The unthinkable happened today. I was at work. Sluggish as usual and feeling like shit. I didn't think it was anything serious (just the usual run down self I've become accustomed to...that doesn't necessarily get excited about going to work anymore.) When I walked in a couple minutes behind schedule, before I could even check the voicemail to find out how many call outs I was looking at for the day, my cell phone started ringing...it was my least favorite Ops Manager--seriously this dude is a complete dill hole and I have no idea how he's in his position. But at this point it's irrelevant. He's freaking out because he had about three people not show up and was short staffed in one department. I got on the phone and began calling all ten people that were told to not to come to work today because they weren't needed, only to ask them if they were available for work that day. Fucking ridiculous. Piss poor planning and well long story short my not feeling well in general got worse.
I called my boss and told her I felt like shit and wasn't sure that I'd be able to make it much longer. By this point I was having hot flashes and feeling sick to my stomach. I just wanted to go home and sleep the day away. Then it dawned on me that I had just vented to my boss, off the record of course that I was so fed up with the way things were at work and that I no longer jumped out of bed to come running into work... I didn't want her to think that I was just bailing, because in truth I really didn't feel well. I wanted to cry, scream, punch the next dumbass who stepped in my path...I needed to get out of there...even if it meant losing out on potential overtime for the week and not even making my forty hours... (I don't get sick time...I didn't care today...)
I went to the doctor with no specific symptoms, in search of a note...to excuse my absence and because lil man had been throwing up (I felt this was probably stress related, but wanted to be sure since we already had someone in my town die of the H1N1 flu crap... I'm not normally a germaphobe, nor do I give second thought to sickness because I just hate going to the doctor...but with a new baby in the picture, I didn't want to risk anything)
I fell asleep in the exam room waiting on the doctor, who I could hear outside the door in the nurses station discussing lottery tickets and the office raffle or some bullshit... glad to know I'm not dying and not a serious case. My blood pressure, temp, and weight were all checked prior to my arrival in the exam room. The results, 118/72, 97 degrees, and JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME...
From this point to the doctors arrival and in between my cat naps I had had plenty of time to focus on and freak out about my weight. I flashed back to the time I went to the crotch doc for my normal annual violation and the scales tilted at 223 pounds. After leaving the office I cried the entire way home as my mom drove...I couldn't believe my weight had reached that point. Today, about five or six years later I've hit an all time high and I was devastated. Devastated to the point of tears when trying to talk to the doctor. I had to take ownership in the fact that the reason I feel like shit all the time is my weight. I have heartburn all the time it seems, even from drinking water--WTF? I'm tired no matter how long I sleep, I'm slugglish, I never want to do anything, I've isolated myself from friends and social gatherings because it means people seeing me.
I was mad at myself for crying. I cry at the most random times. I went from answering the "could you be pregnant" question with a chuckle and explaining that I'm a lesbian and I don't do guys in rebuttle to the doctors usual, well how do you know....to trying to explain how I feel with no symptomatic description that would help in diagnosis at all.
I told the doctor that I felt like stress had a lot to do with how I felt and my weight in general and when I revealed to him that my current weight is at an all time high I fucking lost it. Cried like a lil bitch, while Dr. Dickhead just watched...baffled. It was determined that there was no need for labs, which I agreed with because they always come back the same, nothing is wrong with me, I'm just fat... He suggested I look into Weightloss centers of america or another doctor or two that specialize in weight loss medicine, and/or surgery. When I made the comment, I'd rather just do it on my own...he quickly said, "that's going to be tough" with a face that said, I don't think you have a concept of just how fat and unhealthy you really are. (mind you he suggested something that insurance isnt' likely to cover after he went through the computer and pulled up my information, discovering that I had been to see an endocrinologist earlier in the year for treatment of PCOS, but quit because it was too expensive...I'm still paying those fucking bills and they couldn't get my levels adjusted right so I'm still a hormonal mess and FAT)
I gathered my composure for him to explain to me that I'm 28 years old and that if I continue living with this excess weight on my 5 foot 3 and half inch frame, i'm going to never get rid of this slugglish feeling, I'm going to have health problems that get progressively worse, arthritis in my joints from carrying this weight around, among other things that could potentially lead to early death. I was done talking to this guy. Not because I disagreed, but I needed to cry some more and needed to get out while I had the chance. I grabbed my doctor's note and bolted. I hit the parking lot in time for the tears to start pouring...I cried all the way home. I still felt like shit so I decided I was going to take a nap...(naps are not exactly going to solve my predicament, but they generally help buy me time to come up with a plan)...
Jen called me, she had to go and pick up lil man from school because he was throwing up and she was worried about me because of the vague text I had sent her after leaving the doctor's office. I said somethign about beign fine, just fat.... I started crying on the phone and just didnt want to talk about it...I went down to grandma's end of the house since it was 11 am and she wasn't down in the kitchen yet, I was making sure she was alive. She was. I'm not sure what part of I don't feel good I'm going to lay down she didn't understand but thirty minutes later she was still talking, asking me to do stuff and telling me all about everything she's planning on taking on her trip (she's leaving this weekend to see her sister, her brother is picking her up) I finally cut her off and explained, Grandma, I don't leave work often at all because I don't feel well, I've already been to the doctor and I need to go lay down...it finally registered.
I slept for four and a half hours when my mom called and I told her about leaving work early and being fat. She did the normal, Tommy...stop beating yourself up and I near tears explained to her that I'm at my all time high and just can't fathom how I keep letting this happen. It makes no sense NO SENSE at all.... I came to moms house because she, my sister, and my aunt, plus the baby have all taken a road trip to leave baby daddy in Radford, where he lives, and plan to leave from there in the morning and head to Kentucky to visit my mom's parents so tehy can see the baby--they'll be back Monday, minus baby daddy so I have dog duty. I get to watch my sister's dogs plus mine, but since Gma is leaving Saturday, i'll probably just load the dogs up so that I can be at my house with them plus mine and get my own shit done...
I went online and finally ordered my stuff from lil man's school fundraiser, I had been putting it off for whatever reason. Then I went to weight watchers online to check it out. I've gone to weight watchers meetings before but quit because the leader's voice and CAMEL TOE were equally annoying--plus it was counter productive because everytime I had a good week, I'd go to McDonald's and reward myself with a vat of death... fuck.
I signed up, I paid for one month and got one month free...I have a few meetings to choose from in my area, that aren't lead by camel toe lady and for the first time ever am doing this on my own. I'm not relying on my mom or my sister to do things with me...this is my fight and I'm the only one that can do it for me. The first meeting will be next week because I've missed the meetings this week already. I'm excited about this new venture. It's not going to be easy, but I've gotta do what I've gotta do...I can't continue on the same path that I've been headed down. No room for excuses.
