Grandma's going overboard

I love this lady but she is turning me into someone that I am not.  I'm always on the defense with it comes to her.  She's the sweet lil old lady one minute and a complete bitch the next.  She has developed this new way of accusing me of things without directly saying that I did them.  For example, today a lid wouldn't fit on the tupperware container she was putting leftovers in.  She mentioned to Jen how the dishwasher was ruining all of her stuff.  Jen tells me this and I asked Jen if it was one of the white bowls...she didn't know.

Later, Grandma mentioned it to me and I told her I bet it was one of the white bowls wasn't it...the lids haven't gone on easy in all the freakin' years I've lived here.  So then I got a lecture about how that her tupperware was made in the days before dishwashers so even though they say dishwasher safe (yes ladies and gentlemen--they say it on the bottom) I'm fucking them up by putting them in the dishwasher, even on the top rack because I mean what else could it be...it probably has NOTHING to do with the fact that they were the first bowls to ever come off the tupperware assembly line...jesus lady.

Later, she brought up that the plant on the sunroom porch had ruined the carpet underneath (something I told her about last year, but became apparent again when my uncle overwatered it a couple of weeks ago.  She has decided that the bottom part (which holds the overflow water) is cracked.  Okay, I'll agree to that. Here's where it gets better...it was most likely cracked when it got moved...one of the MANY times it's been moved over the years...she put extra emphasis on the many.... (i'm the only one who has moved it ever)...

Again the crack couldn't be attributed to the fact that the fucking plant is so big (she got it as a wedding present over 55 years ago) and it weighs like over 100 pounds... it's weight alone could have cracked it...who knows, but yep, I'm being blamed for it.

She got into this habit because I clean out the fridge on the regular.  She is famous for cooking shit that is bad and I don't enjoy food poisoning or botchilism (sp?)  She made sausage gravy biscuits one morning with RANCID sausage.  But because she had pulled it from the freezer there's no way it could be bad (the label on the freezer bag said, 1974)  JESUS CHRIST LADY....

If I'm not home when she cooks, I don't eat.  There's weird shit in the fridge like squirrel for instance.  (Which I actually helped skin, fucking grossest experience of my life)... I've tried squirrel before, (and rabbit, and turtle, and frog, etc....) I'm from the country, but I'm not Country... I'll eat the hell out of some deer meat though, if its cooked right...but i digress.  This lady is trying to kill me... I know it. On the plus side, I've eaten so much weird shit, I'm bound to have built up some sort of freakish immunity to many things..I guess time will tell.

For now, my goal is getting through this last week of classes, updating the resume and finding a job that will pay me enough to be able to pay rent...Folks think i have a sweet deal happening here with not having to pay rent and all...but at this point if feels more like I sold my soul to the devil for a free place to leave.  This place has it's perks...but I can't take it much longer.  It's gonna break gma's heart and I don't want to do that...but for my own sanity I've gotta do what I've gotta do.

Bzzzzzzzzed.

Jen knew something was up when I met her in the driveway when she got off of work Saturday night and told her to set her stuff down, "let's chill out here for a bit" while I unlocked my car and grabbed my emergency pack of smokes (Marlboro Smooths)... She Looked at me questionably with eyebrow raised a look that translated to, WTF? is wrong with you, you never wanna hang outside in the dark and you like NEVER smoke...

Hehe... I shared a cigarette with her and sat on the hood of my car, happy go lucky, chatty Cathy style... just full of randomness... She wasn't used to me in this manner.  I admitted that I had misjudged when she'd get to my house and started drinking too early, lol.  While I had bought my customized six pack on Friday, I didn't drink it until Saturday... I saved the Purple Haze since she had never tried it so we could "share the experience..."

So what was up?  Well I was on beer 5 and 1/2 (and for me who only occasionally taps the rockies a beer or two at a time that was crucial)...lol. So I had a nice lil buzz, was excited Jen had made it to my house... I had already put lil man to bed so he was knocked out...that meant a few more beers to unwind and we'll just see what happened...(side note: Jen has requested that from now on when I refer to "tapping the rockies" it should be code for having sex with her since she's from colorado/Rockies....but I don't know how I feel about that since I've always referred to her as an all you can eat mexican buffet...but I'll consider it)

She finished off the last of my Wild Blue blueberry Lager and wanted more, but all I had was Purple Haze which I told her tasted like a fruity beer with a "bong hit" after taste--she disagreed but didn't hate it, lol. Long story short, as the night progressed we got sillier and sillier....

 

Jen in my Yankees cap-- I love this pic of her...

 

After a few Purple Haze(s) :)  I'll take this is good shit for 1000 Alex

 

Purple Haze commercial?? Come on give it a try, everyone's doing it.

 

I looked over to see lil man's Spongebob shoes and just HAD to try them on... (you may recall, he's FIVE!!)

 

Pepper snuggles with Jen, Jen offers some Purple Haze, pepper declined.

The evening concluded with some X rated deeds (I'm sure everyone can use their imagination if you even want to go there....) The funniest thing is that I had this whole kinky fun evening planned (alcohol and waiting on Jen to get off of work definitely contributed to my master plan)... My kinky bubble was almost busted when I was in the middle of some stuff thinking "Yeah I'm a rock star...you like that huh...and she randomly looks at me and says, "So um, do you want me to get the step ladder..." HAHAHAHAHA.... I could have died.  I felt three feet tall to her eight... In real life I'm like 5'3 to her 5'7 or 5'8, I dunno... my plotting prior to her arrival had failed to calculate the height difference  in some areas of my "master plan..."  I love that the two of us can laugh at even the most inappropriate times and still love each other in the end.

SUNDAY:

We spent the day with Grandma, taking her on a car ride and running errands.  We all had lunch together, made a few stops, visited some folks and after dropping Gma off at the house for a nap, ended up at mom's house for some burgers on the grill.

 

My brother the grill master??? His shirt was too short and his ensemble was rather scary, seriously dude--you left your house in camo slippers, boardshorts and a shirt that was way to short.  YIKES.  The regulator is going out on mom's grill so it took like three hours for the burgers to cook.

 

Sunset from mom's back porch.

A fabulous weekend indeed.

Seeing Red

I'm tapping the Rockies this evening and hiding out upstairs. You see, I was having a weird day today... not a bad day, I was just in a weird mood. The littlest things were setting me off. As the day progressed I seem to move to a deeper and darker place.

