My head hurts. It's one of those headaches that starts behind your eyeballs and spreads across the top of your head...eventually making simple tasks like breathing nearly unbearable. The warehouse noises aren't helping... I'm in a slump.
I got what felt like my first official coaching from my boss yesterday over the telephone since she's in Texas this week helping the implementation team or something. I'm finding it more and more difficult to care, but I need to snap out of it so I don't lose my job before I have something else lined up.
Long story short, I hadn't received the information necessary from the client to issue performance points for my people. (4 performance points equals termination)... I don't have access to their systems and therefore must wait for them to provide the information to me. I was two weeks behind when I finally got the print outs on Friday. I wrote an email to my boss explaining that I wasn't going to backdate points (because I thought it was fucking stupid)... She didn't read the email until yesterday after landing in San Antonio.
She explained to me that just because I was frustrated with the way things are doesn't mean that I can just take a break from issuing points because the information wasn't provided, blah blah blah. She was valid in what she said, because while I wasn't given the information I didn't exactly go and harass anyone until they gave it to me. So I was in the wrong and I own that.
It just sucks to be in a slump and have a hard time getting out of it. Because what it boils down to is that whether I hate my job on a given day or not (though I'm thankful to have one) my presence affects my contractors. Just because I don't hold them accountable for a week doesn't mean that the client won't.
My boss reminded me today that my job out here is to hold my people accountable. Well you know what I'm tired. I'm tired of attempting to coach and develop someone just for them to fired the next day before it even has a chance to sink in. I'm tired of constantly firing someone, I'm tired of being invisible, I'm tired of having no impact whatsoever. I'm just tired.
I remember when I used to love this job. Looked forward to coming in every afternoon...but here lately, I don't look forward to anything work related. There is no passion. Just me, showing up and pissing people off. Sure, no one wants to be held accountable, but hey that's my job, so pissing people off and firing folks for not meeting the expectations is a given...
I suppose that right now it's even worse than normal because of how shitty I feel and how I just get the vibe that there is something better out there for me. Of course with ten hour days six days a week, when does one have time to find it? By the time I get off of work, go home, cook dinner, amuse grandma for a few, and get upstairs it's already 8... and I need to be in bed by 9:30 to even function the next morning....
I feel lost. alone. afraid. hopeless. I'm mad at myself for having to have been coached... freakin' first time in 15 months though...not exactly a bad record, but still...I neglected to take the whole co-employment picture into account. I lost sight of things and let my frustration get the best of me. Fucking a. Fucking a.
I just wanna curl up in a ball and sleep for nine days.
Showing posts with label warehouse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label warehouse. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
14 months
It only took 14 months for the General Manager to acknowledge, accept, appreciate, and laugh at my sense of humor. It's like all of a sudden something clicked and he was like, "wow, Tommy's pretty clever..." or something. He told me a couple of weeks ago that he was impressed by the little one liner I offered at the daily meeting... (my thought was, dude I do it all the time, where have you been...) made note and just kept it moving.
Yesterday, he talked to me a bit more which still makes me paranoid...yes, I'm one of "those people." But this morning, this morning was icing on the cake. I'm out on the floor (yes working on a saturday, eww) and he comes up to me and is like "hey, are those the two girls from yesterday that were spotted just chillin' after pretending to be sick and leaving work?" I explained they were and that my boss and his ops manager had decided that a final warning was acceptable simply because they need bodies here to work with the volume as high as it is. I assured him that my boss was working on getting more quality people in here so that we wouldn't have to tolerate such things in the future. He wasn't amused.
He wanted to know why we were wasting time on them and just hadn't fired them. I explained it to him again, but using different verbage and added how on a personal note I'm trying to not get frustrated by the fact that we can't hire dependable people that come to work on the regular and want to be here.... I said a few other things and he stopped. ( I assumed I had said something wrong) He looks at me and says, "Tommy don't lose that passion... when you lose that passion, that's when you begin to accept mediocrity." It was deep, but weird. Did I just have a philosophical moment with the GM, a dude who has kept communication with me to a bare minimum since my start here over 14 months ago? Wow...breakthrough or twilight zone? I'm not sure.
To top it off I had continued on my "rounds" and was helping some of my ladies reticket some items and build a pallet when he walks by and is like "Tommy can I talk to you." Okay sure... the convo went something like this:
Me: Yes sir, what's up
Him: I thought you were going out of town this weekend
Me: (chuckled) I was, but we had to work today...and no one could cover my shift (meaning I didn't bother asking my boss because I knew she wouldn't be interested), so I had plans of being gone, but it didn't work out
Him: Oh, I'm sorry about that, so you're saving the trip for another time?
Me; Well it worked out that I was broke this weekend anyway and couldn't afford to go, plus I was out sick on tuesday and since I don't get sick time, I need the few extra hours to make up for it....
Him: Oh Okay, I just new we had talked about it earlier this week...I was confused. I'm glad to see you're not in a bad mood though... "Grumpy Tommy" has the potential for fifty pissed off people from the start (in reference to my contractors)...
He continued laughing about how he uses the "Grumpy Tommy" metaphor as a management strategy in meetings or something...okay weirdo. I mean yeah, sort of funny, but I'm more concerned by why this guy is talking to me all of a sudden. I'm freaking out.
I'm kind of in GM overload. People totally switching it up on me like that freaks me the hell out. It would be one thing if he were bipolar or something and constantly up and down...but this is a total change from how things normally are. I'm paranoid.
There are rumors of more cuts within the client company happening by February...I don't see my job lasting into the new year... I don't see the presence of the staffing company I work for being out here period by that time... I'm being realistic. In order for the client to survive (despite the numerous cuts they've already made) they are going to have to operate bare bones to make up for the labor involved in peak "production"... I just hope that my resume catches someone's attention by that point so that I can leave voluntarily rather than being escorted out. Blah.
I've thought about looking for work in new cities or areas, but I don't know where to begin...or where I'd want to work. I love new england, never been and they have shitty cold winters but I've always been drawn there...Maine especially. Oregon has always caught my eye, so has Washington State... I don't see myself in a Alabama, Arkansas, Mississippi place or the surrounding area....
Georgia maybe, South Carolina, North Carolina dependent upon the area.... Texas, not really but I dunno, Oklahoma, Kansas or Tornado anywhere, fuck no.... Arizona and New Mexico sure... but the freaky snakes and spiders rule it out... California, nah... Nevada, Utah, Nah.... Idaho, what the fuck, no, Colorado, maybe... Minnesota, South/North Dakota, Alaska.... negative... I'm not trying to be in Virginia forever but I definitely have to research before actually following through on such a drastic thought. Ohio, no... I think a good portion of Ohio is now living in Virginia simply for the military bases around here... there and Kansas seem to have folks that join the military just to get the hell up out of there, haha.... why would I go sprinting that route... Michigan...Wisconsin...I dunno...
I'm amused about the thought of just picking up and starting fresh, but in reality I could do that with a move out of grandma's house you know, I don't have to leave the state... Canada would be a thought... but not the french side... lol. I guess I've kind of narrowed it down a bit, I mean shit, what's left really, lol. Oh West Virginia--NEGATIVE...i Have family there...which means I'm already related to probably the whole state somehow or another...
I digress...spreadsheets to do... gotta get ready for Monday.
Yesterday, he talked to me a bit more which still makes me paranoid...yes, I'm one of "those people." But this morning, this morning was icing on the cake. I'm out on the floor (yes working on a saturday, eww) and he comes up to me and is like "hey, are those the two girls from yesterday that were spotted just chillin' after pretending to be sick and leaving work?" I explained they were and that my boss and his ops manager had decided that a final warning was acceptable simply because they need bodies here to work with the volume as high as it is. I assured him that my boss was working on getting more quality people in here so that we wouldn't have to tolerate such things in the future. He wasn't amused.
He wanted to know why we were wasting time on them and just hadn't fired them. I explained it to him again, but using different verbage and added how on a personal note I'm trying to not get frustrated by the fact that we can't hire dependable people that come to work on the regular and want to be here.... I said a few other things and he stopped. ( I assumed I had said something wrong) He looks at me and says, "Tommy don't lose that passion... when you lose that passion, that's when you begin to accept mediocrity." It was deep, but weird. Did I just have a philosophical moment with the GM, a dude who has kept communication with me to a bare minimum since my start here over 14 months ago? Wow...breakthrough or twilight zone? I'm not sure.
To top it off I had continued on my "rounds" and was helping some of my ladies reticket some items and build a pallet when he walks by and is like "Tommy can I talk to you." Okay sure... the convo went something like this:
Me: Yes sir, what's up
Him: I thought you were going out of town this weekend
Me: (chuckled) I was, but we had to work today...and no one could cover my shift (meaning I didn't bother asking my boss because I knew she wouldn't be interested), so I had plans of being gone, but it didn't work out
Him: Oh, I'm sorry about that, so you're saving the trip for another time?
Me; Well it worked out that I was broke this weekend anyway and couldn't afford to go, plus I was out sick on tuesday and since I don't get sick time, I need the few extra hours to make up for it....
Him: Oh Okay, I just new we had talked about it earlier this week...I was confused. I'm glad to see you're not in a bad mood though... "Grumpy Tommy" has the potential for fifty pissed off people from the start (in reference to my contractors)...
He continued laughing about how he uses the "Grumpy Tommy" metaphor as a management strategy in meetings or something...okay weirdo. I mean yeah, sort of funny, but I'm more concerned by why this guy is talking to me all of a sudden. I'm freaking out.
I'm kind of in GM overload. People totally switching it up on me like that freaks me the hell out. It would be one thing if he were bipolar or something and constantly up and down...but this is a total change from how things normally are. I'm paranoid.
There are rumors of more cuts within the client company happening by February...I don't see my job lasting into the new year... I don't see the presence of the staffing company I work for being out here period by that time... I'm being realistic. In order for the client to survive (despite the numerous cuts they've already made) they are going to have to operate bare bones to make up for the labor involved in peak "production"... I just hope that my resume catches someone's attention by that point so that I can leave voluntarily rather than being escorted out. Blah.
I've thought about looking for work in new cities or areas, but I don't know where to begin...or where I'd want to work. I love new england, never been and they have shitty cold winters but I've always been drawn there...Maine especially. Oregon has always caught my eye, so has Washington State... I don't see myself in a Alabama, Arkansas, Mississippi place or the surrounding area....
Georgia maybe, South Carolina, North Carolina dependent upon the area.... Texas, not really but I dunno, Oklahoma, Kansas or Tornado anywhere, fuck no.... Arizona and New Mexico sure... but the freaky snakes and spiders rule it out... California, nah... Nevada, Utah, Nah.... Idaho, what the fuck, no, Colorado, maybe... Minnesota, South/North Dakota, Alaska.... negative... I'm not trying to be in Virginia forever but I definitely have to research before actually following through on such a drastic thought. Ohio, no... I think a good portion of Ohio is now living in Virginia simply for the military bases around here... there and Kansas seem to have folks that join the military just to get the hell up out of there, haha.... why would I go sprinting that route... Michigan...Wisconsin...I dunno...
I'm amused about the thought of just picking up and starting fresh, but in reality I could do that with a move out of grandma's house you know, I don't have to leave the state... Canada would be a thought... but not the french side... lol. I guess I've kind of narrowed it down a bit, I mean shit, what's left really, lol. Oh West Virginia--NEGATIVE...i Have family there...which means I'm already related to probably the whole state somehow or another...
I digress...spreadsheets to do... gotta get ready for Monday.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Bend over and grab your ankles
I walked into work hell this morning. In the middle of checking the voicemail to see how many call outs I had, one of the supervisors called my cell. The conversation went like this:
Her: Um, whats the deal with all of these people being here?
Me: You told me yesterday at 2:30 that you wanted every one of your people here
Her: So the calls didn't get made?
Me: Why would I make calls if you told me everyone was working?
Her: I sent an email to B (my boss) yesterday at 3:00 telling her that I only needed four people and gave her the names.
Me: She is in Chesapeake, I'm right here in the warehouse--it's easy to overlook an email, I'm here until four every day so that I can make calls and line up ya'lls staffing needs, I can't do that if ya'll don't tell me
Her: Well, I'm going to send them up there to you then
Essentially, the expectation is that if any of my contractors report to work, they should get paid for/given 4 hours of work. (This almost never happens) If they tell me ahead of time, I call my contractors the evening before so they don't waste gas coming to work when the volume isn't there to support them being there. So today, I had a handful of people come in, only to get sent home which left me looking like an ass for leaving my guys hanging. It pissed me off first thing.
So needless to say at the 8:45 (the daily meeting because this place has more fucking meetings than any company I've ever seen, it's a wonder that anything fucking gets done) I made the announcement reminding all of the sups that I can't help them if they don't communicate to me what they need as far as staffing then I can't help them. Then I reminded them that B works at the main office, I'm right here on sight...Please email her as a back up, but you have to tell me or it's not going to happen.
Then to cover my own ass, I went to the Assistant General Manager's office...He's second in command for the whole damn Distribution center....I explained to him that I was told 30 minutes prior to said email going out that everyone was expected to be here. I also mentioned that I hold myself accountable in ensuring their success by having my people there... but I feel like they aren't accountable in their ho hum attitude and lack of urgency in providing me with their staffing needs.
FUCK! MY GIRL ASHLEY JUST GOT VOTED OFF TOP CHEF LAS VEGAS, fuck. Another lesbo down....
My bad... lemme focus... one of the girls at work put in her notice. I was talking with Field Hockey (whose hair I actually cut tonight)... and she was like would you considering doing her position? It's HR Assistant for the DC... My instinct says no. I'm tired of the bullshit, not just with the staffing company I work for, but the client company as well. Not to mention, it would in a way look like I was backtracking resume wise because it would be a step or two backwards in my opinion. I would like the HR side of things, and have to start somewhere but...I dunno. She asked me if I had talked to Jen about it yet to get her opinion...
Me: No, Not yet
Her: Dude, that's what relationships are for, not just sex....sometimes in talking to people you find they have insights into things that can help you
Me: OMG it's not like I was never going to talk to her...I just haven't yet...I'm working, I'm busy, she's working, she's busy
Her: laughs....
I just thought it was funny that she would say some shit like that... Cheerleader finally announced that shes pregnant again. I think she's about 11 weeks along and is already eating crazy.
On a random note, Chino kitty is freaking out and meowing nonstop missing Gma. Gma is coming home tomorrow night so he'll be set then....he loves gma because she feeds him junkfood all the time.
My sister Mandi told me this evening not only did her soon to be ex husband's lawyer retire (as in put a sign up on the door and said peace out, didn't refer any of his clients or anything) but he called her today to tell her that her lawyer had called him ... he said that he hadn't gone to pick anything up yet, Mandi asked why...he apparently fell off a building and broke both of his legs.
Holy fuck. If ya'll knew the whole story it's safe to say that you would be shocked as to the wrath that karma is bringing his way... damn.
Fuck, it's late...I need to pack a bag and get ready for the dentist tomorrow afternoon and then to Jen's... at least I won't be up late...since I made arrangements for pepper I'll be able to crash there...and in theory right after lil man goes to bed... I'm tired and it's been a long week.
I'll have equipment training again this Friday... Fuck. Come on Saturday morning....