I will be using my new blog (eventually) to vent, track, etc my progress so that I don't bore anyone with the details... I'm coming clean, I'm going to be honest...blunt even. I have never openly admitted to my weight or pants size...but I am tonight...just because I think it will help me in this process (though I'm not sure the logic behind using humiliation as a motivator)... It's hard when I have such a wonderful woman in my life who looks at me and doesn't see fat or disgusting but beautiful and fabulous...but I have to face the facts....I don't see those things when I look in the mirror and I'm the only one that can do something to change it. I'm tired of being the chick with the great personality, or being told wow...you carry your weight really well...I'M TIRED OF FUCKING CARRYING IT.
I generally wear anywhere from a 22 to 26 in women's pants depending on who makes them. My cargo shorts are a guys 46 or 48 (I have a couple in each) and I generally wear men's XL tops which I stretch out at the bottom to keep them from clinging to my gut....2Xs are too big so I'm technically in an in between size kind of girl.... Everything cute is meant for little people and anything past a size 16/18 is like old ladyish... unless you have money fore Lane Bryant or Torrid or some other fashionable women's clothing stores which I do not.
So here it is, the scale today read 273 pounds. Ridiculous. Tomorrow is a new day...I'll be in a better modd and I have a plan.... Weightwatchers is the way to go for me in theory because I can still count points and have a beer when I want one lol.
My brother just stopped by mom's house...I open the door and my nostrils immediately filled with the smell of Pot. I swear...i would love having a job where I could get high and not have to worry about random drug tests or getting hurt and having to pee in a cup... Don't judge me... I'm anti drug (but I'm a supporter of pot in many situations...since it's natural and all) I don't want any man made shit from some chemical flunkie's kitchen that's goign to potentially kill me. Fuck that. But alas...not weed for me. I have to be responsible and can't risk not having a pay check.
I'd like to lose 123 pounds on this journey...it's not going to happen overnight...so here goes nothing.
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Things that make you go hmmmm....
It feels like I pulled a muscle under my chin, how random is that. I'd love to blog about how I was trying out this new acrobatic style tantric cunnilingus move that I learned from a traveling lesbian gypsy--but alas, that is not the case. It happened sometime while I was asleep. How ridiculous is that.
I went to bed last night which was Thursday and was confident that I'd wake up and it would be Saturday morning so that I could sleep in... what a disappointment waking up was. Nope, still Friday (normally a great day, but my 5 to 6 hours of actual sleep a night has finally caught up with me and I just want to sleep in some kind of terrible)... I got to work a few minutes late because I fell asleep while standing in a hot shower. All was cool until I woke myself up freaking out because of a dream where I was drowning...
Since I was already late I called security to see if anyone was waiting for me (they weren't thank goodness)...stopped at the gas station for some liquid crack (aka Mountain Dew--I tried drinking a lo carb monster yesterday and just couldn't, my taste buds rejected it)... I get here to work, grab my clip board and head out to the warehouse floor. In the midst of my rounds I notice that a couple of my contractors are missing. (My contractors have two supervisors, me because I work for the staffing agency that employs them and their floor supervisor who works for the client, part of my job is to ensure that all of my people show up and/or are accounted for and that they perform to the expectations of the client...)
I hear my name being paged over the intercom followed by an extension to call--I call and discover the two missing people were now in the building but way late... I come to the front to coach them and see what the hell the deal is... they looked stoned out of their minds and the dude tells me that the reason he's late is "it's his birthday." Okay, happy birthday but you're still late and normal points apply... had you been here on time then you would have work, but since your late, your floor sup opted to not give you any work today... (he looked, real bent out of shape over it, NOT)... the girl, who rides with him was conveniently not feeling well but felt okay to come pick up her pay check. Today is not the day for shit like this. I don't have the patience. I issued her double points because even though she showed up, its still like calling out on a friday (which are double points days) because she didn't even make an effort to work. At five attendance points, people get fired. End of story.
So I've been a bitch already this morning...still trying to get caught up on my reports, print equipment badges for my new starts next week and get things lined up for Tuesday. The great news is that they just made the announcement that they are leaning towards NOT working on Monday which is Labor Day... they were scheduled to at first, but they got caught up with the pick and are thinking its not necessary...but we will be scheduled for ten hour days for next week in order to avoid working next Saturday....
Peak season is kind of officially here...as much as it can be right now with the economy the way it is. They are going to start picking Christmas product on Tuesday and start shipping to the stores....that's one downside to the warehouse industry (and even retail) you have to look at holiday product months before its even time to buy it...Halloween has already been shipped out, Christmas stuff is up to bat.
Friday's are supposed to be fun days as far as the daily meeting go. Ugh. Today was guess who one the Super Bowl every single year it was played. Oh yay, NOT. I don't follow football or any sports really, I like watching some from time to time,but I just don't get into it. Exes have been huge sports fanatics... mainly Football (the Giants or the Bills depending on who I was seeing at the time)... one was all about UFC, watched a few pay per views and always fell asleep before the main event... i just don't have an interest. Jen is apparently a huge Bears fan (it's sad that I just text her prior to posting this to ensure that that is in fact the team she's been talking about...I had it right which made me feel good and like I do pay attention, but since she's from Colorado, my first thought was to say the Broncos)... College basketball, Pro ball as well... I try and share this interest with her but I'm not even good at faking it.... she'll watch the stuff on tv and I'll sigh deeply, roll my eyes, and just do homework instead. What am I going to do with Regular season football fast approaching and school about to come to an end... maybe I'll take up knitting again instead...I dunno...just something about commentators and the sports thing in general that stresses me out.
I'd like to physically go to a hockey game since I've never been, but I dont want to watch it on TV. I like baseball, but don't follow on TV, I love Softball, but I just wanna go watch real people play up close and personal, not watch via TV....I dunno...
The moral of the story is that I was totally ganged up on in the meeting today. Out of five women in the room, and about 13 men, only three of us weren't football fans and could have given a shit...of those three, two of us are lesbos so a lot of the guys just assumed we were supposed to have an interest. I'm sorry but when I was given my "lesbian card" it said nothing about having to like sports in order to keep it. But then again, maybe I was too distracted by the shiny new toaster oven and swiss army knife that they gave me for "crossing over" HA.
Okay, I have work to do for real. Have to be caught up and ready for the bosses return from the Gay World Series.
I went to bed last night which was Thursday and was confident that I'd wake up and it would be Saturday morning so that I could sleep in... what a disappointment waking up was. Nope, still Friday (normally a great day, but my 5 to 6 hours of actual sleep a night has finally caught up with me and I just want to sleep in some kind of terrible)... I got to work a few minutes late because I fell asleep while standing in a hot shower. All was cool until I woke myself up freaking out because of a dream where I was drowning...
