that Cost Plus World Market sells.... VIOLET MINTS...WEIRD.

Weekend Recap

Jen and I...me, looking all crazy eyed, ha

I had all of my homework done by Friday at 11 o'clock...which is rather impressive since I'm such a procrastinator.

Saturday I was going to sleep in. Grandma had other plans for me however. She called me at 8:06 am (I had planned to sleep until about 10) and said she needed help getting her stockings on and then tried to act like I had said that I said that I was going to get up early to start cleaning (NO...actually she has selective hearing and just likes to piss me off)...So I go downstairs, put her stockings and shoes on for her and think to myself...still plenty of time to go back to bed. Nope. Gma had other plans for me (I did something to piss her off apparently because she was just being spiteful at this point.) She said she had some mail that just HAD to be mailed, but no not from our mailbox, it had to be dropped in town at the post office....and then she says...and while you are out you can get us breakfast from Dairy Queen. I'm livid by this point and no sausage biscuit is going to cure that.

I get back home, eat with her and go back to bed (officially behind schedule now, but in desperate need of sleep still). I wake up and get started on the cleaning of the downstairs (grandmas part of the house and our shared area)...it had to be presentable for the baby shower the following day. A job that would have taken me three hours tops took me five because grandma kept holding me up, stopping me to ask me dumb shit or trying to fry eggplant in the kitchen right as I was at the point to do that area....FOR FUCKS SAKE LADY.

I finally finish...Lil man is with me by this point so that Jen could go to work. I get in the shower and agree to take him to see GI Joe...a movie I had no interest in seeing but he wanted to see it and I just wanted to be out of the house. Fifteen minutes before the end of what turned out to be a pretty bad ass movie, lil man decides he's ready to go home. It's not transformers, or animated so his attention span has held out as long as it could...we bounce.

Off to Wally-world for groceries...Finally back home at ten. By this point I'm still frazzled because my part of the house, the upstairs has still yet to be cleaned. Ugh. I'm frustrated and just want to scream. I put lil man in the shower, but am way behind schedule as it is...I was supposed to have him bed earlier than he got in it and feed him better than fast food...neither of which I succeeded at...my bad. Jen gets there and helps me set up lil man's bed the rest of the way as I vent and freak out over virtually nothing and everything all at the same time. She's looking at me like, whoa....

Sunday morning I voluntarily got up way before the alarm and went downstairs to wrap all of the packages for the shower. I am in the middle of cleaning upstairs when Jen asks me to cut lil man's hair...she mentioned she was willing to take him into town to get it done, but I told her there was no need since Im technically a pro (technically being the fact that I have my license but just hate doing hair fulltime) and have scissors right in the closet. He gets in the shower afterwards and I make Jen sit down for her haircut...she was getting pretty bushy...so I trimmed her up (her head hair not the other, lol)...

Finally, people start arriving and I'm still cleaning. Not guests mind you, just people that are helping mom set up...Jen helps me finish everything up, I get in the shower and try to get myself ready. My sister shows up--she wanted me to do her make up and hair for this shin dig...so that held me up some more...then my mom's friend asks me to wax her and her daughters eyebrows after the shower.....OKAY MAYBE ONE MORE PERSON CAN ASK ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT I REALLY JUST DONT WANNA DO....My sister's baby daddy comes up the stairs and I hear mention of him needing a haircut....FUCK ME IN THE ASS SIDEWAYS

Jen mentions I need to be able to say no and I understand that... I mean it's great in theory but it's just easier to do and bitch about than deal with the guilt trips that come along.

The shower was successful...my paintings and the note I wrote on the back of one of them to my unborn niece Charlie made her cry....then when read aloud made a lot of people's eyes water.

For today...I'm tired, my head hurts and it's a typical Monday. I brought a lean cuisine to eat at lunch but have been debating like four feet of sub instead I'M EFFING HUNGRY....I need to get back to really giving a shit and making an effort as far as diet and exercise go, but for now stress, school, family, and work are easier excuses and/or cop outs as to not having to exercise...i'm just getting fatter....blah

I've decided I'm not going to walk in the commencement services following me completely the classes. I'm going to borrow my sister's cap and gown and pose for fake pictures instead....FUCK IT. just mail me the diploma/degree and call it a day...I'm done. Fucking burned out.

