Dancing with the stars is a guilty pleasure of mine. So is Wipeout...the big balls crack me up every time. I don't stress if I miss an episode of anything...I'm rooting for Kelly Osbourne just because I like her...lol. Top Chef Las Vegas is also a fave of mine...the gays are dropping like flys...gonna need to step it up.
Chino is licking my head raw. I'm finally back at home....peace and quiet, no grandma until Thursday night (which Translates into Friday because I'll be at Jen's watching lil man Thursday night.) Chino kitty is happy to see me to say the least... he likes to groom me, which is weird and it hurts..his tongue is brutal on my scalp... but anyway...
Mom, aunt melissa, mandi and the baby are home now...I just got the phone call YAY...
I went to my weight watchers meeting tonight. I'm stoked and excited about this venture still...and HELLO...I dropped 3.2 pounds since my nervous break down at the doctor's office on Wednesday....FUCK YEAH :) SCORE.
I just got a couple of emails from my bosses boss...(the big boss) he has invited me to two different functions, to make up for the forgetting to invite me to everything else... which I appreciate but don't feel the need to participate because I didn't have a hand in the recognition that they are celebrating. His wife is going to cook dinner next wednesday for me (if i go), my boss, and one of the recruiters ... I'm going to decline I think for the simple fact that I don't want to seem rude for not eating something that she makes because of counting points... Its not like going to a restaraunt or a close personal friends house (one who would understand...) I dunno...just weird.
The other event is a free happy hour event....company paid booze...now that one I might go for...lol... something about free beer and Va Tech football and I'm not there.... I can keep myself amused with alcohol while the game is on, ha. In December is the Christmas party. It's in Norfolk so if I still work there then, I'm going to get Jen and I a room so we can both get sloppy drunk and have dirty kinky sex without the chance of a dui, yay responsibility.
I clench my jaw when I sleep and grind my teeth.... I wake up with my jaws just a hurtin. Well this morning when I woke up I had broken a tooth in my sleep from my normal clenching. That makes the second one. I go to the dentist later this week for a cleaning and so they can look at the damage and get it fixed.
I finally paid the balance on my school account...no more money going to them anytime soon. I've essentially been financially and academically ass raped... but I get a piece of paper to make up for it... the proverbial bandaid I suppose.
Pepper is happy to be home on her own... she plays well with others, but definitely likes one on one time with me in her own territory. She and Chino Kitty did a lil happy dance when they saw each other... my kids are great.
Speaking of the kids, lil man said something that made me so proud. Jen called so that they could tell me that he was playing with his transformer blaster thing I found him at the thrift store and he looked over to his Kung Fu Panda and handed it to her, saying, "Mom, I wanna give this to the thrift store so someone else can have it." He said the same thing about one of his bakugan toy... I'm stoked to see that he's putting two and two together and learning about donating stuff so early... he totally wanted someone else to have a cool toy like the one he got from the thrift store.... I could just pinch his cheeks right now... and Jen's too since she's raising such a good kid...
It kills me that Chuck Lidell from UFC is dancing this season....
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Monday, October 5, 2009
I refuse
I refuse to be stressed today.
I refuse to allow them to get the best of me.
I refuse to find solace in soda in chocolate...
I refuse to let their annoying ways wear on me
I refuse to acknowledge anything other than a working relationship
I refuse to continually ask myself why and how, when it's obvious the answer is above my rank...
I refuse to let these fuckers knock me down
I refuse to let them win
I refuse to relinquish control
I refuse
I refuse
A typical monday at work. I came in and before seven a.m. had fired two people for violating our No call no show policy...had another person quit because she knew I was going to fire her today for falling short on the accuracy expectations, and two people went permanent with the client company, which I totally support.
It was discovered, after delivering my two new starts to their assigned areas in the distribution center that the one contractor I had that was told to not come to work (by me, at the client's request) ended up being because they just didn't feel she was going to cut it. Really, you had me coach her one time then stopped calling her in, how are we supposed to know whether or not the coaching and developing session worked if you aren't going to give her the chance. Fuckers.
Then when talking to my boss about all of this, she tells me that she had talked to the Ops manager in relation to this matter and that he is now going to send her emails everytime they want me to coach someone (as if to say, they had requested this girl get coached multiple times and I just didn't do it.) Fucking Fuckers.