Since I was already late I called security to see if anyone was waiting for me (they weren't thank goodness)...stopped at the gas station for some liquid crack (aka Mountain Dew--I tried drinking a lo carb monster yesterday and just couldn't, my taste buds rejected it)... I get here to work, grab my clip board and head out to the warehouse floor. In the midst of my rounds I notice that a couple of my contractors are missing. (My contractors have two supervisors, me because I work for the staffing agency that employs them and their floor supervisor who works for the client, part of my job is to ensure that all of my people show up and/or are accounted for and that they perform to the expectations of the client...)
I hear my name being paged over the intercom followed by an extension to call--I call and discover the two missing people were now in the building but way late... I come to the front to coach them and see what the hell the deal is... they looked stoned out of their minds and the dude tells me that the reason he's late is "it's his birthday." Okay, happy birthday but you're still late and normal points apply... had you been here on time then you would have work, but since your late, your floor sup opted to not give you any work today... (he looked, real bent out of shape over it, NOT)... the girl, who rides with him was conveniently not feeling well but felt okay to come pick up her pay check. Today is not the day for shit like this. I don't have the patience. I issued her double points because even though she showed up, its still like calling out on a friday (which are double points days) because she didn't even make an effort to work. At five attendance points, people get fired. End of story.
So I've been a bitch already this morning...still trying to get caught up on my reports, print equipment badges for my new starts next week and get things lined up for Tuesday. The great news is that they just made the announcement that they are leaning towards NOT working on Monday which is Labor Day... they were scheduled to at first, but they got caught up with the pick and are thinking its not necessary...but we will be scheduled for ten hour days for next week in order to avoid working next Saturday....
Peak season is kind of officially here...as much as it can be right now with the economy the way it is. They are going to start picking Christmas product on Tuesday and start shipping to the stores....that's one downside to the warehouse industry (and even retail) you have to look at holiday product months before its even time to buy it...Halloween has already been shipped out, Christmas stuff is up to bat.
Friday's are supposed to be fun days as far as the daily meeting go. Ugh. Today was guess who one the Super Bowl every single year it was played. Oh yay, NOT. I don't follow football or any sports really, I like watching some from time to time,but I just don't get into it. Exes have been huge sports fanatics... mainly Football (the Giants or the Bills depending on who I was seeing at the time)... one was all about UFC, watched a few pay per views and always fell asleep before the main event... i just don't have an interest. Jen is apparently a huge Bears fan (it's sad that I just text her prior to posting this to ensure that that is in fact the team she's been talking about...I had it right which made me feel good and like I do pay attention, but since she's from Colorado, my first thought was to say the Broncos)... College basketball, Pro ball as well... I try and share this interest with her but I'm not even good at faking it.... she'll watch the stuff on tv and I'll sigh deeply, roll my eyes, and just do homework instead. What am I going to do with Regular season football fast approaching and school about to come to an end... maybe I'll take up knitting again instead...I dunno...just something about commentators and the sports thing in general that stresses me out.
I'd like to physically go to a hockey game since I've never been, but I dont want to watch it on TV. I like baseball, but don't follow on TV, I love Softball, but I just wanna go watch real people play up close and personal, not watch via TV....I dunno...
The moral of the story is that I was totally ganged up on in the meeting today. Out of five women in the room, and about 13 men, only three of us weren't football fans and could have given a shit...of those three, two of us are lesbos so a lot of the guys just assumed we were supposed to have an interest. I'm sorry but when I was given my "lesbian card" it said nothing about having to like sports in order to keep it. But then again, maybe I was too distracted by the shiny new toaster oven and swiss army knife that they gave me for "crossing over" HA.
Okay, I have work to do for real. Have to be caught up and ready for the bosses return from the Gay World Series.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Miserable Monday #2?
So I had a brilliant idea last night that involved fasting for three days and then kicking off a new ultimate healthy lifestyle of fruits and vegetables after the three day mark. I woke up this morning and was going to attempt it...
Three hours into my work day I was fighting serious hunger pains and thinking I would die for sure.... at lunch time I went to Subway... lol... who the fuck was I kidding, I so can't NOT eat.
Today was a bad day in general. I just feel icky. I would like to take a coat hanger and remove my ovaries/uterus...the shit is defective anyway and I'm not using it for anything productive...so why have it? I woke up feeling sick to my stomach after not sleeping well. I had a headache but made myself get up and go to work instead. I made my first lap around the warehouse and was pouring with sweat....the fever I was rocking certainly helped that along... my boss was like whoa... you don't look good... I kept working anyway...
The headache got worse...subsided for a minute but then came back with a vengeance... ugh. Fucking migraines... I got home with the headache even worse.... my uncle was in the driveway and wanted to talk, I essentially told him as politely as I could manage to shut the hell up I need to vomit...hey, I wasn't lying. I told grandma the same...she mumbled something about my flow? or some 1850s hip slang referring to God's warped sense of humor, aka a PERIOD... wtf?
I got sick, curled up in my dark bedroom with Pepper... Chino joined us after a few minutes and I was out. Woke up, tried to grab a sandwich before my class meeting...only to get sick again... what the hell is going on. I feel like shit. My head STILL hurts. and I get this stabbing pain in the dome piece that makes me dry heave... I don't get it. But I need to blog...since I'm addicted and all... so it is what it is.
Moral of the story is... my mom, aunt, and preggo sister have opted to do Weight Watchers and count their points... I have to dig all the info out so that I can start...for now I'm not real concerned since by definition I'm bulemic today... ugh.
Why did my vacation have to end... and why didn't I get a say in this whole fucking uterus situation. Fuck me in the ass sideways... (not really).
Three hours into my work day I was fighting serious hunger pains and thinking I would die for sure.... at lunch time I went to Subway... lol... who the fuck was I kidding, I so can't NOT eat.
Today was a bad day in general. I just feel icky. I would like to take a coat hanger and remove my ovaries/uterus...the shit is defective anyway and I'm not using it for anything productive...so why have it? I woke up feeling sick to my stomach after not sleeping well. I had a headache but made myself get up and go to work instead. I made my first lap around the warehouse and was pouring with sweat....the fever I was rocking certainly helped that along... my boss was like whoa... you don't look good... I kept working anyway...
The headache got worse...subsided for a minute but then came back with a vengeance... ugh. Fucking migraines... I got home with the headache even worse.... my uncle was in the driveway and wanted to talk, I essentially told him as politely as I could manage to shut the hell up I need to vomit...hey, I wasn't lying. I told grandma the same...she mumbled something about my flow? or some 1850s hip slang referring to God's warped sense of humor, aka a PERIOD... wtf?
I got sick, curled up in my dark bedroom with Pepper... Chino joined us after a few minutes and I was out. Woke up, tried to grab a sandwich before my class meeting...only to get sick again... what the hell is going on. I feel like shit. My head STILL hurts. and I get this stabbing pain in the dome piece that makes me dry heave... I don't get it. But I need to blog...since I'm addicted and all... so it is what it is.