Oh and on my lunch break I ran into my ex-best friend's cousin. She's all grown up now and there is no way in hell that she's not a member of the all girls team.... this is humorous to me because my ex-BF was a total homophobe back in the day (I don't know if she still is or not)... lil things like that make me happy.
Cost Plus World Market is having a friends and family event this weekend where you can save 25% off of everything except like alcohol I believe. I obviously can't get the lil coupon to everyone in that amount of time, but if anyone wants the online discount code, just let me know... I'll send you the info... how sad is it that I work in one of the two distros for this compnay and have never been in a store...maybe I'll go this weekend. They are kind of like a Pier One Imports ON CRACK... lol
Her: Um, whats the deal with all of these people being here?
Me: You told me yesterday at 2:30 that you wanted every one of your people here
Her: So the calls didn't get made?
Me: Why would I make calls if you told me everyone was working?
Her: I sent an email to B (my boss) yesterday at 3:00 telling her that I only needed four people and gave her the names.
Me: She is in Chesapeake, I'm right here in the warehouse--it's easy to overlook an email, I'm here until four every day so that I can make calls and line up ya'lls staffing needs, I can't do that if ya'll don't tell me
Her: Well, I'm going to send them up there to you then
Essentially, the expectation is that if any of my contractors report to work, they should get paid for/given 4 hours of work. (This almost never happens) If they tell me ahead of time, I call my contractors the evening before so they don't waste gas coming to work when the volume isn't there to support them being there. So today, I had a handful of people come in, only to get sent home which left me looking like an ass for leaving my guys hanging. It pissed me off first thing.
So needless to say at the 8:45 (the daily meeting because this place has more fucking meetings than any company I've ever seen, it's a wonder that anything fucking gets done) I made the announcement reminding all of the sups that I can't help them if they don't communicate to me what they need as far as staffing then I can't help them. Then I reminded them that B works at the main office, I'm right here on sight...Please email her as a back up, but you have to tell me or it's not going to happen.
Then to cover my own ass, I went to the Assistant General Manager's office...He's second in command for the whole damn Distribution center....I explained to him that I was told 30 minutes prior to said email going out that everyone was expected to be here. I also mentioned that I hold myself accountable in ensuring their success by having my people there... but I feel like they aren't accountable in their ho hum attitude and lack of urgency in providing me with their staffing needs.
FUCK! MY GIRL ASHLEY JUST GOT VOTED OFF TOP CHEF LAS VEGAS, fuck. Another lesbo down....
My bad... lemme focus... one of the girls at work put in her notice. I was talking with Field Hockey (whose hair I actually cut tonight)... and she was like would you considering doing her position? It's HR Assistant for the DC... My instinct says no. I'm tired of the bullshit, not just with the staffing company I work for, but the client company as well. Not to mention, it would in a way look like I was backtracking resume wise because it would be a step or two backwards in my opinion. I would like the HR side of things, and have to start somewhere but...I dunno. She asked me if I had talked to Jen about it yet to get her opinion...
Me: No, Not yet
Her: Dude, that's what relationships are for, not just sex....sometimes in talking to people you find they have insights into things that can help you
Me: OMG it's not like I was never going to talk to her...I just haven't yet...I'm working, I'm busy, she's working, she's busy
Her: laughs....
I just thought it was funny that she would say some shit like that... Cheerleader finally announced that shes pregnant again. I think she's about 11 weeks along and is already eating crazy.
On a random note, Chino kitty is freaking out and meowing nonstop missing Gma. Gma is coming home tomorrow night so he'll be set then....he loves gma because she feeds him junkfood all the time.
My sister Mandi told me this evening not only did her soon to be ex husband's lawyer retire (as in put a sign up on the door and said peace out, didn't refer any of his clients or anything) but he called her today to tell her that her lawyer had called him ... he said that he hadn't gone to pick anything up yet, Mandi asked why...he apparently fell off a building and broke both of his legs.
Holy fuck. If ya'll knew the whole story it's safe to say that you would be shocked as to the wrath that karma is bringing his way... damn.
Fuck, it's late...I need to pack a bag and get ready for the dentist tomorrow afternoon and then to Jen's... at least I won't be up late...since I made arrangements for pepper I'll be able to crash there...and in theory right after lil man goes to bed... I'm tired and it's been a long week.
I'll have equipment training again this Friday... Fuck. Come on Saturday morning....
Oh and on my lunch break I ran into my ex-best friend's cousin. She's all grown up now and there is no way in hell that she's not a member of the all girls team.... this is humorous to me because my ex-BF was a total homophobe back in the day (I don't know if she still is or not)... lil things like that make me happy.
Cost Plus World Market is having a friends and family event this weekend where you can save 25% off of everything except like alcohol I believe. I obviously can't get the lil coupon to everyone in that amount of time, but if anyone wants the online discount code, just let me know... I'll send you the info... how sad is it that I work in one of the two distros for this compnay and have never been in a store...maybe I'll go this weekend. They are kind of like a Pier One Imports ON CRACK... lol
Monday, October 5, 2009
I refuse
I refuse to be stressed today.
I refuse to allow them to get the best of me.
I refuse to find solace in soda in chocolate...
I refuse to let their annoying ways wear on me
I refuse to acknowledge anything other than a working relationship
I refuse to continually ask myself why and how, when it's obvious the answer is above my rank...
I refuse to let these fuckers knock me down
I refuse to let them win
I refuse to relinquish control
I refuse
I refuse
A typical monday at work. I came in and before seven a.m. had fired two people for violating our No call no show policy...had another person quit because she knew I was going to fire her today for falling short on the accuracy expectations, and two people went permanent with the client company, which I totally support.
It was discovered, after delivering my two new starts to their assigned areas in the distribution center that the one contractor I had that was told to not come to work (by me, at the client's request) ended up being because they just didn't feel she was going to cut it. Really, you had me coach her one time then stopped calling her in, how are we supposed to know whether or not the coaching and developing session worked if you aren't going to give her the chance. Fuckers.
Then when talking to my boss about all of this, she tells me that she had talked to the Ops manager in relation to this matter and that he is now going to send her emails everytime they want me to coach someone (as if to say, they had requested this girl get coached multiple times and I just didn't do it.) Fucking Fuckers.
Today is the weigh in and I'm not trying to be stressed because that always tends to lead to chocolate and soda to make me feel better. I don't have time for mood eating... I'm not craving anything now, so I'm sure venting the way I have today will be conducive to my success... I just don't understand how these fuckers are in the positions they are in... ignorant assholes is what they are.... a bunch of damn dirty dumpster cunts.
SCREAM....and release....
I've got coachings to do now...oh so many coachings. I'm only one person. What the fuck do they want me to do. Please, send an email to my boss... I'm doing everything I'm supposed to and I relay that info to her... you'll be the jackasses in the long run... piss poor management my friends, piss poor management.
I refuse to allow them to get the best of me.
I refuse to find solace in soda in chocolate...
I refuse to let their annoying ways wear on me
I refuse to acknowledge anything other than a working relationship
I refuse to continually ask myself why and how, when it's obvious the answer is above my rank...
I refuse to let these fuckers knock me down
I refuse to let them win
I refuse to relinquish control
I refuse
I refuse
A typical monday at work. I came in and before seven a.m. had fired two people for violating our No call no show policy...had another person quit because she knew I was going to fire her today for falling short on the accuracy expectations, and two people went permanent with the client company, which I totally support.
It was discovered, after delivering my two new starts to their assigned areas in the distribution center that the one contractor I had that was told to not come to work (by me, at the client's request) ended up being because they just didn't feel she was going to cut it. Really, you had me coach her one time then stopped calling her in, how are we supposed to know whether or not the coaching and developing session worked if you aren't going to give her the chance. Fuckers.
Then when talking to my boss about all of this, she tells me that she had talked to the Ops manager in relation to this matter and that he is now going to send her emails everytime they want me to coach someone (as if to say, they had requested this girl get coached multiple times and I just didn't do it.) Fucking Fuckers.
Today is the weigh in and I'm not trying to be stressed because that always tends to lead to chocolate and soda to make me feel better. I don't have time for mood eating... I'm not craving anything now, so I'm sure venting the way I have today will be conducive to my success... I just don't understand how these fuckers are in the positions they are in... ignorant assholes is what they are.... a bunch of damn dirty dumpster cunts.
SCREAM....and release....
I've got coachings to do now...oh so many coachings. I'm only one person. What the fuck do they want me to do. Please, send an email to my boss... I'm doing everything I'm supposed to and I relay that info to her... you'll be the jackasses in the long run... piss poor management my friends, piss poor management.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Paranoia sets in
I have serious issues. I didn't expect my day to be shitty when I woke up all snuggled up in the covers on top of my fabulous new mattress pad. Hell, I even did my hair and make up. Not something I do often these days, much less early ass on a Monday morning.
Then I got to work. Processed payroll, checked on my sister (she's fine, still prego)...found out from my boss that I had training that afternoon for a batch of new hires. Really...I know that we are having a problem getting folks in the door but I just would have liked a little more notice. Then I walk in the office around my contractors lunch time (I had been out on the warehouse floor) and BAM there's my boss sitting at the table in my office. WTF? I kept my cool and didn't even act surprised (in my opinion)...she left for lunch with some of the managers and I got things lined up for the new starts doing paperwork and their equipment training.
My mind got to working (which isn't generally a good thing)...I felt some kind of way. I felt like my boss showed up unannounced in an attempt to catch me doing something I wasn't supposed to. It freaking pissed me off. She's never come to help me train before, why now? She was going to shadow me and see if I needed to focus my efforts anywhere, see what my weaknesses are and provide feedback.
It wasn't until later when I chilled the hell out that I realized that she's aiming towards a promotion, if that were to happen for her, then I could in theory transition into her role (which I don't know if I would accept or not to be honest...) so it's possible she was making sure I was ready. Then again, she could have just needed a break from the main office. The point is it was odd for her to show up unannounced...I wasn't doing anything I shouldn't have been, thank god I wasn't blogging or chilling in the office half asleep.
I'm just paranoid all the time. I feel like everyone has ulterior motives regardless of the circumstances...i need to get over it. I'm still working on my resume...
My sister is still pregnant. They started inducing her this morning and at about 6:30pm they gave up and have decided to try again tomorrow since she had only dialated 2 centimenters... this baby is a stubborn one for sure. So update, I'm still not an aunt officially.
Pepper is sitting next to me on the couch stretched out and Chino kitty is curled up on a pillow that is strategically placed on the lego table I have set up in the living room...
Um, Chuck Lidell, from UFC is a freaking competitor on Dancing with the Stars--RANDOM...
Back to the resume...perhaps.
Then I got to work. Processed payroll, checked on my sister (she's fine, still prego)...found out from my boss that I had training that afternoon for a batch of new hires. Really...I know that we are having a problem getting folks in the door but I just would have liked a little more notice. Then I walk in the office around my contractors lunch time (I had been out on the warehouse floor) and BAM there's my boss sitting at the table in my office. WTF? I kept my cool and didn't even act surprised (in my opinion)...she left for lunch with some of the managers and I got things lined up for the new starts doing paperwork and their equipment training.
My mind got to working (which isn't generally a good thing)...I felt some kind of way. I felt like my boss showed up unannounced in an attempt to catch me doing something I wasn't supposed to. It freaking pissed me off. She's never come to help me train before, why now? She was going to shadow me and see if I needed to focus my efforts anywhere, see what my weaknesses are and provide feedback.
It wasn't until later when I chilled the hell out that I realized that she's aiming towards a promotion, if that were to happen for her, then I could in theory transition into her role (which I don't know if I would accept or not to be honest...) so it's possible she was making sure I was ready. Then again, she could have just needed a break from the main office. The point is it was odd for her to show up unannounced...I wasn't doing anything I shouldn't have been, thank god I wasn't blogging or chilling in the office half asleep.
I'm just paranoid all the time. I feel like everyone has ulterior motives regardless of the circumstances...i need to get over it. I'm still working on my resume...
My sister is still pregnant. They started inducing her this morning and at about 6:30pm they gave up and have decided to try again tomorrow since she had only dialated 2 centimenters... this baby is a stubborn one for sure. So update, I'm still not an aunt officially.
Pepper is sitting next to me on the couch stretched out and Chino kitty is curled up on a pillow that is strategically placed on the lego table I have set up in the living room...
Um, Chuck Lidell, from UFC is a freaking competitor on Dancing with the Stars--RANDOM...
Back to the resume...perhaps.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Empty thoughts and things that make you go hmmm
1. Grandma's Mini Sandwich Cremes (vanilla) are one of my favorite things. They are the devil however in that I eat the whole bag from the vending machine at work which equals like 430 calories and well it goes best with a soda so add another 250 calories to that I'm already over half of the suggested number of calories a day, lol.
2. Field Hockey and Cheerleader (2 HR people for the client company...) and I were eating lunch the other day in the break room. The topic of flu shots came up and we were all debating on whether or not to get it or not (the company is paying)... Field hockey shared that the last time she had the flu she was so sick she was laid out on the floor and her boyfriend (now fiance) asked her if she was alright and she responded: "I'm one stomach flu away from my goal weight." Lol. That was some funny shit. That triggered Cheerleader who is at times neurotic about weight loss to ask if she lost any weight from it....Field hockey told her about 10 pounds, but it came back once she was able to keep food down again.... Cheerleader later joked (i think it was a joke) about she wanted to get the flu so I can lose some weight...I had to shake my head to that one.
I can't judge though...I'd like to find a tapeworm on the black market or eBay and start hard core on my weight loss ventures. I promised myself I'd get serious about losing some weight after school finished and I had one less stressor in my life.... Looks like Monday is going to be a good day to start...Hip Hop Abs here I come, lol.
3. There's this cool ass supervisor I work with...he's ex-navy and way more warped than I could ever hope to be. It's funny because we are often on the same perverse page when someone says something... He noticed my license plate a few weeks ago and it clicked (and or verified) that I am indeed a fan of the ladies... This opened up a whole new can of worms in the inappropriate shit for us to talk about at work category. He's got a couple of kids, 11 and 14, and a wife.... I'm easy to talk to--he once confided in me that he was looking for a new job or considering one that he was offered...no biggie... well today, he told me that we need to pencil in a "technique" discussion...Hell it wasn't even 8 this morning I wasn't even fully awake so I was a little slow on the uptake...he meant Oral technique...lol. He wants me to give him pointers on licking pussy, lol. That made me laugh my ass off. A grown man looking for pointers... but I'm not shy...I told him I wasn't willing to demonstrate nor would I draw him a diagram but I could make a few suggestions if he was interested, ha.
I told one of the guys at work (not one of my employees...i'm not that inappropriate) a technique to try a few days later he comes back with:
Him: Dude that thing you told me to do worked
Me: I told you...nice huh...
Him: Hell nah
Me: What are you talking about
Him: Now the bitch wont leave me alone...
Lol.
4. My chin hairs are back with a vengeance... is about that time... waxing, plucking--I've decided that if i let them get long enough I could just close them in a door and turn my head really fast... who am i kidding..>I cant handle these bristlely fuckers any longer...need to do the lip and brows done too...
