Anniversary Weekend Picture Highlights (Day 1)

 

Getting ready in the morning, I was attacked by lil man and pepper...ha

We made it down to Salvo, NC (on Hatteras Island) Friday night about 8 or 9.... We unwound and got ready for bed...watched a couple of movies and just relaxed.  It was friggin' freezing.  Saturday morning we woke up, took our time getting ready and decided to take a trip to Ocracoke, NC (which requires a 40 min ferry ride) and what not... We were off... Jen, lil man, Mandi, the baby, and myself... I was excited.

I didn't realize that Jen had never been on a ferry ride and when I looked at her and gasped, "REALLY?!?!?" She was quick to remind me that they had no real need for ferries where she was from, since it was all mountains and all...Oh yeah...my bad... so this made me even more stoked to share with her and lil man.

 

 Jen was lookin' fierce as always...

 

These are lil cottages you can rent... they are on a little side street called Eagle Pass right before you get to the ferry to go to Ocracoke...they always make me smile :)

 

This one was lil man's favorite... I might have to check out renting one of these someday, when I have money of course.

 
 

On the ferry... lil man was loving it... Jen loved it too overall, but the waves made her head hurt after a while :(

 
 

I love this picture.  The weather was beautiful, mid 70s that day and just sunny and awesome... I was happy to see how both Jen and lil man really dug the ferry experience.

 
 

The fam, lol... I'm glad Mandi went too... she had a good time with us, but was also cool enough to play photographer so I have some pics with all three of us instead of all of them just one or the other

 
 

Really Jen?, lol

 

HEEEEEYYYYY!!!

 

He said he could see our house, and the zoo, and some giraffes, and a shark (I didn't have any quarters for him to see anything, but hey, at least we know his imagination works :)

 
 

The water from behind he ferry

 
 

Can we discuss the fact that Lil man is straight chillin' in this pic, ha

 
 

Tell me those two aren't having a blast...

 
 

Ferry ride back...

 

I love this picture

 
 

We've decided that these ladies are lesbians, for the simple fact that I think it'd be a cool lesbo job to have :) This was a ferry that was docking next to us while we were getting ready to go

 
 

Two guesses as to who had the time of his life :O)

 

It cracks Jen up to hear me say Chicamacomico (Chica- mah- com-eeh-co) 

 
 

I love this picture as well...damn I'm good, ha

 
 

Day one draws to a close...

We all ate at Howard's Pub on Ocracoke Island, I love their burgers, Jen fell in love with the fries... When we got back to the beach house, lil man decided that he wanted to stay with  my mom ... so Jen and I took the opportunity from some alone time and for our anniversary dinner we went to Lisa's Pizzaria (sounds classy huh)...I can't help it, Jen is now hooked on their Fried Broccoli... it was her pick :) It was a great day. We talked and held hands and laughed and smiled, and cuddled (though ended up having to sleep in separate beds because the old school mattress dumped her in the crack next to the wall everytime I moved (and I'm a tosser and turner)... ha, plus Pepper is a bed hog.

While we were in Ocracoke earlier in the day, I finally found the shop that I had been to years before that had a lil silver pelican charm that I wanted... Jen bought it for me which I thought was AWESOME... it was meant to be, me and that pelican... now I just have to get a chain.

Jen asked me what the deal with me and pelican was and I explained to her while we were sitting on the beach the following the day that I just love how they are graceful and elegant when in the air... but how when they land or attempt to catch a fish in the water are often the most uncoordinated, clumsy, hot mess you've ever seen... simply put--I can relate :)  She laughed and said she could understand how I saw the correlation :) hehe.

I'm so in love with this woman.  It's amazing to me how even when we stay at the beach with my mom, aunt, uncle, sister, and neice, plus four dogs, we can still manage to have a great time and feel at ease, and not want to leave at the end of the weekend.  I'm lucky to have had this getaway my whole life (it used to be grandma's and now it's my parents...) it's not fancy or elaborate, one story and two bedrooms, quaint... but its ours... and I'm lucky to have jen to share it with.  I love how she has fallen in love with the things that I myself have enjoyed for as long as I can remember... to think... before me, she had never even truly seen the ocean :) Now she's a beach bum addict like me :)

More photos to come.

The Weekend

The following is a summary of my weekend:

I drank on Friday night...

 

With my friend Julie...

 

Dogsat my nephew Shadow:

 

Carved a pumpkin with Jen and lil man...Lil man told me what he wanted it to look like, I drew it... Jen cut... 

She has great hands, wink wink...

 

  

Mr. Pumpkinhead

  

Jen and Lil man

  

Yeah...we are laying on the kitchen floor...Don't judge us...lil man was getting all Olan Mills and shit telling us how to pose and lay and what not, it was cute--he didn't do half bad.

 

We headed outside for some good ol' fashioned fall fun...

 

  

  

  

  

  

Pepper dug up mom's flower bed...

 

I love this pic of lil man latched on to Jen's feet, lol... You can tell he was having the time of his life...

It was a damn good day and damn good weekend.

I heart fall.

 

The end.

Three down

Dancing with the stars is a guilty pleasure of mine.  So is Wipeout...the big balls crack me up every time. I don't stress if I miss an episode of anything...I'm rooting for Kelly Osbourne just because I like her...lol.  Top Chef Las Vegas is also a fave of mine...the gays are dropping like flys...gonna need to step it up.