On the plus side, I'm leaving with Jen and lil man on Wednesday night to go down to Hatteras for a few days...I just have to make it through wednesday I just have to make it through wednesday.....AHAHAAHAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Caution: Unedited Rant

I'm screaming on the inside today. I'm fucking fed up. I'm tired and irritated and just pissed off in general. I'm tired of being on repeat all day at work because nobody fucking listens.

I'm tired of having a job that is not hard at all be so difficult...does that make sense? I'm tired of being a "partner" to the supervisors/management here and seeing nothing but a lack of partnership.

This whole fucking place right now is a contradiction. I'm apparently bat shit crazy.

I want to scream aloud, yell, kick, punch, push, throw...I want to be destructive and break something....I'm like two steps away from turning green and Incredible Hulking it.


I'm irrational and just fucking done. I'm so fucking tired of the level of ignorance I have to deal with on a daily basis. My boss is the "bitchy one" and I'm the "nice, but straight forward" one...that's about to change...there's about to be two bitchy ones because the fuckers just aren't getting it.

I can't even tell up from down right now I'm so infuriated. It makes no fucking sense. Most of the time I'm fine, but today I just can't effing handle it anymore. I refuse. If I walk out on the floor one more time and have to deal with the same fucking bullshit I'm going to snap...not even kidding.

I just called my boss to fill her in on some details pertaining to an email that was sent earlier and told her flat out...I don't even want to be here right now. I want to go out, stand on a stack of pallets and just scream FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING CUNTS.

Who gives a shit anymore if you don't hit your number...I'm tired of you not holding yourself accountable, I can't come out here and fucking hold your hand for you... And if I hear..."Well you don't know what its like out here" one for fucking time I'm going to lose it...

YES I DO...I'VE WORKED IN WAREHOUSES BEFORE...do you think they just gave me this job because they liked my haircut at the time...NO YOU BASTARD....I've worked in the heat, I've unloaded trucks, I've loaded them, I've shipped them, forecasted loads, handled damaged goods and HAZMAT material and their documents....and you know what...I HIT MY FUCKING NUMBERS TOO!!!!

(Deep breath out)...I was bitching to Field Hockey...she used to work for my company before getting laid off and then hired by the client company....I mentioned that I was at the point of going and buying a pack of smokes and just calling it a day...she made a suggestion that I hadn't even considered....BEER!!!! Duh...why didn't I think of that. I prefer the taste of beer to cigs, beer wont make me smell like smoke or leave that taste in my mouth that lingers forever....

Beer would be oh so fabulous right now...except I'm pretty sure the beer i have is skunky by this point....It's leftover from my birthday weekend at the end of May...I can't believe I don't really drink that often.... For now....those McSkinnys (you know the lil skinny mich ultras--water with a splash of hops), skunky or not....ARE CALLING MY NAME!!!

My boss told me that I can leave early if I want, but Now i have to make sure that people from a particular department know they don't have work tomorrow and their floor supervisor isn't reliable as far as telling them goes....so might as well just chill out.

Poor thing

jen is really bummed out over recent news about her dog. Her pup TJ, 13, is a poodle that lives back home with her parents. He has a tumor on his back sides and is looking at costly surgeries to remove it and a lot of time needed to take care of him after, tons of medications and what have you... She had to decide whether or not to put her long time pal down or not. She weighed the options and decided to put TJ down.

She's distraught...I invited her to dinner tonight and made her Spaghetti...just to show the type of person she is, she's got all kinds of stuff on her mind and she still brought me flowers. She couldnt pick a color so she brought me two different shades of roses....awe....

She's wonderful...truly magnificent. I just hope I can be there for her the way she is for me all the time...It's never easy losing a puppy pal...NEVER. She's strong though...I know she will be okay. Pepper will keep her company for now...she just needs to know IT'S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.

Under the Sea

My sister's nursery theme is Under the Sea...she asked me to paint her a few pics to frame and put up on the wall. She didn't want them painted directly on the wall so that when she moves she can take them with her...

I used the oh so lovely Google to get an idea of the type of "animated" little sea creatures I wanted to do. I hope she likes them. I'm going to write a special note to my sister and to my soon to be niece on the back of each, wrap them, and give them to her on Sunday at her Baby Shower...I want her to be surprised. Even though she knows I'm painting for her, she doesn't know which creatures I went with. Exciting.