5. If my sister hasn't gone into labor by Sunday night they are going to admit her...start softening random parts of her anatomy and induce Monday Morning...So I'll definitely be an Aunt by no later than Monday :)
6. I'm tempted to pay the $5 admission to the fair, just so I can go buy a funnel cake....mmmmmm funnel cake.
7. The sign in on the bathroom stall door reads: Please do not put sanitary napkins or heavily used toilet paper in the toilet that may cause a clog (this bothers me every single time I sit down to pee.)... not only is it not worded properly or grammatically, but come on...it should be changed to: HEY YOU DIRTY BITCH...WOULD YOU FLUSH THAT AT YOUR HOUSE AND RISK FUCKING UP THE PLUMBING AND SERIOUSLY IF YOUR ASS IS DIRTY ENOUGH TO REQUIRE HALF A BULK ROLL OF TOILET PAPER THEN BE COURTEOUS AND FLUSH IN BETWEEN WIPES.....
Management
8. For some reason the truck that I learned to drive and was my first vehicle (well that my dad let me use) was an 83 dodge pick up truck has been on my mind. I Loved that tank/beast of a truck... the horn went off and periodically got stuck when making right hand turns and if you turned too sharply to the left, the passenger side door would fling open and dump your passenger out if they were not belted in. My brother as a child was rolled out of the truck on five separate occasions, the dumbass still doesn't wear a seatbelt...once on a major highway he rolled out and my dad had to flag traffic to stop while my brother regained his composure climbed back in the truck, a few times on some hunting paths, various places... oddly enough he never adopted a nickname like road rash or anything... hmmm
9. Long hair amuses me. Not in the normal sense....but the fact that generally after a weekend of Jen being at my house or one visit from my sister I end up finding rogue long ass hairs in my ass crack and other inappropriate places...talk about a literal, "wild hair"
10. I was just handed a case that has 12 eleven oz. bags of "witches fingers" (aka crunchy cheetos) they are part of the halloween stuff that didn't get shipped out, they expire at the end of october and the distributer doesn't want them back....WOOHOO I heart carbs, lol (I'm going to give most of them away and store some for lil man as well
11. Today is payday and everything was fucked up. I have three guys with the same last name, the chick who handles the payroll at the main office switched up two of them, so one got underpaid while the other got over paid, someone else's check got mailed (it was supposed to be here at the facility), and just a bunch of other stuff...really, is it time go yet?
12. I'm oddly amped and can't wait to go home and thoroughly clean and organize, I'm talking take curtains down and scrub kind of cleaning, hands and knees with a toothbrush on the bathroom floor kind of shit....oh yeah :)
Granted, I realize that due to paper size restrictions theirs may be more appropriate.
2. Field Hockey and Cheerleader (2 HR people for the client company...) and I were eating lunch the other day in the break room. The topic of flu shots came up and we were all debating on whether or not to get it or not (the company is paying)... Field hockey shared that the last time she had the flu she was so sick she was laid out on the floor and her boyfriend (now fiance) asked her if she was alright and she responded: "I'm one stomach flu away from my goal weight." Lol. That was some funny shit. That triggered Cheerleader who is at times neurotic about weight loss to ask if she lost any weight from it....Field hockey told her about 10 pounds, but it came back once she was able to keep food down again.... Cheerleader later joked (i think it was a joke) about she wanted to get the flu so I can lose some weight...I had to shake my head to that one.
I can't judge though...I'd like to find a tapeworm on the black market or eBay and start hard core on my weight loss ventures. I promised myself I'd get serious about losing some weight after school finished and I had one less stressor in my life.... Looks like Monday is going to be a good day to start...Hip Hop Abs here I come, lol.
3. There's this cool ass supervisor I work with...he's ex-navy and way more warped than I could ever hope to be. It's funny because we are often on the same perverse page when someone says something... He noticed my license plate a few weeks ago and it clicked (and or verified) that I am indeed a fan of the ladies... This opened up a whole new can of worms in the inappropriate shit for us to talk about at work category. He's got a couple of kids, 11 and 14, and a wife.... I'm easy to talk to--he once confided in me that he was looking for a new job or considering one that he was offered...no biggie... well today, he told me that we need to pencil in a "technique" discussion...Hell it wasn't even 8 this morning I wasn't even fully awake so I was a little slow on the uptake...he meant Oral technique...lol. He wants me to give him pointers on licking pussy, lol. That made me laugh my ass off. A grown man looking for pointers... but I'm not shy...I told him I wasn't willing to demonstrate nor would I draw him a diagram but I could make a few suggestions if he was interested, ha.
I told one of the guys at work (not one of my employees...i'm not that inappropriate) a technique to try a few days later he comes back with:
Him: Dude that thing you told me to do worked
Me: I told you...nice huh...
Him: Hell nah
Me: What are you talking about
Him: Now the bitch wont leave me alone...
Lol.
4. My chin hairs are back with a vengeance... is about that time... waxing, plucking--I've decided that if i let them get long enough I could just close them in a door and turn my head really fast... who am i kidding..>I cant handle these bristlely fuckers any longer...need to do the lip and brows done too...
5. If my sister hasn't gone into labor by Sunday night they are going to admit her...start softening random parts of her anatomy and induce Monday Morning...So I'll definitely be an Aunt by no later than Monday :)
6. I'm tempted to pay the $5 admission to the fair, just so I can go buy a funnel cake....mmmmmm funnel cake.
7. The sign in on the bathroom stall door reads: Please do not put sanitary napkins or heavily used toilet paper in the toilet that may cause a clog (this bothers me every single time I sit down to pee.)... not only is it not worded properly or grammatically, but come on...it should be changed to: HEY YOU DIRTY BITCH...WOULD YOU FLUSH THAT AT YOUR HOUSE AND RISK FUCKING UP THE PLUMBING AND SERIOUSLY IF YOUR ASS IS DIRTY ENOUGH TO REQUIRE HALF A BULK ROLL OF TOILET PAPER THEN BE COURTEOUS AND FLUSH IN BETWEEN WIPES.....
Management
8. For some reason the truck that I learned to drive and was my first vehicle (well that my dad let me use) was an 83 dodge pick up truck has been on my mind. I Loved that tank/beast of a truck... the horn went off and periodically got stuck when making right hand turns and if you turned too sharply to the left, the passenger side door would fling open and dump your passenger out if they were not belted in. My brother as a child was rolled out of the truck on five separate occasions, the dumbass still doesn't wear a seatbelt...once on a major highway he rolled out and my dad had to flag traffic to stop while my brother regained his composure climbed back in the truck, a few times on some hunting paths, various places... oddly enough he never adopted a nickname like road rash or anything... hmmm
9. Long hair amuses me. Not in the normal sense....but the fact that generally after a weekend of Jen being at my house or one visit from my sister I end up finding rogue long ass hairs in my ass crack and other inappropriate places...talk about a literal, "wild hair"
10. I was just handed a case that has 12 eleven oz. bags of "witches fingers" (aka crunchy cheetos) they are part of the halloween stuff that didn't get shipped out, they expire at the end of october and the distributer doesn't want them back....WOOHOO I heart carbs, lol (I'm going to give most of them away and store some for lil man as well
11. Today is payday and everything was fucked up. I have three guys with the same last name, the chick who handles the payroll at the main office switched up two of them, so one got underpaid while the other got over paid, someone else's check got mailed (it was supposed to be here at the facility), and just a bunch of other stuff...really, is it time go yet?
12. I'm oddly amped and can't wait to go home and thoroughly clean and organize, I'm talking take curtains down and scrub kind of cleaning, hands and knees with a toothbrush on the bathroom floor kind of shit....oh yeah :)
Granted, I realize that due to paper size restrictions theirs may be more appropriate.
Work and other worthless thoughts
Yesterday (Thursday) was an all around awful day for me. I had completed the last of all my required assignments late Wednesday night and expected to wake feeling over joyed at the accomplishment of technically finishing school and all associated with it. But, alas, it felt like a regular day. No fireworks, no applause, nothing out of the ordinary, just a regular day--I was okay with that. After submitting my last assignment I emailed the school a copy of the form that I needed to fill out: Request for verification or something like that.
Basically, they check my financial standing and my grades and give me a yay or nay response, which will be emailed to me in 10-14 business days. Once approved, I will then be billed the $125 evaluation fee (translation, another way for them to bleed me dry, as if the over 50 grand in student loans I've accumulated over the years, and $400 minimum for text books every 11 weeks for the last two years wasn't enough)...
I missed the deadline for the graduation ceremony, which is okay because I had already announced I wasn't going to walk. What I am going to do is borrow my sister's cap and gown from her graduation last May...(including tassle), put on my honor's cord that I received for good grades and pose for "fake" grad pictures. Then, Mom and Mandi are going to hum the graduation march song and I'm going to walk my big ass to the fridge for a nice ice cold beer :) Now that's a plan, lol. It's not that I'm not excited about graduating, because, trust and believe I'm ecstatic to be finished, but it's not official until I get that yay or nay email...so I'll put off my WOOHOOs until then.
Back to the point...yesterday sucked. I feel more and more like a babysitter at my job than a supervisor. I'm a broken record, repeating myself all damn day long because no one fucking listens. Firing people for no call no shows, writing people up and coaching them for not maintaining the expected performance/production standards, or accuracy issue, attendance issues, etc...gets rather repetitive. I'm tired of having a job where at the end of the day I don't fee like I've accomplished anything. I have no impact in my opinion on any aspect. I can't impact the operations of the client, because they are the client, and I'm just some peon that doesn't know anything...(apparently) and within my own organization I'm trapped and have no impact because I'm just a contractor as opposed to being internal. I've been here thirteen and a half months and very little I was promised has actually occurred.
There is this job that I would really like to have. It's the same basic principles but focuses less on supervising and more on training and implementation, still focusing on safety...I didnt get the nickname Five-O for not being on top of my safety game. (Hey so and so, where's your seatbelt?, Hey dude, this isn't Nascar, slow your roll...etc) This position is open until filled, the pay range is $15000-25000 more than I make now, which granted isn't much at all...is only 12 miles from my house (my job now is only 5 miles away) and is a city/state job which means that I'd be a state employee, with kick ass benefits, paid holidays and sick time, and tuition reimbursement (for when I'm ready to go with my masters)... I just have to pencil in time to update my resume and apply. It's kind of fucked up though...all this schooling and emphasis in business writing and my resume sucks ass....
My boss came to the facility yesterday. She had interviews lined up...more people for me to potentially train, fire, or have quit or just stop showing up in the same week. I'm saying this all wrong. I had to sit down and figure if Im the reason this is happening, but even the client company is running into a slew of no call no shoes or people just up and quitting....I'm just not passionate about my role here anymore. I'm not a die hard person like my boss, who stuck it out doing what I'm doing for 18 months before getting a gig at the main office...(still overseeing me and the account, but with a lot of extra responsibility like recruiting)... I'm not recruiter material. I don't believe in this client enough to try and get people to work here...sounds horrible huh, but it's the truth....
There is never any negative feedback from the client supervisor/managers to my boss and my bosses boss...but I'm tired of feeling like I'm on a deserted island and invisible. I need a change.
My boss is still great as a person, it's just that I'm burned out in my position that I'm becoming bitter and that's affecting the way I see a lot of things, work in general, my boss and the way she does things, etc. I have to type of a list of issues that I'm having with the client supervisors/managers to email her, she'll add to it and send it to her boss and he'll have a meeting with the head honchos for the client next week to try and correct the issues.
I'm generally non-confrontational... I'd assume play nice and then bitch about the problems later rather than stir shit up right then... mainly because I know it's pointless...That's about to change.
When I leave here in the afternoons is more of a sense of relief than accomplishment...I smoked a cigarette, from my emergency pack (going on three weeks old at this point now I think)....to come down, to relax and center myself....I hate smelling like smoke, but dammit sometimes that "prozac on a stick" is the good shit.
Since it was Thursday I headed to Jen's house to watch lil man for her... he was whiney which tends to stress me out, but he didn't feel good so I did my best to not get irritated...it wasn't his fault. I had just had a crappy day, snapped at Jen via text, which I quickly apologized for since it wasn't my intention...and now was trying to snap out of the foul mood I was in.
Lil man and I built our own pizzas and did his homework...he showered and got into bed on time. I was attempting to blog and had just got out of the shower myself when he woke up and announced he had to pee. I was conducting a test run with leaving Pepper with Grandma overnight...(something I've decided I wont' do ever again because she creates reasons to call me when I'm not at home...it gets old. This morning I had three missed calls from her....The first one was to see if I was home because she heard the dog barking and wanted to know if she needed to get up and let her out....the second was to let me know the dog was outside and the third to verify which bag had dog food in it....(Gee grandma, I dunno, maybe it's the one that says PEDIGREE in like 375 font and has the dog on it)...she then tells me about how the water is looking low...(Grandma, it's 615 in the fucking morning, the dog is not going to drink the remainder of her 5 gallon waterer before I get home this afternoon....when it's low, there is still a gallon in there....for fucks sake lady)...all stuff she knows, but she plays dumb to have reasons to talk to me when I'm not around because she's lonely... how is she going to be when I move out... i'm going to have to change my telephone number for real.
As always, I digress...back to Thursday night with lil man: So he gets up and says he needs to pee, pees, then comes into Jen's room where I was blogging and watching tv putting off much needed sleep and starts crying because he doesn't feel well... I have him come over to me and cuddle with him at which time I realized he was radiating heat and quickly regretted the cuddling portion because it made me start to sweat....he was in and out of crying bouts and sleep when I called Jen, who was on her way home by this point and asked if she had any kids tylenol because I thought lil man had a fever... She didnt so she detoured to get some....She gets home and within three minutes of her being there, he sits up on her bed to get ready to take some medicine when he starts puking all over the bed....Poor guy. I hop up as quick as possible because anyone who has heard the sound of a kid puking knows they aren't safe and it could end up anywhere....
This awful smell filled the air and Jen had to catch her breath to keep from vomiting herself....he got off the bed and I walked carrying a washcloth in front of his face catching as much vomit as I could...though the majority I think got on my hand and started running down my arm...Jen helped him in the bathroom, I washed my hands and peeled the sheets, mattress cover, and comforter off the bed...he had managed to saturate all three with puke...fun. The smell was not pleasant by any means and I was thankful that I don't have a weak stomach.
I walk past Jen with the pile of sheets and comforter and hear her request that I get as much of the chunks out before washing it.... wow this just gets grosser and grosser... (I flashed back to last week when I had butt wiping detail and this week where I'm touching vomit with my bare hand and adding harassing her about this later to my mental to do list)... What fun.
He just had sour stomach and a head ache it seemed... all of a sudden he has tons of energy post shower.... everything short of running laps and telling his mom about the words he had written during homework. Jen looks at me and says babe, you should be asleep, if you need to go home, I understand.... I stayed... I wasn't sure that I'd be able to keep my eyes open long enough to drive home... so no need to risk it. I was overly tired and didn't sleep well... at 1:30 this morning I woke up to Jen tossing sheets on me...the comforter still wasn't dry, so the two of us had been sharing a throw blanket (which I'm sure I hogged the majority of being as I like sleeping in the fetal position with everything but my head covered, blankets up to my neck and strategically tucked and one foot poked out, but not uncovered allowing air to circulate...) I made comment about how I was going to be hating life tomorrow.... Jen said, "just don't hate my son..." Like I could do that...I threw her a weird look and passed out.