Chino is licking my head raw.  I'm finally back at home....peace and quiet, no grandma until Thursday night (which Translates into Friday because I'll be at Jen's watching lil man Thursday night.)  Chino kitty is happy to see me to say the least... he likes to groom me, which is weird and it hurts..his tongue is brutal on my scalp... but anyway...

Mom, aunt melissa, mandi and the baby are home now...I just got the phone call YAY...

I went to my weight watchers meeting tonight.  I'm stoked and excited about this venture still...and HELLO...I dropped 3.2 pounds since my nervous break down at the doctor's office on Wednesday....FUCK YEAH :) SCORE.

I just got a couple of emails from my bosses boss...(the big boss) he has invited me to two different functions, to make up for the forgetting to invite me to everything else... which I appreciate but don't feel the need to participate because I didn't have a hand in the recognition that they are celebrating.  His wife is going to cook dinner next wednesday for me (if i go), my boss, and one of the recruiters ... I'm going to decline I think for the simple fact that I don't want to seem rude for not eating something that she makes because of counting points... Its not like going to a restaraunt or a close personal friends house (one who would understand...) I dunno...just weird.

The other event is a free happy hour event....company paid booze...now that one I might go for...lol... something about free beer and Va Tech football and I'm not there.... I can keep myself amused with alcohol while the game is on, ha.  In December is the Christmas party.  It's in Norfolk so if I still work there then, I'm going to get Jen and I a room so we can both get sloppy drunk and have dirty kinky sex without the chance of a dui, yay responsibility.

I clench my jaw when I sleep and grind my teeth.... I wake up with my jaws just a hurtin.  Well this morning when I woke up I had broken a tooth in my sleep from my normal clenching.  That makes the second one.  I go to the dentist later this week for a cleaning and so they can look at the damage and get it fixed.

I finally paid the balance on my school account...no more money going to them anytime soon. I've essentially been financially and academically ass raped... but I get a piece of paper to make up for it... the proverbial bandaid I suppose.

Pepper is happy to be home on her own... she plays well with others, but definitely likes one on one time with me in her own territory.  She and Chino Kitty did a lil happy dance when they saw each other... my kids are great.

Speaking of the kids, lil man said something that made me so proud.  Jen called so that they could tell me that he was playing with his transformer blaster thing I found him at the thrift store and he looked over to his Kung Fu Panda and handed it to her, saying, "Mom, I wanna give this to the thrift store so someone else can have it." He said the same thing about one of his bakugan toy... I'm stoked to see that he's putting two and two together and learning about donating stuff so early... he totally wanted someone else to have a cool toy like the one he got from the thrift store.... I could just pinch his cheeks right now... and Jen's too since she's raising such a good kid...

It kills me that Chuck Lidell from UFC is dancing this season....

Blueberries and Cuddle bugs

It's been a decent weekend. I enjoyed myself. Grandma made it to Holden Beach safely.  I'm going to hell because I let her tell me via voicemail rather than actually answering my phone when it rang.  I know I know... but just the sound of her voice often sends me over the edge.  I didn't want to fuck up a perfectly good Saturday.

I got to sleep in and relax the first part of the day. Then, I picked up lil man and took him to the library.  After checking out numerous books about dinosaurs we were walking out and he proclaims, "Tommy, That place is AWESOME...."  I had to smile.  We rented some movies and then I unveiled a few toys that I had found for him at my favorite thrift store (the DAV where all the proceeds go to the Disabled American Veterans...) Retail therapy for a good cause works for me anytime :) I had found him a leap frog computer thing for three bucks to help him with his ABCs, it only needed batteries--SCORE!!!

I also found an 18 wheeler whose trailer held about sixty hot wheels, thirty or so on each side...again, only about four bucks....SWEET...but the winner was the transformer robot arm I found for him.  A normally forty dollar toy, where your hands slides inside and one way it looks like a jet, then you pull this little handle and it transforms into a robot arm with rocket launchers or blasters or something, pretty bad ass and a score for THREE DOLLARS!!! He was stoked.  He was like where did you get it and I told a thrift store and he was like OH MY GOD I LOVE THRIFT STORES, LOL.

Today, Jen and I got up and got lil man ready and went to her sister theatre in Norfolk to see a double feature of Toy Story and Toy Story 2 in 3D...in truth my first real 3D experience.  It's not the kind these days with the red and blue glasses....this is like high tech shit.  So much that with the sugar I decided to splurge the majority of my points on today (yeah right, I opted to take the repercussions and not really count points today but I didn't go too crazy but I digress)...the movie in 3D ended up giving me motion sickness and I had to sprint to the bathroom...luckily i made it...though who's a fan of puking in public.  Dreadful. Overall a good time, despite getting sick---I enjoyed an afternoon with Jen and lil man which always rocks.

On the way back home we went to a thrift store that I don't go to often because of how far out it is.  Lil man found a few bakugan toys for a buck or so a piece so he's really learning early that Thrift stores are great places :) He knows that I'm not made out of money nor his is mom ...so it's good to be able to spoil him on a budget haha.  I did make sure to explain to him that if he got in trouble for not listening whether on the bus or at school or at his mom's house that I would be taking all of the toys away... he knows I mean biznazz... He's not a bad kid...just a boy. lol.

