Strange

It's strange to me being so completely in love.

Relationships I've been in in the past I used to hope and pray for some opportunity to come about so that I could have a break from the other person. I wanted them to go out of town for work, go and see their family, ANYTHING and everything just to leave me the hell alone sometimes and give me my space.

I am experiencing for the first time something new. When Jen told me she had to go out of town for a work convention I didn't think much of it. I figured I'd be too busy to notice or I'd just do some me things and keep it moving with no second thought. What I'm finding instead is that I feel like a piece of me is missing.

I don't like admitting shit like that because that means that I'm vulnerable and that her love has some type of power over me which in the long run would mean that she in a way renders me powerless, no matter how much control I want tend to "pretend to have". (what it boils down to is I'm a control freak. I like to think that I'm in control of my emotions and my surroundings and my life and admitting things like this just prove even more that I'm by no means in control of much of anything).

In this situation it's okay. I'm okay with this feeling. I like being a "bitch" to her love. Lol. But seriously, I need Saturday to hurry up and get here. I just want to hug her and hold her and curl up with her and be in her arms. I can't talk openly with her on the phone right now because I don't want to upset her in between her meetings or have her worrying about me. It's one thing for me to just miss her and want to be selfish with her time, but I'm not willing to have her not enjoy herself while she's gone. I mean it's Vegas for shit's sake. Suck it up and be a big girl Tommy, she'll be back soon.