Moral of the story is... my mom, aunt, and preggo sister have opted to do Weight Watchers and count their points... I have to dig all the info out so that I can start...for now I'm not real concerned since by definition I'm bulemic today... ugh.
Why did my vacation have to end... and why didn't I get a say in this whole fucking uterus situation. Fuck me in the ass sideways... (not really).
Monday, August 17, 2009
Weekend Recap
Jen and I...me, looking all crazy eyed, haSaturday I was going to sleep in. Grandma had other plans for me however. She called me at 8:06 am (I had planned to sleep until about 10) and said she needed help getting her stockings on and then tried to act like I had said that I said that I was going to get up early to start cleaning (NO...actually she has selective hearing and just likes to piss me off)...So I go downstairs, put her stockings and shoes on for her and think to myself...still plenty of time to go back to bed. Nope. Gma had other plans for me (I did something to piss her off apparently because she was just being spiteful at this point.) She said she had some mail that just HAD to be mailed, but no not from our mailbox, it had to be dropped in town at the post office....and then she says...and while you are out you can get us breakfast from Dairy Queen. I'm livid by this point and no sausage biscuit is going to cure that.
I get back home, eat with her and go back to bed (officially behind schedule now, but in desperate need of sleep still). I wake up and get started on the cleaning of the downstairs (grandmas part of the house and our shared area)...it had to be presentable for the baby shower the following day. A job that would have taken me three hours tops took me five because grandma kept holding me up, stopping me to ask me dumb shit or trying to fry eggplant in the kitchen right as I was at the point to do that area....FOR FUCKS SAKE LADY.
I finally finish...Lil man is with me by this point so that Jen could go to work. I get in the shower and agree to take him to see GI Joe...a movie I had no interest in seeing but he wanted to see it and I just wanted to be out of the house. Fifteen minutes before the end of what turned out to be a pretty bad ass movie, lil man decides he's ready to go home. It's not transformers, or animated so his attention span has held out as long as it could...we bounce.
Off to Wally-world for groceries...Finally back home at ten. By this point I'm still frazzled because my part of the house, the upstairs has still yet to be cleaned. Ugh. I'm frustrated and just want to scream. I put lil man in the shower, but am way behind schedule as it is...I was supposed to have him bed earlier than he got in it and feed him better than fast food...neither of which I succeeded at...my bad. Jen gets there and helps me set up lil man's bed the rest of the way as I vent and freak out over virtually nothing and everything all at the same time. She's looking at me like, whoa....
Sunday morning I voluntarily got up way before the alarm and went downstairs to wrap all of the packages for the shower. I am in the middle of cleaning upstairs when Jen asks me to cut lil man's hair...she mentioned she was willing to take him into town to get it done, but I told her there was no need since Im technically a pro (technically being the fact that I have my license but just hate doing hair fulltime) and have scissors right in the closet. He gets in the shower afterwards and I make Jen sit down for her haircut...she was getting pretty bushy...so I trimmed her up (her head hair not the other, lol)...
Finally, people start arriving and I'm still cleaning. Not guests mind you, just people that are helping mom set up...Jen helps me finish everything up, I get in the shower and try to get myself ready. My sister shows up--she wanted me to do her make up and hair for this shin dig...so that held me up some more...then my mom's friend asks me to wax her and her daughters eyebrows after the shower.....OKAY MAYBE ONE MORE PERSON CAN ASK ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT I REALLY JUST DONT WANNA DO....My sister's baby daddy comes up the stairs and I hear mention of him needing a haircut....FUCK ME IN THE ASS SIDEWAYS
Jen mentions I need to be able to say no and I understand that... I mean it's great in theory but it's just easier to do and bitch about than deal with the guilt trips that come along.
The shower was successful...my paintings and the note I wrote on the back of one of them to my unborn niece Charlie made her cry....then when read aloud made a lot of people's eyes water.
For today...I'm tired, my head hurts and it's a typical Monday. I brought a lean cuisine to eat at lunch but have been debating like four feet of sub instead I'M EFFING HUNGRY....I need to get back to really giving a shit and making an effort as far as diet and exercise go, but for now stress, school, family, and work are easier excuses and/or cop outs as to not having to exercise...i'm just getting fatter....blah
I've decided I'm not going to walk in the commencement services following me completely the classes. I'm going to borrow my sister's cap and gown and pose for fake pictures instead....FUCK IT. just mail me the diploma/degree and call it a day...I'm done. Fucking burned out.
On the plus side, I'm leaving with Jen and lil man on Wednesday night to go down to Hatteras for a few days...I just have to make it through wednesday I just have to make it through wednesday.....AHAHAAHAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Slumber at it's finest
I was in a cranky mood when i got home yesterday. After work I had picked up my Aunt Mel and gone to look into us both getting glasses. A store nearby was offering two pairs for 69.99, 99.99 for her bifocals. Turns out my vision is too terribly bad for that deal. You see, I require the thinnest lens possible because if they put my prescription into a regular plastic lens it would give me that bug eyed effect...you know the one...where my eyes would look like they are on the other side of a fish tank....scary.
So I opted to not get glasses right now...part of me is still determined to wear contacts fulltime...(though I'm not sure how I'll wing that even after allergy season because my eyes stay so tired all the time)...Well the interstate to get home was a parking lot so I took a scenic detour. I cut through lots of peanuts, soybeans, cotton, and corn....through historic Downtown Smithfield (Home to Gwaltney and Smithfield Sausage, bacon, pork products in general), down windy roads passing peacocks and road kill....
I had asked Jen to come out and stay the night and had planned on making tacos...yeah...that didn't pan out...I stopped and picked up pizza on the way home instead...I didn't get home until 8. Blah. I walk in to one of the most horrid smells imaginable, grandma was making Watermelon Rind Preserves....ugh...didn't even sound appealing (she normally makes Rind Pickle, but I don't eat that either)....I grab a bite to eat, go up to get things semi ready for bed and go help grandma get ready to go to bed. Jen got lil man ready for bed while all of this was happening.
We hit a new level in our relationship sense I have actually thrown up in front of her...something I make a habit of not doing to most people. It's odd that she didn't lose her cookies when normally just someone sounding like they are going to vomit, in real life or a movie sends her well on her way to puking herself.... I didn't feel good. I've been eating the same as normal, but here lately whether it's nerves or what I'm not sure, I get sick in the evenings. I hate throwing up. Anyway, it happened again last night.