Today is the weigh in and I'm not trying to be stressed because that always tends to lead to chocolate and soda to make me feel better. I don't have time for mood eating... I'm not craving anything now, so I'm sure venting the way I have today will be conducive to my success... I just don't understand how these fuckers are in the positions they are in... ignorant assholes is what they are.... a bunch of damn dirty dumpster cunts.
SCREAM....and release....
I've got coachings to do now...oh so many coachings. I'm only one person. What the fuck do they want me to do. Please, send an email to my boss... I'm doing everything I'm supposed to and I relay that info to her... you'll be the jackasses in the long run... piss poor management my friends, piss poor management.
I refuse to allow them to get the best of me.
I refuse to find solace in soda in chocolate...
I refuse to let their annoying ways wear on me
I refuse to acknowledge anything other than a working relationship
I refuse to continually ask myself why and how, when it's obvious the answer is above my rank...
I refuse to let these fuckers knock me down
I refuse to let them win
I refuse to relinquish control
I refuse
I refuse
A typical monday at work. I came in and before seven a.m. had fired two people for violating our No call no show policy...had another person quit because she knew I was going to fire her today for falling short on the accuracy expectations, and two people went permanent with the client company, which I totally support.
It was discovered, after delivering my two new starts to their assigned areas in the distribution center that the one contractor I had that was told to not come to work (by me, at the client's request) ended up being because they just didn't feel she was going to cut it. Really, you had me coach her one time then stopped calling her in, how are we supposed to know whether or not the coaching and developing session worked if you aren't going to give her the chance. Fuckers.
Then when talking to my boss about all of this, she tells me that she had talked to the Ops manager in relation to this matter and that he is now going to send her emails everytime they want me to coach someone (as if to say, they had requested this girl get coached multiple times and I just didn't do it.) Fucking Fuckers.
Today is the weigh in and I'm not trying to be stressed because that always tends to lead to chocolate and soda to make me feel better. I don't have time for mood eating... I'm not craving anything now, so I'm sure venting the way I have today will be conducive to my success... I just don't understand how these fuckers are in the positions they are in... ignorant assholes is what they are.... a bunch of damn dirty dumpster cunts.
SCREAM....and release....
I've got coachings to do now...oh so many coachings. I'm only one person. What the fuck do they want me to do. Please, send an email to my boss... I'm doing everything I'm supposed to and I relay that info to her... you'll be the jackasses in the long run... piss poor management my friends, piss poor management.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Blueberries and Cuddle bugs
It's been a decent weekend. I enjoyed myself. Grandma made it to Holden Beach safely. I'm going to hell because I let her tell me via voicemail rather than actually answering my phone when it rang. I know I know... but just the sound of her voice often sends me over the edge. I didn't want to fuck up a perfectly good Saturday.
I got to sleep in and relax the first part of the day. Then, I picked up lil man and took him to the library. After checking out numerous books about dinosaurs we were walking out and he proclaims, "Tommy, That place is AWESOME...." I had to smile. We rented some movies and then I unveiled a few toys that I had found for him at my favorite thrift store (the DAV where all the proceeds go to the Disabled American Veterans...) Retail therapy for a good cause works for me anytime :) I had found him a leap frog computer thing for three bucks to help him with his ABCs, it only needed batteries--SCORE!!!
I also found an 18 wheeler whose trailer held about sixty hot wheels, thirty or so on each side...again, only about four bucks....SWEET...but the winner was the transformer robot arm I found for him. A normally forty dollar toy, where your hands slides inside and one way it looks like a jet, then you pull this little handle and it transforms into a robot arm with rocket launchers or blasters or something, pretty bad ass and a score for THREE DOLLARS!!! He was stoked. He was like where did you get it and I told a thrift store and he was like OH MY GOD I LOVE THRIFT STORES, LOL.
Today, Jen and I got up and got lil man ready and went to her sister theatre in Norfolk to see a double feature of Toy Story and Toy Story 2 in 3D...in truth my first real 3D experience. It's not the kind these days with the red and blue glasses....this is like high tech shit. So much that with the sugar I decided to splurge the majority of my points on today (yeah right, I opted to take the repercussions and not really count points today but I didn't go too crazy but I digress)...the movie in 3D ended up giving me motion sickness and I had to sprint to the bathroom...luckily i made it...though who's a fan of puking in public. Dreadful. Overall a good time, despite getting sick---I enjoyed an afternoon with Jen and lil man which always rocks.