I felt bad, Jen never knows what the hell triggers them and I can't explain it to her because I don't freaking know myself. We still had a good day overall... we ran errands and picked up stuff for Jen to make her kick ass creamy Caesar chicken. She serves it with egg noodles and extra caesar dressing and it just ROCKS MY WORLD. But I'm getting ahead of myself... let me start at the beginning.

Slept great....woke up, still a little groggy but alive enough to start the day. Fixed lil man a bowl of cereal, but got his order wrong...He clearly stated that he asked for Cookie Crisp and well, silly me... I fixed him Cocoa Crispies--what was I thinking.

I finished homework and got dressed so that we could get it moving. A trip to Jen's townhouse for her to handle some biznazz...then off to another city... a new way... adventure, just driving. A shoe store, nothing good...Cato...some cute shorts, nothing worth buying in my size... off to the grocery store to get the "goods"--Yet again I go somewhere with Jen and run into someone that knows me, lol... This time we picked a different city (still one on the outskirts of mine) and sure enough in the parking lot I hear, "Hey tommy, what are you doing in this neck of the woods?" Yep, another one of my contractors, Jen jokes on me and says something about me being a celebrity, haha...damn small towns.

A stop by moms after winding back roads (which made Jen car sick)... my bad. I was supposed to do mom's and aunt melissa's hair...but wasn't in the mood after all. So I told mom I'd do it tomorrow. She was in a pissy mood anyway so it worked out...

And then home--I walked in the house and was immediately verbally raped by Grandma who had been alone for a few hours and felt compelled to fill me in on any and everything that happened from the time god was a little boy to minutes before me pulling in the driveway. So and so died, and she forgot Pepper outside for a couple of hours because the phone rang and blah blah blah....

Gma: You don't care about much of anything right now huh
Me: Gma is not that I dont care, it's just that every time I walk in the house you immediately start filling me in on kinds of stuff and I don't have time to digest any of it...
Gma: Well maybe I feel like if I don't tell you right then, I'll forget
Me: Maybe, I dunno...

I go upstairs.

I ay down and take a nap for about an hour trying to put myself into a better mood. Jen comes to wake me up, dinner is ready. I go downstairs (enter chaos, stage left)... The tv is blaring loud, normal kitchen noises from cooking and serving food, Jen and Lil man are trying to talk to me, Gma immediately starts reading an email over all of the noise and adds to the chaos.

Me: Gma, please not right now, there is too much going on
Gma: You know you have a real attitude lately (mumbed as she turned off the tv)
Me: Who me?
Gma: Who me? Yeah you

I close my eyes--all I see is red. I open my eyes and see Jen mouthing to me "Go outside, breathe." I'm livid...(she later tells me that she got scared, she had seen my face get red before but never my arms and other areas at the same time...)

Awkward during dinner. Grandma continues to do things just to spite me. I tell Pepper to lay down (because I hate her begging at the dinner table) and Grandma puts broccoli on her fork and let's Pepper eat it. Fucking a grandma...REALLY? She then continues to eat with the same fork (which just bothers me)...

She then has the nerve to say how she appreciates me laying out her clothes last night and washing her sheets and making her bed, and cleaning her bathroom....I didn't acknowledge her. I refuse.

As Jen and I clean the kitchen Gma continues reading us obituaries, emails, anything she can think of just to hear her own fucking voice and annoy the shit out of me.

I'm fucking pissed off. Livid.

She went to bed early and is probably still pouting and all I can think is how I can't wait to have my degree done, find my "dream" job--one where I can afford to pay rent (even if it's just halfing it with Jen) and peace the fuck out from this situation.

She is NEVER going to change. Things are not going to get better. She seems to be getting worse--it seems that the people that do the most for her (me and my mom primarily) are the ones that she treats the worst. Just yesterday I was bathing her, wiping her ass, scrubbing her shit off of every inch of the toilet, off the floor, cutting her diaper off, getting her another pad, putting her shoes on for her and today this bullshit. I just want to look at her and say, you want to see an attitude problem, I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM.

I don't like this person she is making me become. I used to be caring and compassionate...but now, now I dread coming home. I dread the next time I have to wipe her ass or smell one of her pissy diapers or be yelled at for throwing away food that has gone bad but that she still wanted to eat....to hear about how wasteful I am and how she hates how I don't come and socialize with her friends when they come over...

WELL YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT...THEY AREN'T MY FRIENDS. I don't not speak, but I'm going to pass on your fucking old ass mother fucking friends commenting on my weight, or their views of my "lifestyle choices," their thoughts on how I'll be roasting in hell... (oh no thats before they realize i'm actually in ear shot...) when they see me its always, Awe Tommy, your grandma is so lucky to have you hear and a fakeness that I just don't have time for. Period.

This is bullshit. I am not this person. I don't have time for this...I have too much going on in my life for the added responsibility or being a fulltime caregiver as well. Grandma is just as good as she was before her fall, but she seems to be worse. IT's like she got used to the attention and now won't do shit for herself...she still refuses to drive or leave the house... if she wants to be a shut in, she needs to move to an assisted living facility because I can't keep doing this.

Fuck me. I'm stuck right now. My mom always jokes that I can move in with her for a while...oh yeah that's a great idea (too much estrogen there, already three dogs) and no extra space because one room is the nursery...) I'm stuck for now, gotta make the most of it...at least until I am financially able to ride off into the sunset with Jen and to our own place far far way. I don't even know where to begin in my job search...I just know that where I am now, is just a stepping stone to where I'm headed...its the destination thats a little blurry right now.

Sex in real life

I've always had a theory and that is basically that sex in real life will rarely ever be like it is in the movies. This has become even more apparent since I've been with Jen. Perhaps you are wondering what I'm talking about and what the fuck this has to do with anything.

First of all, back off because when has anything I've had to say really been relevant... GOSH. Anyway...

An example of real life sex was seen today. Jen and I slept in and lil man was still knocked out so there was time for a good ol fashioned rubbin'. Sure, that's hot right... You know the kind where you wake up, stretch out roll over and realize the best part of waking up--she's right there next to you...you start touching her, running your hand across her everything... both of you start getting a little fidgety and then one thing leads to another. Kissing with morning breath, breathing deepens and becomes faster.... you get the point.

Well in the midst of this morning rub fest, Jen (sorry babe for putting your biznazz on front street but it had to be done)... who is obviously right around the corner in the cumming department... I'm at the point of ego boost...giving my self an inner monologue style ego boost (something like, yeah Tommy YOU ARE a rock star...Damn Jen is so fucking hot... I love this woman and how she makes me feel)...