I shower and get ready for bed myself and crash after about fifteen minutes talking with Jen. Lil man started out on a mattress on the floor, with Jen and myself in the bed. I woke up this morning at two am with the feet of a five year old diggin in my back and NO COVERS ON...he had somehow managed to wrap himself up in such a way that I couldn't get them untangled. It was freezing but I was tired...so I fell back asleep. At four oclock I woke back up not able to handle the cold anymore at the same time I rolled over (forgetting about the five year old clinging to my side) on top of him...he sat up with a WTF dazed and confused look, rolled over and went back to sleep. It was enough to get the covers free, though I didn't do it intentionally. The alarm clock light lit the room up enough that I could tell Jen was missing. What the hell, where is she at.
I sat up enough to see the opposite side of the bed and her knocked out cold where Lil man had originally started the evening....I went back to sleep. The alarm went off with absolutely no movement from the other two...I got up and moseyed about my day. Mom was in the kitchen frying bacon...freakishly cheerful for the early morning... (she doesn't stay the night anymore but does come over to help Gma get up and moving in the morning since I have to work)....
Then off to work I went....I wanted to call out so bad this morning. I'm sooooo tired. I have a group meeting tonight so I know that I won't be able to get to bed before 12:30 ugh... plus I still have two midterms to do...in addition to all my other work for the week. It's not looking like Friday is going to be an early day either....so I just wait for Saturday and sleeping in...and go from there.
I'm drinking a lo-carb monster this morning (nursing it really)...so far it's not helping. It would be better with some vodka in it. A 50/50 pour....good stuff.
So I opted to not get glasses right now...part of me is still determined to wear contacts fulltime...(though I'm not sure how I'll wing that even after allergy season because my eyes stay so tired all the time)...Well the interstate to get home was a parking lot so I took a scenic detour. I cut through lots of peanuts, soybeans, cotton, and corn....through historic Downtown Smithfield (Home to Gwaltney and Smithfield Sausage, bacon, pork products in general), down windy roads passing peacocks and road kill....
I had asked Jen to come out and stay the night and had planned on making tacos...yeah...that didn't pan out...I stopped and picked up pizza on the way home instead...I didn't get home until 8. Blah. I walk in to one of the most horrid smells imaginable, grandma was making Watermelon Rind Preserves....ugh...didn't even sound appealing (she normally makes Rind Pickle, but I don't eat that either)....I grab a bite to eat, go up to get things semi ready for bed and go help grandma get ready to go to bed. Jen got lil man ready for bed while all of this was happening.
We hit a new level in our relationship sense I have actually thrown up in front of her...something I make a habit of not doing to most people. It's odd that she didn't lose her cookies when normally just someone sounding like they are going to vomit, in real life or a movie sends her well on her way to puking herself.... I didn't feel good. I've been eating the same as normal, but here lately whether it's nerves or what I'm not sure, I get sick in the evenings. I hate throwing up. Anyway, it happened again last night.
I shower and get ready for bed myself and crash after about fifteen minutes talking with Jen. Lil man started out on a mattress on the floor, with Jen and myself in the bed. I woke up this morning at two am with the feet of a five year old diggin in my back and NO COVERS ON...he had somehow managed to wrap himself up in such a way that I couldn't get them untangled. It was freezing but I was tired...so I fell back asleep. At four oclock I woke back up not able to handle the cold anymore at the same time I rolled over (forgetting about the five year old clinging to my side) on top of him...he sat up with a WTF dazed and confused look, rolled over and went back to sleep. It was enough to get the covers free, though I didn't do it intentionally. The alarm clock light lit the room up enough that I could tell Jen was missing. What the hell, where is she at.
I sat up enough to see the opposite side of the bed and her knocked out cold where Lil man had originally started the evening....I went back to sleep. The alarm went off with absolutely no movement from the other two...I got up and moseyed about my day. Mom was in the kitchen frying bacon...freakishly cheerful for the early morning... (she doesn't stay the night anymore but does come over to help Gma get up and moving in the morning since I have to work)....
Then off to work I went....I wanted to call out so bad this morning. I'm sooooo tired. I have a group meeting tonight so I know that I won't be able to get to bed before 12:30 ugh... plus I still have two midterms to do...in addition to all my other work for the week. It's not looking like Friday is going to be an early day either....so I just wait for Saturday and sleeping in...and go from there.
I'm drinking a lo-carb monster this morning (nursing it really)...so far it's not helping. It would be better with some vodka in it. A 50/50 pour....good stuff.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Good news...sort of
So Gma went to the doctor yesterday is she is allowed to put weight on her leg as she feels she's ready. She is also able to drive again (scary) as soon as she feels ready, but will have to practice in a parking lot or something prior to hitting the road. Honestly, I don't know of anyone that is going to volunteer for this because she was scary behind the wheel even before her fall this past April...I just don't see myself being an eager beaver in this scenario.
This news translates into no one having to stay the night with her anymore. She still needs help changing her clothes, but she's got to the point where she is walking with her walker in the evenings to bed and setting things up so all she has to do is walk to the bathroom first thing, handle her business and then she gets in the shower (where she has a shower chair) and can manage until someone helps her with her clothes.
Mom had planned on coming over last night to help her to bed, but she is busy as hell packing and trying to get all my dad's shit together so he can "play army" and leave for Kosovo at the end of the week. I told Gma that I'd be able to help her, but that I had wanted to be in bed by the nine to nine thirty mark because it was the one day I had this week where I'd actually be able to do that. So nine twenty five rolls around and she's in bed...I'm flipping the light off when her cell phone rings. FUCK. I continue with what I was doing and let the dog back in so that I can be in bed by my planned time for a change.
My cellphone rings shortly after and Gma tells me that George (my jackass deacon uncle who has his own concept of time) has decided that because he's going to his daughter's house (this bitchy spoiled chick) in South Carolina in the morning and will be there for a week he needed to cut the grass tonight. Gma actually agreed which pissed me off. She tells me that if it gets too loud and distracting to just put the covers over my head....REALLY LADY, REALLY?
It's nine forty five by this point, I send Jen the last text of the night, urging her to get some sleep for a change too when I hear it. THE LAWNMOWER--one of those industrial grade landscaping deals (because he couldnt just buy a simple John Deere)...he wanted one that sounds like it has a jet engine apparently. I dose off for a few minutes while he cut the opposite side of the house.
10:08 pm I hear the house phone ring, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS...(I'm sorry, I'm old school and don't believe in calling anyone after nine o'clock at night...you never know what they're doing)...I never answer Gma's phone because no one I know even has the number, I know it's not for me....(unless it's XM radio trying to get me to come back...they found the number via my address I suppose, because I don't even have Gma's number listed on my car loan application where they got my original information...I'm strictly a cell phone person and hell of my 450 anytime minutes, I might use 13 in a given month...) But I digress....