On the way back home we went to a thrift store that I don't go to often because of how far out it is. Lil man found a few bakugan toys for a buck or so a piece so he's really learning early that Thrift stores are great places :) He knows that I'm not made out of money nor his is mom ...so it's good to be able to spoil him on a budget haha. I did make sure to explain to him that if he got in trouble for not listening whether on the bus or at school or at his mom's house that I would be taking all of the toys away... he knows I mean biznazz... He's not a bad kid...just a boy. lol.
The best part is how we pull up in the parking lot and he announces he has to pee. Of course after we asked him if he needed to go before we left the theatre and he said no. I knew we weren't going to make it find a bathroom so I told Jen to let him go right there in the parking lot with us forming a barrier and prevent our arrest... Well I didn't know that he had to go so bad that the stream would be immediate....it shot out at knee level with extreme force....FUCK...I tried to turn him in the right direction and got hit in the ankle with piss...Jen got hit across the bottom of her jeans, which made me laugh hysterically and in the process of trying to get him situated he peed on the inside of my mom's versa...which Jen and I had borrowed for a change of vehicles, lol...what can i say we are easily amused. I think I've created a monster...I remember the first weekend I spent with lil man by myself...I let him pee outside... I guess because deep down I've always wanted to be able to pee standing up wherever I was... yes my name is Tommy and I have penis envy... heh.
Well I decided after Jen and lil man left to clean the entire downstairs of my mom's house including doing everyone's laundry...they are coming home from Kentucky tomorrow night... I've decided to remind my mom that I'm her favorite...HAHA. No, seriously, I just wanted to help them out and make it where it's one less thing they have to worry about. Plus I'm going to use them this week to help me with Pepper...since I watched dogs for them this past week. All part of my master plan. ;)
I heart blueberry lager...YAY Wild Blue. Freaking awesome. Good weekend. Good times.
I got to sleep in and relax the first part of the day. Then, I picked up lil man and took him to the library. After checking out numerous books about dinosaurs we were walking out and he proclaims, "Tommy, That place is AWESOME...." I had to smile. We rented some movies and then I unveiled a few toys that I had found for him at my favorite thrift store (the DAV where all the proceeds go to the Disabled American Veterans...) Retail therapy for a good cause works for me anytime :) I had found him a leap frog computer thing for three bucks to help him with his ABCs, it only needed batteries--SCORE!!!
I also found an 18 wheeler whose trailer held about sixty hot wheels, thirty or so on each side...again, only about four bucks....SWEET...but the winner was the transformer robot arm I found for him. A normally forty dollar toy, where your hands slides inside and one way it looks like a jet, then you pull this little handle and it transforms into a robot arm with rocket launchers or blasters or something, pretty bad ass and a score for THREE DOLLARS!!! He was stoked. He was like where did you get it and I told a thrift store and he was like OH MY GOD I LOVE THRIFT STORES, LOL.
Today, Jen and I got up and got lil man ready and went to her sister theatre in Norfolk to see a double feature of Toy Story and Toy Story 2 in 3D...in truth my first real 3D experience. It's not the kind these days with the red and blue glasses....this is like high tech shit. So much that with the sugar I decided to splurge the majority of my points on today (yeah right, I opted to take the repercussions and not really count points today but I didn't go too crazy but I digress)...the movie in 3D ended up giving me motion sickness and I had to sprint to the bathroom...luckily i made it...though who's a fan of puking in public. Dreadful. Overall a good time, despite getting sick---I enjoyed an afternoon with Jen and lil man which always rocks.
On the way back home we went to a thrift store that I don't go to often because of how far out it is. Lil man found a few bakugan toys for a buck or so a piece so he's really learning early that Thrift stores are great places :) He knows that I'm not made out of money nor his is mom ...so it's good to be able to spoil him on a budget haha. I did make sure to explain to him that if he got in trouble for not listening whether on the bus or at school or at his mom's house that I would be taking all of the toys away... he knows I mean biznazz... He's not a bad kid...just a boy. lol.