Real life sets in: Pick up your phone its your grandma callin', pick up the phone it's your grandma callin'--My phone rings. Fuck... it's obviously grandma... as I have set her ringtone to be this catchy lil ditty to not slip up and answer the phone inappropriately.... I refuse to answer it. I whisper in Jen's ear and urge her to ignore her, your so close I tell her... don't let her distract you.... I don't feel guilty at this point...I was on a mission dammit, I was not letting Gma keeping me from making her cum...

Okay here we go back on track, I feel it building again....FUCK... Jen's phone is now ringing. Yep, you guessed it, it's grandma calling Jen's phone now. Son of a bitch. Jen is too nice to not answer, lol....so I'm still rubbin' (which is a fun thing I like to do, especially if she's on the phone for her mom, haha... makes things extra funny for me, seeing her try and talk to her mom in a regular non panting voice, lol) but I digress....I hear grandma say, "tell Tommy I need her help again." Jen responds, "Okay, I'll send her down there in a minute or two." Call ended.

Within the next thirty seconds the deed was done and I felt Jen's whole body explode in ecstasy... both of us feeling accomplished... I head downstairs to help grandma and discover that she had made the calls a few minutes before from the commode. She had had an accident and shit (literally) was everywhere. I had a mess to clean up to say the least.

I was relieved that I didn't get up extra early and get motivated cleaning...I'd be pissed if I had just scrubbed the bathroom and she had shit smeared everywhere like she did...poor lady. It can't be easy having to have someone else help you clean yourself up, wipe your ass and all that. Later in the afternoon she gave me a hug and told me how much she appreciated me and actually started crying...she says all the time that "Old age ain't for Sissies." I believe her.

She stresses me out on the regular but I feel good overall that I'm here to help her when she needs it. She should be back to "normal" by now though... she never needed this much additional help before her fall... my mom is at the point where she's going to tell Gma that if she continues needing this much additional help she's going to need to look into assisted living.

I have other examples of how sex in real life is nothing like in the movies, but I think I've put mine and Jen's biznazz out there enough for one night...

Pick up the phone it's your grandma calling, pick up the phone it's your grandma calling

This is it, # 200

So I've officially hit my 200th post. Exciting right...I blew through the first one hundred, simply because I'm a blog addict--so no big tadoo for that one... but this, this I feel is notable. What does one right for such a fabulous milestone? Do I switch it up and blog about world peace, or my views on politics, or enlighten everyone with my thoughts on religion...Seriously? What do you take me for... I'm gonna keep it real and treat this as if it were any other blog, because in short...that's all it is.

Pepper is shedding all over the couch.

Grandma had her first Pasta bowl from Dominoes tonight and loved it. I'm trying to be more patient with her considering she really isn't trying to piss me off, it just so happens that the smallest things she does sets me off...sometimes just the sound of her voice makes me so angry...I can't even begin to explain why...

I think it's cute that my mom is taking lil man shopping tomorrow and on a "lunch date." She wanted to help Jen out with his school supplies and some of his back to school clothes...that's super cool in my opinion.

My friend (we'll call her J)...is in a world of drama right now. The poor thing has been in love with this girl for ages and the girl is nothing but toxin to her. She treats her like shit, uses the stuff they talk about against J later on. The girl, we'll refer to her as M, is older (27/28) and a lot meaner. She is an alcoholic and possibly bipolar. J, who is only 21/22, has low self esteem and feels like when they fight that no matter what, it's her fault. They were only an official couple for about a month, but J has Loved her everyday she has known her. M always says she loves J, but then always puts a disclaimer on things which indicates she doesn't really want to be with J at all, but likes having her around to keep her amused when no one else is. Most recently, J and M got a room... they hooked up and did their thing and M made plans with J for the following day, only to blow her off. The next day they hung out again and made plans for the day after, M blew J off AGAIN. No explanation, no acknowledgment or even owning up to the fact she had made plans...J asked M if she was fucking her best friend who is a dude....which in my opinion, J is a little insecure about a lot of things, but is confused as shit because M is always saying one thing and doing something completely different. M flipped out. Yelled at J, told her that she didn't want her in her life and to leave her alone. This really upset J...later on M texted J demanding that she look in her car, find the dvds she left and then drive them out to her (which was not a trip just right up the road....) J refused, but only because M said she wouldn't talk to her and the dvds werent actually in her car. The following day M text J and told her to meet her in town, buy her a 12 pack because J, "owed her that" and J DID!!!! There was a huge scene in the grocery store, more awful things were said, etc etc etc

The moral of the story is that J feels like it's her fault that M isn't speaking to her. J has admitted to me that she tolerates the fucked up shit that M does/says to her because at least she's in her life. It's a fucked up situation that I don't understand at all. She is miserable right now. I'm trying to get J to change her number and get rid of this girl all together, but she is stubborn and doesn't hear anything I say. I told her today that she is my friend and that I don't like seeing her miserable, that she deserves better, and there are plenty of fun fabulous women out there that she could give a try...but she's too busy being obsessed for a lack of better words with one that treats her like complete and total shit. I'm frustrated and told her that she is impossible to talk to when she is in the current mood she is in. I feel like it's pointless and I don't know what to do.

She told me that she understands how frustrating she must be and that she's a hypocrite because back in the day (last year) when I was with, (who she deemed Grandma Moses)... she would get irritated with me for bitching about Gma Moses and then going right back to hang out with her and here she is doing the same...I'm lost. I don't even want to talk to her at this point because she's the only one that can change her circumstances and she refuses to do it...I can't take it anymore... ya know. I don't know what to do.

I worked more today than I have in the past year at my job. I trained four people, had to fire one of the people I trained because their background came back dirty and they couldnt work for our client, which stinks cuz he was a cool guy. I did something that I thought was thinking outside the box and didn't consult my boss first, thinking it would show my initiative...it kind of bit me in the ass more than anything. I was all proud of the leg work I had done, especially after going for 9.5 hours nonstop.... I consulted with two managers, two sups, and moved one contractor who was struggling from one area where she'd be more successful and lined someone to start in her place effective tomorrow. My boss saw that as me potentially abusing the "system" she had spent the last two years putting into place out there. It's not something that I would do for every person struggling, and I wasn't playing favorites, but in my mind, my company supposedly prides itself on "finding the perfect fit"...she wasn't in the spot to make her successful and when I fixed it...I pretty much got my bubble busted... dammit.

