Cotton, movies, beer, and fire....

It's about that time.  They are plowing the fields and busting ass trying to get everything harvested in time.  The cotton is blossoming as well:

What a week.  What a week.  I survived though.  I decided to go see a movie at Jen's theatre...I took mom, Uncle John, and Aunt Melissa with me.  I wanted to see how Jen would react, so I played up the femme in me. I showed up at her theatre where she was hustlin' because it was a busy Friday night....(she looked great as always and I have to admit, seeing her in that take charge environment is always a turn on, lol)  This is what I opted for femme wise...

 

My hair is long enough in the front and on top to actually use a straightening iron on...crazy.

We watched Couples Retreat with Vince Vaughn, which was freaking hilarious, but didn't beat out The Hangover as my favorite movie this year... afterwards we headed to a sports bar and grille for a beer.  I had talked the fam into this prior to leaving the house and they were game.  Uncle John is always game (he used to go with me to the Lipstick Lounge, a lesbian bar in Nashville, TN for drinks on the weekend)... so a sports bar doesn't even phase him.  He likes getting out.  Mom and aunt melissa aren't old bitties but have their moments. 

Aunt Melissa agreed to be the DD for the evening.... we started drinking, we stuck to a pitcher of Michelob Ultra, nothing too crazy, plus lower in carbs and did our first toast to me graduating, which was cool.  Jen stopped by for a minute (she couldn't stay because she had to pick up lil man from the sitter).... well three pitchers later we were feeling fabulous.  I'm going to have schedule a celebration evening where Jen can participate and drink too ;)... I walked Jen to her car and didn't realize how buzzed I was until I yanked her hair to pull her face to me for a kiss and did it a lil too rough and totally caught Jen off guard.  But I digress.

We decided to head out to my brothers house--he was having a bon fire.  By this time I had a nice buzz and mom and John were toasted, lol.  The fire wasn't really burning because the wood he was using was entirely too green... piss poor planning, lol... that didn't keep me from taking pics and drinking a few more beers... My mom like NEVER drinks.... she took my camera and took a pic of herself and I almost pissed my pants when I was flipping through my camera looking at the pics I took and found this one:

How could I not love this lady.

 

Uncle John's drunk ass... my goofy ass, and my lil brother Jeff.

 

For us to have been drinking, this pic turned out pretty good.

 

Me and Uncle John...

 

Needless to say, mom slept hard (aka passed out) last night...

 

Me and Karen (Jeffrey's Girlfriend) I like her best in very small amounts :)

 

Can we discuss the fact that my brother is drinking out of a freaking Mason Jar... seriously dude... does it get anymore country than that????

Tomorrow is a trip to the Peanut Fest...if it's not raining.... for now... more sleep is on the agenda.

Bend over and grab your ankles

I walked into work hell this morning.  In the middle of checking the voicemail to see how many call outs I had, one of the supervisors called my cell.  The conversation went like this:

Her: Um, whats the deal with all of these people being here?
Me: You told me yesterday at 2:30 that you wanted every one of your people here
Her: So the calls didn't get made?
Me: Why would I make calls if you told me everyone was working?
Her: I sent an email to B (my boss) yesterday at 3:00 telling her that I only needed four people and gave her the names.
Me: She is in Chesapeake, I'm right here in the warehouse--it's easy to overlook an email, I'm here until four every day so that I can make calls and line up ya'lls staffing needs, I can't do that if ya'll don't tell me
Her: Well, I'm going to send them up there to you then

Essentially, the expectation is that if any of my contractors report to work, they should get paid for/given 4 hours of work.  (This almost never happens) If they tell me ahead of time, I call my contractors the evening before so they don't waste gas coming to work when the volume isn't there to support them being there.  So today, I had a handful of people come in, only to get sent home which left me looking like an ass for leaving my guys hanging.  It pissed me off first thing.

So needless to say at the 8:45 (the daily meeting because this place has more fucking meetings than any company I've ever seen, it's a wonder that anything fucking gets done) I made the announcement reminding all of the sups that I can't help them if they don't communicate to me what they need as far as staffing then I can't help them.  Then I reminded them that B works at the main office, I'm right here on sight...Please email her as a back up, but you have to tell me or it's not going to happen.

Then to cover my own ass, I went to the Assistant General Manager's office...He's second in command for the whole damn Distribution center....I explained to him that I was told 30 minutes prior to said email going out that everyone was expected to be here.  I also mentioned that I hold myself accountable in ensuring their success by having my people there... but I feel like they aren't accountable in their ho hum attitude and lack of urgency in providing me with their staffing needs.

FUCK! MY GIRL ASHLEY JUST GOT VOTED OFF TOP CHEF LAS VEGAS, fuck.  Another lesbo down....

My bad... lemme focus... one of the girls at work put in her notice.  I was talking with Field Hockey (whose hair I actually cut tonight)... and she was like would you considering doing her position?  It's HR Assistant for the DC... My instinct says no.  I'm tired of the bullshit, not just with the staffing company I work for, but the client company as well.  Not to mention, it would in a way look like I was backtracking resume wise because it would be a step or two backwards in my opinion.  I would like the HR side of things, and have to start somewhere but...I dunno.  She asked me if I had talked to Jen about it yet to get her opinion...

Me: No, Not yet
Her: Dude, that's what relationships are for, not just sex....sometimes in talking to people you find they have insights into things that can help you
Me: OMG it's not like I was never going to talk to her...I just haven't yet...I'm working, I'm busy, she's working, she's busy
Her: laughs....

I just thought it was funny that she would say some shit like that... Cheerleader finally announced that shes pregnant again.  I think she's about 11 weeks along and is already eating crazy. 

On a random note, Chino kitty is freaking out and meowing nonstop missing Gma.  Gma is coming home tomorrow night so he'll be set then....he loves gma because she feeds him junkfood all the time. 

My sister Mandi told me this evening not only did her soon to be ex husband's lawyer retire (as in put a sign up on the door and said peace out, didn't refer any of his clients or anything) but he called her today to tell her that her lawyer had called him ... he said that he hadn't gone to pick anything up yet, Mandi asked why...he apparently fell off a building and broke both of his legs.

Holy fuck.  If ya'll knew the whole story it's safe to say that you would be shocked as to the wrath that karma is bringing his way... damn.

Fuck, it's late...I need to pack a bag and get ready for the dentist tomorrow afternoon and then to Jen's... at least I won't be up late...since I made arrangements for pepper I'll be able to crash there...and in theory right after lil man goes to bed...  I'm tired and it's been a long week.

I'll have equipment training again this Friday... Fuck.  Come on Saturday morning....

Oh and on my lunch break I ran into my ex-best friend's cousin.  She's all grown up now and there is no way in hell that she's not a member of the all girls team.... this is humorous to me because my ex-BF was a total homophobe back in the day (I don't know if she still is or not)... lil things like that make me happy.