The best part is how we pull up in the parking lot and he announces he has to pee. Of course after we asked him if he needed to go before we left the theatre and he said no. I knew we weren't going to make it find a bathroom so I told Jen to let him go right there in the parking lot with us forming a barrier and prevent our arrest... Well I didn't know that he had to go so bad that the stream would be immediate....it shot out at knee level with extreme force....FUCK...I tried to turn him in the right direction and got hit in the ankle with piss...Jen got hit across the bottom of her jeans, which made me laugh hysterically and in the process of trying to get him situated he peed on the inside of my mom's versa...which Jen and I had borrowed for a change of vehicles, lol...what can i say we are easily amused. I think I've created a monster...I remember the first weekend I spent with lil man by myself...I let him pee outside... I guess because deep down I've always wanted to be able to pee standing up wherever I was... yes my name is Tommy and I have penis envy... heh.
Well I decided after Jen and lil man left to clean the entire downstairs of my mom's house including doing everyone's laundry...they are coming home from Kentucky tomorrow night... I've decided to remind my mom that I'm her favorite...HAHA. No, seriously, I just wanted to help them out and make it where it's one less thing they have to worry about. Plus I'm going to use them this week to help me with Pepper...since I watched dogs for them this past week. All part of my master plan. ;)
I heart blueberry lager...YAY Wild Blue. Freaking awesome. Good weekend. Good times.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Weighty woes
The unthinkable happened today. I was at work. Sluggish as usual and feeling like shit. I didn't think it was anything serious (just the usual run down self I've become accustomed to...that doesn't necessarily get excited about going to work anymore.) When I walked in a couple minutes behind schedule, before I could even check the voicemail to find out how many call outs I was looking at for the day, my cell phone started ringing...it was my least favorite Ops Manager--seriously this dude is a complete dill hole and I have no idea how he's in his position. But at this point it's irrelevant. He's freaking out because he had about three people not show up and was short staffed in one department. I got on the phone and began calling all ten people that were told to not to come to work today because they weren't needed, only to ask them if they were available for work that day. Fucking ridiculous. Piss poor planning and well long story short my not feeling well in general got worse.
I called my boss and told her I felt like shit and wasn't sure that I'd be able to make it much longer. By this point I was having hot flashes and feeling sick to my stomach. I just wanted to go home and sleep the day away. Then it dawned on me that I had just vented to my boss, off the record of course that I was so fed up with the way things were at work and that I no longer jumped out of bed to come running into work... I didn't want her to think that I was just bailing, because in truth I really didn't feel well. I wanted to cry, scream, punch the next dumbass who stepped in my path...I needed to get out of there...even if it meant losing out on potential overtime for the week and not even making my forty hours... (I don't get sick time...I didn't care today...)
I went to the doctor with no specific symptoms, in search of a note...to excuse my absence and because lil man had been throwing up (I felt this was probably stress related, but wanted to be sure since we already had someone in my town die of the H1N1 flu crap... I'm not normally a germaphobe, nor do I give second thought to sickness because I just hate going to the doctor...but with a new baby in the picture, I didn't want to risk anything)
I fell asleep in the exam room waiting on the doctor, who I could hear outside the door in the nurses station discussing lottery tickets and the office raffle or some bullshit... glad to know I'm not dying and not a serious case. My blood pressure, temp, and weight were all checked prior to my arrival in the exam room. The results, 118/72, 97 degrees, and JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME...
From this point to the doctors arrival and in between my cat naps I had had plenty of time to focus on and freak out about my weight. I flashed back to the time I went to the crotch doc for my normal annual violation and the scales tilted at 223 pounds. After leaving the office I cried the entire way home as my mom drove...I couldn't believe my weight had reached that point. Today, about five or six years later I've hit an all time high and I was devastated. Devastated to the point of tears when trying to talk to the doctor. I had to take ownership in the fact that the reason I feel like shit all the time is my weight. I have heartburn all the time it seems, even from drinking water--WTF? I'm tired no matter how long I sleep, I'm slugglish, I never want to do anything, I've isolated myself from friends and social gatherings because it means people seeing me.
I was mad at myself for crying. I cry at the most random times. I went from answering the "could you be pregnant" question with a chuckle and explaining that I'm a lesbian and I don't do guys in rebuttle to the doctors usual, well how do you know....to trying to explain how I feel with no symptomatic description that would help in diagnosis at all.