Frustrating. I'm behind at work but I'm glad to have all this work to keep me busy and make my day fly by.

My hair is growing out nicely...it's nice to have hair again. I colored it and put some highlights in the front again...I was tired of that mousy brown natural shit. I gave jen some copper highlights to go with her root touch up as well...she looks fierce as always :)

I should be doing homework but I'm not. Just a few more weeks to go and I'll be done with school. I want to look into Master's programs just so I don't have to pay back those pesky loans...but I need a break. At least a few months...maybe I'll start on an MBA in biznazz sometime in January...who knows.

I want chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.

A hot fudge sundae would be marvelous right now.

Pepper has some ferocious gas...I just threw up in my mouth a little...I wish grandma would stop feeding her shit from the table...

I painted a picture for my mom for mothers day. She gave it back to me and actually asked me change something that was bothering her...jeezus, I thought I was anal. I'm going to keep the original and paint her another one...insane...and i'm not exactly going to rush to do it either....

I have a crucial inner ear itch.

Weekend Recap

Jen and I...me, looking all crazy eyed, ha

I had all of my homework done by Friday at 11 o'clock...which is rather impressive since I'm such a procrastinator.

Saturday I was going to sleep in. Grandma had other plans for me however. She called me at 8:06 am (I had planned to sleep until about 10) and said she needed help getting her stockings on and then tried to act like I had said that I said that I was going to get up early to start cleaning (NO...actually she has selective hearing and just likes to piss me off)...So I go downstairs, put her stockings and shoes on for her and think to myself...still plenty of time to go back to bed. Nope. Gma had other plans for me (I did something to piss her off apparently because she was just being spiteful at this point.) She said she had some mail that just HAD to be mailed, but no not from our mailbox, it had to be dropped in town at the post office....and then she says...and while you are out you can get us breakfast from Dairy Queen. I'm livid by this point and no sausage biscuit is going to cure that.

I get back home, eat with her and go back to bed (officially behind schedule now, but in desperate need of sleep still). I wake up and get started on the cleaning of the downstairs (grandmas part of the house and our shared area)...it had to be presentable for the baby shower the following day. A job that would have taken me three hours tops took me five because grandma kept holding me up, stopping me to ask me dumb shit or trying to fry eggplant in the kitchen right as I was at the point to do that area....FOR FUCKS SAKE LADY.

I finally finish...Lil man is with me by this point so that Jen could go to work. I get in the shower and agree to take him to see GI Joe...a movie I had no interest in seeing but he wanted to see it and I just wanted to be out of the house. Fifteen minutes before the end of what turned out to be a pretty bad ass movie, lil man decides he's ready to go home. It's not transformers, or animated so his attention span has held out as long as it could...we bounce.

Off to Wally-world for groceries...Finally back home at ten. By this point I'm still frazzled because my part of the house, the upstairs has still yet to be cleaned. Ugh. I'm frustrated and just want to scream. I put lil man in the shower, but am way behind schedule as it is...I was supposed to have him bed earlier than he got in it and feed him better than fast food...neither of which I succeeded at...my bad. Jen gets there and helps me set up lil man's bed the rest of the way as I vent and freak out over virtually nothing and everything all at the same time. She's looking at me like, whoa....

Sunday morning I voluntarily got up way before the alarm and went downstairs to wrap all of the packages for the shower. I am in the middle of cleaning upstairs when Jen asks me to cut lil man's hair...she mentioned she was willing to take him into town to get it done, but I told her there was no need since Im technically a pro (technically being the fact that I have my license but just hate doing hair fulltime) and have scissors right in the closet. He gets in the shower afterwards and I make Jen sit down for her haircut...she was getting pretty bushy...so I trimmed her up (her head hair not the other, lol)...

Finally, people start arriving and I'm still cleaning. Not guests mind you, just people that are helping mom set up...Jen helps me finish everything up, I get in the shower and try to get myself ready. My sister shows up--she wanted me to do her make up and hair for this shin dig...so that held me up some more...then my mom's friend asks me to wax her and her daughters eyebrows after the shower.....OKAY MAYBE ONE MORE PERSON CAN ASK ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT I REALLY JUST DONT WANNA DO....My sister's baby daddy comes up the stairs and I hear mention of him needing a haircut....FUCK ME IN THE ASS SIDEWAYS

Jen mentions I need to be able to say no and I understand that... I mean it's great in theory but it's just easier to do and bitch about than deal with the guilt trips that come along.

The shower was successful...my paintings and the note I wrote on the back of one of them to my unborn niece Charlie made her cry....then when read aloud made a lot of people's eyes water.

For today...I'm tired, my head hurts and it's a typical Monday. I brought a lean cuisine to eat at lunch but have been debating like four feet of sub instead I'M EFFING HUNGRY....I need to get back to really giving a shit and making an effort as far as diet and exercise go, but for now stress, school, family, and work are easier excuses and/or cop outs as to not having to exercise...i'm just getting fatter....blah

I've decided I'm not going to walk in the commencement services following me completely the classes. I'm going to borrow my sister's cap and gown and pose for fake pictures instead....FUCK IT. just mail me the diploma/degree and call it a day...I'm done. Fucking burned out.

On the plus side, I'm leaving with Jen and lil man on Wednesday night to go down to Hatteras for a few days...I just have to make it through wednesday I just have to make it through wednesday.....AHAHAAHAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Unbelievable

It just dawned on me that I blog about a little of everything...taking massive shits at work, masturbation, to do lists, random happenings--no stone remains unturned...but I forgot to acknowledge one of the most fabulous things that happened recently.

Last Wednesday I went off to work. Jen stayed here at the house with lil man and kept grandma company. (Wednesday are generally one of her days off, the other is Sunday...) Well I came home after a rather blah day...I was tired and knew I had a huge list of things to do when I got home, including my weekly group meeting for my Senior Seminar course....

I walk in the door to find Jen super cheery...which is always a good thing. She had done like three loads of laundry (so that could be scratched off my to do list), cleaned my bathroom (another one marked out), kept grandma company (which meant Gma not feeling the need to trap me upon my arrival at home and fill me in on every single detail of her day ranging from bowel movements to which one of her friends died and then getting pissy when I say I don't know or remember them...) YAY.

Jen even helped grandma to bed later that night while I was in my meeting which saved me an hour and allowed me to focus on school....