The best part is how we pull up in the parking lot and he announces he has to pee.  Of course after we asked him if he needed to go before we left the theatre and he said no.  I knew we weren't going to make it find a bathroom so I told Jen to let him go right there in the parking lot with us forming a barrier and prevent our arrest... Well I didn't know that he had to go so bad that the stream would be immediate....it shot out at knee level with extreme force....FUCK...I tried to turn him in the right direction and got hit in the ankle with piss...Jen got hit across the bottom of her jeans, which made me laugh hysterically and in the process of trying to get him situated he peed on the inside of my mom's versa...which Jen and I had borrowed for a change of vehicles, lol...what can i say we are easily amused.  I think I've created a monster...I remember the first weekend I spent with lil man by myself...I let him pee outside... I guess because deep down I've always wanted to be able to pee standing up wherever I was... yes my name is Tommy and I have penis envy... heh.

Well I decided after Jen and lil man left to clean the entire downstairs of my mom's house including doing everyone's laundry...they are coming home from Kentucky tomorrow night... I've decided to remind my mom that I'm her favorite...HAHA. No, seriously, I just wanted to help them out and make it where it's one less thing they have to worry about.  Plus I'm going to use them this week to help me with Pepper...since I watched dogs for them this past week.  All part of my master plan. ;)

I heart blueberry lager...YAY Wild Blue.  Freaking awesome.  Good weekend. Good times.

Work and other worthless thoughts

Yesterday (Thursday) was an all around awful day for me.  I had completed the last of all my required assignments late Wednesday night and expected to wake feeling over joyed at the accomplishment of technically finishing school and all associated with it.  But, alas, it felt like a regular day.  No fireworks, no applause, nothing out of the ordinary, just a regular day--I was okay with that.  After submitting my last assignment I emailed the school a copy of the form that I needed to fill out: Request for verification or something like that. 

Basically, they check my financial standing and my grades and give me a yay or nay response, which will be emailed to me in 10-14 business days.  Once approved, I will then be billed the $125 evaluation fee (translation, another way for them to bleed me dry, as if the over 50 grand in student loans I've accumulated over the years, and $400 minimum for text books every 11 weeks for the last two years wasn't enough)...

I missed the deadline for the graduation ceremony, which is okay because I had already announced I wasn't going to walk.  What I am going to do is borrow my sister's cap and gown from her graduation last May...(including tassle), put on my honor's cord that I received for good grades and pose for "fake" grad pictures.  Then, Mom and Mandi are going to hum the graduation march song and I'm going to walk my big ass to the fridge for a nice ice cold beer :) Now that's a plan, lol.  It's not that I'm not excited about graduating, because, trust and believe I'm ecstatic to be finished, but it's not official until I get that yay or nay email...so I'll put off my WOOHOOs until then.

Back to the point...yesterday sucked.  I feel more and more like a babysitter at my job than a supervisor.  I'm a broken record, repeating myself all damn day long because no one fucking listens.  Firing people for no call no shows, writing people up and coaching them for not maintaining the expected performance/production standards, or accuracy issue, attendance issues, etc...gets rather repetitive.  I'm tired of having a job where at the end of the day I don't fee like I've accomplished anything.  I have no impact in my opinion on any aspect.  I can't impact the operations of the client, because they are the client, and I'm just some peon that doesn't know anything...(apparently) and within my own organization I'm trapped and have no impact because I'm just a contractor as opposed to being internal.  I've been here thirteen and a half months and very little I was promised has actually occurred. 

There is this job that I would really like to have.  It's the same basic principles but focuses less on supervising and more on training and implementation, still focusing on safety...I didnt get the nickname Five-O for not being on top of my safety game. (Hey so and so, where's your seatbelt?, Hey dude, this isn't Nascar, slow your roll...etc) This position is open until filled, the pay range is $15000-25000 more than I make now, which granted isn't much at all...is only 12 miles from my house (my job now is only 5 miles away) and is a city/state job which means that I'd be a state employee, with kick ass benefits, paid holidays and sick time, and tuition reimbursement (for when I'm ready to go with my masters)... I just have to pencil in time to update my resume and apply. It's kind of fucked up though...all this schooling and emphasis in business writing and my resume sucks ass....

My boss came to the facility yesterday. She had interviews lined up...more people for me to potentially train, fire, or have quit or just stop showing up in the same week.  I'm saying this all wrong.  I had to sit down and figure if Im the reason this is happening, but even the client company is running into a slew of no call no shoes or people just up and quitting....I'm just not passionate about my role here anymore.  I'm not a die hard person like my boss, who stuck it out doing what I'm doing for 18 months before getting a gig at the main office...(still overseeing me and the account, but with a lot of extra responsibility like recruiting)... I'm not recruiter material.  I don't believe in this client enough to try and get people to work here...sounds horrible huh, but it's the truth....

There is never any negative feedback from the client supervisor/managers to my boss and my bosses boss...but I'm tired of feeling like I'm on a deserted island and invisible.  I need a change.

My boss is still great as a person, it's just that I'm burned out in my position that I'm becoming bitter and that's affecting the way I see a lot of things, work in general, my boss and the way she does things, etc.  I have to type of a list of issues that I'm having with the client supervisors/managers to email her, she'll add to it and send it to her boss and he'll have a meeting with the head honchos for the client next week to try and correct the issues. 

I'm generally non-confrontational... I'd assume play nice and then bitch about the problems later rather than stir shit up right then... mainly because I know it's pointless...That's about to change.