I close my eyes after tossing and turning a few times to fall asleep again, only to be woke up by the loud jet propelled lawn mower under my window...I get up, stomp over the light switch, flip it on....along with every other light I possibly can on my way to the bathroom....Pee since I was up anyway, stomp back to bed after turning lights off and try it one more time, cussing my uncle the most creative ways I possibly can. He's such a fuckhead with no concept of mowing etiquette. I wanted him to know I was up thats why I flipped on all the lights and did everything short of opening the blinds, tossing out the screen as I opened the window to hang out of it flipping him off and yelling obscenities into the night.
I mean just because they put lights on the front end of lawnmowers doesn't mean you HAVE to use them. Why is this such a hard concept to grasp? It's like just because my car comes with a lighter...I'm not required to use it. It's decoration. Ten Forty eight... and still awake....
Why do I even fucking try. The alarm goes off at five forty five, I get out of bed at six fifteen, grumpy, eyes swollen, and the thought of calling in in my mind....I officially do not like my uncle. (this time for a legitimate reason...--before the reason just included that he talked to fucking much, was annoying, has it in his head I'm going to hell for being gay, avoids touching his own brother...not my dad but my other uncle who is gay as if he's scared my uncle is contagious...) Most days I see him talking and I'm not listening...I'm looking through him and wishing I hadn't gotten rid of that 18" double ended dildo that was like a coke can in girth, lol....(it was scary) but made an excellent prop for when drinking at parties. I'd pull it out and if someone was annoying me I'd smack them in the face with it....I should invest in another one....hell seeing his face as he got smacked by a translucent hot pink monster cock would definitely be worth the investment. And if I'm going to hell anyway....why not.... haha.
On the upside...the grass is cut so I don't have to worry about not seeing a snake coming after me in the tall grass....I'M STILL PISSED HOWEVER.
This news translates into no one having to stay the night with her anymore. She still needs help changing her clothes, but she's got to the point where she is walking with her walker in the evenings to bed and setting things up so all she has to do is walk to the bathroom first thing, handle her business and then she gets in the shower (where she has a shower chair) and can manage until someone helps her with her clothes.
Mom had planned on coming over last night to help her to bed, but she is busy as hell packing and trying to get all my dad's shit together so he can "play army" and leave for Kosovo at the end of the week. I told Gma that I'd be able to help her, but that I had wanted to be in bed by the nine to nine thirty mark because it was the one day I had this week where I'd actually be able to do that. So nine twenty five rolls around and she's in bed...I'm flipping the light off when her cell phone rings. FUCK. I continue with what I was doing and let the dog back in so that I can be in bed by my planned time for a change.
My cellphone rings shortly after and Gma tells me that George (my jackass deacon uncle who has his own concept of time) has decided that because he's going to his daughter's house (this bitchy spoiled chick) in South Carolina in the morning and will be there for a week he needed to cut the grass tonight. Gma actually agreed which pissed me off. She tells me that if it gets too loud and distracting to just put the covers over my head....REALLY LADY, REALLY?
It's nine forty five by this point, I send Jen the last text of the night, urging her to get some sleep for a change too when I hear it. THE LAWNMOWER--one of those industrial grade landscaping deals (because he couldnt just buy a simple John Deere)...he wanted one that sounds like it has a jet engine apparently. I dose off for a few minutes while he cut the opposite side of the house.
10:08 pm I hear the house phone ring, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS...(I'm sorry, I'm old school and don't believe in calling anyone after nine o'clock at night...you never know what they're doing)...I never answer Gma's phone because no one I know even has the number, I know it's not for me....(unless it's XM radio trying to get me to come back...they found the number via my address I suppose, because I don't even have Gma's number listed on my car loan application where they got my original information...I'm strictly a cell phone person and hell of my 450 anytime minutes, I might use 13 in a given month...) But I digress....
I close my eyes after tossing and turning a few times to fall asleep again, only to be woke up by the loud jet propelled lawn mower under my window...I get up, stomp over the light switch, flip it on....along with every other light I possibly can on my way to the bathroom....Pee since I was up anyway, stomp back to bed after turning lights off and try it one more time, cussing my uncle the most creative ways I possibly can. He's such a fuckhead with no concept of mowing etiquette. I wanted him to know I was up thats why I flipped on all the lights and did everything short of opening the blinds, tossing out the screen as I opened the window to hang out of it flipping him off and yelling obscenities into the night.
I mean just because they put lights on the front end of lawnmowers doesn't mean you HAVE to use them. Why is this such a hard concept to grasp? It's like just because my car comes with a lighter...I'm not required to use it. It's decoration. Ten Forty eight... and still awake....
Why do I even fucking try. The alarm goes off at five forty five, I get out of bed at six fifteen, grumpy, eyes swollen, and the thought of calling in in my mind....I officially do not like my uncle. (this time for a legitimate reason...--before the reason just included that he talked to fucking much, was annoying, has it in his head I'm going to hell for being gay, avoids touching his own brother...not my dad but my other uncle who is gay as if he's scared my uncle is contagious...) Most days I see him talking and I'm not listening...I'm looking through him and wishing I hadn't gotten rid of that 18" double ended dildo that was like a coke can in girth, lol....(it was scary) but made an excellent prop for when drinking at parties. I'd pull it out and if someone was annoying me I'd smack them in the face with it....I should invest in another one....hell seeing his face as he got smacked by a translucent hot pink monster cock would definitely be worth the investment. And if I'm going to hell anyway....why not.... haha.
On the upside...the grass is cut so I don't have to worry about not seeing a snake coming after me in the tall grass....I'M STILL PISSED HOWEVER.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
I survived....BARELY
This has nothing to do with this post, but Chino kitty really REALLY loves Crunch 'n munch. He is also a fan of doritos, cheetos, bacon, roast beef w/gravy, etc...he's a weirdo.
Tonight was my dad's surprise going away party. He and my mom fell asleep and were late, which was funny...but everything came together well. I told grandma to shut the hell up in the nicest way I possibly could. I told her that she was adding to the stress and confusion of everything and that I wasn't trying to be mean, but I was frazzled and while I realized that she was trying to help she was really adding to the confusion...she understood. This is a picture of my brother and I.
Jen and I on the back porch...that's soybeans behind us, I think...haha...
The fam...Mandi aka preggers/baby oven, mom, me, Jeffro, and Dad
Reason # 721 why I love my family...they are hilarious...Dad and Jeffrey strike a pose (and yes that is a "cape" on Jeff's back)
Me and Jen again...
Me and Mandi
Jen, Lil Man, and Me...(my mom's friend Abbie told lil man he'd get a dollar if he'd cooperate for the pic...this is the best pic he's ever taken, haha...and she paid up, lol)
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Call of the wild
I came home from work today and felt fairly decent. My boss had come to drop off the checks from the main office and I had a talk with her. She vented about things that were weighing on her...apologized and said, you know I don't know why I'm talking about all this right now...I'm like it's all good you needed to get it off your chest.