I have a fabulous girlfriend FABULOUS!!! I tell you. Today we went to Baby hell, aka Babies R Us and bought stuff for my sister's shower next Sunday...wasn't too bad and lil man behaved which is a total plus...it helps that we threatened to return his PS2 game to the store if he didn't act right. Don't get me wrong he's not a bad kid, no BeBe's Kid to say the least, but likes to whine if he doesn't get his way and I don't play that...

Oh well lots to do...the moral of the story is Jen Rocks...

Good news...sort of

So Gma went to the doctor yesterday is she is allowed to put weight on her leg as she feels she's ready. She is also able to drive again (scary) as soon as she feels ready, but will have to practice in a parking lot or something prior to hitting the road. Honestly, I don't know of anyone that is going to volunteer for this because she was scary behind the wheel even before her fall this past April...I just don't see myself being an eager beaver in this scenario.

This news translates into no one having to stay the night with her anymore. She still needs help changing her clothes, but she's got to the point where she is walking with her walker in the evenings to bed and setting things up so all she has to do is walk to the bathroom first thing, handle her business and then she gets in the shower (where she has a shower chair) and can manage until someone helps her with her clothes.

Mom had planned on coming over last night to help her to bed, but she is busy as hell packing and trying to get all my dad's shit together so he can "play army" and leave for Kosovo at the end of the week. I told Gma that I'd be able to help her, but that I had wanted to be in bed by the nine to nine thirty mark because it was the one day I had this week where I'd actually be able to do that. So nine twenty five rolls around and she's in bed...I'm flipping the light off when her cell phone rings. FUCK. I continue with what I was doing and let the dog back in so that I can be in bed by my planned time for a change.

My cellphone rings shortly after and Gma tells me that George (my jackass deacon uncle who has his own concept of time) has decided that because he's going to his daughter's house (this bitchy spoiled chick) in South Carolina in the morning and will be there for a week he needed to cut the grass tonight. Gma actually agreed which pissed me off. She tells me that if it gets too loud and distracting to just put the covers over my head....REALLY LADY, REALLY?

It's nine forty five by this point, I send Jen the last text of the night, urging her to get some sleep for a change too when I hear it. THE LAWNMOWER--one of those industrial grade landscaping deals (because he couldnt just buy a simple John Deere)...he wanted one that sounds like it has a jet engine apparently. I dose off for a few minutes while he cut the opposite side of the house.

10:08 pm I hear the house phone ring, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS...(I'm sorry, I'm old school and don't believe in calling anyone after nine o'clock at night...you never know what they're doing)...I never answer Gma's phone because no one I know even has the number, I know it's not for me....(unless it's XM radio trying to get me to come back...they found the number via my address I suppose, because I don't even have Gma's number listed on my car loan application where they got my original information...I'm strictly a cell phone person and hell of my 450 anytime minutes, I might use 13 in a given month...) But I digress....

I close my eyes after tossing and turning a few times to fall asleep again, only to be woke up by the loud jet propelled lawn mower under my window...I get up, stomp over the light switch, flip it on....along with every other light I possibly can on my way to the bathroom....Pee since I was up anyway, stomp back to bed after turning lights off and try it one more time, cussing my uncle the most creative ways I possibly can. He's such a fuckhead with no concept of mowing etiquette. I wanted him to know I was up thats why I flipped on all the lights and did everything short of opening the blinds, tossing out the screen as I opened the window to hang out of it flipping him off and yelling obscenities into the night.

I mean just because they put lights on the front end of lawnmowers doesn't mean you HAVE to use them. Why is this such a hard concept to grasp? It's like just because my car comes with a lighter...I'm not required to use it. It's decoration. Ten Forty eight... and still awake....

Why do I even fucking try. The alarm goes off at five forty five, I get out of bed at six fifteen, grumpy, eyes swollen, and the thought of calling in in my mind....I officially do not like my uncle. (this time for a legitimate reason...--before the reason just included that he talked to fucking much, was annoying, has it in his head I'm going to hell for being gay, avoids touching his own brother...not my dad but my other uncle who is gay as if he's scared my uncle is contagious...) Most days I see him talking and I'm not listening...I'm looking through him and wishing I hadn't gotten rid of that 18" double ended dildo that was like a coke can in girth, lol....(it was scary) but made an excellent prop for when drinking at parties. I'd pull it out and if someone was annoying me I'd smack them in the face with it....I should invest in another one....hell seeing his face as he got smacked by a translucent hot pink monster cock would definitely be worth the investment. And if I'm going to hell anyway....why not.... haha.

On the upside...the grass is cut so I don't have to worry about not seeing a snake coming after me in the tall grass....I'M STILL PISSED HOWEVER.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T...

I have decided that my ideal job would be that of Mediator. Someone who mediates in any situation ranging from messy divorces to peace treaties and the UN or something...I dunno.

I had noticed lately that Gma seems to have a real issue with my sister. She's always making comments that would indicate that she doesn't even like my sister (and keep in my mind she's not even my grandmother by blood and I'm her favorite...it's weird)...it concerned me. My sister has voiced concerns as well and talks about how "the old bat" as she put it doesn't even like her. She used me as an example and said that if I needed new tires all I'd have to do is mention and bam, four brand new tires. If Mandi mentions needing new tires, grandma cuts out a coupon for tires to give her, lol. (It's true. Gma has bought me new tires before...so valid point)

Well on top of that it seems that everyone and their mom vents to me. I honestly don't have a problem with that until it comes time for me to vent and I feel like I can't talk to anyone (so I blog instead) because everyone has too much already weighing on them as it is. Or if I do talk to them I'm perceived as just being melodramatic. Mom vents to me about the shit that Gma does to piss her off and threatens to smother her in her sleep...(which is funny only because I used to threaten that and mom would say that when Gma dies they are ordering an autopsy because they aren't convinced I wouldn't really do it...wtf?) Here's an example of a similar conversation:

I'm upstairs getting ready to watch a movie and my sister is downstairs so I texted her...

Me: Hey I'm about to hit play, do you wanna watch Transporter 3 or not
Mandi: mom and I are down here on the verge of killing grandma
Me: is that a yes or a no
Mandi: Turn the volume up so when the police come you won't be able to answer any questions
Me: lol
Mandi: lol, and no to the movie, yes to really thinking about hurting Gma

It's apparent that Grandma is putting a little of everyone over the edge at this point. Well I went to sleep on Friday night and had the most jacked up dream. Grandma was reading me an email in the dream (which she is famous for speaking over an entire room of people to ensure that at least one person hears the email that some random cousin of an uncles moms dad sent her..."don't you remember who that is..." no, "oh sure ya do..." blah blah blah blah) I yelled at her in the dream. No, I didn't just yell, I straight up flipped the hell out on her and in the dream, she died shortly after.