I told the doctor that I felt like stress had a lot to do with how I felt and my weight in general and when I revealed to him that my current weight is at an all time high I fucking lost it. Cried like a lil bitch, while Dr. Dickhead just watched...baffled. It was determined that there was no need for labs, which I agreed with because they always come back the same, nothing is wrong with me, I'm just fat... He suggested I look into Weightloss centers of america or another doctor or two that specialize in weight loss medicine, and/or surgery. When I made the comment, I'd rather just do it on my own...he quickly said, "that's going to be tough" with a face that said, I don't think you have a concept of just how fat and unhealthy you really are. (mind you he suggested something that insurance isnt' likely to cover after he went through the computer and pulled up my information, discovering that I had been to see an endocrinologist earlier in the year for treatment of PCOS, but quit because it was too expensive...I'm still paying those fucking bills and they couldn't get my levels adjusted right so I'm still a hormonal mess and FAT)
I gathered my composure for him to explain to me that I'm 28 years old and that if I continue living with this excess weight on my 5 foot 3 and half inch frame, i'm going to never get rid of this slugglish feeling, I'm going to have health problems that get progressively worse, arthritis in my joints from carrying this weight around, among other things that could potentially lead to early death. I was done talking to this guy. Not because I disagreed, but I needed to cry some more and needed to get out while I had the chance. I grabbed my doctor's note and bolted. I hit the parking lot in time for the tears to start pouring...I cried all the way home. I still felt like shit so I decided I was going to take a nap...(naps are not exactly going to solve my predicament, but they generally help buy me time to come up with a plan)...
Jen called me, she had to go and pick up lil man from school because he was throwing up and she was worried about me because of the vague text I had sent her after leaving the doctor's office. I said somethign about beign fine, just fat.... I started crying on the phone and just didnt want to talk about it...I went down to grandma's end of the house since it was 11 am and she wasn't down in the kitchen yet, I was making sure she was alive. She was. I'm not sure what part of I don't feel good I'm going to lay down she didn't understand but thirty minutes later she was still talking, asking me to do stuff and telling me all about everything she's planning on taking on her trip (she's leaving this weekend to see her sister, her brother is picking her up) I finally cut her off and explained, Grandma, I don't leave work often at all because I don't feel well, I've already been to the doctor and I need to go lay down...it finally registered.
I slept for four and a half hours when my mom called and I told her about leaving work early and being fat. She did the normal, Tommy...stop beating yourself up and I near tears explained to her that I'm at my all time high and just can't fathom how I keep letting this happen. It makes no sense NO SENSE at all.... I came to moms house because she, my sister, and my aunt, plus the baby have all taken a road trip to leave baby daddy in Radford, where he lives, and plan to leave from there in the morning and head to Kentucky to visit my mom's parents so tehy can see the baby--they'll be back Monday, minus baby daddy so I have dog duty. I get to watch my sister's dogs plus mine, but since Gma is leaving Saturday, i'll probably just load the dogs up so that I can be at my house with them plus mine and get my own shit done...
I went online and finally ordered my stuff from lil man's school fundraiser, I had been putting it off for whatever reason. Then I went to weight watchers online to check it out. I've gone to weight watchers meetings before but quit because the leader's voice and CAMEL TOE were equally annoying--plus it was counter productive because everytime I had a good week, I'd go to McDonald's and reward myself with a vat of death... fuck.
I signed up, I paid for one month and got one month free...I have a few meetings to choose from in my area, that aren't lead by camel toe lady and for the first time ever am doing this on my own. I'm not relying on my mom or my sister to do things with me...this is my fight and I'm the only one that can do it for me. The first meeting will be next week because I've missed the meetings this week already. I'm excited about this new venture. It's not going to be easy, but I've gotta do what I've gotta do...I can't continue on the same path that I've been headed down. No room for excuses.
I will be using my new blog (eventually) to vent, track, etc my progress so that I don't bore anyone with the details... I'm coming clean, I'm going to be honest...blunt even. I have never openly admitted to my weight or pants size...but I am tonight...just because I think it will help me in this process (though I'm not sure the logic behind using humiliation as a motivator)... It's hard when I have such a wonderful woman in my life who looks at me and doesn't see fat or disgusting but beautiful and fabulous...but I have to face the facts....I don't see those things when I look in the mirror and I'm the only one that can do something to change it. I'm tired of being the chick with the great personality, or being told wow...you carry your weight really well...I'M TIRED OF FUCKING CARRYING IT.