When I leave here in the afternoons is more of a sense of relief than accomplishment...I smoked a cigarette, from my emergency pack (going on three weeks old at this point now I think)....to come down, to relax and center myself....I hate smelling like smoke, but dammit sometimes that "prozac on a stick" is the good shit. 

Since it was Thursday I headed to Jen's house to watch lil man for her... he was whiney which tends to stress me out, but he didn't feel good so I did my best to not get irritated...it wasn't his fault.  I had just had a crappy day, snapped at Jen via text, which I quickly apologized for since it wasn't my intention...and now was trying to snap out of the foul mood I was in. 

Lil man and I built our own pizzas and did his homework...he showered and got into bed on time.  I was attempting to blog and had just got out of the shower myself when he woke up and announced he had to pee.  I was conducting a test run with leaving Pepper with Grandma overnight...(something I've decided I wont' do ever again because she creates reasons to call me when I'm not at home...it gets old.  This morning I had three missed calls from her....The first one was to see if I was home because she heard the dog barking and wanted to know if she needed to get up and let her out....the second was to let me know the dog was outside and the third to verify which bag had dog food in it....(Gee grandma, I dunno, maybe it's the one that says PEDIGREE in like 375 font and has the dog on it)...she then tells me about how the water is looking low...(Grandma, it's 615 in the fucking morning, the dog is not going to drink the remainder of her 5 gallon waterer before I get home this afternoon....when it's low, there is still a gallon in there....for fucks sake lady)...all stuff she knows, but she plays dumb to have reasons to talk to me when I'm not around because she's lonely... how is she going to be when I move out... i'm going to have to change my telephone number for real.

As always, I digress...back to Thursday night with lil man: So he gets up and says he needs to pee, pees, then comes into Jen's room where I was blogging and watching tv putting off much needed sleep and starts crying because he doesn't feel well... I have him come over to me and cuddle with him at which time I realized he was radiating heat and quickly regretted the cuddling portion because it made me start to sweat....he was in and out of crying bouts and sleep when I called Jen, who was on her way home by this point and asked if she had any kids tylenol because I thought lil man had a fever... She didnt so she detoured to get some....She gets home and within three minutes of her being there, he sits up on her bed to get ready to take some medicine when he starts puking all over the bed....Poor guy.  I hop up as quick as possible because anyone who has heard the sound of a kid puking knows they aren't safe and it could end up anywhere....

This awful smell filled the air and Jen had to catch her breath to keep from vomiting herself....he got off the bed and I walked carrying a washcloth in front of his face catching as much vomit as I could...though the majority I think got on my hand and started running down my arm...Jen helped him in the bathroom, I washed my hands and peeled the sheets, mattress cover, and comforter off the bed...he had managed to saturate all three with puke...fun.  The smell was not pleasant by any means and I was thankful that I don't have a weak stomach.

I walk past Jen with the pile of sheets and comforter and hear her request that I get as much of the chunks out before washing it.... wow this just gets grosser and grosser... (I flashed back to last week when I had butt wiping detail and this week where I'm touching vomit with my bare hand and adding harassing her about this later to my mental to do list)... What fun.

He just had sour stomach and a head ache it seemed... all of a sudden he has tons of energy post shower.... everything short of running laps and telling his mom about the words he had written during homework.  Jen looks at me and says babe, you should be asleep, if you need to go home, I understand.... I stayed... I wasn't sure that I'd be able to keep my eyes open long enough to drive home... so no need to risk it.  I was overly tired and didn't sleep well... at 1:30 this morning I woke up to Jen tossing sheets on me...the comforter still wasn't dry, so the two of us had been sharing a throw blanket (which I'm sure I hogged the majority of being as I like sleeping in the fetal position with everything but my head covered, blankets up to my neck and strategically tucked and one foot poked out, but not uncovered allowing air to circulate...) I made comment about how I was going to be hating life tomorrow.... Jen said, "just don't hate my son..." Like I could do that...I threw her a weird look and passed out.

Five thirty rolled around rather quickly and up and motivated I was.  Out the door in time to make a run to Chic fil-a for a chicken egg and cheese biscuit (I had planned this while still at work on Thursday and was determined to stick to the plan... plus some coworkers had already made requests for what they wanted.)...

Then work, more drama, more No call no shows, more resignations without notice...etc...fun

I was going to go see a movie tonight since it's been weeks since the last one I've seen....but I'm thinking a nap curled up with Chino and Pepper trumps this desire....and perhaps clean the upstairs tonight since I have to do grandmas part of the house tomorrow.  I was going to take Jen and lil man to the Isle of Wight Co. Fair but think I'll wait a month and take them to the Suffolk Peanut Fest instead....Though, I think Clarence Carter, the guy that sings "strokin" is supposed to perform at the Isle of Wight Fair tonight....I dunno...not that eager right now, maybe after some sleep sometime this weekend we'll stroll that way on Sunday, for now rest is in the lead for things to do.

Oh yeah...that's the spot

While at mom's house last night, lil man asked Jen to scratch his back.  she lifts up his shirt to scratch directly on his back--she hit's the spot that was itchin' and he loudly says, "Oh yeah right there, right there, don't stop, oh yeah right there that's the spot" type of thing... Jen and I look at each other... she smiles, put her hand on her hip, tilted  her head...and informs me that aside from bursting her ear drums some evenings, I may be loud enough to wake lil man out of a dead sleep... (total coincidence in my opinion, that kid sleeps through most anything and across the hall, lol)

I hang my head in shame, but what does she want me to do...she always finds the right spot(s)--its not my fault those spots are directly connected to my vocal chords.  Guess I'll have to keep it down in the future...