I told her I needed to "care" front her (it's my company's version of a confrontation, only in the gayest form imaginable.) So I mockingly tell her, "I need to CAREfront you." She openly says okay and braces herself. I tell her that since she moved to the main office she's started only speaking in company jargon. I told her that it kind of bothered me that I used to be able to vent to her my work concerns, get feedback and move on...lately it's been I vent my concerns and ask questions and get the cold, company issued jargon...not her mentoring, or her insight which I preferred.
She told me she appreciated me coming to her with this and admitted to self checking herself on the same topic...she didn't realize how much she used the company "buzz words"... we finished the talk, laughed, and moved on. Very cool--she told me a great deal that was going with her and I did the same. It's cool that I can talk to my boss. It's cool that she too is super gay (she has one of the best relationships I've ever been witness to and is always talking about how awesome her girlfriend is)...she's kind of my mentor in a lot of areas in general. I've learned a lot from her in the last almost year. But I digress.
I get home and go upstairs to snag a quick nap before my brothers birthday dinner. My sister wakes me up with a "surprise"...she was excited about what she and mom had found for me as a motivational gift, lol. I open it to find a lil purple hippo (I love hippos) holding a sign that says, "It's hard to be optimistic when even your "fat" pants are tight." LOL. This made me laugh. I thanked her and shut my eyes and tried the nap thing again. I woke up way later than intended. I thought everyone was going to be downstairs about 5:30 to eat dinner....It's almost 7:30 and no noise downstairs. Well dinner was canceled because my bro got called into work....mom and dad had gone off for some meeting....it was just me and grandma. I went and picked up dinner and ate with her....then back upstairs to work on homework.
Finished homework for the evening feeling confident of my contribution to the group project...back downstairs I go. Mom and dad are back. I go out on the deck to talk to mom, she needed to vent because grandma is stressing her out. I go inside and help grandma to bed (which I had told her I'd do prior to me knowing that mom was on the verge of smothering grandma in her sleep). With grandma in bed...back up the stairs for some me time.
I have a little bit extra time tonight since I snuck a nap earlier. I remember that my Netflix movies came in...Yay. What surprises are in stock for me this time? Last Chance Harvey....nah...Transporter 3....nah, not tonight....Girl Play OH YEAH....I put it in and realize that I've seen it before but I LOVE IT. It's a movie from 2004 that stars Dom DeLuise, Lacie Harmon, and Robin Greenspan and is just good stuff. I love Netflix because of their large Gay and Lesbian selection.
Some of my all time favorites from this genre include: Girl Play, Tipping the Velvet, Better than Chocolate, among many many others. Oh and Latter Days...for sure.
Anyway...things will start working out in whatever way they are meant to. One thing that I was able to voice to my boss today was something that she too was experiencing. It's where the smallest things are setting her/me off for no reason because we have so much stuff on our minds that we lash out over dumb shit. Wow, yeah I can relate.
But that's not the whole issue. Just because I'm stressed, tired, or whatever, doesn't meant that the things that I'm venting, or sharing, or lashing out about are because I am (insert adjective here)... I'm fed the fuck up with a lot of things and I'm tired of it being my fault when I do finally say them. I dunno, I'm sure that's grounds for another blog.
For now...I'm still angry, filled with angst, worried, overwhelmed, tired, fed the fuck up, irritated, empty, and just not ready to hash shit out or give a damn about much of anything. Most of all I don't want to spend the time I have trying to analyze and seek to understand, be accused of being the issue or even part of the problem, I'm not ready for that. I want to just not even acknowledge a lot of shit right now. I want things to be about me and how I feel as an individual. I want to really be heard. People listen, but am I actually heard.
I want to go out back and just yell into the darkness. I want to make the ears of all wilderness perk up and tilt their little heads. I want to be heard, but I'll be damn if I'm really ready to talk. Nope...definitely not ready.
Tired of it all...and still just not giving a shit right now.
A line from this movie just hit close to home. You see, people see forever in different terms. For me (like in the movie) "I can see forever,....minute by minute." I'm not the type of person that sees forever in the same way as the next person, it doesn't mean that I don't look into the future. It doesn't make me a bad person for looking at the future day to day, minute by minute, or even month to month. My way isn't necessarily the wrong way. Yep,, love this movie, give it four stars, two thumbs up and recommend it....
I told her I needed to "care" front her (it's my company's version of a confrontation, only in the gayest form imaginable.) So I mockingly tell her, "I need to CAREfront you." She openly says okay and braces herself. I tell her that since she moved to the main office she's started only speaking in company jargon. I told her that it kind of bothered me that I used to be able to vent to her my work concerns, get feedback and move on...lately it's been I vent my concerns and ask questions and get the cold, company issued jargon...not her mentoring, or her insight which I preferred.
She told me she appreciated me coming to her with this and admitted to self checking herself on the same topic...she didn't realize how much she used the company "buzz words"... we finished the talk, laughed, and moved on. Very cool--she told me a great deal that was going with her and I did the same. It's cool that I can talk to my boss. It's cool that she too is super gay (she has one of the best relationships I've ever been witness to and is always talking about how awesome her girlfriend is)...she's kind of my mentor in a lot of areas in general. I've learned a lot from her in the last almost year. But I digress.
I get home and go upstairs to snag a quick nap before my brothers birthday dinner. My sister wakes me up with a "surprise"...she was excited about what she and mom had found for me as a motivational gift, lol. I open it to find a lil purple hippo (I love hippos) holding a sign that says, "It's hard to be optimistic when even your "fat" pants are tight." LOL. This made me laugh. I thanked her and shut my eyes and tried the nap thing again. I woke up way later than intended. I thought everyone was going to be downstairs about 5:30 to eat dinner....It's almost 7:30 and no noise downstairs. Well dinner was canceled because my bro got called into work....mom and dad had gone off for some meeting....it was just me and grandma. I went and picked up dinner and ate with her....then back upstairs to work on homework.
Finished homework for the evening feeling confident of my contribution to the group project...back downstairs I go. Mom and dad are back. I go out on the deck to talk to mom, she needed to vent because grandma is stressing her out. I go inside and help grandma to bed (which I had told her I'd do prior to me knowing that mom was on the verge of smothering grandma in her sleep). With grandma in bed...back up the stairs for some me time.
I have a little bit extra time tonight since I snuck a nap earlier. I remember that my Netflix movies came in...Yay. What surprises are in stock for me this time? Last Chance Harvey....nah...Transporter 3....nah, not tonight....Girl Play OH YEAH....I put it in and realize that I've seen it before but I LOVE IT. It's a movie from 2004 that stars Dom DeLuise, Lacie Harmon, and Robin Greenspan and is just good stuff. I love Netflix because of their large Gay and Lesbian selection.
Some of my all time favorites from this genre include: Girl Play, Tipping the Velvet, Better than Chocolate, among many many others. Oh and Latter Days...for sure.