Cost Plus World Market is having a friends and family event this weekend where you can save 25% off of everything except like alcohol I believe.  I obviously can't get the lil coupon to everyone in that amount of time, but if anyone wants the online discount code, just let me know... I'll send you the info... how sad is it that I work in one of the two distros for this compnay and have never been in a store...maybe I'll go this weekend.  They are kind of like a Pier One Imports ON CRACK... lol

Matching Hair

 

She likes me...she really likes me :) I fed Charley for the first time last night which was a big feat for me considering that if she even made a face to indicate she was going to cry...I handed over to her mom.  This time I voluntarily took a screaming baby, rocked her, fed her, burped her, the works...

And how awesome is it that she's so rocking the faux hawk, just like her Aunt Tom???

 

On Sunday, Aunt Jen gave Charley a manicure...this girl is going to be such a girlie girl it's ridiculous...but she laid there and napped through her filing and clipping, hand all laid out like a grown woman would at the nail salon, lol...it was too funny...

Did you notice that Jen's hair is shorter than normal?  I gave her another haircut--it just keeps getting shorter and shorter...but it looks hot and she wanted something that could be punk rock or professional... (She knows she's hot too :)

 

That lil chin of hers just kills me...she's getting cuter by the day (since the freaky reddish newborn features disappear...lol...)  I'm very excited about this being an aunt thing.  My sister has already changed dramatically, in a totally good way and I'm proud of her.  Mom is taking baby daddy back home Wednesday night so he'll be out of the picture for a while, THANK GOD...ugh...dude just skeeves me out.

YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS

My mom and sister just called me... apparently Mandi's baby daddy (he's not her boyfriend these days, literally the sperm donor that she is letting partake in the parenthood thing from afar...) was asking about the baby's bracelets that she came home from the hospital with...He wanted them.  Mandi explained that she had plans to put them in the baby book along with her own (mom/daughter hospital bracelets)...she put them in her jewelry box and called it a day.

When she went back to the jewelry box the baby's bracelets were gone.  Mandi and mom distracted BD (baby daddy) while Aunt Melissa went upstairs to look through his stuff to see if he had them.  She came downstairs and revealed a glass pipe that Mandi wasn't familiar with.  I had her send me a picture of it because I've been exposed to a lot more stuff than my sister has (despite her being a criminal justice major...she'd never make it as an undercover cop, lol)... Now I'm sort of the rebel in the family, but overall, the most I've really ever experimented with was alcohol and pot... I've seen other things but didn't really recognize this particular style of pipe.

After a little online research I have determined that the pipe they found in BDs stuff is the kind used to smoke Crystal meth.  Mandi first though crack, but it's not...AND she told me a lil while ago that he used to be addicted to meth OH MY FUCKING GOD...SERIOUSLY?  I want to say remind me again, with all of this misdemeanors, or felonies, or whatever...drug addiction...what in the fuck were you interested in him exactly?  I'm glad that my sister got a baby out of the deal but I think the reason this "winner" of a guy caught her eye because she was at the middle of a nasty divorce, felt down in the dumps and enjoyed the attention she got.  That's the only reason I can come up with for why someone as smart as my sister could have no common sense when it comes to some men.

Long story shit, my mom is not going to let this guy stay in her house anymore or see the baby...she was alreayd like how the fuck are you going to come into town for the "birth of your baby" and bring your fucking paraphernalia with you" my sister now realizes where all his money has been going, because it sure as hell hasn't beign goin toward his daughter and my mom has been paying for everything since he got into town...

I feel so bad for my sister, she doesn't need this shit right now with her baby not even being three days old.  She was crying as she told me taht she ignored her gut and gave the baby his last name instead of hers...I guess there are no redos on the name once you've done it???

Always some fucking drama.  It's probably a good thing I'm at Jen's house watching lil man til she gets home from work AND that I have to get up for a 5:45 am shift...otherwise I'd go over and give him a piece of my mind for sure...I can't believe this.

I'm livid right now.  Mom just called me to tell me that she confronted BD...he of course just "forgot it was in there..." He's got my sister all torn to pieces...I can tolerate and or just bitch about a lot of things rather than take action, but I'll be damned if some douche bag is going to fuck over my sister.

BD commented to my sister earlier, "I think you love this baby more than you love me...." she responded with a DUH!!! Mom also reminded him that he's not here to be Mandi's boyfriend, because he's not...he's the baby's dad and that's it...so if he is here for anything other than that baby he's got another thing comin'.

Apparently while at the hospital he also went into mandi's purse...a huge no no.  You don't go into anyone in my family's purse, its sacred...if I carried a purse I'd fuck someone up for going in it, regardless of what they were looking for...mom told him on that subject "IF YOU EVER GO INTO MANDI'S PURSE AGAIN, I WILL PERSONALLY BREAK YOUR HANDS and you will be out of here---she was married to an asshole that played that game, he's not in the picture either..."

My mom is like 100 pounds lighter than me but way more butch than i could ever be, lol.  She's my hero.  She's ex army and I've seen her lay my brother out (he's 5'11 to her 5'1...) You don't fuck with mom...BD is only maybe 5'6 and like 175...he doesn't stand a chance...

Good news

I'M AN AUNT!!! Yay...after two days of the attempted inducing of my sister (to no avail)...the doctors took her off of the patosin? and at some point the baby's heart beat spiked...it was like this for about an hour and a half and they couldn't get it to go down so they opted for a C-Section....Both mom and baby are healthy, happy, and fabulous.

I have not physically laid eyes on my one and only niece, but Charley Danielle (Charley for my uncle who passed away ten years ago and Danielle for my grandfather...daniel) has a head full of hair, a pudgy round face with huge cheeks, lol and she weighed 8 1bs and is 19 in long... she was born last night at 9:00 pm.  I'm hoping to get off work early, since I've been working 10.5 hour days and getting to work ASS early...to go and meet my niece.  Kind of exciting...I'm not an aunt.  I wonder what she'll call me (when she can talk that is)...Aunt Tommy? Aunt T? Aunt Tom? Thomas?  I guess only time will tell...for now I'm just stoked she's finally friggin' here. My sister tried for years to get pregnant and her dream came true in the middle of a divorce, by accident :) And what a beautiful accident it turned out to be :)

In addition, I finally got to view my grades for the classes I just completed (you know, the last ones)...all A's... I did really well on the papers I procrastinated on and got a perfect score on one of my finals...I'm such a nerd :)  That brought my GPA up to a 3.5 which I can totally live with :)  Plus it will look decent on a resume along with my membership in Alpha Sigma Lambda, or whatever the Honor's society frat is....

Still working on the resume...getting there slowly...I just hope the position isn't filled while I'm trying to get my shit together and in fabulous HIRE ME form...

More training this morning and I must devise a way to curb the attendance issue we are experiencing here in the warehouse...I don't know what people's problems are... HEY BITCHES, CARRY YOUR ASS TO WORK...I have a hard enough time getting myself to work on time and EVERY fucking day...I can't come to ya'lls house, wake you up, fix you a bowl of cereal and comb your hair YOU ARE ALL MOTHER FUCKING ADULTS and I am NOT YOUR MOMMY!!!  GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER OR GET FIRED, I DON'T CARE AT THIS POINT...