Totem pole

So I broke down on Saturday night.  I was overwhelmed with school work and beating myself up for procrastinating soooo long.  I don't even say things like, "Uh, that sucked, I'll ever put things off again..." Because I know it's complete and total bullshit....no need to pretend otherwise.

In the middle of my rant, torn between tears and a panic attack (which actually just came out overwhelmed and angry) Jen put her arms around me and said, but just think Babe...this time next week you'll be done... I kind of smiled when she put things into those terms.

Then she said something that caught me off guard.  The conversation went like this:

Jen: AND I'll move up a notch on your list...
Me. (Puzzled) What are you talking about?
Jen: You'll have more time in your day which mean that I'll move up on the list

It dawned on me: I had in the very beginning (and still every now and then, okay more than I'll admit to) had disclaimers for everything.  I needed her to know that while I was interested in dating her, I had a shit ton of stuff happening in my life...and that I had priorities (no offense to her, but I was down right blunt in my delivery)...I recall telling her that my family and school are always going to be a top priority of mine and that she would be included in that list but (for a lack of better words) not in as high a regard as the other two...

(I'm realizing how bitchy this sounds and wondering how the she even saw past my disclaimers to stick it out longer than a week with me)

The conversation continued:

Me: So where do you fall on the list now?
Jen: I'm 4th on your list
Me: How do you figure?
Jen: The order is: Family, School, Pepper, and then me
Me: You jackass, Pepper doesn't come before you...ya'll share a tier because I love her, but I'm not IN LOVE with her, seeing as she's a dog (no offense Pepper, ha)
Jen: Laughing.....so what are you saying?
Me: You're gonna be number two, ha

What I realized is that I never did elaborate and share with her when my priorities changed.  I also don't view my priorities in terms of a totem pole anymore either.  I don't look at things in terms of my family comes before Jen and vice versa...I do however feel that Jen is PART of my family (just in a west virginia) kind of way considering we have sex and stuff...(things I wouldnt do with typical family)...I feel like I've done pretty well to manage my life (though I do get stressed from time to time) and dedicate a great deal of time to her and lil man. 

I help her with lil man most weekends so it will be one less thing she has to worry about and now on Thursday nights...I think of little ways to surprise her and always want to impress her...in the beginning I needed to make sure to lay everything out on the table...things that had been issues for exes needed to be known to prevent them from being issues in the present....I had had an ex that had a complete and total issue with me spending time doing homework and going to school because she wasn't getting ALL of my attention among other things. 

I feel like I've done some growing over the past few months.  I can't live in the past and I can't assume that just because something was an issue with someone else that it will be an issue with Jen...Jen is her own person and I have to stop being a control freak from time to time (not all the time because I might die, lol) and give her the opportunity to just be her--my girlfriend.  If I have all these disclaimers in place, the this is how shit should be stuff, and well in the past this caused this....I'm only setting us up for failure.  Perhaps I'm tooting my own horn, but I feel like I've become a better girlfriend in general. (I'm not sure if Jen would say that or not, lol)...I acknowledge that I'm not the easiest person to deal with by any means, but I'm thankful for the growth opportunities I've had that have opened my eyes.  I'm telling you, I'm not martyr but fulltime school, fulltime work, and dealing with grandma fulltime is not an easy thing when it comes to balance....

I don't want the love of my life feeling like she is anything less than #1.... I may still spend a great deal of time with my family because thats just the person I am, but 9 times out of 10, Jen and lil man are right there with me....and I think Jen enjoys it because we all make her laugh and she has been welcomed into the family with open arms...

The moral of the story is that I love her and I want my actions, not just my words to show that.  This is my public apology for ever making her feel less than what she is...my number one.  She deserves better than that...so much better than that.

Empty Thoughts

Today is Thursday which means that tomorrow when I wake up it will be FRIDAY.  I must stop "wishing my life away" as many put it.  I can't help it though--it's like I dread Mondays, the rest of the week seems to creep by and then by the time the weekend finally arrives, I blink and it's gone.  I'm still trying to work out a way where I work two days a week, get five days off and still make the same money (or more, lol)--but I have to be realistic as this is not likely to EVER happen.

Since my boss is out of her office this week, I get to take a field trip today--EXCITING.  All it entails is driving to the main office (about 45 minutes away), dropping off paperwork for the new starts I processed yesterday and picking up paychecks for my contractors so that they can be handed out tomorrow.  But I am going to take my lunch while I'm out and that  area has some excellent options for lunch.  Moe's Southwest Grill is kind of on my mind...I'm in the mood for some Mexican...but I dunno yet...It might just be a burger while I'm driving back to the warehouse.

Pepper has had awful gas lately.  I had to plea with grandma yesterday to PLEASE stop feeding her from the table because it's tearing her lil stomach up.  From the time she was a puppy she had issues.  The first of them was not her fault and involved about two weeks straight of me not sleeping because Pepper was up all night with the runs and it was during the time I was trying to house break her.  So if I slept hard and didn't hear her wimper trying to wake me up to let her out, I'd be undoing the training I taught her AND cleaning up liquid shit from the carpet.  Come to find out she had some type of parasite (I don't remember off the top of my head) that was causing fading puppy syndrome...basically Pepper still had an appetite but the parasite was eating it and her from the inside out.  She would have died had I delayed any longer in getting her to the vet.  This is also when I first noticed that Pepper was going to be a "fatty."  The only dog I've ever had who I didn't have to trick to take pills or "drink" medicine.... the lil hefer would beg for more after I gave her the stuff from the vet via syringe in her mouth....RIDICULOUS.  She loves food that is for sure.  Unfortunately Gma feeds her nonstop and even I am guilty of sharing people food with (as is everyone else that comes to the house)...so it's not like just one person is responsible...but we all need to stop.