I woke up feeling guilty for letting things get so built up to the point that I am having bad dreams about things that are happening in my waking life...so I go downstairs prior to running errands with my sister and I trapped Gma in the bathroom. I literally trapped her. You see the bathroom is narrow, she pees with the door open so I walk in and see she has finished peeing and is now back in her wheelchair in front of the sink. I stand behind her wheelchair looking into the mirror to talk to her, and her using the mirror to talk to me. There was not enough space for her to maneuver or turn around with me standing there so she was trapped and had to hear me out. I did this, not because I'm evil...but because my grandmother has the attention span of a goldfish and I needed her full undivided attention for what I had to say.

I calmly explained that I needed to talk to her and that I didn't want to hurt her feelings but I have noticed some things that were bothering me and that I had concerns with. The topics ranged from my sister and how grandma seems to hate her and how she constantly knit picks with my mom, and how she doesn't say please and thank you, I mean everything.

I made a great deal of progress. It turns out that my Gma had let things that my sister is doing or has done that she doesn't approve of get in the way of normal daily activities. (my theory is that my sister is getting all the attention right now with the baby coming and the attention isn't on Gma so much since her leg is healing and well Gma is jealous) but I digress. I reminded Gma that there are things in my life that she doesn't approve of (the gay thing in a way) but it doesnt make her love me any less and so on. In the end she cried because she said, "I'm sad because I'm too old to hold the baby like I want to." I said grandma, get over yourself, you could be 93 and you're not going to be too old to hold the baby. By the time the baby gets here you'll be driving around and walking on your own...she patted her belly and I used it as a cue to point out that she already had a shelf for the baby to lay on, she laughed....

Her issues with mom have to do with mom always wanting to be right (and Gma being the same way) and neither of them backing down until someone is proved right. My mom is the same way with Aunt Melissa and it gets annoying to listen to but no one, including me likes to be wrong...she commented on how mom doesn't even let her pick out her own clothes....and how mom is so anxious all the time to have everything done just right that she feels like she doesn't have the option to do things for herself like she would like to. I pointed out that she needed to sit down and nicely tell these things to mom so that they could work them out. End of story...she agreed and then told me not to tell mom the things she said...

On Thursday Gma barked an order at me without a please or a thank you after it was done. I called her out on it. I'm always reminding lil man to use his manners...what happened to Gma's I wonder. For a lady that taught 1st grade for years, she should know that these things are essential. I explained that while I understand she's not used to so many people being around trying to help, that she shouldn't stop treating us like people by not saying please and thank you...I said we are not your slaves....we are not cool with you barking orders and doing as told. Just ask us nicely...that sparred another topic...she feels like she doesn't get the respect she deserves from people sometimes...okay again....TELL SOMEONE WHEN IT HAPPENS, IN A NICE TONE AND STOP YELLING AT PEOPLE...you have to give respect to get it....everyone knows that

The talk lasted about 20 minutes and at the end grandma said that she is just trying to guide us in the way the Lord is guiding us. I told her that if the Lord has a plan for us I'm sure he can manage just fine getting his message across without you micromanaging and turning your nose up at something we do that you disagree with. She agreed. I used the whole me being gay thing to prove my point. I told her that just because you think I should be with a man, marry one, have kids and all that shit...doesn't mean it's right for me and on the same token, just because I'm gay doesn't mean that my relationship with God is any less important or great than yours is.

One of my favorite lines from a movie comes from Dogma.... "Jesus, I know Jesus...nigga owes me 20 dollas." lol.

But anyway I called my mom after the talk I had with Gma gave her only the details she needed (though I don't know what will come of it....at least she and dad are on vacation this week) it's just me and Aunt Melissa and Gma this week.... I also filled Mandi in on some of the details. For now, the dust has settled and as much peace that can exist, has moved into the house.

Yep...I'm such a damn mediator...but when it comes to my personal life I can't seem to figure shit out or make things function as smoothly...it baffles me sometimes.

Toxic wasteland

I'm living in a toxic wasteland. The energy that is surrounding me right now is negative, contagious, and spreading like wildfire. Grandma is stressing everyone out. My sister is pregnant and super hormonal, my mom is stressed because of her sister's health issues and her son being a jackass, in addition to Grandma and her Verizon mobile internet pissing her off....

Wait. Let me start from the beginning, before I get ahead of myself.

Aunt Melissa (mom's sisters) EKG was abnormal, further tests and scans have also come back abnormal and she is scheduled to see a cardiologist on Tuesday evening. She has been ordered to go the ER if she has any swelling, pain, etc immediately. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. In addition, my mom tried to call Matthew, Melissa's son (my cousin) to see if he wanted to know what was going on with his mom. But his wife is an instigating bitch and stirring shit up so his wanting to know isn't happening right now...screw it.

Mom bought a new air card from Verizon (we are all hardcore verizon junkies for the simple fact that it's the only thing that gets service out in the stixx. (Jen got me a Sprint card for my computer because she loves me and wanted me to be able to do my homework without relying on the computer being free at my moms house--Gma only has Dialup since its all we can get out here unless we use Hughesnet which is a rip off)....but i digress. So her computer was having issues and not being compatible with the card. That added to Gma plucking her nerves by just being Gma and overly demanding and needy, worries about her sister, mandi (my sister) being hormonal and always lashing out at her randomly, the pressures associated with my dad leaving for Kosovo for an entire year in a few weeks...etc...(shes stressed and spread thin)

Grandma is getting stir crazy and used to being independent and now has all the people in her house that she has to rely on and things are changing on her more and more each day.

Mandi is a first time mom, going through a divorce, dealing with trying to figure things out with her baby's dad (not the soon to be exhusband) which yes sounds like a soap opera but if I told you the long story would make perfect sense and she is not the bad/guilty person in this scenario...shes super horomonal and stressing in general with an upcoming baby shower, baby, etc in general.