Yeah right...I'd fire a 1/4 of my staff easily if it wasn't against policy, haha.  All because of excessive absenteeism and tardies...we have a points program in place but excuse the points with documentation, some folks abuse it and those folks are going on final warning today because of it... I'm tired of wasting my energy trying to make them successful when they don't want it for themselves.

Mom made me cry night before last. She called me randomly to say that she loved me and that she was really proud of me for finishing my degree. She said that she didn't care that it took me ten years to do it...she was impressed that I had stuck with it.  That was awesome.  I'm lucky to have such a fabulous family and loving supportive girlfriend.

I think back to the times when I was in Beauty School and didn't want to go in because I was tired and just wanted to sleep....my dad would knock on my door, open it, and immediately start singing, BEAUTY SCHOOL DROP OUT from Grease...he definitely helped me along in that area.  I couldn't handle the thought of quitting college and then also quitting beauty school too....ugh...I had to finish something at some point....and I did... unfortunately, I hate doing hair full time, but I keep up my license for shits and giggles.

Monday Memories

I was sitting on the steps of the back porch picking my nose and enjoying the fabulous breeze that was blowing in and remembered something that make me laugh. (i'm sure many of you hope that I'm kidding about the nose picking--I'm NOT.)

Today's memory involves meeting Jen's parents this past January.  We flew out to Colorado (also my first time in CO)... Jen had many disclaimers for this trip.  She kept telling me about how here family was NOT like my family.  They are loving and fabulous just like mine, but they aren't as open.  When I say open, I refer to the fact that nothing is off limits in my family if it's going to get a laugh (i.e. sharing with my mom, sister, brother, etc about this one time when I was trying to do such and such with Jen and blah blah strap on, blah blah and she said do you need a step stool...) Sure, no one necessarily wants the mental image of what I'm telling them, but the laugh we all get from it trumps it (plus, I love getting Jen riled up with her, TOMMY OH MY GOD, REALLY??? No you are not telling them that...OH MY GOD...OH JESUS...as she turns red and hides her face behind her hands)

Well I promised Jen that I would be on my best behavior, which I always am around new people, especially parents (My friends parents wouldn't let them go places unless I was going because they thought I was the "good one"... which I was back then :)  But I digress.

So picture it.  I'm trying to warm up to Jen's folks, scared shitless, I'm already in semi time out at this point  because I had cut my hair pretty dykey prior to this trip and Jen came slightly unglued...lol.  (Don't get me wrong, her folks are not haters by any means, but she had described me one way and wanted me to fit the picture she had painted for them)...Her mom is shelling nuts so that Jen can bake her a batch of cookies with them in it...I don't remember what kind of nuts they were but this is the conversation:

Jen's Mom: Oh Tommy, Jen makes the best cookies....do you like nuts?
Me: No, not a big fan
Jen's Mom: Oh yeah?
Me: Yeah, they aren't very conducive to my lifestyle
Jen's Mom: (puzzled look)
ME: I don't like how nuts feel in my mouth

By this point Jen has practically climbed under the table and I'm about to piss myself because of how clever my comment was, though inappropriate in that  I totally forgot where I was...my bad.  Jen put me on time out for a lil while, but her mom chuckled about it after the fact.  Turns out even after awkward conversations like the one above...the rents LOVE ME :) and they think I'm a good influence on Jen and Lil man...

Yes, that's right I'm patting myself on the back right now....I'm a rockstar, thanks for noticing.

Totem pole

So I broke down on Saturday night.  I was overwhelmed with school work and beating myself up for procrastinating soooo long.  I don't even say things like, "Uh, that sucked, I'll ever put things off again..." Because I know it's complete and total bullshit....no need to pretend otherwise.

In the middle of my rant, torn between tears and a panic attack (which actually just came out overwhelmed and angry) Jen put her arms around me and said, but just think Babe...this time next week you'll be done... I kind of smiled when she put things into those terms.

Then she said something that caught me off guard.  The conversation went like this:

Jen: AND I'll move up a notch on your list...
Me. (Puzzled) What are you talking about?
Jen: You'll have more time in your day which mean that I'll move up on the list

It dawned on me: I had in the very beginning (and still every now and then, okay more than I'll admit to) had disclaimers for everything.  I needed her to know that while I was interested in dating her, I had a shit ton of stuff happening in my life...and that I had priorities (no offense to her, but I was down right blunt in my delivery)...I recall telling her that my family and school are always going to be a top priority of mine and that she would be included in that list but (for a lack of better words) not in as high a regard as the other two...

(I'm realizing how bitchy this sounds and wondering how the she even saw past my disclaimers to stick it out longer than a week with me)

The conversation continued:

Me: So where do you fall on the list now?
Jen: I'm 4th on your list
Me: How do you figure?
Jen: The order is: Family, School, Pepper, and then me
Me: You jackass, Pepper doesn't come before you...ya'll share a tier because I love her, but I'm not IN LOVE with her, seeing as she's a dog (no offense Pepper, ha)
Jen: Laughing.....so what are you saying?
Me: You're gonna be number two, ha

What I realized is that I never did elaborate and share with her when my priorities changed.  I also don't view my priorities in terms of a totem pole anymore either.  I don't look at things in terms of my family comes before Jen and vice versa...I do however feel that Jen is PART of my family (just in a west virginia) kind of way considering we have sex and stuff...(things I wouldnt do with typical family)...I feel like I've done pretty well to manage my life (though I do get stressed from time to time) and dedicate a great deal of time to her and lil man. 

I help her with lil man most weekends so it will be one less thing she has to worry about and now on Thursday nights...I think of little ways to surprise her and always want to impress her...in the beginning I needed to make sure to lay everything out on the table...things that had been issues for exes needed to be known to prevent them from being issues in the present....I had had an ex that had a complete and total issue with me spending time doing homework and going to school because she wasn't getting ALL of my attention among other things. 

I feel like I've done some growing over the past few months.  I can't live in the past and I can't assume that just because something was an issue with someone else that it will be an issue with Jen...Jen is her own person and I have to stop being a control freak from time to time (not all the time because I might die, lol) and give her the opportunity to just be her--my girlfriend.  If I have all these disclaimers in place, the this is how shit should be stuff, and well in the past this caused this....I'm only setting us up for failure.  Perhaps I'm tooting my own horn, but I feel like I've become a better girlfriend in general. (I'm not sure if Jen would say that or not, lol)...I acknowledge that I'm not the easiest person to deal with by any means, but I'm thankful for the growth opportunities I've had that have opened my eyes.  I'm telling you, I'm not martyr but fulltime school, fulltime work, and dealing with grandma fulltime is not an easy thing when it comes to balance....

I don't want the love of my life feeling like she is anything less than #1.... I may still spend a great deal of time with my family because thats just the person I am, but 9 times out of 10, Jen and lil man are right there with me....and I think Jen enjoys it because we all make her laugh and she has been welcomed into the family with open arms...

The moral of the story is that I love her and I want my actions, not just my words to show that.  This is my public apology for ever making her feel less than what she is...my number one.  She deserves better than that...so much better than that.

Bzzzzzzzzed.