So anyway, Jen helped pick up a pile and I got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the carpet because for whatever reason Pepper couldn't get anyone's attention quick enough when the shit cramp hit her.  This is two days in a row and I told grandma that I'm tired of cleaning up shit for a dog that is house broke... (I wanted to say, "look you ol' bag, stop feeding the dog random shit that you think won't hurt her because you can't get your ass on the floor to clean up the mess she makes because her stomach is out of wack."--But I didn't.  Gma gives Pepper everything ranging from the whip cream and remnants of her Dairy Queen Moolatte (key word being DAIRY)...something that Pepper has never handled well, chips, nuts, just junk in general... lean meats and veggies are one thing but come on.

I fired someone before they even started yesterday.  I was expecting 8 for the training class I held for people projected to start on Tuesday--7 showed up.  I called him in the afternoon when all was said and done to follow up and see what happened.  He didn't seem like he actually gave a shit, so I told him that if he couldn't  see the importance of coming to training and didn't bother to call me ahead of time to tell me he wouldn't be attending that I couldn't trust he'd find coming to work important either--I told him he missed his opportunity to work out here... Someone that is reliable and actually WANTS to work can be hired instead.

I'm wearing the most fabulous pair of Jeans today...They are truly wonderful.  I found them at a thrift store this past weekend... (I've been wearing my baggy cargo shorts...aka my fat pants because of how comfy and NOT restricting they are)... so I wasn't sure if they size would even work.  I bought them anyway because a brand new looking pair of jeans for $3.99 should never stay on the rack.  I figured that even if I needed to lose a few pounds it was a deal...I tried them on this morning planning for the worst.... if they actually went on they'd never button.... they went on like I had greased my legs with Crisco prior to and buttoned without me even sucking it in.  Thank you Liz Claiborne for making my day with your fabulous jeans in a smaller size than I generally wear...a little stretch makes all the difference (granted it's not like leggings stretch...just a lil give.  I'm opposed to wearing pants that show my actual shape.  A lil curve here and there will suffice, no one needs to know every intimate detail and I refuse to wear jeans that make me rock a camel toe/moose knuckle.)

I'm also a firm believer that underwear should be directly proportionate to the size of one's ass.  I'm not saying every inch needs to be covered...but I will say that with the size of my ass...if I were to put a thong on, I'd spend more time looking for the shit, trying to dig it out of my ass crack that I'd never find time for anything else.  I don't wear granny panties, but I do wear those that make the most since for me and my ass.

I remember the days when I used to find jeans and in order for them to fit through the hips and ass they'd be WAY to big in the waist.... THIS IS NOT THE CASE ANYMORE... my stomach has caught up, lol. 

I have blown my hair dry two days in a row now....I'm actually rocking my "girl hair" which is different from the normal wild crazy faux hawk type look.  It's my more feminine side...SIKE what it really boils down to is that my hair is getting longer in the back quicker than it is growing on top, so I blow dry my hair up in the back for the messy look and lay the front down...otherwise I feel like I have a mullet because my hair is touching my neck and immediately want to go get the clippers to get rid of it...I'm going to try the hair thing for a while (or at least as long as I can)...

Grandma rode with my mom, aunt, and sister to Sam's Club yesterday.  It was nice that mom took her, because otherwise I was going to have to and it just stresses me out because she insists on going up every single aisle despite only coming in for toilet paper or other few things that might be on her list....$598.00 later she came home with a metric shit ton of stuff that we didn't need....she's out of control.  She bought my mom a laptop bag and my aunt a "pallet" of LoCarb Monster (that which is my fault because I was on a LoCarb Monster kick for a while and got my mom hooked, she in turn got her sister/my aunt hooked)..I've since shaken my habit and really only drink one, every couple of months--mom and aunt melissa are still very much every day people.

Mandi is officially ready to have the baby.  Translation: I'm going to be an Aunt really any day now.  The baby is locked and loaded, at her last Dr. Appt on Monday she was actually having contractions (but not feeling them) the machine she was hooked up to was registering them....EXCITING I'm going to be an Aunt...FUN FUN FUN. 

I've officially decided that the motherhood thing is not for me (in terms of actually carrying something around inside of me for nine months and then pushing it out...) NEGATIVE.  Freaks me out...not interested...I'm quite okay with someone else doing it and letting me play "aunt" or the other mom (sort of)... It's funny...when it comes to me and Jen/Jen and I? I'm too tired to remember which one is proper at this point, but really how proper am I most days?  Lil man refers to us as Mommy and Tommy (it being obvious which one is which)... he sometimes slips up and calls me Mommy, but soon corrects himself...which is no biggie.  He knows who is who.  I often wonder what he understands about the whole situation.  I know that he knows that Jen and I love each other and that we Love him too, but past that I'm not sure.  In my mind it's like Jen is his mom and I'm his buddy to play games and legos with, but who doesn't play when it comes to whining or arguing, or running in the house---so sometimes if I've told him to not do something (i.e. run laps in the house) he immediately wants to go home and he tells his mom that... it becomes, Tommy isn't my fun loving buddy anymore so it's pointless for me to be here.  Lol.  Last night he said something about me living at his house (so I know that when the time is right and Jen and I are able to move in together, he'll be fine with the transition).