Five thirty rolled around rather quickly and up and motivated I was. Out the door in time to make a run to Chic fil-a for a chicken egg and cheese biscuit (I had planned this while still at work on Thursday and was determined to stick to the plan... plus some coworkers had already made requests for what they wanted.)...
Then work, more drama, more No call no shows, more resignations without notice...etc...fun
I was going to go see a movie tonight since it's been weeks since the last one I've seen....but I'm thinking a nap curled up with Chino and Pepper trumps this desire....and perhaps clean the upstairs tonight since I have to do grandmas part of the house tomorrow. I was going to take Jen and lil man to the Isle of Wight Co. Fair but think I'll wait a month and take them to the Suffolk Peanut Fest instead....Though, I think Clarence Carter, the guy that sings "strokin" is supposed to perform at the Isle of Wight Fair tonight....I dunno...not that eager right now, maybe after some sleep sometime this weekend we'll stroll that way on Sunday, for now rest is in the lead for things to do.
Basically, they check my financial standing and my grades and give me a yay or nay response, which will be emailed to me in 10-14 business days. Once approved, I will then be billed the $125 evaluation fee (translation, another way for them to bleed me dry, as if the over 50 grand in student loans I've accumulated over the years, and $400 minimum for text books every 11 weeks for the last two years wasn't enough)...
I missed the deadline for the graduation ceremony, which is okay because I had already announced I wasn't going to walk. What I am going to do is borrow my sister's cap and gown from her graduation last May...(including tassle), put on my honor's cord that I received for good grades and pose for "fake" grad pictures. Then, Mom and Mandi are going to hum the graduation march song and I'm going to walk my big ass to the fridge for a nice ice cold beer :) Now that's a plan, lol. It's not that I'm not excited about graduating, because, trust and believe I'm ecstatic to be finished, but it's not official until I get that yay or nay email...so I'll put off my WOOHOOs until then.
Back to the point...yesterday sucked. I feel more and more like a babysitter at my job than a supervisor. I'm a broken record, repeating myself all damn day long because no one fucking listens. Firing people for no call no shows, writing people up and coaching them for not maintaining the expected performance/production standards, or accuracy issue, attendance issues, etc...gets rather repetitive. I'm tired of having a job where at the end of the day I don't fee like I've accomplished anything. I have no impact in my opinion on any aspect. I can't impact the operations of the client, because they are the client, and I'm just some peon that doesn't know anything...(apparently) and within my own organization I'm trapped and have no impact because I'm just a contractor as opposed to being internal. I've been here thirteen and a half months and very little I was promised has actually occurred.
There is this job that I would really like to have. It's the same basic principles but focuses less on supervising and more on training and implementation, still focusing on safety...I didnt get the nickname Five-O for not being on top of my safety game. (Hey so and so, where's your seatbelt?, Hey dude, this isn't Nascar, slow your roll...etc) This position is open until filled, the pay range is $15000-25000 more than I make now, which granted isn't much at all...is only 12 miles from my house (my job now is only 5 miles away) and is a city/state job which means that I'd be a state employee, with kick ass benefits, paid holidays and sick time, and tuition reimbursement (for when I'm ready to go with my masters)... I just have to pencil in time to update my resume and apply. It's kind of fucked up though...all this schooling and emphasis in business writing and my resume sucks ass....
My boss came to the facility yesterday. She had interviews lined up...more people for me to potentially train, fire, or have quit or just stop showing up in the same week. I'm saying this all wrong. I had to sit down and figure if Im the reason this is happening, but even the client company is running into a slew of no call no shoes or people just up and quitting....I'm just not passionate about my role here anymore. I'm not a die hard person like my boss, who stuck it out doing what I'm doing for 18 months before getting a gig at the main office...(still overseeing me and the account, but with a lot of extra responsibility like recruiting)... I'm not recruiter material. I don't believe in this client enough to try and get people to work here...sounds horrible huh, but it's the truth....
There is never any negative feedback from the client supervisor/managers to my boss and my bosses boss...but I'm tired of feeling like I'm on a deserted island and invisible. I need a change.
My boss is still great as a person, it's just that I'm burned out in my position that I'm becoming bitter and that's affecting the way I see a lot of things, work in general, my boss and the way she does things, etc. I have to type of a list of issues that I'm having with the client supervisors/managers to email her, she'll add to it and send it to her boss and he'll have a meeting with the head honchos for the client next week to try and correct the issues.
I'm generally non-confrontational... I'd assume play nice and then bitch about the problems later rather than stir shit up right then... mainly because I know it's pointless...That's about to change.
When I leave here in the afternoons is more of a sense of relief than accomplishment...I smoked a cigarette, from my emergency pack (going on three weeks old at this point now I think)....to come down, to relax and center myself....I hate smelling like smoke, but dammit sometimes that "prozac on a stick" is the good shit.
Since it was Thursday I headed to Jen's house to watch lil man for her... he was whiney which tends to stress me out, but he didn't feel good so I did my best to not get irritated...it wasn't his fault. I had just had a crappy day, snapped at Jen via text, which I quickly apologized for since it wasn't my intention...and now was trying to snap out of the foul mood I was in.
Lil man and I built our own pizzas and did his homework...he showered and got into bed on time. I was attempting to blog and had just got out of the shower myself when he woke up and announced he had to pee. I was conducting a test run with leaving Pepper with Grandma overnight...(something I've decided I wont' do ever again because she creates reasons to call me when I'm not at home...it gets old. This morning I had three missed calls from her....The first one was to see if I was home because she heard the dog barking and wanted to know if she needed to get up and let her out....the second was to let me know the dog was outside and the third to verify which bag had dog food in it....(Gee grandma, I dunno, maybe it's the one that says PEDIGREE in like 375 font and has the dog on it)...she then tells me about how the water is looking low...(Grandma, it's 615 in the fucking morning, the dog is not going to drink the remainder of her 5 gallon waterer before I get home this afternoon....when it's low, there is still a gallon in there....for fucks sake lady)...all stuff she knows, but she plays dumb to have reasons to talk to me when I'm not around because she's lonely... how is she going to be when I move out... i'm going to have to change my telephone number for real.
As always, I digress...back to Thursday night with lil man: So he gets up and says he needs to pee, pees, then comes into Jen's room where I was blogging and watching tv putting off much needed sleep and starts crying because he doesn't feel well... I have him come over to me and cuddle with him at which time I realized he was radiating heat and quickly regretted the cuddling portion because it made me start to sweat....he was in and out of crying bouts and sleep when I called Jen, who was on her way home by this point and asked if she had any kids tylenol because I thought lil man had a fever... She didnt so she detoured to get some....She gets home and within three minutes of her being there, he sits up on her bed to get ready to take some medicine when he starts puking all over the bed....Poor guy. I hop up as quick as possible because anyone who has heard the sound of a kid puking knows they aren't safe and it could end up anywhere....
This awful smell filled the air and Jen had to catch her breath to keep from vomiting herself....he got off the bed and I walked carrying a washcloth in front of his face catching as much vomit as I could...though the majority I think got on my hand and started running down my arm...Jen helped him in the bathroom, I washed my hands and peeled the sheets, mattress cover, and comforter off the bed...he had managed to saturate all three with puke...fun. The smell was not pleasant by any means and I was thankful that I don't have a weak stomach.
I walk past Jen with the pile of sheets and comforter and hear her request that I get as much of the chunks out before washing it.... wow this just gets grosser and grosser... (I flashed back to last week when I had butt wiping detail and this week where I'm touching vomit with my bare hand and adding harassing her about this later to my mental to do list)... What fun.
He just had sour stomach and a head ache it seemed... all of a sudden he has tons of energy post shower.... everything short of running laps and telling his mom about the words he had written during homework. Jen looks at me and says babe, you should be asleep, if you need to go home, I understand.... I stayed... I wasn't sure that I'd be able to keep my eyes open long enough to drive home... so no need to risk it. I was overly tired and didn't sleep well... at 1:30 this morning I woke up to Jen tossing sheets on me...the comforter still wasn't dry, so the two of us had been sharing a throw blanket (which I'm sure I hogged the majority of being as I like sleeping in the fetal position with everything but my head covered, blankets up to my neck and strategically tucked and one foot poked out, but not uncovered allowing air to circulate...) I made comment about how I was going to be hating life tomorrow.... Jen said, "just don't hate my son..." Like I could do that...I threw her a weird look and passed out.
Five thirty rolled around rather quickly and up and motivated I was. Out the door in time to make a run to Chic fil-a for a chicken egg and cheese biscuit (I had planned this while still at work on Thursday and was determined to stick to the plan... plus some coworkers had already made requests for what they wanted.)...
Then work, more drama, more No call no shows, more resignations without notice...etc...fun
I was going to go see a movie tonight since it's been weeks since the last one I've seen....but I'm thinking a nap curled up with Chino and Pepper trumps this desire....and perhaps clean the upstairs tonight since I have to do grandmas part of the house tomorrow. I was going to take Jen and lil man to the Isle of Wight Co. Fair but think I'll wait a month and take them to the Suffolk Peanut Fest instead....Though, I think Clarence Carter, the guy that sings "strokin" is supposed to perform at the Isle of Wight Fair tonight....I dunno...not that eager right now, maybe after some sleep sometime this weekend we'll stroll that way on Sunday, for now rest is in the lead for things to do.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
If happiness were...
If happiness was an inanimate object it would be glitter for sure. Sparkle-y and shiny and full of twinkles and hope. Lol. If I was on meds at this point I'd certainly go and get them readjusted... because I'm trippin balls I'm so happy.
I came to work this morning and finally caught up with the Assistant General Manager of the Distribution Center to see how he felt about me taking Friday off. My boss can't cover because of the Company function (which was covered in a previous ranting blog)... so she told me to see what he thought about the matter. He seems to believe that Friday's is going to entail a limited workforce (which translates into the bulk of the contractors not being here... and me twiddling my thumbs) so he thinks it will be fine. I have to announce my planned absence at tomorrows morning meeting, leave a contact number (and take the phone list to call people out if necessary for monday from my personal cell...which hopefully won't happen because I don't want these people knowing my number)...and I'm in the clear for Friday. HOORAY.
Granted things could change...but as of right now I'm content and planning on not being here on Friday. Perhaps I will get my papers done on time (still haven't started them for anyone keeping record of my procrastination....) I did however pull up old files to see if I had an old business plan that could just be tweaked and resubmitted for this class...but I don't...
Happy Hump Day :) It's looking like a three day work week for me this week so ya'll know I'm stoked. Oh and I'm about to go have Mexican on an "extended" lunch with "cheerleader" from work...because she's with the client i can justify and hour as opposed to half an hour because it's "biznazz" YAY...
I came to work this morning and finally caught up with the Assistant General Manager of the Distribution Center to see how he felt about me taking Friday off. My boss can't cover because of the Company function (which was covered in a previous ranting blog)... so she told me to see what he thought about the matter. He seems to believe that Friday's is going to entail a limited workforce (which translates into the bulk of the contractors not being here... and me twiddling my thumbs) so he thinks it will be fine. I have to announce my planned absence at tomorrows morning meeting, leave a contact number (and take the phone list to call people out if necessary for monday from my personal cell...which hopefully won't happen because I don't want these people knowing my number)...and I'm in the clear for Friday. HOORAY.
Granted things could change...but as of right now I'm content and planning on not being here on Friday. Perhaps I will get my papers done on time (still haven't started them for anyone keeping record of my procrastination....) I did however pull up old files to see if I had an old business plan that could just be tweaked and resubmitted for this class...but I don't...
Happy Hump Day :) It's looking like a three day work week for me this week so ya'll know I'm stoked. Oh and I'm about to go have Mexican on an "extended" lunch with "cheerleader" from work...because she's with the client i can justify and hour as opposed to half an hour because it's "biznazz" YAY...
Friday, September 4, 2009
Things that make you go hmmmm....
It feels like I pulled a muscle under my chin, how random is that. I'd love to blog about how I was trying out this new acrobatic style tantric cunnilingus move that I learned from a traveling lesbian gypsy--but alas, that is not the case. It happened sometime while I was asleep. How ridiculous is that.
I went to bed last night which was Thursday and was confident that I'd wake up and it would be Saturday morning so that I could sleep in... what a disappointment waking up was. Nope, still Friday (normally a great day, but my 5 to 6 hours of actual sleep a night has finally caught up with me and I just want to sleep in some kind of terrible)... I got to work a few minutes late because I fell asleep while standing in a hot shower. All was cool until I woke myself up freaking out because of a dream where I was drowning...
Since I was already late I called security to see if anyone was waiting for me (they weren't thank goodness)...stopped at the gas station for some liquid crack (aka Mountain Dew--I tried drinking a lo carb monster yesterday and just couldn't, my taste buds rejected it)... I get here to work, grab my clip board and head out to the warehouse floor. In the midst of my rounds I notice that a couple of my contractors are missing. (My contractors have two supervisors, me because I work for the staffing agency that employs them and their floor supervisor who works for the client, part of my job is to ensure that all of my people show up and/or are accounted for and that they perform to the expectations of the client...)
I hear my name being paged over the intercom followed by an extension to call--I call and discover the two missing people were now in the building but way late... I come to the front to coach them and see what the hell the deal is... they looked stoned out of their minds and the dude tells me that the reason he's late is "it's his birthday." Okay, happy birthday but you're still late and normal points apply... had you been here on time then you would have work, but since your late, your floor sup opted to not give you any work today... (he looked, real bent out of shape over it, NOT)... the girl, who rides with him was conveniently not feeling well but felt okay to come pick up her pay check. Today is not the day for shit like this. I don't have the patience. I issued her double points because even though she showed up, its still like calling out on a friday (which are double points days) because she didn't even make an effort to work. At five attendance points, people get fired. End of story.
So I've been a bitch already this morning...still trying to get caught up on my reports, print equipment badges for my new starts next week and get things lined up for Tuesday. The great news is that they just made the announcement that they are leaning towards NOT working on Monday which is Labor Day... they were scheduled to at first, but they got caught up with the pick and are thinking its not necessary...but we will be scheduled for ten hour days for next week in order to avoid working next Saturday....
Peak season is kind of officially here...as much as it can be right now with the economy the way it is. They are going to start picking Christmas product on Tuesday and start shipping to the stores....that's one downside to the warehouse industry (and even retail) you have to look at holiday product months before its even time to buy it...Halloween has already been shipped out, Christmas stuff is up to bat.
Friday's are supposed to be fun days as far as the daily meeting go. Ugh. Today was guess who one the Super Bowl every single year it was played. Oh yay, NOT. I don't follow football or any sports really, I like watching some from time to time,but I just don't get into it. Exes have been huge sports fanatics... mainly Football (the Giants or the Bills depending on who I was seeing at the time)... one was all about UFC, watched a few pay per views and always fell asleep before the main event... i just don't have an interest. Jen is apparently a huge Bears fan (it's sad that I just text her prior to posting this to ensure that that is in fact the team she's been talking about...I had it right which made me feel good and like I do pay attention, but since she's from Colorado, my first thought was to say the Broncos)... College basketball, Pro ball as well... I try and share this interest with her but I'm not even good at faking it.... she'll watch the stuff on tv and I'll sigh deeply, roll my eyes, and just do homework instead. What am I going to do with Regular season football fast approaching and school about to come to an end... maybe I'll take up knitting again instead...I dunno...just something about commentators and the sports thing in general that stresses me out.