Jen knew something was up when I met her in the driveway when she got off of work Saturday night and told her to set her stuff down, "let's chill out here for a bit" while I unlocked my car and grabbed my emergency pack of smokes (Marlboro Smooths)... She Looked at me questionably with eyebrow raised a look that translated to, WTF? is wrong with you, you never wanna hang outside in the dark and you like NEVER smoke...

Hehe... I shared a cigarette with her and sat on the hood of my car, happy go lucky, chatty Cathy style... just full of randomness... She wasn't used to me in this manner.  I admitted that I had misjudged when she'd get to my house and started drinking too early, lol.  While I had bought my customized six pack on Friday, I didn't drink it until Saturday... I saved the Purple Haze since she had never tried it so we could "share the experience..."

So what was up?  Well I was on beer 5 and 1/2 (and for me who only occasionally taps the rockies a beer or two at a time that was crucial)...lol. So I had a nice lil buzz, was excited Jen had made it to my house... I had already put lil man to bed so he was knocked out...that meant a few more beers to unwind and we'll just see what happened...(side note: Jen has requested that from now on when I refer to "tapping the rockies" it should be code for having sex with her since she's from colorado/Rockies....but I don't know how I feel about that since I've always referred to her as an all you can eat mexican buffet...but I'll consider it)

She finished off the last of my Wild Blue blueberry Lager and wanted more, but all I had was Purple Haze which I told her tasted like a fruity beer with a "bong hit" after taste--she disagreed but didn't hate it, lol. Long story short, as the night progressed we got sillier and sillier....

 

Jen in my Yankees cap-- I love this pic of her...

 

After a few Purple Haze(s) :)  I'll take this is good shit for 1000 Alex

 

Purple Haze commercial?? Come on give it a try, everyone's doing it.

 

I looked over to see lil man's Spongebob shoes and just HAD to try them on... (you may recall, he's FIVE!!)

 

Pepper snuggles with Jen, Jen offers some Purple Haze, pepper declined.

The evening concluded with some X rated deeds (I'm sure everyone can use their imagination if you even want to go there....) The funniest thing is that I had this whole kinky fun evening planned (alcohol and waiting on Jen to get off of work definitely contributed to my master plan)... My kinky bubble was almost busted when I was in the middle of some stuff thinking "Yeah I'm a rock star...you like that huh...and she randomly looks at me and says, "So um, do you want me to get the step ladder..." HAHAHAHAHA.... I could have died.  I felt three feet tall to her eight... In real life I'm like 5'3 to her 5'7 or 5'8, I dunno... my plotting prior to her arrival had failed to calculate the height difference  in some areas of my "master plan..."  I love that the two of us can laugh at even the most inappropriate times and still love each other in the end.

SUNDAY:

We spent the day with Grandma, taking her on a car ride and running errands.  We all had lunch together, made a few stops, visited some folks and after dropping Gma off at the house for a nap, ended up at mom's house for some burgers on the grill.

 

My brother the grill master??? His shirt was too short and his ensemble was rather scary, seriously dude--you left your house in camo slippers, boardshorts and a shirt that was way to short.  YIKES.  The regulator is going out on mom's grill so it took like three hours for the burgers to cook.

 

Sunset from mom's back porch.

A fabulous weekend indeed.

Empty Thoughts

Today is Thursday which means that tomorrow when I wake up it will be FRIDAY.  I must stop "wishing my life away" as many put it.  I can't help it though--it's like I dread Mondays, the rest of the week seems to creep by and then by the time the weekend finally arrives, I blink and it's gone.  I'm still trying to work out a way where I work two days a week, get five days off and still make the same money (or more, lol)--but I have to be realistic as this is not likely to EVER happen.

Since my boss is out of her office this week, I get to take a field trip today--EXCITING.  All it entails is driving to the main office (about 45 minutes away), dropping off paperwork for the new starts I processed yesterday and picking up paychecks for my contractors so that they can be handed out tomorrow.  But I am going to take my lunch while I'm out and that  area has some excellent options for lunch.  Moe's Southwest Grill is kind of on my mind...I'm in the mood for some Mexican...but I dunno yet...It might just be a burger while I'm driving back to the warehouse.

Pepper has had awful gas lately.  I had to plea with grandma yesterday to PLEASE stop feeding her from the table because it's tearing her lil stomach up.  From the time she was a puppy she had issues.  The first of them was not her fault and involved about two weeks straight of me not sleeping because Pepper was up all night with the runs and it was during the time I was trying to house break her.  So if I slept hard and didn't hear her wimper trying to wake me up to let her out, I'd be undoing the training I taught her AND cleaning up liquid shit from the carpet.  Come to find out she had some type of parasite (I don't remember off the top of my head) that was causing fading puppy syndrome...basically Pepper still had an appetite but the parasite was eating it and her from the inside out.  She would have died had I delayed any longer in getting her to the vet.  This is also when I first noticed that Pepper was going to be a "fatty."  The only dog I've ever had who I didn't have to trick to take pills or "drink" medicine.... the lil hefer would beg for more after I gave her the stuff from the vet via syringe in her mouth....RIDICULOUS.  She loves food that is for sure.  Unfortunately Gma feeds her nonstop and even I am guilty of sharing people food with (as is everyone else that comes to the house)...so it's not like just one person is responsible...but we all need to stop.

So anyway, Jen helped pick up a pile and I got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the carpet because for whatever reason Pepper couldn't get anyone's attention quick enough when the shit cramp hit her.  This is two days in a row and I told grandma that I'm tired of cleaning up shit for a dog that is house broke... (I wanted to say, "look you ol' bag, stop feeding the dog random shit that you think won't hurt her because you can't get your ass on the floor to clean up the mess she makes because her stomach is out of wack."--But I didn't.  Gma gives Pepper everything ranging from the whip cream and remnants of her Dairy Queen Moolatte (key word being DAIRY)...something that Pepper has never handled well, chips, nuts, just junk in general... lean meats and veggies are one thing but come on.

I fired someone before they even started yesterday.  I was expecting 8 for the training class I held for people projected to start on Tuesday--7 showed up.  I called him in the afternoon when all was said and done to follow up and see what happened.  He didn't seem like he actually gave a shit, so I told him that if he couldn't  see the importance of coming to training and didn't bother to call me ahead of time to tell me he wouldn't be attending that I couldn't trust he'd find coming to work important either--I told him he missed his opportunity to work out here... Someone that is reliable and actually WANTS to work can be hired instead.

I'm wearing the most fabulous pair of Jeans today...They are truly wonderful.  I found them at a thrift store this past weekend... (I've been wearing my baggy cargo shorts...aka my fat pants because of how comfy and NOT restricting they are)... so I wasn't sure if they size would even work.  I bought them anyway because a brand new looking pair of jeans for $3.99 should never stay on the rack.  I figured that even if I needed to lose a few pounds it was a deal...I tried them on this morning planning for the worst.... if they actually went on they'd never button.... they went on like I had greased my legs with Crisco prior to and buttoned without me even sucking it in.  Thank you Liz Claiborne for making my day with your fabulous jeans in a smaller size than I generally wear...a little stretch makes all the difference (granted it's not like leggings stretch...just a lil give.  I'm opposed to wearing pants that show my actual shape.  A lil curve here and there will suffice, no one needs to know every intimate detail and I refuse to wear jeans that make me rock a camel toe/moose knuckle.)

