intentions

I'm feeling that repetitive thing that happens from time to time. You know where you're stuck on repeat and can't skip to the next track.

Step 1: Wake up
Step 2: Take Pill
Step 3: Pee
4: Take Pepper to Pee
5: Get dressed
6: Brush teeth
7: Wet hair
8: Wash Face
9: Consider putting product in hair...
10: Kiss Jen good bye (she's still sleeping)
11: Make sure Pepper has water
12: Head to work
13: Work for 9 to 12 hours depending on how many hours I need to make up
14: Come home
(Depending on the night of the week)
15: Help lil man with homework
OR
15: Cook Dinner
16: Clean Kitchen
17: Sometimes some laundry
18: Sometimes my times to makes sure lil man gets a bath
19: When lil man crashes then I grab a shower
20. TV time or computer time
21. Most of the time I'm ready to crash by now... Jen and I talk and hang out together
22. Take more pills
23. Bed
24. Repeat

(obviously there are a lot more take pepper to pee/poop trips that are just implied here)

Today my intentions are to do something different. I'm tired of feeling like I'm repeat. I'm tired of worrying all the time about things that are out of my control. I ordered some new books from amazon... they came yesterday... I'm going to grab my fabulous cantaloupe colored plastic adirondack chair from bed bath and beyond that I both about a month ago when my amended tax return check came and go sit outside with pepper in the 94 degree weather and just read. I don't care if I get bit by mosquitos... I have Off for that... I just want to unwind, clear my head and read. I never seem to take time for me anymore.  Then I'm going to have dinner with my family and go about my normal repetitive day, and I'll be fine with that.

My normal saying is, It is what it is. I had never heard the rest of that statement until yesterday when I was on the phone with Jen's mom. She informed me that, "It is what it is, until you make something of it." I'm not sure who said it originally, but it totally puts a new spin on things you know...

FYI, I gave Pepper her first clipper cut the other day... Jen keeps calling her Beetlejuice because she has a big body and little head, but really she looks more like a lab than before... where she just had lab traits, shes cute either way and just did a wonderful job... I was impressed.

My intentions are also to work on revamping my resume and getting it out there. Now that Jen isn't happy in her working world.. there's nothing saying we can't start over wherever we want. I just have to find something that is going to pay for relocation. And a salary large enough to keep us afloat to get us out wherever and buy us enough time until she can find a job of her own, unless its a phenomenal job in which case she can stay at home and do the cooking and cleaning and work part time if she wants to and be there to put lil man on and off the bus from now until he can drive himself.  Who knows.

But with a "it is what it is, until you make something of it" mentality, I'm damn tired of not making something of it... you know. My intentions are good, I just have to follow through with them. And quit this cookie cutter day bullshit.

I'm also going to try and quit talking about what I'd like to see happen because she just seems to be falling through way to much lately, fuck it.