I generally wear anywhere from a 22 to 26 in women's pants depending on who makes them. My cargo shorts are a guys 46 or 48 (I have a couple in each) and I generally wear men's XL tops which I stretch out at the bottom to keep them from clinging to my gut....2Xs are too big so I'm technically in an in between size kind of girl.... Everything cute is meant for little people and anything past a size 16/18 is like old ladyish... unless you have money fore Lane Bryant or Torrid or some other fashionable women's clothing stores which I do not.
So here it is, the scale today read 273 pounds. Ridiculous. Tomorrow is a new day...I'll be in a better modd and I have a plan.... Weightwatchers is the way to go for me in theory because I can still count points and have a beer when I want one lol.
My brother just stopped by mom's house...I open the door and my nostrils immediately filled with the smell of Pot. I swear...i would love having a job where I could get high and not have to worry about random drug tests or getting hurt and having to pee in a cup... Don't judge me... I'm anti drug (but I'm a supporter of pot in many situations...since it's natural and all) I don't want any man made shit from some chemical flunkie's kitchen that's goign to potentially kill me. Fuck that. But alas...not weed for me. I have to be responsible and can't risk not having a pay check.
I'd like to lose 123 pounds on this journey...it's not going to happen overnight...so here goes nothing.
I called my boss and told her I felt like shit and wasn't sure that I'd be able to make it much longer. By this point I was having hot flashes and feeling sick to my stomach. I just wanted to go home and sleep the day away. Then it dawned on me that I had just vented to my boss, off the record of course that I was so fed up with the way things were at work and that I no longer jumped out of bed to come running into work... I didn't want her to think that I was just bailing, because in truth I really didn't feel well. I wanted to cry, scream, punch the next dumbass who stepped in my path...I needed to get out of there...even if it meant losing out on potential overtime for the week and not even making my forty hours... (I don't get sick time...I didn't care today...)
I went to the doctor with no specific symptoms, in search of a note...to excuse my absence and because lil man had been throwing up (I felt this was probably stress related, but wanted to be sure since we already had someone in my town die of the H1N1 flu crap... I'm not normally a germaphobe, nor do I give second thought to sickness because I just hate going to the doctor...but with a new baby in the picture, I didn't want to risk anything)
I fell asleep in the exam room waiting on the doctor, who I could hear outside the door in the nurses station discussing lottery tickets and the office raffle or some bullshit... glad to know I'm not dying and not a serious case. My blood pressure, temp, and weight were all checked prior to my arrival in the exam room. The results, 118/72, 97 degrees, and JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME...
From this point to the doctors arrival and in between my cat naps I had had plenty of time to focus on and freak out about my weight. I flashed back to the time I went to the crotch doc for my normal annual violation and the scales tilted at 223 pounds. After leaving the office I cried the entire way home as my mom drove...I couldn't believe my weight had reached that point. Today, about five or six years later I've hit an all time high and I was devastated. Devastated to the point of tears when trying to talk to the doctor. I had to take ownership in the fact that the reason I feel like shit all the time is my weight. I have heartburn all the time it seems, even from drinking water--WTF? I'm tired no matter how long I sleep, I'm slugglish, I never want to do anything, I've isolated myself from friends and social gatherings because it means people seeing me.
I was mad at myself for crying. I cry at the most random times. I went from answering the "could you be pregnant" question with a chuckle and explaining that I'm a lesbian and I don't do guys in rebuttle to the doctors usual, well how do you know....to trying to explain how I feel with no symptomatic description that would help in diagnosis at all.