Anyway...things will start working out in whatever way they are meant to. One thing that I was able to voice to my boss today was something that she too was experiencing. It's where the smallest things are setting her/me off for no reason because we have so much stuff on our minds that we lash out over dumb shit. Wow, yeah I can relate.
But that's not the whole issue. Just because I'm stressed, tired, or whatever, doesn't meant that the things that I'm venting, or sharing, or lashing out about are because I am (insert adjective here)... I'm fed the fuck up with a lot of things and I'm tired of it being my fault when I do finally say them. I dunno, I'm sure that's grounds for another blog.
For now...I'm still angry, filled with angst, worried, overwhelmed, tired, fed the fuck up, irritated, empty, and just not ready to hash shit out or give a damn about much of anything. Most of all I don't want to spend the time I have trying to analyze and seek to understand, be accused of being the issue or even part of the problem, I'm not ready for that. I want to just not even acknowledge a lot of shit right now. I want things to be about me and how I feel as an individual. I want to really be heard. People listen, but am I actually heard.
I want to go out back and just yell into the darkness. I want to make the ears of all wilderness perk up and tilt their little heads. I want to be heard, but I'll be damn if I'm really ready to talk. Nope...definitely not ready.
Tired of it all...and still just not giving a shit right now.
A line from this movie just hit close to home. You see, people see forever in different terms. For me (like in the movie) "I can see forever,....minute by minute." I'm not the type of person that sees forever in the same way as the next person, it doesn't mean that I don't look into the future. It doesn't make me a bad person for looking at the future day to day, minute by minute, or even month to month. My way isn't necessarily the wrong way. Yep,, love this movie, give it four stars, two thumbs up and recommend it....
Hmm...
I'm thinking of asking for some time off tomorrow. Everything is catching up with me and while I don't have anything pressing that I need to do that would justify my wanting to take some time off...I want to take a nap. If I choose to miss a couple of hours (even if its my two and half hours of overtime I'm supposed to get a week...I'm okay with that).
I want to curl up in a ball and be a bum, watch movies and be totally unproductive. Maybe even move the tv into the bedroom and watch movies in there...I just like the thought of options right now. I'd like to stretch and sprall out and cuddle with Pepper Puppy and Chino Kitty....ID REALLY LIKE TO GO TO THE BEACH but that's not going to happen I don't think because mom and dad are going down there for there vacation starting this weekend and don't want to be disturbed....I don't blame them. The following weekend is dad's going away thing so that one's out...maybe the weekend after that I can sneak down there....it's definitely that time (I haven't been since my birthday at the end of May) because if I don't go then I'll have to put it off even longer because of my sister's baby shower as well as a ten page, fifteen page, and twenty page paper that will be due here in coming weeks. Lot's going on and me just aching for a change of scenery.
If I get my homework done early enough I'm going to clean the windows on Gmas house, perhaps even clean my car...then again I may do absofreakinglutely nothing and be completely okay with it.
I want to curl up in a ball and be a bum, watch movies and be totally unproductive. Maybe even move the tv into the bedroom and watch movies in there...I just like the thought of options right now. I'd like to stretch and sprall out and cuddle with Pepper Puppy and Chino Kitty....ID REALLY LIKE TO GO TO THE BEACH but that's not going to happen I don't think because mom and dad are going down there for there vacation starting this weekend and don't want to be disturbed....I don't blame them. The following weekend is dad's going away thing so that one's out...maybe the weekend after that I can sneak down there....it's definitely that time (I haven't been since my birthday at the end of May) because if I don't go then I'll have to put it off even longer because of my sister's baby shower as well as a ten page, fifteen page, and twenty page paper that will be due here in coming weeks. Lot's going on and me just aching for a change of scenery.
If I get my homework done early enough I'm going to clean the windows on Gmas house, perhaps even clean my car...then again I may do absofreakinglutely nothing and be completely okay with it.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
draggin' ass
I am so effin' tired right now it's not even funny. I'm glad I got a lot accomplished last night, but I stayed up way later than I should have two nights in a row and had to get up super early the following mornings.
Today I can't go home and nap--I need to clean Gma's part of the house (2 months worth of cobwebs down at her end of the house, a space that's just hers), clean all of the bathrooms, again, none of which I use, but I just gross from basically just chillin'...I just have to retouch the kitchen since thats been cleaned and recleaned since her accident...I do use that room.
Id like to make her a cake...maybe something from scratch, but I also have two finals that still need to be done, so I have to decide whether to bake and clean and go to bed early or spend another day (tomorrow) struggling from the lack of sleep catching up with me.
Ridiculous. I just wanna go curl up and take a nap.
Today I can't go home and nap--I need to clean Gma's part of the house (2 months worth of cobwebs down at her end of the house, a space that's just hers), clean all of the bathrooms, again, none of which I use, but I just gross from basically just chillin'...I just have to retouch the kitchen since thats been cleaned and recleaned since her accident...I do use that room.
Id like to make her a cake...maybe something from scratch, but I also have two finals that still need to be done, so I have to decide whether to bake and clean and go to bed early or spend another day (tomorrow) struggling from the lack of sleep catching up with me.
Ridiculous. I just wanna go curl up and take a nap.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
jealous
I'm so jealous of Jen right now. I had to leave and come to work this morning--overly tired, drained, sinus issues, and all....while she laid there, curled up in the comforter next to Pepper Puppy...kind of bums me out.
I want to get paid to sleep, lol. No really I'm not even kidding. I took a Sudafed before work so that I could breathe without snot running everywhere and the sneezing and what not taking over my day....now I'm just even more tired. Dammit.
I want to go to bed and curl up in the down comforter and just disappear for a few days.
I am going to go to sleep when I get off work. I'm going to start with a nap and let my sister use my computer while doing that so she will have peace and quiet (away from moms house where all the fam is plus some out of town fam as well) and then I'm going to wake up, take some more sinus medicine and go to sleep for the night. I'm so not kidding, I have no intentions of doing anything other than sleeping and being a lazy bum today. I even told grandma I probably wouldnt be by to see her today....
I feel like tired ass. Lol. Is it four o'clock yet?
I want to get paid to sleep, lol. No really I'm not even kidding. I took a Sudafed before work so that I could breathe without snot running everywhere and the sneezing and what not taking over my day....now I'm just even more tired. Dammit.
I want to go to bed and curl up in the down comforter and just disappear for a few days.
I am going to go to sleep when I get off work. I'm going to start with a nap and let my sister use my computer while doing that so she will have peace and quiet (away from moms house where all the fam is plus some out of town fam as well) and then I'm going to wake up, take some more sinus medicine and go to sleep for the night. I'm so not kidding, I have no intentions of doing anything other than sleeping and being a lazy bum today. I even told grandma I probably wouldnt be by to see her today....
I feel like tired ass. Lol. Is it four o'clock yet?
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