I'd like to physically go to a hockey game since I've never been, but I dont want to watch it on TV. I like baseball, but don't follow on TV, I love Softball, but I just wanna go watch real people play up close and personal, not watch via TV....I dunno...
The moral of the story is that I was totally ganged up on in the meeting today. Out of five women in the room, and about 13 men, only three of us weren't football fans and could have given a shit...of those three, two of us are lesbos so a lot of the guys just assumed we were supposed to have an interest. I'm sorry but when I was given my "lesbian card" it said nothing about having to like sports in order to keep it. But then again, maybe I was too distracted by the shiny new toaster oven and swiss army knife that they gave me for "crossing over" HA.
Okay, I have work to do for real. Have to be caught up and ready for the bosses return from the Gay World Series.
I went to bed last night which was Thursday and was confident that I'd wake up and it would be Saturday morning so that I could sleep in... what a disappointment waking up was. Nope, still Friday (normally a great day, but my 5 to 6 hours of actual sleep a night has finally caught up with me and I just want to sleep in some kind of terrible)... I got to work a few minutes late because I fell asleep while standing in a hot shower. All was cool until I woke myself up freaking out because of a dream where I was drowning...
Since I was already late I called security to see if anyone was waiting for me (they weren't thank goodness)...stopped at the gas station for some liquid crack (aka Mountain Dew--I tried drinking a lo carb monster yesterday and just couldn't, my taste buds rejected it)... I get here to work, grab my clip board and head out to the warehouse floor. In the midst of my rounds I notice that a couple of my contractors are missing. (My contractors have two supervisors, me because I work for the staffing agency that employs them and their floor supervisor who works for the client, part of my job is to ensure that all of my people show up and/or are accounted for and that they perform to the expectations of the client...)
I hear my name being paged over the intercom followed by an extension to call--I call and discover the two missing people were now in the building but way late... I come to the front to coach them and see what the hell the deal is... they looked stoned out of their minds and the dude tells me that the reason he's late is "it's his birthday." Okay, happy birthday but you're still late and normal points apply... had you been here on time then you would have work, but since your late, your floor sup opted to not give you any work today... (he looked, real bent out of shape over it, NOT)... the girl, who rides with him was conveniently not feeling well but felt okay to come pick up her pay check. Today is not the day for shit like this. I don't have the patience. I issued her double points because even though she showed up, its still like calling out on a friday (which are double points days) because she didn't even make an effort to work. At five attendance points, people get fired. End of story.
So I've been a bitch already this morning...still trying to get caught up on my reports, print equipment badges for my new starts next week and get things lined up for Tuesday. The great news is that they just made the announcement that they are leaning towards NOT working on Monday which is Labor Day... they were scheduled to at first, but they got caught up with the pick and are thinking its not necessary...but we will be scheduled for ten hour days for next week in order to avoid working next Saturday....
Peak season is kind of officially here...as much as it can be right now with the economy the way it is. They are going to start picking Christmas product on Tuesday and start shipping to the stores....that's one downside to the warehouse industry (and even retail) you have to look at holiday product months before its even time to buy it...Halloween has already been shipped out, Christmas stuff is up to bat.
Friday's are supposed to be fun days as far as the daily meeting go. Ugh. Today was guess who one the Super Bowl every single year it was played. Oh yay, NOT. I don't follow football or any sports really, I like watching some from time to time,but I just don't get into it. Exes have been huge sports fanatics... mainly Football (the Giants or the Bills depending on who I was seeing at the time)... one was all about UFC, watched a few pay per views and always fell asleep before the main event... i just don't have an interest. Jen is apparently a huge Bears fan (it's sad that I just text her prior to posting this to ensure that that is in fact the team she's been talking about...I had it right which made me feel good and like I do pay attention, but since she's from Colorado, my first thought was to say the Broncos)... College basketball, Pro ball as well... I try and share this interest with her but I'm not even good at faking it.... she'll watch the stuff on tv and I'll sigh deeply, roll my eyes, and just do homework instead. What am I going to do with Regular season football fast approaching and school about to come to an end... maybe I'll take up knitting again instead...I dunno...just something about commentators and the sports thing in general that stresses me out.
I'd like to physically go to a hockey game since I've never been, but I dont want to watch it on TV. I like baseball, but don't follow on TV, I love Softball, but I just wanna go watch real people play up close and personal, not watch via TV....I dunno...
The moral of the story is that I was totally ganged up on in the meeting today. Out of five women in the room, and about 13 men, only three of us weren't football fans and could have given a shit...of those three, two of us are lesbos so a lot of the guys just assumed we were supposed to have an interest. I'm sorry but when I was given my "lesbian card" it said nothing about having to like sports in order to keep it. But then again, maybe I was too distracted by the shiny new toaster oven and swiss army knife that they gave me for "crossing over" HA.
Okay, I have work to do for real. Have to be caught up and ready for the bosses return from the Gay World Series.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Peacefully Chaotic
I have a metric shit ton of things to do today at work since today is day number one of the boss being out (she flew to Wisconsin for the Gay World Series yesterday afternoon)....
I found out this morning that one of the guys I work with (he wasn't one of my contractors, just a cool guy to talk to from time to time) was killed on Monday in an accident that killed him on impact. I don't know details, just that whatever happened the end result was him driving into the back of an 18-wheeler. Tragic. I know he left behind a young daughter...he was one of those guys who never had a negative thing to say and kept a positive outlook despite how dim the future may have looked at the moment.
Like I said I didn't know him on a personal level, but it's still sad nonetheless. I found it rather tacky when one of my contractors came up and asked me where they could get an application because he wanted to apply for his job (the guy worked for the maintenance dept for the client)... Really, the news was just announced like four minutes ago and your first thought is trying to get his job... What I really wanted to say was Look Jackass, you aren't even qualified and you don't come to work on the regular anyway, why would they hire you...you are barely keeping the job you have now FUCKER.
But alas, I didn't. I told him he could get one from security. What a shame. What a shame.
I have a meeting this morning, followed by Walkie Rider training for a class of 8 new hires that are slotted to start on Tuesday.
Monday is a regular scheduled work day which sucks, but hey money is money. I think I'm going to take next Friday off so I can be sure to have a window of cushion in getting my final two papers done.
I'm tired.
I'm hungry.
I'm chilly, but loving this weather. Fall is obviously around the corner. I had to bring a hoodie to work so that I wouldn't freeze to death from the chill outside. This is my FAVORITE kind of weather...60 to 70 degrees, breezy, but not too gusty...lol.
Good stuff. Okay, seriously work to do now...
Oh yeah, there must be a full moon tonight or one coming soon (I dunno for real) because I just had an ex contractor of mine (she went permanent with the client) vent to me. This is a 100 pound when soaking wet, 50ish woman who barely spoke other than to say hi and what's up--anything additional, while it happened was always executed in a very low voice... She flagged me over and proceeded to vent about how FUCKED UP and RIDICULOUS and blah blah blah and she said GD a whole lot as well...at the top of her lungs, which was still muffled by warehouse noises...SHE IS PISSED. I had never seen that side of her...I guess because I never pissed her off when I was her boss (which looking at what I see now is a definite good thing, lol)...I was scared for a second, didn't know what to say so just provided an ear. This place makes people crazy...I will be looking into getting out as soon as I can.
I found out this morning that one of the guys I work with (he wasn't one of my contractors, just a cool guy to talk to from time to time) was killed on Monday in an accident that killed him on impact. I don't know details, just that whatever happened the end result was him driving into the back of an 18-wheeler. Tragic. I know he left behind a young daughter...he was one of those guys who never had a negative thing to say and kept a positive outlook despite how dim the future may have looked at the moment.
Like I said I didn't know him on a personal level, but it's still sad nonetheless. I found it rather tacky when one of my contractors came up and asked me where they could get an application because he wanted to apply for his job (the guy worked for the maintenance dept for the client)... Really, the news was just announced like four minutes ago and your first thought is trying to get his job... What I really wanted to say was Look Jackass, you aren't even qualified and you don't come to work on the regular anyway, why would they hire you...you are barely keeping the job you have now FUCKER.
But alas, I didn't. I told him he could get one from security. What a shame. What a shame.
I have a meeting this morning, followed by Walkie Rider training for a class of 8 new hires that are slotted to start on Tuesday.
Monday is a regular scheduled work day which sucks, but hey money is money. I think I'm going to take next Friday off so I can be sure to have a window of cushion in getting my final two papers done.
I'm tired.
I'm hungry.
I'm chilly, but loving this weather. Fall is obviously around the corner. I had to bring a hoodie to work so that I wouldn't freeze to death from the chill outside. This is my FAVORITE kind of weather...60 to 70 degrees, breezy, but not too gusty...lol.
Good stuff. Okay, seriously work to do now...
Oh yeah, there must be a full moon tonight or one coming soon (I dunno for real) because I just had an ex contractor of mine (she went permanent with the client) vent to me. This is a 100 pound when soaking wet, 50ish woman who barely spoke other than to say hi and what's up--anything additional, while it happened was always executed in a very low voice... She flagged me over and proceeded to vent about how FUCKED UP and RIDICULOUS and blah blah blah and she said GD a whole lot as well...at the top of her lungs, which was still muffled by warehouse noises...SHE IS PISSED. I had never seen that side of her...I guess because I never pissed her off when I was her boss (which looking at what I see now is a definite good thing, lol)...I was scared for a second, didn't know what to say so just provided an ear. This place makes people crazy...I will be looking into getting out as soon as I can.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Oh happy Day
It's FINALLY Friday. Finishing up another busy day at work. I can't complain about the week overall--you see, I've never actually had this much shit to do so while I can't blog that often from work, (which I had cut down on drastically anyway) it makes the day go by faster. I've been training new contractors and certifying them on equipment and lots of coaching and development activities...good stuff.
My boss is going out of town Tuesday afternoon and will be gone for a week. She's not a bitch by any means, but it's still nice to have a little more "freedom" than normal, plus some additional responsibilities for me, to help her not fall too terribly behind. She is going out to Wisconsin or Minnesota...I dunno--wherever the Gay World Series is being held this year. Exciting.
I had training scheduled for this afternoon but the dude showed up wearing Adidas sandals, obviously oblivious to the fact that this is a WAREHOUSE...who the fuck wears sandals to a warehouse...so anyway, I rescheduled him and told him to wear "real" shoes come Monday...that meant I had more time to get caught up on little things in the office, like organizing the file cabinet and things that I'm anal about but have been able to ignore for a bit.
When I get out of here, I'm headed to Chesapeake to buy hair color. Every 5 to 6 weeks I do my boss's mom's hair. There was so much pressure the first time I did it and I just knew she hated it the first time I did it, that was months and months ago and she keeps calling...so I guess it wasn't the case. It took us a couple of attempts to concoct her perfect shade of red though--we started out a little too punk rock for her I think, lol. Then off to Smithfield, to do the actual hair. I'm hoping to have a few extra minutes before I'm scheduled to be at her house because my favorite thrift store is in Smithfield and I'll feel AWFUL if I don't get to go while I'm already out there. Its the DAV, meaning all the proceeds go to Disabled American Veterans which I'm all about supporting. I used to want to be in the military, but I get tired of rules all the damn time...and besides I want shit my way, not how I'm told they should or need to be, but I digress.
Whenever I finish there its back to the homestead to say hi to GMA, change clothes and out again to Chesapeake (a lot of driving going on today)...I'm going to go see a late movie at Jen's theatre. I'm thinking Final Destination... my friend J needs to get out and my sister and aunt may go as well.
Yesterday, J was issued a final warning at work (she works for the client company that I work onsite for)...when I saw her she looked like she had been crying, so I closed the door to an office that wasn't even mine to give her a minute to pull herself together. The drama with her ex and them not speaking is really breaking her heart right now. She was all to pieces. To top it off, she can't keep her "happy pills" in stock because the monthly cost is more than she can afford...she's still "young" and hasn't figured out the responsibility related to Finances yet (hell I went through it...I went bankrupt for my 21st birthday for pete's sake... but now I pay my bills and you'd never even know as far as my credit goes which is great...guess that means I'm a grown up)...anyway her bank account was in the negative again because of overdoing it for the ex... etc...after talking I said, "you'll feel better after a smoke..." SHE WAS OUT OF CIGARETTES...dude was killing me, lol. I made her come to my office on lunch and get my bank card (since I don't carry cash) and use it to go buy herself some cigarettes. She knows that the things she's dealing with right now she has to man up and handle on her own, but I just reassured her that I'd be an ear if she needed it. I try to not give her too much advice since I'm kind of brash and it comes across wrong often times. Today she was in better spirits and said she wanted a sugar mom, but not just a regular one, she wanted her to be old as shit, like "one who if she tried to do anything sexually would turn to dust she's so old"... I was like, what the hell do you have against older women dude... she was apparently kidding... I'd like to see her end up with someone she has stuff in common with...she doesn't need a sugar mom, she just needs to get her shit together, grow up and stop making excuses for things... she'll get there though I'm sure.
By the time the movie is over, Jen will already be at my house, lil man will be asleep and hell, she will too potentially... if so she's gonna get woke up... I see a little kinky fun in her future... of course that might just be a smudge on my crystal ball, lol. I'm going to take lil man to my aunt to watch him a few hours tomorrow morning so I can clean gma's part of the house and do some homework then we're gonna hang out and play legos... maybe i'll get him to help me wash my car or something... who knows...
Either way, I've got a lot of shit going on as always. I still havent started any of the papers I have due in two weeks. I need to tighten up. Fuck me. Happy Friday.
My boss is going out of town Tuesday afternoon and will be gone for a week. She's not a bitch by any means, but it's still nice to have a little more "freedom" than normal, plus some additional responsibilities for me, to help her not fall too terribly behind. She is going out to Wisconsin or Minnesota...I dunno--wherever the Gay World Series is being held this year. Exciting.
I had training scheduled for this afternoon but the dude showed up wearing Adidas sandals, obviously oblivious to the fact that this is a WAREHOUSE...who the fuck wears sandals to a warehouse...so anyway, I rescheduled him and told him to wear "real" shoes come Monday...that meant I had more time to get caught up on little things in the office, like organizing the file cabinet and things that I'm anal about but have been able to ignore for a bit.
When I get out of here, I'm headed to Chesapeake to buy hair color. Every 5 to 6 weeks I do my boss's mom's hair. There was so much pressure the first time I did it and I just knew she hated it the first time I did it, that was months and months ago and she keeps calling...so I guess it wasn't the case. It took us a couple of attempts to concoct her perfect shade of red though--we started out a little too punk rock for her I think, lol. Then off to Smithfield, to do the actual hair. I'm hoping to have a few extra minutes before I'm scheduled to be at her house because my favorite thrift store is in Smithfield and I'll feel AWFUL if I don't get to go while I'm already out there. Its the DAV, meaning all the proceeds go to Disabled American Veterans which I'm all about supporting. I used to want to be in the military, but I get tired of rules all the damn time...and besides I want shit my way, not how I'm told they should or need to be, but I digress.