I'm also a firm believer that underwear should be directly proportionate to the size of one's ass.  I'm not saying every inch needs to be covered...but I will say that with the size of my ass...if I were to put a thong on, I'd spend more time looking for the shit, trying to dig it out of my ass crack that I'd never find time for anything else.  I don't wear granny panties, but I do wear those that make the most since for me and my ass.

I remember the days when I used to find jeans and in order for them to fit through the hips and ass they'd be WAY to big in the waist.... THIS IS NOT THE CASE ANYMORE... my stomach has caught up, lol. 

I have blown my hair dry two days in a row now....I'm actually rocking my "girl hair" which is different from the normal wild crazy faux hawk type look.  It's my more feminine side...SIKE what it really boils down to is that my hair is getting longer in the back quicker than it is growing on top, so I blow dry my hair up in the back for the messy look and lay the front down...otherwise I feel like I have a mullet because my hair is touching my neck and immediately want to go get the clippers to get rid of it...I'm going to try the hair thing for a while (or at least as long as I can)...

Grandma rode with my mom, aunt, and sister to Sam's Club yesterday.  It was nice that mom took her, because otherwise I was going to have to and it just stresses me out because she insists on going up every single aisle despite only coming in for toilet paper or other few things that might be on her list....$598.00 later she came home with a metric shit ton of stuff that we didn't need....she's out of control.  She bought my mom a laptop bag and my aunt a "pallet" of LoCarb Monster (that which is my fault because I was on a LoCarb Monster kick for a while and got my mom hooked, she in turn got her sister/my aunt hooked)..I've since shaken my habit and really only drink one, every couple of months--mom and aunt melissa are still very much every day people.

Mandi is officially ready to have the baby.  Translation: I'm going to be an Aunt really any day now.  The baby is locked and loaded, at her last Dr. Appt on Monday she was actually having contractions (but not feeling them) the machine she was hooked up to was registering them....EXCITING I'm going to be an Aunt...FUN FUN FUN. 

I've officially decided that the motherhood thing is not for me (in terms of actually carrying something around inside of me for nine months and then pushing it out...) NEGATIVE.  Freaks me out...not interested...I'm quite okay with someone else doing it and letting me play "aunt" or the other mom (sort of)... It's funny...when it comes to me and Jen/Jen and I? I'm too tired to remember which one is proper at this point, but really how proper am I most days?  Lil man refers to us as Mommy and Tommy (it being obvious which one is which)... he sometimes slips up and calls me Mommy, but soon corrects himself...which is no biggie.  He knows who is who.  I often wonder what he understands about the whole situation.  I know that he knows that Jen and I love each other and that we Love him too, but past that I'm not sure.  In my mind it's like Jen is his mom and I'm his buddy to play games and legos with, but who doesn't play when it comes to whining or arguing, or running in the house---so sometimes if I've told him to not do something (i.e. run laps in the house) he immediately wants to go home and he tells his mom that... it becomes, Tommy isn't my fun loving buddy anymore so it's pointless for me to be here.  Lol.  Last night he said something about me living at his house (so I know that when the time is right and Jen and I are able to move in together, he'll be fine with the transition).

Tupperware is a great invention (storage containers for food in general)...the downside is that some food you store in them the smell gets trapped in the bowl.  This normally isn't an issue if you wash them in the dishwasher...I put some pineapple slices in a tupperware container yesterday after lunch (I opened the can but couldn't finish it)... well today I open them to eat the rest of them and smell spaghetti sauce...GROSS. Pineapple and spaghetti sauce... not a cool flavor combo, luckily they haven't been in the container long enough to absorb the taste of how spaghetti smells--are you following me, lol?  This container obviously doesn't get used often so it was probably hand washed last then put in the cabinet....today however it's going in the dishwasher for sure.

I was thinking about labels earlier today... I hear the terms butch and femme on the regular but don't feel I really fit into either.  I've always considered myself a lil CHAPSTICK instead... you know definitely not butch...just dress a lil bit from time to time and definitely not lipstick, just like to look cute from time to time.  I'm not sure why everything needs to have a label anyway...but no matter how I feel about labels, I still find myself trying to fit into the corresponding one for me.--WEIRD.

I don't miss Myspace or Facebook.  It dawned on me last night when a random person my sister knows stopped me in Food Lion and was like, Oh My god did Mandi have her baby yet...it said on face book, blah blah...Its funny...I like the sort of anonymity that comes with blogger.  Sure, anyone who googled my name would come across it, and I'm not exactly secretive about my life by any means... but I don't want people from my past being all in my biznazz... Mainly folks from high school that are fake nowadays and act like we actually miss each other when we don't... I already live in a small town... blogger lets me be not only a voyeur to someone else's life (from near to far) and vent about anything and everything and just write...which is one of my passions.  I guess what I'm saying is that I know this isn't exactly private and that the World Wide Web invites the potential for many people into my life via my blog, but dammit, for the most part it prevents that awkward fake bullshit associated with Myspace or Facebook where ex friends or people that you used to know but could give a shit about now do that whole "oh my life is great and this this and this" how is yours and then pretend to really care....

Wow, I'm bitter.  I just hate that.  I had friends in highschool and in the past don't get me wrong, but I can't think of a single person I still talk to from high school other than bumping into from time to time at the store... I have a few people that I still have contact info for in Nashville, but we don't keep up like we should...life gets away from you sometimes and dammit...I'm just not the same person they knew me as.  I love who I am, and who I've become, and the person I'm still working towards becoming if that makes any sense.  One should never stop growing and never be content with things being just as they are.  I feel like it's important to strive for "better" things, situations, personal growth, and stuff in general.  Just getting to where you wanted to be and becoming complacent, in my opinion isn't good enough.  I know that I deserve better and that I am better...that's why I'm working so hard on my own personal goals (though some of those goals take priority to others...I'll accomplish them all eventually)

Weekend Recap

Jen and I...me, looking all crazy eyed, ha

I had all of my homework done by Friday at 11 o'clock...which is rather impressive since I'm such a procrastinator.

Saturday I was going to sleep in. Grandma had other plans for me however. She called me at 8:06 am (I had planned to sleep until about 10) and said she needed help getting her stockings on and then tried to act like I had said that I said that I was going to get up early to start cleaning (NO...actually she has selective hearing and just likes to piss me off)...So I go downstairs, put her stockings and shoes on for her and think to myself...still plenty of time to go back to bed. Nope. Gma had other plans for me (I did something to piss her off apparently because she was just being spiteful at this point.) She said she had some mail that just HAD to be mailed, but no not from our mailbox, it had to be dropped in town at the post office....and then she says...and while you are out you can get us breakfast from Dairy Queen. I'm livid by this point and no sausage biscuit is going to cure that.

I get back home, eat with her and go back to bed (officially behind schedule now, but in desperate need of sleep still). I wake up and get started on the cleaning of the downstairs (grandmas part of the house and our shared area)...it had to be presentable for the baby shower the following day. A job that would have taken me three hours tops took me five because grandma kept holding me up, stopping me to ask me dumb shit or trying to fry eggplant in the kitchen right as I was at the point to do that area....FOR FUCKS SAKE LADY.