Tupperware is a great invention (storage containers for food in general)...the downside is that some food you store in them the smell gets trapped in the bowl.  This normally isn't an issue if you wash them in the dishwasher...I put some pineapple slices in a tupperware container yesterday after lunch (I opened the can but couldn't finish it)... well today I open them to eat the rest of them and smell spaghetti sauce...GROSS. Pineapple and spaghetti sauce... not a cool flavor combo, luckily they haven't been in the container long enough to absorb the taste of how spaghetti smells--are you following me, lol?  This container obviously doesn't get used often so it was probably hand washed last then put in the cabinet....today however it's going in the dishwasher for sure.

I was thinking about labels earlier today... I hear the terms butch and femme on the regular but don't feel I really fit into either.  I've always considered myself a lil CHAPSTICK instead... you know definitely not butch...just dress a lil bit from time to time and definitely not lipstick, just like to look cute from time to time.  I'm not sure why everything needs to have a label anyway...but no matter how I feel about labels, I still find myself trying to fit into the corresponding one for me.--WEIRD.

I don't miss Myspace or Facebook.  It dawned on me last night when a random person my sister knows stopped me in Food Lion and was like, Oh My god did Mandi have her baby yet...it said on face book, blah blah...Its funny...I like the sort of anonymity that comes with blogger.  Sure, anyone who googled my name would come across it, and I'm not exactly secretive about my life by any means... but I don't want people from my past being all in my biznazz... Mainly folks from high school that are fake nowadays and act like we actually miss each other when we don't... I already live in a small town... blogger lets me be not only a voyeur to someone else's life (from near to far) and vent about anything and everything and just write...which is one of my passions.  I guess what I'm saying is that I know this isn't exactly private and that the World Wide Web invites the potential for many people into my life via my blog, but dammit, for the most part it prevents that awkward fake bullshit associated with Myspace or Facebook where ex friends or people that you used to know but could give a shit about now do that whole "oh my life is great and this this and this" how is yours and then pretend to really care....

Wow, I'm bitter.  I just hate that.  I had friends in highschool and in the past don't get me wrong, but I can't think of a single person I still talk to from high school other than bumping into from time to time at the store... I have a few people that I still have contact info for in Nashville, but we don't keep up like we should...life gets away from you sometimes and dammit...I'm just not the same person they knew me as.  I love who I am, and who I've become, and the person I'm still working towards becoming if that makes any sense.  One should never stop growing and never be content with things being just as they are.  I feel like it's important to strive for "better" things, situations, personal growth, and stuff in general.  Just getting to where you wanted to be and becoming complacent, in my opinion isn't good enough.  I know that I deserve better and that I am better...that's why I'm working so hard on my own personal goals (though some of those goals take priority to others...I'll accomplish them all eventually)

Weekend Recap

Jen and I...me, looking all crazy eyed, ha

I had all of my homework done by Friday at 11 o'clock...which is rather impressive since I'm such a procrastinator.

Saturday I was going to sleep in. Grandma had other plans for me however. She called me at 8:06 am (I had planned to sleep until about 10) and said she needed help getting her stockings on and then tried to act like I had said that I said that I was going to get up early to start cleaning (NO...actually she has selective hearing and just likes to piss me off)...So I go downstairs, put her stockings and shoes on for her and think to myself...still plenty of time to go back to bed. Nope. Gma had other plans for me (I did something to piss her off apparently because she was just being spiteful at this point.) She said she had some mail that just HAD to be mailed, but no not from our mailbox, it had to be dropped in town at the post office....and then she says...and while you are out you can get us breakfast from Dairy Queen. I'm livid by this point and no sausage biscuit is going to cure that.

I get back home, eat with her and go back to bed (officially behind schedule now, but in desperate need of sleep still). I wake up and get started on the cleaning of the downstairs (grandmas part of the house and our shared area)...it had to be presentable for the baby shower the following day. A job that would have taken me three hours tops took me five because grandma kept holding me up, stopping me to ask me dumb shit or trying to fry eggplant in the kitchen right as I was at the point to do that area....FOR FUCKS SAKE LADY.

I finally finish...Lil man is with me by this point so that Jen could go to work. I get in the shower and agree to take him to see GI Joe...a movie I had no interest in seeing but he wanted to see it and I just wanted to be out of the house. Fifteen minutes before the end of what turned out to be a pretty bad ass movie, lil man decides he's ready to go home. It's not transformers, or animated so his attention span has held out as long as it could...we bounce.

Off to Wally-world for groceries...Finally back home at ten. By this point I'm still frazzled because my part of the house, the upstairs has still yet to be cleaned. Ugh. I'm frustrated and just want to scream. I put lil man in the shower, but am way behind schedule as it is...I was supposed to have him bed earlier than he got in it and feed him better than fast food...neither of which I succeeded at...my bad. Jen gets there and helps me set up lil man's bed the rest of the way as I vent and freak out over virtually nothing and everything all at the same time. She's looking at me like, whoa....

