Jen and I made it official in Washington, D.C. on December 31, 2012. Sure, we live in Virginia so our union isn't recognized as a marriage or anything for that matter and well, no we can't claim anything other than Single on our taxes for state or Federal for that matter... and yes it's true--if I were to be put on life support, she couldn't make any decisions for me or speak for me on my behalf.
But despite all of the things that my "same-sex" marriage doesn't allow for, Jen and my relationship and love for each other makes up for anything lacking. Do we want to be equals with the hetero world, absolutely... Do we want to be recognized as a regular married couple, absolutely... Do we want to be treated like we have the plague when we go to school on the same night for school functions to support our 9 year old--um, hell no.
Jen and I are just regular people, in our world anyway. We are a family. The only difference is that where the "norm" (as overrated as it may be) is for there to be a mom, dad, kids, etc...ours has two moms, a son, two dogs, a hermit crab, etc
We ran into a situation a couple months back where lil man had a friend over to spend the night. Usually, this kid is good, plays well with lil man and what not, but this time I overheard them playing and lil man's friend said something was gay. I asked him what he said and he repeated it as if nothing was wrong--but first off kid you are 9 and second of all where do you get off using gay as an adjective--what do you know? He had overheard it in the Tony Hawk cartoon movie I had bought lil man--one that I didn't think I was going to need to prescreen, but turned out otherwise. I had to nip that in the bud right there and explain that there is nothing wrong with being gay and that it shouldn't be used in a negative context. (though I said it more on a 9 year old's level)
Lil man tripped over the dog on the back porch and hollered SON OF A and then screeched to a halt when he saw me standing at the foot of the deck steps. The moral of the story is that I know he's going to pick things up (I say son of a --normally stop before the bitch part comes out but not always) and he sees TV hears things at school etc... What's important to me is that he doesn't get to the point in his life where because of what some kids at school may say about having two mom's he feels like an outcast or like having two moms is wrong.
Lil man's father is morman. So when lil man is visiting his dad he has to spend like all day Sunday in church, he's not allowed caffeine, etc...when he's with his mother and me (which is like 302 days a year) he has the option of going to church and we let him decide what kind he wants to go to--I feel like he should be exposed to as many different things as possible so that he not only grows up a little more well rounded, but so that he can respect the fact that people are different and that's what makes the world great. A lot of times lil man will opt to just stay in pajamas and have "family time" where we all kind of just veg and watch movies, break for alone time, and then go back to family stuff... it works for us...
Does everyone agree with this, no... but do I lose sleep over it, absolutely not. For now lil man loves having two moms. He likes the reaction he gets from kids in his class when he talks about his mom and his mommy, and how it makes him stand out and get attention because so far he's been the only one to have that in his classes thus far (a perk to living in the country I suppose, he gets extra attention and stands out)... there will be a point that some kids parent is going to not let there kid come over and play because of the fact he has two moms and part of me dreads that day.
He loves that he gets so much attention from his moms and that he doesn't have to fight to be in the spotlight. Jen and I got married while he was visiting his dad for Christmas break--we knew that he wanted to be there for it, but we eloped and opted for a simple deal focused more on the making it official part than the ceremony itself... so he was okay with it in the long run, but when he found out--the first thing he asked me was, "Ya'll aren't going to have anymore kids now that you're married are you?" I just smiled and said, "EWWWWWW. I don't even like little kids" to which he laughed, gave me a hug and ran up to his room to play for a bit.
He still hasn't outgrown the stage where when we all go to the store or something he stands in the middle of Jen and I and holds both of our hands... I cherish those little things and it does scare me to think about what will happen in all of our futures if the world doesn't become a little more open minded of a place.
Jen and I are wife and wife now and we are lucky to after over four years together be able to say we have a great family, not only in our home, but extended as well. It took Jen's family a little more to get used to the idea that she was gay and she'll never be quite as open as I am (unless she's hanging out with my family and well then she always surprises me with some of the stuff she says, but she knows it's acceptable because my parents, sister, and brother, etc all say what's on our mind and very seldom do we filter it for anyone...)
I didn't know what married life would feel like but I knew it was going to be great. In truth, it's no different overall--except for the smile that comes across Jen's face when I refer to her with a mocking "wifey" or vice versa.
I'm one of those people that wants everyone to know I'm gay...Jen is more reserved and feels like it's not everyone's business--but more than I want people to know that I'm gay--I want people to know that I'm in love with a wonderful woman and that we have a great family. That at the end of the day is what matters. Not what anyone calls it, not how anyone feels about it, just the fact that my family is great and is just like yours, only maybe a little bit better, lol.
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