I told the doctor that I felt like stress had a lot to do with how I felt and my weight in general and when I revealed to him that my current weight is at an all time high I fucking lost it. Cried like a lil bitch, while Dr. Dickhead just watched...baffled. It was determined that there was no need for labs, which I agreed with because they always come back the same, nothing is wrong with me, I'm just fat... He suggested I look into Weightloss centers of america or another doctor or two that specialize in weight loss medicine, and/or surgery. When I made the comment, I'd rather just do it on my own...he quickly said, "that's going to be tough" with a face that said, I don't think you have a concept of just how fat and unhealthy you really are. (mind you he suggested something that insurance isnt' likely to cover after he went through the computer and pulled up my information, discovering that I had been to see an endocrinologist earlier in the year for treatment of PCOS, but quit because it was too expensive...I'm still paying those fucking bills and they couldn't get my levels adjusted right so I'm still a hormonal mess and FAT)
I gathered my composure for him to explain to me that I'm 28 years old and that if I continue living with this excess weight on my 5 foot 3 and half inch frame, i'm going to never get rid of this slugglish feeling, I'm going to have health problems that get progressively worse, arthritis in my joints from carrying this weight around, among other things that could potentially lead to early death. I was done talking to this guy. Not because I disagreed, but I needed to cry some more and needed to get out while I had the chance. I grabbed my doctor's note and bolted. I hit the parking lot in time for the tears to start pouring...I cried all the way home. I still felt like shit so I decided I was going to take a nap...(naps are not exactly going to solve my predicament, but they generally help buy me time to come up with a plan)...
Jen called me, she had to go and pick up lil man from school because he was throwing up and she was worried about me because of the vague text I had sent her after leaving the doctor's office. I said somethign about beign fine, just fat.... I started crying on the phone and just didnt want to talk about it...I went down to grandma's end of the house since it was 11 am and she wasn't down in the kitchen yet, I was making sure she was alive. She was. I'm not sure what part of I don't feel good I'm going to lay down she didn't understand but thirty minutes later she was still talking, asking me to do stuff and telling me all about everything she's planning on taking on her trip (she's leaving this weekend to see her sister, her brother is picking her up) I finally cut her off and explained, Grandma, I don't leave work often at all because I don't feel well, I've already been to the doctor and I need to go lay down...it finally registered.
I slept for four and a half hours when my mom called and I told her about leaving work early and being fat. She did the normal, Tommy...stop beating yourself up and I near tears explained to her that I'm at my all time high and just can't fathom how I keep letting this happen. It makes no sense NO SENSE at all.... I came to moms house because she, my sister, and my aunt, plus the baby have all taken a road trip to leave baby daddy in Radford, where he lives, and plan to leave from there in the morning and head to Kentucky to visit my mom's parents so tehy can see the baby--they'll be back Monday, minus baby daddy so I have dog duty. I get to watch my sister's dogs plus mine, but since Gma is leaving Saturday, i'll probably just load the dogs up so that I can be at my house with them plus mine and get my own shit done...
I went online and finally ordered my stuff from lil man's school fundraiser, I had been putting it off for whatever reason. Then I went to weight watchers online to check it out. I've gone to weight watchers meetings before but quit because the leader's voice and CAMEL TOE were equally annoying--plus it was counter productive because everytime I had a good week, I'd go to McDonald's and reward myself with a vat of death... fuck.
I signed up, I paid for one month and got one month free...I have a few meetings to choose from in my area, that aren't lead by camel toe lady and for the first time ever am doing this on my own. I'm not relying on my mom or my sister to do things with me...this is my fight and I'm the only one that can do it for me. The first meeting will be next week because I've missed the meetings this week already. I'm excited about this new venture. It's not going to be easy, but I've gotta do what I've gotta do...I can't continue on the same path that I've been headed down. No room for excuses.
I will be using my new blog (eventually) to vent, track, etc my progress so that I don't bore anyone with the details... I'm coming clean, I'm going to be honest...blunt even. I have never openly admitted to my weight or pants size...but I am tonight...just because I think it will help me in this process (though I'm not sure the logic behind using humiliation as a motivator)... It's hard when I have such a wonderful woman in my life who looks at me and doesn't see fat or disgusting but beautiful and fabulous...but I have to face the facts....I don't see those things when I look in the mirror and I'm the only one that can do something to change it. I'm tired of being the chick with the great personality, or being told wow...you carry your weight really well...I'M TIRED OF FUCKING CARRYING IT.