The quality of the pictures isn't that great...I couldn't find adequate lighting for my digital camera to cooperate...but I wanted to share nonetheless.

Hermit Crab...

Sea Turtle (these are my sister's favorite)

A Seahorse...

A little bit different from the normal stuff I paint...but I think for a nursery it will suffice. I'm getting excited...I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT...I wonder what I'll be called....Aunt T? Aunt Tom? Aunt Tommy? Thomas? I dunno...this should be interesting...

She's due within a month"ish"....

Movie Reviews

I heart Netflix.

Last night I finished watching Breakfast at Tiffany's. If you haven't seen this movie and have intentions to, STOP READING HERE.

I was completely okay with the thought of this wacky woman being "rescued" per se by Mr.Right and all...but she lost so many cool points when she put the cat out in the rain. Like I cried. Then I got irritated. I mean I realize that this is a "classic" but yeah I could have done without seeing it and it's cornball ending. By the end of the movie I wanted her to get hit by a car or something, slide into a coma, and never wake up.... I have mixed emotions for sure.

I also watched Love and Other Disasters. This movie was a 2006 film starring Britney Murphy, taking place in England. This one I ADORED... Sure...another Romantic Comedy...but a fabulous one nonetheless. I highly recommend this one for sure. It's funny because they actually reference Breakfast at Tiffany's in this film and it all kind of relates, but this one, unlike Breakfast at Tiffany's didn't make me want to throw a boot through the TV...

If Netflix had "real" porn...Then I'd be set.

Running late

Pepper woke me up nudging me and doing her pee pee dance with all sorts of urgency. I sat up...looked around the room, it was already light out. The alarm clock read: 7:21--FUCK ME I OVERSLEPT AGAIN...

Panic set in and all I could think was I have new starts today...I can't be late....fuck shit fuck.... but I was already 21 minutes late and hadn't showered, brushed my teeth or any of the necessities. I was so mad at myself....

I walked down the stairs to let me Pepper out and avoid any mishaps on the rug when I noticed the lights on downstairs...that's odd, Grandma is up already. Wait a minute...the tail end of Wheel of Fortune was on the boob tube.... Oh thank god I'm just having a "blonde moment"... I haven't colored my hair in months and my blonde roots must be coming in strong....(no offense)...it was 7:30 at night....

I had sat down upstairs and tried to get motivated to paint...but my eyes were too heavy to do anything so I opted for a nap while I had the opportunity. Two hours later I woke up in panic... once I calmed down and realized that I wasn't late for work, and thankful that I hadn't called my boss immediately to tell her I was running late (because I would have never lived that down)...I laid down for another hour....the heat took a lot out of me yesterday... thats what I get for hopping in a truck and helping unload it...

Whew....that was a close one.

Older women

Jen asks me pretty frequently...what's your deal with older women, lol. I can't explain why but I've always been attracted to them...and to be honest I can count on 1 or 2 fingers how many women I've been with that were my age or younger.

She asked me again on Sunday, but I don't remember the conversation...just that it was relevant so I smiled, laughed, and shrugged...I've been giving it some thought and still I'm struggling to put it into words.

My definition of "older women" sometimes is just as simple as being older than me... sometimes the age range creates a huge age gap per se.

In my most recent life there is Jen who is 31... a mere 3 years to my 28.

The "x" before her was 41 to my 27.... a 14 year difference. In this case age worked against us but not in the normal sense--more in the I was the adult and she was the "kid"...she stayed high all the time and only talked about Football, Video Games, or stories from her past that related to some guy she had fucked or what she had done when she was high this one time...or whatever...I was the one trying to have serious conversations...which never worked...besides I wanted to be high too, but couldn't because of my job. She was a wake and bake kind of girl...and if she didn't have pot she was a terror to be around....not cool...

The "x" before her was about six years older than me maybe...I don't remember exactly. My only other "true" long term gig, besides Jen... and that one can't even really only count so much because we were so on again off again in our ways. She had her life on a very serious path, wanted us to have joint checking accounts by this point and her and her towels by that point... I'm anti joint checking account among other things...and my thought on marriage is that I don't need a ring or a piece of paper to prove my commitment to someone. No offense to those that are married and honestly more power to you, it just doesn't suit me at this point in my life.