Whenever I finish there its back to the homestead to say hi to GMA, change clothes and out again to Chesapeake (a lot of driving going on today)...I'm going to go see a late movie at Jen's theatre. I'm thinking Final Destination... my friend J needs to get out and my sister and aunt may go as well.
Yesterday, J was issued a final warning at work (she works for the client company that I work onsite for)...when I saw her she looked like she had been crying, so I closed the door to an office that wasn't even mine to give her a minute to pull herself together. The drama with her ex and them not speaking is really breaking her heart right now. She was all to pieces. To top it off, she can't keep her "happy pills" in stock because the monthly cost is more than she can afford...she's still "young" and hasn't figured out the responsibility related to Finances yet (hell I went through it...I went bankrupt for my 21st birthday for pete's sake... but now I pay my bills and you'd never even know as far as my credit goes which is great...guess that means I'm a grown up)...anyway her bank account was in the negative again because of overdoing it for the ex... etc...after talking I said, "you'll feel better after a smoke..." SHE WAS OUT OF CIGARETTES...dude was killing me, lol. I made her come to my office on lunch and get my bank card (since I don't carry cash) and use it to go buy herself some cigarettes. She knows that the things she's dealing with right now she has to man up and handle on her own, but I just reassured her that I'd be an ear if she needed it. I try to not give her too much advice since I'm kind of brash and it comes across wrong often times. Today she was in better spirits and said she wanted a sugar mom, but not just a regular one, she wanted her to be old as shit, like "one who if she tried to do anything sexually would turn to dust she's so old"... I was like, what the hell do you have against older women dude... she was apparently kidding... I'd like to see her end up with someone she has stuff in common with...she doesn't need a sugar mom, she just needs to get her shit together, grow up and stop making excuses for things... she'll get there though I'm sure.
By the time the movie is over, Jen will already be at my house, lil man will be asleep and hell, she will too potentially... if so she's gonna get woke up... I see a little kinky fun in her future... of course that might just be a smudge on my crystal ball, lol. I'm going to take lil man to my aunt to watch him a few hours tomorrow morning so I can clean gma's part of the house and do some homework then we're gonna hang out and play legos... maybe i'll get him to help me wash my car or something... who knows...
Either way, I've got a lot of shit going on as always. I still havent started any of the papers I have due in two weeks. I need to tighten up. Fuck me. Happy Friday.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Caution: Unedited Rant
I'm screaming on the inside today. I'm fucking fed up. I'm tired and irritated and just pissed off in general. I'm tired of being on repeat all day at work because nobody fucking listens.
I'm tired of having a job that is not hard at all be so difficult...does that make sense? I'm tired of being a "partner" to the supervisors/management here and seeing nothing but a lack of partnership.
This whole fucking place right now is a contradiction. I'm apparently bat shit crazy.
I want to scream aloud, yell, kick, punch, push, throw...I want to be destructive and break something....I'm like two steps away from turning green and Incredible Hulking it.
I'm irrational and just fucking done. I'm so fucking tired of the level of ignorance I have to deal with on a daily basis. My boss is the "bitchy one" and I'm the "nice, but straight forward" one...that's about to change...there's about to be two bitchy ones because the fuckers just aren't getting it.
I can't even tell up from down right now I'm so infuriated. It makes no fucking sense. Most of the time I'm fine, but today I just can't effing handle it anymore. I refuse. If I walk out on the floor one more time and have to deal with the same fucking bullshit I'm going to snap...not even kidding.
I just called my boss to fill her in on some details pertaining to an email that was sent earlier and told her flat out...I don't even want to be here right now. I want to go out, stand on a stack of pallets and just scream FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING CUNTS.
Who gives a shit anymore if you don't hit your number...I'm tired of you not holding yourself accountable, I can't come out here and fucking hold your hand for you... And if I hear..."Well you don't know what its like out here" one for fucking time I'm going to lose it...
YES I DO...I'VE WORKED IN WAREHOUSES BEFORE...do you think they just gave me this job because they liked my haircut at the time...NO YOU BASTARD....I've worked in the heat, I've unloaded trucks, I've loaded them, I've shipped them, forecasted loads, handled damaged goods and HAZMAT material and their documents....and you know what...I HIT MY FUCKING NUMBERS TOO!!!!
(Deep breath out)...I was bitching to Field Hockey...she used to work for my company before getting laid off and then hired by the client company....I mentioned that I was at the point of going and buying a pack of smokes and just calling it a day...she made a suggestion that I hadn't even considered....BEER!!!! Duh...why didn't I think of that. I prefer the taste of beer to cigs, beer wont make me smell like smoke or leave that taste in my mouth that lingers forever....
Beer would be oh so fabulous right now...except I'm pretty sure the beer i have is skunky by this point....It's leftover from my birthday weekend at the end of May...I can't believe I don't really drink that often.... For now....those McSkinnys (you know the lil skinny mich ultras--water with a splash of hops), skunky or not....ARE CALLING MY NAME!!!
My boss told me that I can leave early if I want, but Now i have to make sure that people from a particular department know they don't have work tomorrow and their floor supervisor isn't reliable as far as telling them goes....so might as well just chill out.
I'm tired of having a job that is not hard at all be so difficult...does that make sense? I'm tired of being a "partner" to the supervisors/management here and seeing nothing but a lack of partnership.
This whole fucking place right now is a contradiction. I'm apparently bat shit crazy.
I want to scream aloud, yell, kick, punch, push, throw...I want to be destructive and break something....I'm like two steps away from turning green and Incredible Hulking it.
I'm irrational and just fucking done. I'm so fucking tired of the level of ignorance I have to deal with on a daily basis. My boss is the "bitchy one" and I'm the "nice, but straight forward" one...that's about to change...there's about to be two bitchy ones because the fuckers just aren't getting it.I can't even tell up from down right now I'm so infuriated. It makes no fucking sense. Most of the time I'm fine, but today I just can't effing handle it anymore. I refuse. If I walk out on the floor one more time and have to deal with the same fucking bullshit I'm going to snap...not even kidding.
I just called my boss to fill her in on some details pertaining to an email that was sent earlier and told her flat out...I don't even want to be here right now. I want to go out, stand on a stack of pallets and just scream FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING CUNTS.
Who gives a shit anymore if you don't hit your number...I'm tired of you not holding yourself accountable, I can't come out here and fucking hold your hand for you... And if I hear..."Well you don't know what its like out here" one for fucking time I'm going to lose it...
YES I DO...I'VE WORKED IN WAREHOUSES BEFORE...do you think they just gave me this job because they liked my haircut at the time...NO YOU BASTARD....I've worked in the heat, I've unloaded trucks, I've loaded them, I've shipped them, forecasted loads, handled damaged goods and HAZMAT material and their documents....and you know what...I HIT MY FUCKING NUMBERS TOO!!!!
(Deep breath out)...I was bitching to Field Hockey...she used to work for my company before getting laid off and then hired by the client company....I mentioned that I was at the point of going and buying a pack of smokes and just calling it a day...she made a suggestion that I hadn't even considered....BEER!!!! Duh...why didn't I think of that. I prefer the taste of beer to cigs, beer wont make me smell like smoke or leave that taste in my mouth that lingers forever....
Beer would be oh so fabulous right now...except I'm pretty sure the beer i have is skunky by this point....It's leftover from my birthday weekend at the end of May...I can't believe I don't really drink that often.... For now....those McSkinnys (you know the lil skinny mich ultras--water with a splash of hops), skunky or not....ARE CALLING MY NAME!!!
My boss told me that I can leave early if I want, but Now i have to make sure that people from a particular department know they don't have work tomorrow and their floor supervisor isn't reliable as far as telling them goes....so might as well just chill out.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Miserable Mondays
I'm tired...no I'm effin' exhausted...I made it through midterms okay...got As on them all...yay for being a geek. But I stayed up too late because I just wasn't tired...then had to get up and seriously had to force myself to even function this morning.
If it hadn't been for restarts starting today I would have called. Who am I kidding...as much as I loathe Mondays, it's payroll day and I can't leave folks hangin or run the risk that their hours are wrong. Don't let me fool you. My presence here doesn't make the world go round. Not many people would miss me. My boss could just call in and check the voicemail from her office in Chesapeake, Time sheets would still be e-mailed to the payroll specialist in Chesapeake...though no one would verify that the hours showing are correct, no one would give it a real second thought....
My eyes are on fire and all I can think about is how I want a nap. I want to go back home and curl up in the bed and sleep for the next nine days. No exaggeration there.
Tonight I have a group meeting though since the fuckers changed it from Wednesday...I shouldn't bitch I'm just so OVER IT ALL RIGHT NOW. I'M BURNED OUT. Senioritis perhaps.
Two of my restarts called out today...really how are you going to call out on your first day back to work? Too many mother fucking people just DON'T WANT TO WORK. They fail to realize that unemployment doesn't pay out if it's their fault they don't come to work...in addition, if they refuse a work assignment PEACE OUT to unemployment period.
It's so ridicuously hot in the warehouse. HOT AS BALLS i tell you...the air is still and it's so humid out there you have to cut a path with a knife just to get through. The heat index is supposed to be 110 today...which means that they may have to stop production depending on how hot it gets in there. Do the math...at 7 am it was already in the 90s, so humid it's difficult to breathe...add body heat, the potential for people to pass out in the containers they are loading/unloading, plus heat being generated from multiple pieces of warehouse equipment and conveyor belts....ugh....this is not going to be pretty.
And me, the genius behind it all, insists on wearing a t-shirt under my work polo (a polo which by the way just doesn't breathe AT ALL)....jeans because I was rushing and didn't have time to shave....can we say I'll be sweaty and crotchety by the end of the day....MISERABLE MONDAY for sure.
I started on the three small paintings I'm doing for my sister. I want them to be done by her shower so I can wrap them, write a sappy note on the back of each and have her open them then. I decided upon a sea turtle, a sea horse, and a whale.... the problem comes into play that I will want to do that stuff instead of homework this week so I'll probably be procrastinating.
The upstairs is destroyed and disgusting and needs to be dusted and vacuumed.
The fan in the attic is broke which means that the upstairs gets and stays super fucking hot because since the attic is half the size of the upstairs and wraps around since no heat is being sucked out...it's leaking into the living area and making it miserable. Gotta call grandma so she can call someone. LIKE YESTERDAY.
I still haven't done the windows of Gmas house which is bad because she already paid me for it...
I hate Mondays....one more week and a couple of days to go before I'm living it large down at the beach....YAY AH!
If it hadn't been for restarts starting today I would have called. Who am I kidding...as much as I loathe Mondays, it's payroll day and I can't leave folks hangin or run the risk that their hours are wrong. Don't let me fool you. My presence here doesn't make the world go round. Not many people would miss me. My boss could just call in and check the voicemail from her office in Chesapeake, Time sheets would still be e-mailed to the payroll specialist in Chesapeake...though no one would verify that the hours showing are correct, no one would give it a real second thought....
My eyes are on fire and all I can think about is how I want a nap. I want to go back home and curl up in the bed and sleep for the next nine days. No exaggeration there.
Tonight I have a group meeting though since the fuckers changed it from Wednesday...I shouldn't bitch I'm just so OVER IT ALL RIGHT NOW. I'M BURNED OUT. Senioritis perhaps.
Two of my restarts called out today...really how are you going to call out on your first day back to work? Too many mother fucking people just DON'T WANT TO WORK. They fail to realize that unemployment doesn't pay out if it's their fault they don't come to work...in addition, if they refuse a work assignment PEACE OUT to unemployment period.
It's so ridicuously hot in the warehouse. HOT AS BALLS i tell you...the air is still and it's so humid out there you have to cut a path with a knife just to get through. The heat index is supposed to be 110 today...which means that they may have to stop production depending on how hot it gets in there. Do the math...at 7 am it was already in the 90s, so humid it's difficult to breathe...add body heat, the potential for people to pass out in the containers they are loading/unloading, plus heat being generated from multiple pieces of warehouse equipment and conveyor belts....ugh....this is not going to be pretty.
And me, the genius behind it all, insists on wearing a t-shirt under my work polo (a polo which by the way just doesn't breathe AT ALL)....jeans because I was rushing and didn't have time to shave....can we say I'll be sweaty and crotchety by the end of the day....MISERABLE MONDAY for sure.
I started on the three small paintings I'm doing for my sister. I want them to be done by her shower so I can wrap them, write a sappy note on the back of each and have her open them then. I decided upon a sea turtle, a sea horse, and a whale.... the problem comes into play that I will want to do that stuff instead of homework this week so I'll probably be procrastinating.
The upstairs is destroyed and disgusting and needs to be dusted and vacuumed.
The fan in the attic is broke which means that the upstairs gets and stays super fucking hot because since the attic is half the size of the upstairs and wraps around since no heat is being sucked out...it's leaking into the living area and making it miserable. Gotta call grandma so she can call someone. LIKE YESTERDAY.
I still haven't done the windows of Gmas house which is bad because she already paid me for it...
I hate Mondays....one more week and a couple of days to go before I'm living it large down at the beach....YAY AH!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Closets Schmosets
I think I have a problem. You see my gaydar is often skewed by people that I think should be gay rather than those that actually have tendencies. Long story short, I have a hard telling who the straight people are because I want EVERYONE to be gay...it's more fun that way. Ha ha.
Seriously though, there is this security guard at work that really needs to come out of the closet. She's in her late forties Early fifties I'd say, Keeps her hair even shorter than mine (doesn't make her gay, I know), retired Navy, two kids, ex husband, lots of dogs, a cat or two, but her mannerisms just scream BUTCH DYKE. I'm confused as to how she hasn't got the memo yet.
When I started working here a year ago she suggested we go out for a beer after work one time (but I didn't only because she talks about her employees some kind of bad and I didn't want her to find something out about me and tell everyone she talked to...she's one of those people) but I still talk to her in passing. One time I mentioned how I had a dykey haircut because the chick butchered my hair and she was like yeah I'm not a fan of labels... in reference to me using the term dyke...) Was that a tell?
I just saw her in the warehouse, she's the Security supervisor but works mainly out at the back truck gate of the facility so I don't see her often....but it takes everything in me to not yell...COME OUT OF THE CLOSET ALREADY....come on...you know you want to...just admit it to yourself and then the world...you can do it....IT'S FUN BEING GAY....
But, not my place.
Seriously though, there is this security guard at work that really needs to come out of the closet. She's in her late forties Early fifties I'd say, Keeps her hair even shorter than mine (doesn't make her gay, I know), retired Navy, two kids, ex husband, lots of dogs, a cat or two, but her mannerisms just scream BUTCH DYKE. I'm confused as to how she hasn't got the memo yet.
When I started working here a year ago she suggested we go out for a beer after work one time (but I didn't only because she talks about her employees some kind of bad and I didn't want her to find something out about me and tell everyone she talked to...she's one of those people) but I still talk to her in passing. One time I mentioned how I had a dykey haircut because the chick butchered my hair and she was like yeah I'm not a fan of labels... in reference to me using the term dyke...) Was that a tell?