Jen has work issues and ex husband drama. She lives a very stressful life as well. I don't make things easy on her with my mood swings and everyday craziness...basically lil man's dad (who I've never met personally but isn't thrilled with the fact that lil man talked about me nonstop on his 3 1/2 visit, ***snickering instigatingly***lol) he always tries to parent from Colorado....I tell Jen all the time she should just tell him to blow her...lol...but long story short, she's stressed.

Me...well I feed off of everyone's energy. I've got school stress, work stress, family stress, just stress in general. By Saturday afternoon it was boiling over. I told mom on my way out to Walmart with Mandi and lil man that if she needed a break, I'd get grandma to bed that night and get her up in the morning--I can handle it I told her. She said she was fine with tears in her eyes (things were boiling over for her as well...)

I'm at Walmart with Mandi when my phone rings...it's mom...She says, "I'm taking you up on your offer, grandma will be here when you get here I'll see you tomorrow."

I got home, put lil man in the shower, after he helped me clean up the mess, let him open his transformer I bought him (I had gone to walmart for more legos but there were no good ones), put him in the bed and let him start watching a movie. I went downstairs and helped grandma put on her gown on, take her pills and get into bed.....

I came back upstairs paused the movie, lil man was already winding down so I read to him and he was out cold. I put up laundry up and jen came in shortly after. I was beat to say the least and just felt all kinds of bottled up craziness. The toxicity of it all had caught up with me.

Grandma called me at 6:04 this morning to get her up and in the shower. The power went out while she was in there, she finished, I fixed her breakfast and she was good to go for the next hour and a half while I went back to bed.

I dunno...I'm glad I could give my mom a break. I'm tired of my sister being pregnant because she's a bitch on a regular day, add hormones and its a bad combination, I'm worried about work, overwhelmed with school, trying to help Jen with lil man, worrying about aunt melissa, ready for grandma to be back on her feet, tired all the time, feeling fatter now than when i started trying to lose weight, trying to keep things in my relationship with Jen and not put her over the edge because of my moodswings and shit...which is unintentional by the way...I'M GOING TO FREAKING BREAK SOON.

Too much going on and not enough downtime can make even the strongest person break.

Yep...she's back

So I have already reported and shared the fact that grandma is home but it didn't dawn on me dawn on me until yesterday--4th of July that she is really back (in EVERY sense of the word). I had forgotten how random she can be from time to time but was reminded during A Capital Fourth on PBS last night (I stayed with her while the rest of the fam went to see fireworks.)

Aretha Franklin was singing the National Anthem where grandma out of no where says the most inappropriate shit I've ever heard...she looks at me and says..."I'll never understand why they have to always niggerize it like that." OKAY WHOA LADY...you were only gone a couple of months, did you forget what decade this is? I've never heard such racial shit come out of her mouth.

There was this time that she made a comment about immigrants or some shit which turned into a rather heated discussion between the two of us...and she used to have issues about my "lifestyle" but since then has totally warmed up to the concept. She still for whatever reason responds to the "Grandma we need to talk" as, "you're pregnant.." I just wanna shake her and be like really lady...WTF? She's forever trying to hook me up with any repairman, delivery man, and or Terminex man that comes to do anything at the house...but her most recent comment left me floored. I just wanna shake that lady sometimes.

Small Town Charm

A great deal of my time is spent cussing the small town scene in which I live. Originally I'm from Fayetteville/Ft. Bragg, NC...lived there til the age of 4 officially (though I "summered there with family years afterward), stayed a year with my Gma (the one that I now live with and help out) while my parents house was being built in the middle of BFE (bum fucking egypt) aka the stixx--aka Zuni, VA...peanut country.

From Kindergarten to high school...away to college and back again--I always come back here. Grandma moved out here a couple years after we did, my aunt and uncle across the field...(tragic) I love the summers when corn is planted in the side field (Grandma lives on a farm but sharecrops the land)...because it means they aren't all up in my shit with their disapproving everything...but I digress.

The moral of the story is I always end up here in good 'ol Zuni. In town, which is still not recognizable by most (Windsor) is a small town pharmacy. Up the road is Suffolk, further out is Chesapeake and then about 45 minutes to an hour away is Virginia Beach (which is the city that most people recognize.) Since the closest Walgreens or Walmart is in Suffolk--most people opt for the small town quaintness of Windsor Pharmacy.

Two recent incidents come to mind. A couple of months ago Jen was sick and we had stopped at the pharmacy. I was up front looking at random stuff and Jen was in the back looking for something to help with her cough. I get to the back to see her at the counter talking with Bob the pharmacist. He stops talking midsentence and says, "Hey, Tommy how are you doing...how is grandma..." and so forth...Jen turns around like what the hell. I introduce her as my girlfriend--though it turns out that she had already dropped my name and he perked up like my family was some big to do in the town (which we aren't, it's just a small town, lol)...Jen called her mom in Colorado to tell her about the experience and how Bob the pharmacist was so nice and new me and so on...she thought it was very cool and I had to smile.

Friday I rode to the pharmacy to pick up Grandmas meds and there was Bob behind the counter...(hes like over eighty mind you) he greeted mom and I with the best of hellos and immediately asked how grandma was doing. After he went through the list and all ten of her prescriptions were accounted for Bob reached in his pocket and pulled out his card...his special cards, the ones that have his HOME phone number printed on them, handing one to mom he told her to give it to grandma and if she needed ANYTHING, no matter what time it was to give him a call and he'd take care of it.

That's what's up. The epitomy of small town charm... you can't get that just anywhere. Certainly not at a Walgreens or a walmart...but definitely in Peanut country at Windsor Pharmacy...that's the shit that makes me smile.

Grandma's home

So Grandma came home Friday morning. No more quiet evenings at home and free range of the kitchen and fridge/freezers...no more just streaking around the house not giving a shit, and alas, no more tossing the laundry in and taking off the clothes I'm wearing so that every single piece of dirty clothing I have can be washed at the same time...

Don't get me wrong--I'm super glad that she's out of the nursing home and back to her own crib to finish recovering...she has a doctor's appointment on Monday and she'll know then how much longer she has to go without putting any weight on her leg.

She's come a long way. For the first few weeks after her fall she wasn't even able to get out of bed, they had her on oxygen and everything...now, she wheels herself around in the wheelchair--her bad leg out with the good one scooting her, hollering things such as, but not limited to: Move, BEEP BEEP, Ima run you over (craziness)

Anyway, Mom and dad have moved in temporarily to assist in her recovery. The in home nurse comes by tomorrow to see if she needs anything and what not. This is so weird...on a normal day when it's just me and Gma, there are like no visitors (or when there are its during my work hours...) now--its me and Gma, mom, dad, My sister and my aunt have been over and my cousin who lives across the field and never visits has been over today as well.