Sunday morning I voluntarily got up way before the alarm and went downstairs to wrap all of the packages for the shower. I am in the middle of cleaning upstairs when Jen asks me to cut lil man's hair...she mentioned she was willing to take him into town to get it done, but I told her there was no need since Im technically a pro (technically being the fact that I have my license but just hate doing hair fulltime) and have scissors right in the closet. He gets in the shower afterwards and I make Jen sit down for her haircut...she was getting pretty bushy...so I trimmed her up (her head hair not the other, lol)...

Finally, people start arriving and I'm still cleaning. Not guests mind you, just people that are helping mom set up...Jen helps me finish everything up, I get in the shower and try to get myself ready. My sister shows up--she wanted me to do her make up and hair for this shin dig...so that held me up some more...then my mom's friend asks me to wax her and her daughters eyebrows after the shower.....OKAY MAYBE ONE MORE PERSON CAN ASK ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT I REALLY JUST DONT WANNA DO....My sister's baby daddy comes up the stairs and I hear mention of him needing a haircut....FUCK ME IN THE ASS SIDEWAYS

Jen mentions I need to be able to say no and I understand that... I mean it's great in theory but it's just easier to do and bitch about than deal with the guilt trips that come along.

The shower was successful...my paintings and the note I wrote on the back of one of them to my unborn niece Charlie made her cry....then when read aloud made a lot of people's eyes water.

For today...I'm tired, my head hurts and it's a typical Monday. I brought a lean cuisine to eat at lunch but have been debating like four feet of sub instead I'M EFFING HUNGRY....I need to get back to really giving a shit and making an effort as far as diet and exercise go, but for now stress, school, family, and work are easier excuses and/or cop outs as to not having to exercise...i'm just getting fatter....blah

I've decided I'm not going to walk in the commencement services following me completely the classes. I'm going to borrow my sister's cap and gown and pose for fake pictures instead....FUCK IT. just mail me the diploma/degree and call it a day...I'm done. Fucking burned out.

On the plus side, I'm leaving with Jen and lil man on Wednesday night to go down to Hatteras for a few days...I just have to make it through wednesday I just have to make it through wednesday.....AHAHAAHAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Slumber at it's finest

I was in a cranky mood when i got home yesterday. After work I had picked up my Aunt Mel and gone to look into us both getting glasses. A store nearby was offering two pairs for 69.99, 99.99 for her bifocals. Turns out my vision is too terribly bad for that deal. You see, I require the thinnest lens possible because if they put my prescription into a regular plastic lens it would give me that bug eyed effect...you know the one...where my eyes would look like they are on the other side of a fish tank....scary.

So I opted to not get glasses right now...part of me is still determined to wear contacts fulltime...(though I'm not sure how I'll wing that even after allergy season because my eyes stay so tired all the time)...Well the interstate to get home was a parking lot so I took a scenic detour. I cut through lots of peanuts, soybeans, cotton, and corn....through historic Downtown Smithfield (Home to Gwaltney and Smithfield Sausage, bacon, pork products in general), down windy roads passing peacocks and road kill....

I had asked Jen to come out and stay the night and had planned on making tacos...yeah...that didn't pan out...I stopped and picked up pizza on the way home instead...I didn't get home until 8. Blah. I walk in to one of the most horrid smells imaginable, grandma was making Watermelon Rind Preserves....ugh...didn't even sound appealing (she normally makes Rind Pickle, but I don't eat that either)....I grab a bite to eat, go up to get things semi ready for bed and go help grandma get ready to go to bed. Jen got lil man ready for bed while all of this was happening.

We hit a new level in our relationship sense I have actually thrown up in front of her...something I make a habit of not doing to most people. It's odd that she didn't lose her cookies when normally just someone sounding like they are going to vomit, in real life or a movie sends her well on her way to puking herself.... I didn't feel good. I've been eating the same as normal, but here lately whether it's nerves or what I'm not sure, I get sick in the evenings. I hate throwing up. Anyway, it happened again last night.

I shower and get ready for bed myself and crash after about fifteen minutes talking with Jen. Lil man started out on a mattress on the floor, with Jen and myself in the bed. I woke up this morning at two am with the feet of a five year old diggin in my back and NO COVERS ON...he had somehow managed to wrap himself up in such a way that I couldn't get them untangled. It was freezing but I was tired...so I fell back asleep. At four oclock I woke back up not able to handle the cold anymore at the same time I rolled over (forgetting about the five year old clinging to my side) on top of him...he sat up with a WTF dazed and confused look, rolled over and went back to sleep. It was enough to get the covers free, though I didn't do it intentionally. The alarm clock light lit the room up enough that I could tell Jen was missing. What the hell, where is she at.

I sat up enough to see the opposite side of the bed and her knocked out cold where Lil man had originally started the evening....I went back to sleep. The alarm went off with absolutely no movement from the other two...I got up and moseyed about my day. Mom was in the kitchen frying bacon...freakishly cheerful for the early morning... (she doesn't stay the night anymore but does come over to help Gma get up and moving in the morning since I have to work)....

Then off to work I went....I wanted to call out so bad this morning. I'm sooooo tired. I have a group meeting tonight so I know that I won't be able to get to bed before 12:30 ugh... plus I still have two midterms to do...in addition to all my other work for the week. It's not looking like Friday is going to be an early day either....so I just wait for Saturday and sleeping in...and go from there.

I'm drinking a lo-carb monster this morning (nursing it really)...so far it's not helping. It would be better with some vodka in it. A 50/50 pour....good stuff.