I finally finish...Lil man is with me by this point so that Jen could go to work. I get in the shower and agree to take him to see GI Joe...a movie I had no interest in seeing but he wanted to see it and I just wanted to be out of the house. Fifteen minutes before the end of what turned out to be a pretty bad ass movie, lil man decides he's ready to go home. It's not transformers, or animated so his attention span has held out as long as it could...we bounce.

Off to Wally-world for groceries...Finally back home at ten. By this point I'm still frazzled because my part of the house, the upstairs has still yet to be cleaned. Ugh. I'm frustrated and just want to scream. I put lil man in the shower, but am way behind schedule as it is...I was supposed to have him bed earlier than he got in it and feed him better than fast food...neither of which I succeeded at...my bad. Jen gets there and helps me set up lil man's bed the rest of the way as I vent and freak out over virtually nothing and everything all at the same time. She's looking at me like, whoa....

Sunday morning I voluntarily got up way before the alarm and went downstairs to wrap all of the packages for the shower. I am in the middle of cleaning upstairs when Jen asks me to cut lil man's hair...she mentioned she was willing to take him into town to get it done, but I told her there was no need since Im technically a pro (technically being the fact that I have my license but just hate doing hair fulltime) and have scissors right in the closet. He gets in the shower afterwards and I make Jen sit down for her haircut...she was getting pretty bushy...so I trimmed her up (her head hair not the other, lol)...

Finally, people start arriving and I'm still cleaning. Not guests mind you, just people that are helping mom set up...Jen helps me finish everything up, I get in the shower and try to get myself ready. My sister shows up--she wanted me to do her make up and hair for this shin dig...so that held me up some more...then my mom's friend asks me to wax her and her daughters eyebrows after the shower.....OKAY MAYBE ONE MORE PERSON CAN ASK ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT I REALLY JUST DONT WANNA DO....My sister's baby daddy comes up the stairs and I hear mention of him needing a haircut....FUCK ME IN THE ASS SIDEWAYS

Jen mentions I need to be able to say no and I understand that... I mean it's great in theory but it's just easier to do and bitch about than deal with the guilt trips that come along.

The shower was successful...my paintings and the note I wrote on the back of one of them to my unborn niece Charlie made her cry....then when read aloud made a lot of people's eyes water.

For today...I'm tired, my head hurts and it's a typical Monday. I brought a lean cuisine to eat at lunch but have been debating like four feet of sub instead I'M EFFING HUNGRY....I need to get back to really giving a shit and making an effort as far as diet and exercise go, but for now stress, school, family, and work are easier excuses and/or cop outs as to not having to exercise...i'm just getting fatter....blah

I've decided I'm not going to walk in the commencement services following me completely the classes. I'm going to borrow my sister's cap and gown and pose for fake pictures instead....FUCK IT. just mail me the diploma/degree and call it a day...I'm done. Fucking burned out.

On the plus side, I'm leaving with Jen and lil man on Wednesday night to go down to Hatteras for a few days...I just have to make it through wednesday I just have to make it through wednesday.....AHAHAAHAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Good news...sort of

So Gma went to the doctor yesterday is she is allowed to put weight on her leg as she feels she's ready. She is also able to drive again (scary) as soon as she feels ready, but will have to practice in a parking lot or something prior to hitting the road. Honestly, I don't know of anyone that is going to volunteer for this because she was scary behind the wheel even before her fall this past April...I just don't see myself being an eager beaver in this scenario.

This news translates into no one having to stay the night with her anymore. She still needs help changing her clothes, but she's got to the point where she is walking with her walker in the evenings to bed and setting things up so all she has to do is walk to the bathroom first thing, handle her business and then she gets in the shower (where she has a shower chair) and can manage until someone helps her with her clothes.

Mom had planned on coming over last night to help her to bed, but she is busy as hell packing and trying to get all my dad's shit together so he can "play army" and leave for Kosovo at the end of the week. I told Gma that I'd be able to help her, but that I had wanted to be in bed by the nine to nine thirty mark because it was the one day I had this week where I'd actually be able to do that. So nine twenty five rolls around and she's in bed...I'm flipping the light off when her cell phone rings. FUCK. I continue with what I was doing and let the dog back in so that I can be in bed by my planned time for a change.

My cellphone rings shortly after and Gma tells me that George (my jackass deacon uncle who has his own concept of time) has decided that because he's going to his daughter's house (this bitchy spoiled chick) in South Carolina in the morning and will be there for a week he needed to cut the grass tonight. Gma actually agreed which pissed me off. She tells me that if it gets too loud and distracting to just put the covers over my head....REALLY LADY, REALLY?

It's nine forty five by this point, I send Jen the last text of the night, urging her to get some sleep for a change too when I hear it. THE LAWNMOWER--one of those industrial grade landscaping deals (because he couldnt just buy a simple John Deere)...he wanted one that sounds like it has a jet engine apparently. I dose off for a few minutes while he cut the opposite side of the house.

10:08 pm I hear the house phone ring, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS...(I'm sorry, I'm old school and don't believe in calling anyone after nine o'clock at night...you never know what they're doing)...I never answer Gma's phone because no one I know even has the number, I know it's not for me....(unless it's XM radio trying to get me to come back...they found the number via my address I suppose, because I don't even have Gma's number listed on my car loan application where they got my original information...I'm strictly a cell phone person and hell of my 450 anytime minutes, I might use 13 in a given month...) But I digress....

I close my eyes after tossing and turning a few times to fall asleep again, only to be woke up by the loud jet propelled lawn mower under my window...I get up, stomp over the light switch, flip it on....along with every other light I possibly can on my way to the bathroom....Pee since I was up anyway, stomp back to bed after turning lights off and try it one more time, cussing my uncle the most creative ways I possibly can. He's such a fuckhead with no concept of mowing etiquette. I wanted him to know I was up thats why I flipped on all the lights and did everything short of opening the blinds, tossing out the screen as I opened the window to hang out of it flipping him off and yelling obscenities into the night.

I mean just because they put lights on the front end of lawnmowers doesn't mean you HAVE to use them. Why is this such a hard concept to grasp? It's like just because my car comes with a lighter...I'm not required to use it. It's decoration. Ten Forty eight... and still awake....

Why do I even fucking try. The alarm goes off at five forty five, I get out of bed at six fifteen, grumpy, eyes swollen, and the thought of calling in in my mind....I officially do not like my uncle. (this time for a legitimate reason...--before the reason just included that he talked to fucking much, was annoying, has it in his head I'm going to hell for being gay, avoids touching his own brother...not my dad but my other uncle who is gay as if he's scared my uncle is contagious...) Most days I see him talking and I'm not listening...I'm looking through him and wishing I hadn't gotten rid of that 18" double ended dildo that was like a coke can in girth, lol....(it was scary) but made an excellent prop for when drinking at parties. I'd pull it out and if someone was annoying me I'd smack them in the face with it....I should invest in another one....hell seeing his face as he got smacked by a translucent hot pink monster cock would definitely be worth the investment. And if I'm going to hell anyway....why not.... haha.