Anyway...I'm sure there will be many grandma stories to come, but for now at least she's home.

grandma pre-stroke concerns

So as it turns out I think my mom is trying to kill my grandmother. Just to catch everyone up Gma fell at the end of April breaking her femur, so a week following she was moved into a nursing home where she could do rehab and heal. She can't put weight on her leg for 10 to 12 weeks....and its been about eight so far Id say. So anyway, mom has been trying to organize Gmas areas of the house because she's a packrat and has stupid shit just piled everywhere.

I live with Gma and keep the house clean but I have given up on Gma's clutter because it stresses me out to think about it and the minute I throw something away she looks for it. We are talking everything from ketchup packets, dairy queen kid's meal bags, obituaries that she's cut out over the years, piles and piles of shit in general that just needs to be pitched.) So mom has cleaned Gma's bedroom and organized her closet and has pitched shit left and right....its a total transformation. In addition, mom also cleared off her desk which before didnt even have space enough to work at or even write out a check (now is spotless with all kinds of open space)...

For Gma's 79th birthday on Wednesday the 24th (exactly 2 months after her fall) mom is bringing Gma home for the day just to get away from the nursing home and get an idea of how its going to be wheeling around her house in a wheel chair and so forth...

She's due to officially be back home on July 3rd. Exciting (I'm so tired of going the effin nursing home everyday)--though the old people love me it seems...Its just a damn shame that Gma is going to make it home to finish her recovery after a traumatic incident like her fall, only to have a stroke because all of her shit has been thrown away.

Yep...mom is trying to kill her (Gma is my dad's mom by the way)...it got to the point where the other day mom gave Gma a disclaimer and said, "look this is going to sound ugly but we can clean it now or do it after your dead and just toss it to the side and not even go through it or care, at least this way you'll be able to enjoy your stuff and your space...."

Effin Crucial....hence my pre-stroke concerns

Grandma's Vagina

So I can tell that I'm really missing having grandma around the house more and more these days. Even though I go and visit her daily at the nursing home where she recooperates after falling and breaking her femur...shit just isnt the same around the house.

I keep recalling the time September of last year when I was having some female issues and had to have an outpatient procedure to attempt to correct the problem and how sincere grandma was and how she kept trying to make me feel better because of how much pain I was in. I remember coming downstairs to get a drink of water, she sat at her computer...when out of know where she looked at me and said: "I must be having sympathy pains because my vagina hurts." LOL.

Grandma's 78 year old vagina hurts because mine did...now that's love, lol.

Grandma's Pimpin me out...

So I go to see Gma yesterday (she's still in the home by the way) she opted to stay when it was at the request of her physical therapist. She's doing really well trying to not undo the healing that has been done already. So anyway...I walk in--it was monday so the day I wash, blowdry and curl her hair.

She immediately tells me, no, orders me to go down the hall and introduce myself to some dude named Norman because he's past due on a haircut and needs one. So I do it...Nice guy but bed ridden while he heals. Something to do with congenital heart failure and his legs have to be higher than his heart or something along those lines and hes fairly young for all that, can't be more than mid fifties or sixty.

So anyway, I have plans today to go see Gma...after which I will be cutting Normans hair while he lays in bed. This is a new one even for me. (it may be tomorrow if he's not back from his doctors appointment).

I'm not bothered by this I mean I have thought of volunteering many times at the home but never have...I mean old people love me... the moral of the story is that I just can't believe that Gma is pimpin me out for my haircutting skills. WTF? Sometimes I just wanna shake her... never would though, lol.

donde esta grandma?

Donde esta grandma? The answer is soon to be grandma es en su casa, lol. Yes I'm a dork, I'm okay with that. Grandma is due to come home June 5th. She will still not be able to put any weight on her leg for many weeks to come, but at least she'll be home. Mom is going to "move" in with us...there will be a hospital bed put in for Grandma and mom is going to help out, as am I.

I cut grandma's hair yesterday and gave her an updated look. Makes her look younger and thinner in my opinion...but anyway. I'm excited. This house has been way too quiet without grandma being here. Funny how the shit that annoys the shit out of you on a normal day turns out to be stuff that you miss when it's not around. Funny the things we take for granted in our lives.

such a quitter

Well I quit the hair gig already. I couldnt handle being the "white girl" that wasn't making any money because the "ethnic" clients refuse to let me touch their hair...what the fuck really. Anyway there is just too much going on.

Grandma was moved to a nursing home today where she can be taken care of while her leg heals. I miss that crazy lady. I always talk shit about how she nags me and finds all kinds of stuff for me to do that i dont have time for, but dammit I miss her. Pepper is in mourning, Chino kitty doesn't understand what in the hell is going...we all miss her. Jen has commented several times how quiet the house is without her here...is eerie really.

I'm bummed about the situation. I went tonight to see her and took Jen and Julie with me...after I cooked dinner of course. I generally only cook huge meals when I'm stressed out. I made a meatloaf from scratch (two actually, I took one to my moms house), mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, and homemade apple crisp. Didn't hit the spot though....still things on my mind. Grandma was sleeping when we got there and I didnt have the heart to wake her. I'm going to go when I get off of work and review the obituaries with her, morbid but she likes to stay in the know when it comes to her friends croaking. She also likes to not see her name in there...that's how she knows she's still alive and what not...

It's going to be a really long time before she gets home...I'll just hold down the fort in the mean time...keep her in your prayers ya'll.

I think tomorrow I'm going to have take a curling iron and fix her hair for her...that will cheer her up I hope, she's quite depressed right now.

Grandma Fell

So long story short grandma fell. She was leaving her meeting this morning, going down the ramp and her walker got away from her...she must have been going too fast and fell down the ramp. She broke her femur and was getting prepped for surgery between nine and ten tonight. When I talked to her earlier she was out of it, you could tell her morphine was working, lol. She said, "Hey dollbaby, I'm sorry but I'm not gonna make it home for supper..." Lol then proceeded in offering me stuff that was in the fridge FROM THE EFFIN HOSPITAL...broken femur, doped up on morphine, awaiting surgery, and still pushing food.

Really lady...I obviously don't have an eating disorder...I'm far from starving. Hope she's gonna be okay. I'm sort of kind of freaking out.