Rewind a bit further and I find myself recalling my first time. Let me clarify that--first time with a woman. I was always a "good kid," never gave a second thought to not being interested in boys when I was in high school...had something slipped into my drink at a frat party and recall being awake but unable to move or cry out as I was raped and then somehow managed to find my dorm as the sun came up. I didn't tell anyone until years later and because of it went through a phase in my life where I assumed the fact that I never felt a connection with a man was my fault and that the only way a man was going to like me was if I slept with them. I "skanked" out for a while... this turned out to be low self esteem and having internalized all the rage and confusion I had experienced from the rape itself.

In a short time period I had experienced my uncle (who was four years older than me at the time and one of my best friends) committing suicide, finding out my dad wasn't my real dad, a rape (which was also my first time ever having sex), and losing my best friend of 13 years to a misunderstanding)... all in a years time. So right before I graduated high school through the middle of my freshman year of college....it's a lot to digest.

I had been sent to therapy after withdrawing myself from college due to serious depression and the world catching up with me essentially. I was diagnosed as being bipolar with schizophrenic tendencies...a label that would take me years to escape. (but was later diagnosed as a hormone imbalance that causes serious mood swings)...go figure

It wasn't until I admitted to my mom that all the problems I was having that my parents had assumed had to do with me finding out my dad wasn't my real dad was actually a combination of a lot of things, the rape being the breaking point.

That's when it dawned on me. The church wasn't necessarily right in everything it had been teaching me. I was no longer the founder of my youth group that was saving herself for marriage... I accepted that my lack of connection with men wasn't my fault or a bad thing I was going to hell for.... I was not attracted to them in that way. Period. I didn't stop believing in a higher power, but I stopped living my life according to the church's interpretation of how my life should be lived.

This revelation changed my life. I met this woman... Her name was Wendy. I couldn't tell you her last name if you paid me...that part of the memory didn't stick. I remember hanging out with her a couple of times and then going to her house. I was so nervous but I was sooo attracted to her. She made me tingle in places that no one else had.... I remember sitting on the opposite end of the couch... she was polite, knew it was my first time and wasn't rushing me. I recall thinking I was so smooth as I jumped at every opportunity to slide closer to her, the cold leather under my legs.

She eventually took my hand and walked me to the bedroom. She didn't take my clothes off immediately...she let the anticipation build.... she tasted like Marlboros and a hot summer day...I took her shirt off and exposed the most perfect breasts I had ever seen at this point in my life. They were fuller than mine and I just wanted to touch them...curl up with them, take them home and have them forever....

The sex was incredible and it all became official... no wonder everything with men felt so forced... I'M A LESBIAN I thought....oh my god, what are my friends going to think...what, when, how, huh? Panic. Gasp.

She was 31 to my 19...perhaps my attraction to older women began there. We only hung out for a couple of weeks after that... it turns out that we had nothing but sex in common. She was an ex-con with a drinking and drug problem...she did nothing in moderation and was out of control. When I walked in to find her hitting her crack pipe...that's all she wrote. I didn't have time for that... but I was still grateful to her for helping me find my way.

I think the attraction to older women also relates to me not having to be the teacher. I've trained people in every aspect of my career thus far and I don't want to have to do it in the bedroom.... no that can't be it because I've still been the teacher to some....

I really don't know. My grandmother once hinted around to the reason I'm gay is that I was raped and have a fear of men. No, that isn't the case. I love men...as friends, as drinking buddies, to help me move heavy furniture....I don't want to fuck them or make love to them however. I had considered this possibility as well...but know that it's bigger than that.

Women are softer, prettier, curvier, have gentler touches--but can be rough when the time is right....they smell good, and dammit among other things they make me wetter than I ever knew was even possible... but I'll leave that alone as to not embarrass Jen, lol.

With most women there is no sense of "masculinity" or ego that has to be stroked (no pun intended)... for those lesbians that opt for toys or strap ons you know what I mean. Sure, you could get penetration from a guy, but it's not the same... unlike when a man is behind it--a woman pays attention to what feels good, focuses more on the feel good spots, and pays attention to her partners wants or needs.... I won't say all the time...but a lot of the time, in my experience Men spend too much time focusing on what feels good to them, "how macho he can be" and all that shit... I don't have the time...

I can feel good with minimal equipment--alone or with a beautiful woman by my side or below my belly button helping me out. I guess for now my interest in "older women" remains a mystery.