I just saw her in the warehouse, she's the Security supervisor but works mainly out at the back truck gate of the facility so I don't see her often....but it takes everything in me to not yell...COME OUT OF THE CLOSET ALREADY....come on...you know you want to...just admit it to yourself and then the world...you can do it....IT'S FUN BEING GAY....
But, not my place.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Limbo
I went this morning to my normal 8:45 meeting and was yet again reminded of how easily I am excluded from things at work. I've mentioned before that I'm in limbo with work. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy what I do for the most part and what have you, but don't necessarily fit in with a particular category.
At the 8:45 meeting I was just asked to leave (granted it was done nicely, in a way that suggested it was my idea when the GM looked at me and said...Tommy,You don't have to be here for this meeting.) Translation, please leave we have business to discuss that you don't need to to be privy to. This happens from time to time because I work as the On-site supervisor for a staffing company that supplies labor to the distribution center...the 8:45 meeting is a distribution center thing and normally I'm included, today however was on the out skirts of my "need to know" classification...as in, I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW.
The other part of my limbo issues include the fact that while I work as a supervisor for the staffing company, I'm doing it as a contractor. What this means is that things/functions that occur for the internal employees, I'm excluded. Most of the time I don't lose sleep over it, but it's a slap in the face when the entire office goes on an outing to Busch Gardens for the day (company paid) and they ask you to come and answer the phones rather than ask if you want to go. Same thing with Christmas parties and stuff like that.
The limbo continues...blah. I've just got a little while longer to finish my degree and then decide where to go from there....for now...the limbo is tolerable so I'll keep it moving.
At the 8:45 meeting I was just asked to leave (granted it was done nicely, in a way that suggested it was my idea when the GM looked at me and said...Tommy,You don't have to be here for this meeting.) Translation, please leave we have business to discuss that you don't need to to be privy to. This happens from time to time because I work as the On-site supervisor for a staffing company that supplies labor to the distribution center...the 8:45 meeting is a distribution center thing and normally I'm included, today however was on the out skirts of my "need to know" classification...as in, I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW.
The other part of my limbo issues include the fact that while I work as a supervisor for the staffing company, I'm doing it as a contractor. What this means is that things/functions that occur for the internal employees, I'm excluded. Most of the time I don't lose sleep over it, but it's a slap in the face when the entire office goes on an outing to Busch Gardens for the day (company paid) and they ask you to come and answer the phones rather than ask if you want to go. Same thing with Christmas parties and stuff like that.
The limbo continues...blah. I've just got a little while longer to finish my degree and then decide where to go from there....for now...the limbo is tolerable so I'll keep it moving.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Call of the wild
I came home from work today and felt fairly decent. My boss had come to drop off the checks from the main office and I had a talk with her. She vented about things that were weighing on her...apologized and said, you know I don't know why I'm talking about all this right now...I'm like it's all good you needed to get it off your chest.
I told her I needed to "care" front her (it's my company's version of a confrontation, only in the gayest form imaginable.) So I mockingly tell her, "I need to CAREfront you." She openly says okay and braces herself. I tell her that since she moved to the main office she's started only speaking in company jargon. I told her that it kind of bothered me that I used to be able to vent to her my work concerns, get feedback and move on...lately it's been I vent my concerns and ask questions and get the cold, company issued jargon...not her mentoring, or her insight which I preferred.
She told me she appreciated me coming to her with this and admitted to self checking herself on the same topic...she didn't realize how much she used the company "buzz words"... we finished the talk, laughed, and moved on. Very cool--she told me a great deal that was going with her and I did the same. It's cool that I can talk to my boss. It's cool that she too is super gay (she has one of the best relationships I've ever been witness to and is always talking about how awesome her girlfriend is)...she's kind of my mentor in a lot of areas in general. I've learned a lot from her in the last almost year. But I digress.
I get home and go upstairs to snag a quick nap before my brothers birthday dinner. My sister wakes me up with a "surprise"...she was excited about what she and mom had found for me as a motivational gift, lol. I open it to find a lil purple hippo (I love hippos) holding a sign that says, "It's hard to be optimistic when even your "fat" pants are tight." LOL. This made me laugh. I thanked her and shut my eyes and tried the nap thing again. I woke up way later than intended. I thought everyone was going to be downstairs about 5:30 to eat dinner....It's almost 7:30 and no noise downstairs. Well dinner was canceled because my bro got called into work....mom and dad had gone off for some meeting....it was just me and grandma. I went and picked up dinner and ate with her....then back upstairs to work on homework.
Finished homework for the evening feeling confident of my contribution to the group project...back downstairs I go. Mom and dad are back. I go out on the deck to talk to mom, she needed to vent because grandma is stressing her out. I go inside and help grandma to bed (which I had told her I'd do prior to me knowing that mom was on the verge of smothering grandma in her sleep). With grandma in bed...back up the stairs for some me time.
I have a little bit extra time tonight since I snuck a nap earlier. I remember that my Netflix movies came in...Yay. What surprises are in stock for me this time? Last Chance Harvey....nah...Transporter 3....nah, not tonight....Girl Play OH YEAH....I put it in and realize that I've seen it before but I LOVE IT. It's a movie from 2004 that stars Dom DeLuise, Lacie Harmon, and Robin Greenspan and is just good stuff. I love Netflix because of their large Gay and Lesbian selection.
Some of my all time favorites from this genre include: Girl Play, Tipping the Velvet, Better than Chocolate, among many many others. Oh and Latter Days...for sure.
Anyway...things will start working out in whatever way they are meant to. One thing that I was able to voice to my boss today was something that she too was experiencing. It's where the smallest things are setting her/me off for no reason because we have so much stuff on our minds that we lash out over dumb shit. Wow, yeah I can relate.
But that's not the whole issue. Just because I'm stressed, tired, or whatever, doesn't meant that the things that I'm venting, or sharing, or lashing out about are because I am (insert adjective here)... I'm fed the fuck up with a lot of things and I'm tired of it being my fault when I do finally say them. I dunno, I'm sure that's grounds for another blog.
For now...I'm still angry, filled with angst, worried, overwhelmed, tired, fed the fuck up, irritated, empty, and just not ready to hash shit out or give a damn about much of anything. Most of all I don't want to spend the time I have trying to analyze and seek to understand, be accused of being the issue or even part of the problem, I'm not ready for that. I want to just not even acknowledge a lot of shit right now. I want things to be about me and how I feel as an individual. I want to really be heard. People listen, but am I actually heard.
I want to go out back and just yell into the darkness. I want to make the ears of all wilderness perk up and tilt their little heads. I want to be heard, but I'll be damn if I'm really ready to talk. Nope...definitely not ready.
Tired of it all...and still just not giving a shit right now.
A line from this movie just hit close to home. You see, people see forever in different terms. For me (like in the movie) "I can see forever,....minute by minute." I'm not the type of person that sees forever in the same way as the next person, it doesn't mean that I don't look into the future. It doesn't make me a bad person for looking at the future day to day, minute by minute, or even month to month. My way isn't necessarily the wrong way. Yep,, love this movie, give it four stars, two thumbs up and recommend it....
I told her I needed to "care" front her (it's my company's version of a confrontation, only in the gayest form imaginable.) So I mockingly tell her, "I need to CAREfront you." She openly says okay and braces herself. I tell her that since she moved to the main office she's started only speaking in company jargon. I told her that it kind of bothered me that I used to be able to vent to her my work concerns, get feedback and move on...lately it's been I vent my concerns and ask questions and get the cold, company issued jargon...not her mentoring, or her insight which I preferred.
She told me she appreciated me coming to her with this and admitted to self checking herself on the same topic...she didn't realize how much she used the company "buzz words"... we finished the talk, laughed, and moved on. Very cool--she told me a great deal that was going with her and I did the same. It's cool that I can talk to my boss. It's cool that she too is super gay (she has one of the best relationships I've ever been witness to and is always talking about how awesome her girlfriend is)...she's kind of my mentor in a lot of areas in general. I've learned a lot from her in the last almost year. But I digress.
I get home and go upstairs to snag a quick nap before my brothers birthday dinner. My sister wakes me up with a "surprise"...she was excited about what she and mom had found for me as a motivational gift, lol. I open it to find a lil purple hippo (I love hippos) holding a sign that says, "It's hard to be optimistic when even your "fat" pants are tight." LOL. This made me laugh. I thanked her and shut my eyes and tried the nap thing again. I woke up way later than intended. I thought everyone was going to be downstairs about 5:30 to eat dinner....It's almost 7:30 and no noise downstairs. Well dinner was canceled because my bro got called into work....mom and dad had gone off for some meeting....it was just me and grandma. I went and picked up dinner and ate with her....then back upstairs to work on homework.
Finished homework for the evening feeling confident of my contribution to the group project...back downstairs I go. Mom and dad are back. I go out on the deck to talk to mom, she needed to vent because grandma is stressing her out. I go inside and help grandma to bed (which I had told her I'd do prior to me knowing that mom was on the verge of smothering grandma in her sleep). With grandma in bed...back up the stairs for some me time.
I have a little bit extra time tonight since I snuck a nap earlier. I remember that my Netflix movies came in...Yay. What surprises are in stock for me this time? Last Chance Harvey....nah...Transporter 3....nah, not tonight....Girl Play OH YEAH....I put it in and realize that I've seen it before but I LOVE IT. It's a movie from 2004 that stars Dom DeLuise, Lacie Harmon, and Robin Greenspan and is just good stuff. I love Netflix because of their large Gay and Lesbian selection.
Some of my all time favorites from this genre include: Girl Play, Tipping the Velvet, Better than Chocolate, among many many others. Oh and Latter Days...for sure.
Anyway...things will start working out in whatever way they are meant to. One thing that I was able to voice to my boss today was something that she too was experiencing. It's where the smallest things are setting her/me off for no reason because we have so much stuff on our minds that we lash out over dumb shit. Wow, yeah I can relate.
But that's not the whole issue. Just because I'm stressed, tired, or whatever, doesn't meant that the things that I'm venting, or sharing, or lashing out about are because I am (insert adjective here)... I'm fed the fuck up with a lot of things and I'm tired of it being my fault when I do finally say them. I dunno, I'm sure that's grounds for another blog.
For now...I'm still angry, filled with angst, worried, overwhelmed, tired, fed the fuck up, irritated, empty, and just not ready to hash shit out or give a damn about much of anything. Most of all I don't want to spend the time I have trying to analyze and seek to understand, be accused of being the issue or even part of the problem, I'm not ready for that. I want to just not even acknowledge a lot of shit right now. I want things to be about me and how I feel as an individual. I want to really be heard. People listen, but am I actually heard.
I want to go out back and just yell into the darkness. I want to make the ears of all wilderness perk up and tilt their little heads. I want to be heard, but I'll be damn if I'm really ready to talk. Nope...definitely not ready.
Tired of it all...and still just not giving a shit right now.
A line from this movie just hit close to home. You see, people see forever in different terms. For me (like in the movie) "I can see forever,....minute by minute." I'm not the type of person that sees forever in the same way as the next person, it doesn't mean that I don't look into the future. It doesn't make me a bad person for looking at the future day to day, minute by minute, or even month to month. My way isn't necessarily the wrong way. Yep,, love this movie, give it four stars, two thumbs up and recommend it....
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I did it...YAY
I spent Monday and Tuesday in the training course presented by Werres (a company that supplies Raymond Warehouse Equipment) It went well and $2100 billed to my company later, I'm official. I can train people on the follwing pieces of warehouse equipment (as well as operate them, though I rarely actually do)...
The Stock Picker (some know it as cherry picker or order picker)...drives like a car, but goes up in the rafters so that individual boxes can be picked... you have to be harnessed into this equipment so if you fall you don't go Splat...
The F4 (sit down forklift, called the F4 in my facility because it has four wheels...go figure)
The F3 (Stand up fork lift) differs from regular forklift because you are standing and only has three wheels...
The Walkie Rider (basically a pallet jack you can ride or pull along side of you) pretty fun, but one of the most dangerous pieces of equipment because people get on them and leave their common sense at the door...people have shattered elbows, broken their faces, run over other walkie riders etc....
Not pictured here are the Reach and Double reach truck...(like a F3, but bigger and has a reach mechanism which extends the forks further than a normal forklift) Once my boss certifies me to operate these (which won't happen anytime soon because the new hires we have coming in will be pretty much only using the aforementioned equipment) I'll be able to instruct others on how to use it.
I'm very excited about this. I'm also excited about the fact that I have 9 contractors that will be transitioning into Fulltime slots with the client company with in the next couple of weeks. I haven't had anyone get hired (due to hiring freezes) since November of last year. EXCITING. I'm so happy for them. It makes my job a little better because most of the time I give folks a sense of false hope because that's what I'm told to do...I do what I'm told to keep my job and then feel guilty when she doesn't work out...well for at least nine of my folks shit is going to work out and for this I'm not only grateful but SUPER EXCITED.
The Stock Picker (some know it as cherry picker or order picker)...drives like a car, but goes up in the rafters so that individual boxes can be picked... you have to be harnessed into this equipment so if you fall you don't go Splat...
The F4 (sit down forklift, called the F4 in my facility because it has four wheels...go figure)
The F3 (Stand up fork lift) differs from regular forklift because you are standing and only has three wheels...
The Walkie Rider (basically a pallet jack you can ride or pull along side of you) pretty fun, but one of the most dangerous pieces of equipment because people get on them and leave their common sense at the door...people have shattered elbows, broken their faces, run over other walkie riders etc....
Not pictured here are the Reach and Double reach truck...(like a F3, but bigger and has a reach mechanism which extends the forks further than a normal forklift) Once my boss certifies me to operate these (which won't happen anytime soon because the new hires we have coming in will be pretty much only using the aforementioned equipment) I'll be able to instruct others on how to use it.
I'm very excited about this. I'm also excited about the fact that I have 9 contractors that will be transitioning into Fulltime slots with the client company with in the next couple of weeks. I haven't had anyone get hired (due to hiring freezes) since November of last year. EXCITING. I'm so happy for them. It makes my job a little better because most of the time I give folks a sense of false hope because that's what I'm told to do...I do what I'm told to keep my job and then feel guilty when she doesn't work out...well for at least nine of my folks shit is going to work out and for this I'm not only grateful but SUPER EXCITED.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Labor Management
The warehouse switched to a new Labor Management (LM) program in February. This week is the first week that I'm holding my contractors accountable based on the warehouse's expectation. It's only fair because the fulltimers are being held accountable, why not the"temps/contractors?" The downside is that the fulltimers are measured in 2 week intervals where my guys are weekly.
The expectation is that they hit 100% for the week in production and 99% for accuracy. There are two different points programs in place, one for each. Essentially, if you don't hit 100% for the week you are issued a verbal warning and 1 point, the second time a written warning and a point, the third time a final warning and a point, the fourth time you are fired (same applies to the accuracy program)...
My role in this is to be proactive and let my people know where they stand as frequently as possible, daily in most cases so that if they had a bad day on Monday, they have time to bring up their numbers so their average for the week is 100%.
I kind of freaked when this accountability program rolled out because I thought that if my contractors werent hitting the numbers and ended up getting fired over it, it would reflect poorly on me like I wasn't doing enough to keep them from losing their jobs.