On the upside...the grass is cut so I don't have to worry about not seeing a snake coming after me in the tall grass....I'M STILL PISSED HOWEVER.

I survived....BARELY

This has nothing to do with this post, but Chino kitty really REALLY loves Crunch 'n munch. He is also a fan of doritos, cheetos, bacon, roast beef w/gravy, etc...he's a weirdo.
Tonight was my dad's surprise going away party. He and my mom fell asleep and were late, which was funny...but everything came together well. I told grandma to shut the hell up in the nicest way I possibly could. I told her that she was adding to the stress and confusion of everything and that I wasn't trying to be mean, but I was frazzled and while I realized that she was trying to help she was really adding to the confusion...she understood. This is a picture of my brother and I.

Jen and I on the back porch...that's soybeans behind us, I think...haha...

The fam...Mandi aka preggers/baby oven, mom, me, Jeffro, and Dad

Reason # 721 why I love my family...they are hilarious...Dad and Jeffrey strike a pose (and yes that is a "cape" on Jeff's back)

Me and Jen again...

Me and Mandi

Jen, Lil Man, and Me...(my mom's friend Abbie told lil man he'd get a dollar if he'd cooperate for the pic...this is the best pic he's ever taken, haha...and she paid up, lol)

Chino Kitty

Chino Kitty is the coolest cat EVER. I never used to be a cat person, but this cat gets me. He does his own thing most of the time, only ensuring I keep him fed, periodically petted, and happy in general. He's been known to sit on the back of the couch while I do homework and groom me (lick my hair) which is freaky...but he follows me wherever I go so for the most part I just let him finish...after a few minutes he feels content and goes back to purring and sleeping. I on the other hand feel guilty because it's not like I'm going to turn around and lick him back...that would be a level of love that is just unnatural between a woman and her pussy... and I like to think I have a great relationship with both of mine...nothing too creepy...ha ha.

Anyway I was just in the mood to share some pics of the greatest kitty in the world... World...Meet Chino Kitty.

He likes to take naps with me

He uses Grandma's walker as his thrown (he's a little out of sorts lately since Gma is still in the wheelchair...but he manages...

He's gotten big since I adopted him from the Nashville Animal Shelter over four years ago...He's long...over three feet from nose to tail.

And who doesn't love a kitty in camouflage.

Is it Friday yet...

So I'm tired all the time. I wake up Monday mornings wanting to fast forward to Friday just so the weekend is that much closer. I find myself today, Wednesday--hump day of all things yet again struggling to stay awake at work. My eyeballs are heavy and the fact that I only have 7 contractors working today makes for a slow day. No coachings to do, no pressing must do's or any of that jazz....just me trying to come up with McGeyver like ways of staying awake... no luck yet.

I am supposed to be shown how to use AS400...one of the systems they use here in the warehouse (it's how the products/pallets are tracked from the time they start being picked to the time they are shipped)...I'm supposed to have my own login now, but that has been put on hold because the Assistant GM isn't sure that me having a login is a good idea. Nothing against me, just the thought of an On-Site Supervisor that works for a different company having access to one of their systems freaks them out apparently...but regardless I'm going to learn it so that it will help me coach my contractors in the long run...that's the important thing, not whether or not I have a login to go with it.

I've decided that though it would make my paycheck suck complete and total ass, I'd like to have at least a half a day Friday off. I need to figure out a time that I can take Pepper to the vet and get her nails trimmed...(Pepper doesn't like it when I do it--I've never hurt her by doing it, but she just freaks out...I think she just doesn't think her mom should be doing such things to her...) So I take her to the vet where they cut them shorter because they know what they are doing and she remains calm the whole time and they are done in under thirty seconds....that's worth ten bucks to me. Plus I'm out of her flea stuff and I'll need some within a couple of weeks so might as well add that to the list.

I need to clean grandma's windows. I do them once a year, normally around memorial day (though I'm behind schedule this year obviously)...because since we have fields on every side of the house the dust and dirt from the farmers plowing gets out of hand from time to time...she normally pays me 10 bucks a window which translates into about 300 bucks in one day. Not too shabby. I think that I'm going to offer to do it for her half price this time though because even though I could use some of the money towards bills...my main focus right now is just having money to put toward my sisters baby shower gift. (Jen and I are going in together to get something and even though she always tells me not to worry about it, she can handle it...I don't pay rent where I live, and she does...so I'm hell bent on carrying my weight somewhere because by all technicality I have few bills than her...does that make sense?) I want my sister to open our gift and be like "hell yeah...Jen and Tommy are the best.." which she'd do anyway if all we bought was a booger sucker thing...but again, I digress.

There's a lot of stuff coming up in the next few weeks:

This weekend is my dad's surprise going away/birthday party. That will kick off Sunday.

The Sunday after that I have to go to Richmond for my dad's official send off. Since he's being deployed for AN ENTIRE YEAR on his birthday (Aug. 7) he won't be able to leave base that weekend, but the families are invited to a cookout thing to say bye and all that jazz for him to officially leave that Monday....He'll be in Germany for a couple of weeks and then go to Kosovo from there.

The weekend after that is my sister's baby shower. Since none of her friends are reliable and stepped up me, my aunt melissa, and my mom are all trying to put it together for her...though my portion consists of staying out of the freaking way primarily, lol.

Then finally....the next weekend will consist of some R and R down in Hatteras with Jen and Lil man...(and whoever else in the family that might be down there already)... I have requested that Friday off so that we can go down Thursday night and have a long weekend down there. I'm going to take them on the ferry over to Ocracoke Island and just down and around wherever....it's going to be fun and is already much needed.

Then my sister should have the baby anytime between then and September 25 (her due date is the 15th, though she's aiming for the 9th because she wants her baby to have 09/09/09 as her birthday, lol.

For now, I'll just sneak a nap this afternoon so that I don't fall asleep during my group meeting tonight at 9:30...since I won't have a chance to go to bed at a decent hour tonight...that's the best I can do.

The Zoo....woohoo

I love the zoo. Granted the one near where I live is rather small in comparison to others...it gets the job done. Jen and I got up Sunday morning, got lil man moving, picked up Mandi and headed out for a day of adventure at the zoo. (I want to go to the National Zoo...it's only about 3 hours away from me in DC...but I'll have to wait til my money is right. The Baltimore Aquarium is also on the list, but I digress.)

So we get there. I'm a little skeptical about the day ahead as my sister Mandi who went with us is now in her eighth month of pregnancy, has been known to fly off the handle at nothing and well it was hot...I was concerned to say the least. I was proud of her she maintained despite heat that felt like 180 degree temperatures and random little kids that were running around and totally needed their asses beat...though I'm at the point where I'm realizing that sometimes it's the parents that need their ass beat lol. But anyway. It was a good trip.

One of my favorites is the Prairie Dog exhibit...they are so funny to watch and I found one who was rather photogenic and enjoyed having his/her picture taken.

