Monday Blahs

Okay so a little bit of background about me...well I have a hormone imbalance that is so serious that I actually spent like seven or eight years being missed diagnosed as being bipolar. Well my issue is partly related to PCOS (google it if you don't know what it is) which to me means nothing more than weight gain, mutant hair follicles and feeling like beast from the x-men, irregular periods and mood swings.

So anyway I had been seeing a new doctor and was taking this medication that they actually give diabetics to manage sugar levels because apparently by keeping my insulin levels in check it causes that pancreas to realease something and something else to release something else which essentially means Zen inside of my body. Well great, grand, wonderful, no screaming on the bus... problem... I refer to the pills as bulemia pills... for the first two weeks of taking them I threw up all the time, they tore my stomach to pieces...then all the other times I was in the bathroom because of bubble guts...kind of makes for a "I'm scared to leave the house because I don't want to shit myself" lifestyle... no fun.

I had a follow up with the doctor and explained that I had noticed a change in my moods (in that they were much more balanced since I started taking this among other things, but the stomach discomfort had to go.) He gave me a sample of a new medicine, same stuff but extended release so I'd take one pill rather than two in a day...well I priced it and since its a newer one my insurance isn't going to pay nearly what I need it to, so I stopped taking the shit altogether. (Tuesday night was my last one)....here it is Monday and I had to just suck it up and take one of the bulemia pills (not throwing up as often, but still going to call them that because it's more appealing than what I could call them)... I left a message for the doctor to call me because the other shit is too expensive and I need to know if there is anything else or I'll just deal with always having bubble guts ... because I'm a fucking crazy person again.

Thursday I was fine, Friday I started getting irritated at nothing...Saturday I threw a tantrum and pouted and wanted to cry way more than normal, Sunday I was just tired and wiped out... Today I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for nine hours only taking breaks to cry. NOT COOL.

The shit I put my girlfriend through is ridiculous... I'm tired all the time, rundown, never wanna do anything but sleep and it took everything in me to keep going this weekend to try and give her the best birthday ever...

It's not supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to be a "fatty" with a beard for the love of pete...

To top it off I can't figure out what I want to do with my hair and it looks shitty right now. I colored it red last night, didn't like it so I splashed on some dark brown on top...so now its reddish brown...I think I'm going to bleach it again tonight and start from scratch... I can't do my makeup to make myself pretty even if I had the energy because my color pallette doesn't exactly go with a lobster skin tone, damn sun burn, lol. I'm having a case of the Monday blahs...I'm tired, insecure, having some low self esteem issues and I can't snap out of it... I just don't have the energy :(

And the new bitch at work is all extra perky (to the point that I had to call her on it and tell her to back the fuck off and leave me alone...) PLEASE DOC CALL ME BACK!!! Preferably before I snap and just start telling fuckers at work to blow me and what not...

Let me find some work to do before I get my ass fired...

BLAH

Maybe I'll color my hair purple and just say fuck it. I'd be okay with that.