Recently I was reminded of two facts: 1. It's not my sole responsibility. There is me, plus their floor supervisor who should help them with the tools and training they need, plus themselves--they have to want to succeed in order to be successful. (It's unfortunate, but if what they are doing isn't necessarily "their cup of tea" the program will slowly weed them out so that someone who can hit the expectation can be brought in to do it) and 2. I can only do so much...I can't hold someone's hand and beg them to do it....(you can lead a horse to water but not make it drink)... our current workforce consists of a number of employees who feel as though they are owed something, not that they should earn something by actually working hard...those people are going to be out of here before they realize whats coming. In actuality I only have like maybe ten percent of my staff that isn't hitting at least 100% (many of them are in the 130s so the expectation is acheivable...) It just sucks that so many of my folks feel like everyone is against them and when help is offered they twist into something ridiculous and continue to come up with excuse after excuse.
I dunno. Sometimes I just want to shake people, other times I want to get on a forklift and back over them. Don't tell OSHA.
The expectation is that they hit 100% for the week in production and 99% for accuracy. There are two different points programs in place, one for each. Essentially, if you don't hit 100% for the week you are issued a verbal warning and 1 point, the second time a written warning and a point, the third time a final warning and a point, the fourth time you are fired (same applies to the accuracy program)...
My role in this is to be proactive and let my people know where they stand as frequently as possible, daily in most cases so that if they had a bad day on Monday, they have time to bring up their numbers so their average for the week is 100%.
I kind of freaked when this accountability program rolled out because I thought that if my contractors werent hitting the numbers and ended up getting fired over it, it would reflect poorly on me like I wasn't doing enough to keep them from losing their jobs.
Recently I was reminded of two facts: 1. It's not my sole responsibility. There is me, plus their floor supervisor who should help them with the tools and training they need, plus themselves--they have to want to succeed in order to be successful. (It's unfortunate, but if what they are doing isn't necessarily "their cup of tea" the program will slowly weed them out so that someone who can hit the expectation can be brought in to do it) and 2. I can only do so much...I can't hold someone's hand and beg them to do it....(you can lead a horse to water but not make it drink)... our current workforce consists of a number of employees who feel as though they are owed something, not that they should earn something by actually working hard...those people are going to be out of here before they realize whats coming. In actuality I only have like maybe ten percent of my staff that isn't hitting at least 100% (many of them are in the 130s so the expectation is acheivable...) It just sucks that so many of my folks feel like everyone is against them and when help is offered they twist into something ridiculous and continue to come up with excuse after excuse.
I dunno. Sometimes I just want to shake people, other times I want to get on a forklift and back over them. Don't tell OSHA.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Lather, Rinse, Repeat
I'm in a rut. My life is SO repetitive during the week--always the same. I wake up and my first thought (regardless of the day) is; I can't wait to get this day over so I can come home and go to sleep. That to me is a red flag...who wants to rush their days away--I mean hell I don't exactly know how many I'm going to have, though I hope its many.
I hit the snooze button about seventeen times (I set two clocks the night before, the alarm clock and the alarm on my cell phone x 3) I hit it one too many times, and begin to run late. Mind you, I generally get up to pee by 6 am (this is the ideal time for me to get up and moving) but instead I reset an alarm and curl right back up in bed.
I get up with only ten minutes available to put on clothes, shoes, etc, brush my teeth, wet my hair, put on lotion (perfume optional) grab my laptop bag and head downstairs. Normally, I'd have to then let the dog out to go handle her business and she knows when I'm running late because she purposely takes her sweet ass time doing what she needs to before coming inside, but this week is different because my Aunt stays overnight to help with Gma during the day, so she lets her out. (Side note: Jen has leg room this week because Pepper puppy is a traitor and is sleeping with Aunt Melissa more than she is me, lol) but I digress.
I pour some cereal into a cup, pour milk on top, grab a spoon and head out. By this time its between five minute til I need to be at work to five minutes after I should already have been there. I eat cereral while driving, which is an art I have pretty much perfected I'm proud to say.
I get to work and show security my bag, so they know I'm not smuggling in any questionable items into the warehouse. Unlock my office, boot up the computer, wait as long as I can while prairie doggin' it (because the women's rest room generally isn't done being cleaned until 8) and out of courtesy I don't blow up the other bathrooms because they are much smaller and heavily used. So anyway, then I head out on the warehouse floor, talk to various contractors, say good morning and what not and kill time until the 8:45 meeting which is a daily thing, but rotates between three different meeting places in the warehouse.
Finish there in time for first break (I try to be in the office during breaks in case any of my contractors have issues)--fast forward to later in the day....
Two more breaks down, phone calls made, my boss has checked up on things out here (today was a meeting at 9:30 where we are going to go over the implementation of a new program with our contractors so my boss was on site with me like all day...). At 4 o'clock I put my computer back, let security check it so they know I'm not stealing merchandise from the warehouse, get in my car and head home--mailing any mail for grandma that I was supposed to mail on the way to work that I didnt have time to since I was running late.
I get home and cant help to think how great a nap would be. Grandma fills me in on her day, who died (though she doesnt listen when I say I don't know them) and goes on to tell me about how she knew them and blah blah blah....I go upstairs for a bit and try to get motivated to do homework, shut my eyes for like ten minutes and then here lately my aunt yells that dinner is ready (normally i have to cook, so this is a nice change)...
I eat, then have to wait to digest a bit so I don't throw up after working out... been there done that...not fun at all. Last night I did homework then worked out, but the drawback to that is that I worked out too close to bed so it was another hour after that before I could actually crawl into bed. I of course got wrapped up in Jen filling me in on random "gay" news she found about El Paso, by gay I mean two gay men being discriminated against and thrown out of a taco chain for kissing or something, her reading me some of the blogs of folks she follows and CSI (doesn't matter if its New York, Miami, or the regular one)...
I shower to get rid of all the sweat from working out and to try and relax. Crawl in bed between 11:30 and midnight only to do the same exact thing the very next day.
Sure there are minor things that may change things up but not enough to make a difference. I'm always tired (especially now that I'm working out)--I wasn't going to do it last night but I felt like the guilt trip Id give myself for not doing it would make me feel worse than being tired would. I dunno its weird. I need to figure something out for real.
This rut I'm in is kind of for the birds.
My eyeballs are on fire and feel like bricks are attached to my eyelashes making them heavy. I look forward to Saturday because then I can generally sleep in. It's at the point where I'm considering not having a life on the weekends just so I can catch up on rest...I need to break the habit though because this weekend is an early morning fishing trip opportunity with some coworkers that I dont want to miss out on.
I hate being tired all the time, I just don't understand it. Everyone keeps asking me what I'm depressed about, but I'm not depressed about anything. I've been depressed before... Hell I was treated for being bipolar for years before it was discovered I had a hormone imbalance and hell that hasn't been fixed yet either. I dunno. I've gotta break this cycle. I'm not depressed or hormonal right now...I'm physically and seriously tired... I just want to turn it off. I like to consider myself upbeat but its hard to be lively when you don't have the strength. Blah.
I hit the snooze button about seventeen times (I set two clocks the night before, the alarm clock and the alarm on my cell phone x 3) I hit it one too many times, and begin to run late. Mind you, I generally get up to pee by 6 am (this is the ideal time for me to get up and moving) but instead I reset an alarm and curl right back up in bed.
I get up with only ten minutes available to put on clothes, shoes, etc, brush my teeth, wet my hair, put on lotion (perfume optional) grab my laptop bag and head downstairs. Normally, I'd have to then let the dog out to go handle her business and she knows when I'm running late because she purposely takes her sweet ass time doing what she needs to before coming inside, but this week is different because my Aunt stays overnight to help with Gma during the day, so she lets her out. (Side note: Jen has leg room this week because Pepper puppy is a traitor and is sleeping with Aunt Melissa more than she is me, lol) but I digress.
I pour some cereal into a cup, pour milk on top, grab a spoon and head out. By this time its between five minute til I need to be at work to five minutes after I should already have been there. I eat cereral while driving, which is an art I have pretty much perfected I'm proud to say.
I get to work and show security my bag, so they know I'm not smuggling in any questionable items into the warehouse. Unlock my office, boot up the computer, wait as long as I can while prairie doggin' it (because the women's rest room generally isn't done being cleaned until 8) and out of courtesy I don't blow up the other bathrooms because they are much smaller and heavily used. So anyway, then I head out on the warehouse floor, talk to various contractors, say good morning and what not and kill time until the 8:45 meeting which is a daily thing, but rotates between three different meeting places in the warehouse.
Finish there in time for first break (I try to be in the office during breaks in case any of my contractors have issues)--fast forward to later in the day....
Two more breaks down, phone calls made, my boss has checked up on things out here (today was a meeting at 9:30 where we are going to go over the implementation of a new program with our contractors so my boss was on site with me like all day...). At 4 o'clock I put my computer back, let security check it so they know I'm not stealing merchandise from the warehouse, get in my car and head home--mailing any mail for grandma that I was supposed to mail on the way to work that I didnt have time to since I was running late.
I get home and cant help to think how great a nap would be. Grandma fills me in on her day, who died (though she doesnt listen when I say I don't know them) and goes on to tell me about how she knew them and blah blah blah....I go upstairs for a bit and try to get motivated to do homework, shut my eyes for like ten minutes and then here lately my aunt yells that dinner is ready (normally i have to cook, so this is a nice change)...
I eat, then have to wait to digest a bit so I don't throw up after working out... been there done that...not fun at all. Last night I did homework then worked out, but the drawback to that is that I worked out too close to bed so it was another hour after that before I could actually crawl into bed. I of course got wrapped up in Jen filling me in on random "gay" news she found about El Paso, by gay I mean two gay men being discriminated against and thrown out of a taco chain for kissing or something, her reading me some of the blogs of folks she follows and CSI (doesn't matter if its New York, Miami, or the regular one)...
I shower to get rid of all the sweat from working out and to try and relax. Crawl in bed between 11:30 and midnight only to do the same exact thing the very next day.
Sure there are minor things that may change things up but not enough to make a difference. I'm always tired (especially now that I'm working out)--I wasn't going to do it last night but I felt like the guilt trip Id give myself for not doing it would make me feel worse than being tired would. I dunno its weird. I need to figure something out for real.
This rut I'm in is kind of for the birds.
My eyeballs are on fire and feel like bricks are attached to my eyelashes making them heavy. I look forward to Saturday because then I can generally sleep in. It's at the point where I'm considering not having a life on the weekends just so I can catch up on rest...I need to break the habit though because this weekend is an early morning fishing trip opportunity with some coworkers that I dont want to miss out on.
I hate being tired all the time, I just don't understand it. Everyone keeps asking me what I'm depressed about, but I'm not depressed about anything. I've been depressed before... Hell I was treated for being bipolar for years before it was discovered I had a hormone imbalance and hell that hasn't been fixed yet either. I dunno. I've gotta break this cycle. I'm not depressed or hormonal right now...I'm physically and seriously tired... I just want to turn it off. I like to consider myself upbeat but its hard to be lively when you don't have the strength. Blah.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Work Woes
So I need to vent...that way my head doesnt explode on the drive home...
Sometimes I hate my job. Being the On-site supervisor for a staffing agency that provides labor to a warehouse really isn't difficult in theory...but the little things that you have to deal with can add up.
Over the last couple of weeks, we brought in about 19 people to do a rework project (inspecting chairs mostly)...Yesterday I had to tell ten of them there was no more work and today another six. Granted they knew going in that it was a short term assignment with the possibilities of getting into a different department as we ramp up for Peak season...but still it bums me out.
Technically they arent fired, they are just on the "bench" waiting for a new assignment, but no one wants to have to tell someone in today's economy that sorry--No work for you, sorry about your luck. My record to date is having to fire/lay off 13 people in one day. That was brutal.
Like I said, this situation is a little different because they aren't fired as of yet...but if something doesnt become available, they will be.
I so often feel like the bad guy...it's sad sometimes.
I've learned a lot having this position. I can still remember firing my first person labor day weekend of last year...I cried when i got home. I understand now that there are often things out of my control such as lay offs...but when it comes to folks not performing or meeting expectations and I'm coaching them and doing everything in my power to get them to where they need to be and they repetitively fall short--then yeah...you have to go.
I'm not here to be everyone's friend, though a lot of the Cost Plus's employees come to me to vent just to be heard (though they know I have no control with the way that the warehouse runs its business.) But I digress.
I've grown a lot working here...even if I am just a contractor (what my company calls its temps basically)...Contractor sounds better and suggests a great level of stability and respect, which my company does offer whenever possible. I was hired as a contractor with plans to become the On premise manager within six months, but because of the economy and Cost Plus's restructuring that left me in limbo for a while... you see where my contractors are striving to become Cost Plus employees, I'm working to become an internal employee for my company...(hence the limbo) I'm not considered a contractor by my contractors and I'm not seen as an internal employee by my company so it's weird. But it works for me right now since I'm so close to being done with school.
Nonetheless...it's time to go home. My Aunt Melissa has been with Grandma all day so it's time for me to give her a break, do some hip hop abs, watch some tv and friggin do some homework...I hope everything works out in the long run.
I have a chin hair to pluck before it drives me 'batshit crazy' I can feel it
Sometimes I hate my job. Being the On-site supervisor for a staffing agency that provides labor to a warehouse really isn't difficult in theory...but the little things that you have to deal with can add up.
Over the last couple of weeks, we brought in about 19 people to do a rework project (inspecting chairs mostly)...Yesterday I had to tell ten of them there was no more work and today another six. Granted they knew going in that it was a short term assignment with the possibilities of getting into a different department as we ramp up for Peak season...but still it bums me out.
Technically they arent fired, they are just on the "bench" waiting for a new assignment, but no one wants to have to tell someone in today's economy that sorry--No work for you, sorry about your luck. My record to date is having to fire/lay off 13 people in one day. That was brutal.
Like I said, this situation is a little different because they aren't fired as of yet...but if something doesnt become available, they will be.
I so often feel like the bad guy...it's sad sometimes.
I've learned a lot having this position. I can still remember firing my first person labor day weekend of last year...I cried when i got home. I understand now that there are often things out of my control such as lay offs...but when it comes to folks not performing or meeting expectations and I'm coaching them and doing everything in my power to get them to where they need to be and they repetitively fall short--then yeah...you have to go.
I'm not here to be everyone's friend, though a lot of the Cost Plus's employees come to me to vent just to be heard (though they know I have no control with the way that the warehouse runs its business.) But I digress.
I've grown a lot working here...even if I am just a contractor (what my company calls its temps basically)...Contractor sounds better and suggests a great level of stability and respect, which my company does offer whenever possible. I was hired as a contractor with plans to become the On premise manager within six months, but because of the economy and Cost Plus's restructuring that left me in limbo for a while... you see where my contractors are striving to become Cost Plus employees, I'm working to become an internal employee for my company...(hence the limbo) I'm not considered a contractor by my contractors and I'm not seen as an internal employee by my company so it's weird. But it works for me right now since I'm so close to being done with school.
Nonetheless...it's time to go home. My Aunt Melissa has been with Grandma all day so it's time for me to give her a break, do some hip hop abs, watch some tv and friggin do some homework...I hope everything works out in the long run.
I have a chin hair to pluck before it drives me 'batshit crazy' I can feel it
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