We stopped to take the most unflattering photo EVER... lol. But whatever I'll rock it, haha. We're still sexy as hell...(more cushion for the pushin' right, haha--yeah that was lame) but anyway....the butterfly bench is also a fave of mine at the zoo for some reason. Jen was a real team player through this whole thing because she pushed lil man around in a cart the whole time, up hills, down hills...we were all tired to say the least.

At first lil man didn't want to have his picture taken on the butterfly bench, he was hot and tired of sitting still (when Jen pushed him at least he had a breeze)... after everyone else started doing it he wanted to have his picture taken too... he had a good time overall....

The giraffes hid in the shade (as most of the animals did....it was effing hot) I mean hell, the temp was as high as giraffe pussy...(you know I couldn't resist) though I think this one's a guy...you get the point.

The rhino amused me yesterday as well. I never noticed how flat their lips are but this one was kind of scooting his face around the ground...he laid down and huffed and all you could see was a cloud of dust roll out in front of him...good stuff.


I had a good time, as did the rest of the group. Though I think the next Sunday outing will need to be somewhere air conditioned like the Aquarium or Children's Museum--at least until fall or winter.... I'd rather be cold and layer lots of clothes than sweating my balls off.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T...

I have decided that my ideal job would be that of Mediator. Someone who mediates in any situation ranging from messy divorces to peace treaties and the UN or something...I dunno.

I had noticed lately that Gma seems to have a real issue with my sister. She's always making comments that would indicate that she doesn't even like my sister (and keep in my mind she's not even my grandmother by blood and I'm her favorite...it's weird)...it concerned me. My sister has voiced concerns as well and talks about how "the old bat" as she put it doesn't even like her. She used me as an example and said that if I needed new tires all I'd have to do is mention and bam, four brand new tires. If Mandi mentions needing new tires, grandma cuts out a coupon for tires to give her, lol. (It's true. Gma has bought me new tires before...so valid point)

Well on top of that it seems that everyone and their mom vents to me. I honestly don't have a problem with that until it comes time for me to vent and I feel like I can't talk to anyone (so I blog instead) because everyone has too much already weighing on them as it is. Or if I do talk to them I'm perceived as just being melodramatic. Mom vents to me about the shit that Gma does to piss her off and threatens to smother her in her sleep...(which is funny only because I used to threaten that and mom would say that when Gma dies they are ordering an autopsy because they aren't convinced I wouldn't really do it...wtf?) Here's an example of a similar conversation:

I'm upstairs getting ready to watch a movie and my sister is downstairs so I texted her...

Me: Hey I'm about to hit play, do you wanna watch Transporter 3 or not
Mandi: mom and I are down here on the verge of killing grandma
Me: is that a yes or a no
Mandi: Turn the volume up so when the police come you won't be able to answer any questions
Me: lol
Mandi: lol, and no to the movie, yes to really thinking about hurting Gma

It's apparent that Grandma is putting a little of everyone over the edge at this point. Well I went to sleep on Friday night and had the most jacked up dream. Grandma was reading me an email in the dream (which she is famous for speaking over an entire room of people to ensure that at least one person hears the email that some random cousin of an uncles moms dad sent her..."don't you remember who that is..." no, "oh sure ya do..." blah blah blah blah) I yelled at her in the dream. No, I didn't just yell, I straight up flipped the hell out on her and in the dream, she died shortly after.

I woke up feeling guilty for letting things get so built up to the point that I am having bad dreams about things that are happening in my waking life...so I go downstairs prior to running errands with my sister and I trapped Gma in the bathroom. I literally trapped her. You see the bathroom is narrow, she pees with the door open so I walk in and see she has finished peeing and is now back in her wheelchair in front of the sink. I stand behind her wheelchair looking into the mirror to talk to her, and her using the mirror to talk to me. There was not enough space for her to maneuver or turn around with me standing there so she was trapped and had to hear me out. I did this, not because I'm evil...but because my grandmother has the attention span of a goldfish and I needed her full undivided attention for what I had to say.

I calmly explained that I needed to talk to her and that I didn't want to hurt her feelings but I have noticed some things that were bothering me and that I had concerns with. The topics ranged from my sister and how grandma seems to hate her and how she constantly knit picks with my mom, and how she doesn't say please and thank you, I mean everything.

I made a great deal of progress. It turns out that my Gma had let things that my sister is doing or has done that she doesn't approve of get in the way of normal daily activities. (my theory is that my sister is getting all the attention right now with the baby coming and the attention isn't on Gma so much since her leg is healing and well Gma is jealous) but I digress. I reminded Gma that there are things in my life that she doesn't approve of (the gay thing in a way) but it doesnt make her love me any less and so on. In the end she cried because she said, "I'm sad because I'm too old to hold the baby like I want to." I said grandma, get over yourself, you could be 93 and you're not going to be too old to hold the baby. By the time the baby gets here you'll be driving around and walking on your own...she patted her belly and I used it as a cue to point out that she already had a shelf for the baby to lay on, she laughed....

Her issues with mom have to do with mom always wanting to be right (and Gma being the same way) and neither of them backing down until someone is proved right. My mom is the same way with Aunt Melissa and it gets annoying to listen to but no one, including me likes to be wrong...she commented on how mom doesn't even let her pick out her own clothes....and how mom is so anxious all the time to have everything done just right that she feels like she doesn't have the option to do things for herself like she would like to. I pointed out that she needed to sit down and nicely tell these things to mom so that they could work them out. End of story...she agreed and then told me not to tell mom the things she said...

On Thursday Gma barked an order at me without a please or a thank you after it was done. I called her out on it. I'm always reminding lil man to use his manners...what happened to Gma's I wonder. For a lady that taught 1st grade for years, she should know that these things are essential. I explained that while I understand she's not used to so many people being around trying to help, that she shouldn't stop treating us like people by not saying please and thank you...I said we are not your slaves....we are not cool with you barking orders and doing as told. Just ask us nicely...that sparred another topic...she feels like she doesn't get the respect she deserves from people sometimes...okay again....TELL SOMEONE WHEN IT HAPPENS, IN A NICE TONE AND STOP YELLING AT PEOPLE...you have to give respect to get it....everyone knows that

The talk lasted about 20 minutes and at the end grandma said that she is just trying to guide us in the way the Lord is guiding us. I told her that if the Lord has a plan for us I'm sure he can manage just fine getting his message across without you micromanaging and turning your nose up at something we do that you disagree with. She agreed. I used the whole me being gay thing to prove my point. I told her that just because you think I should be with a man, marry one, have kids and all that shit...doesn't mean it's right for me and on the same token, just because I'm gay doesn't mean that my relationship with God is any less important or great than yours is.

One of my favorite lines from a movie comes from Dogma.... "Jesus, I know Jesus...nigga owes me 20 dollas." lol.

But anyway I called my mom after the talk I had with Gma gave her only the details she needed (though I don't know what will come of it....at least she and dad are on vacation this week) it's just me and Aunt Melissa and Gma this week.... I also filled Mandi in on some of the details. For now, the dust has settled and as much peace that can exist, has moved into the house.

Yep...I'm such a damn mediator...but when it comes to my personal life I can't seem to figure shit out or make things function as smoothly...it baffles me sometimes.