I generally wear anywhere from a 22 to 26 in women's pants depending on who makes them. My cargo shorts are a guys 46 or 48 (I have a couple in each) and I generally wear men's XL tops which I stretch out at the bottom to keep them from clinging to my gut....2Xs are too big so I'm technically in an in between size kind of girl.... Everything cute is meant for little people and anything past a size 16/18 is like old ladyish... unless you have money fore Lane Bryant or Torrid or some other fashionable women's clothing stores which I do not.
So here it is, the scale today read 273 pounds. Ridiculous. Tomorrow is a new day...I'll be in a better modd and I have a plan.... Weightwatchers is the way to go for me in theory because I can still count points and have a beer when I want one lol.
My brother just stopped by mom's house...I open the door and my nostrils immediately filled with the smell of Pot. I swear...i would love having a job where I could get high and not have to worry about random drug tests or getting hurt and having to pee in a cup... Don't judge me... I'm anti drug (but I'm a supporter of pot in many situations...since it's natural and all) I don't want any man made shit from some chemical flunkie's kitchen that's goign to potentially kill me. Fuck that. But alas...not weed for me. I have to be responsible and can't risk not having a pay check.
I'd like to lose 123 pounds on this journey...it's not going to happen overnight...so here goes nothing.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Empty thoughts and things that make you go hmmm
1. Grandma's Mini Sandwich Cremes (vanilla) are one of my favorite things. They are the devil however in that I eat the whole bag from the vending machine at work which equals like 430 calories and well it goes best with a soda so add another 250 calories to that I'm already over half of the suggested number of calories a day, lol.
2. Field Hockey and Cheerleader (2 HR people for the client company...) and I were eating lunch the other day in the break room. The topic of flu shots came up and we were all debating on whether or not to get it or not (the company is paying)... Field hockey shared that the last time she had the flu she was so sick she was laid out on the floor and her boyfriend (now fiance) asked her if she was alright and she responded: "I'm one stomach flu away from my goal weight." Lol. That was some funny shit. That triggered Cheerleader who is at times neurotic about weight loss to ask if she lost any weight from it....Field hockey told her about 10 pounds, but it came back once she was able to keep food down again.... Cheerleader later joked (i think it was a joke) about she wanted to get the flu so I can lose some weight...I had to shake my head to that one.
I can't judge though...I'd like to find a tapeworm on the black market or eBay and start hard core on my weight loss ventures. I promised myself I'd get serious about losing some weight after school finished and I had one less stressor in my life.... Looks like Monday is going to be a good day to start...Hip Hop Abs here I come, lol.
3. There's this cool ass supervisor I work with...he's ex-navy and way more warped than I could ever hope to be. It's funny because we are often on the same perverse page when someone says something... He noticed my license plate a few weeks ago and it clicked (and or verified) that I am indeed a fan of the ladies... This opened up a whole new can of worms in the inappropriate shit for us to talk about at work category. He's got a couple of kids, 11 and 14, and a wife.... I'm easy to talk to--he once confided in me that he was looking for a new job or considering one that he was offered...no biggie... well today, he told me that we need to pencil in a "technique" discussion...Hell it wasn't even 8 this morning I wasn't even fully awake so I was a little slow on the uptake...he meant Oral technique...lol. He wants me to give him pointers on licking pussy, lol. That made me laugh my ass off. A grown man looking for pointers... but I'm not shy...I told him I wasn't willing to demonstrate nor would I draw him a diagram but I could make a few suggestions if he was interested, ha.
I told one of the guys at work (not one of my employees...i'm not that inappropriate) a technique to try a few days later he comes back with:
Him: Dude that thing you told me to do worked
Me: I told you...nice huh...
Him: Hell nah
Me: What are you talking about
Him: Now the bitch wont leave me alone...
Lol.
4. My chin hairs are back with a vengeance... is about that time... waxing, plucking--I've decided that if i let them get long enough I could just close them in a door and turn my head really fast... who am i kidding..>I cant handle these bristlely fuckers any longer...need to do the lip and brows done too...
5. If my sister hasn't gone into labor by Sunday night they are going to admit her...start softening random parts of her anatomy and induce Monday Morning...So I'll definitely be an Aunt by no later than Monday :)
6. I'm tempted to pay the $5 admission to the fair, just so I can go buy a funnel cake....mmmmmm funnel cake.
7. The sign in on the bathroom stall door reads: Please do not put sanitary napkins or heavily used toilet paper in the toilet that may cause a clog (this bothers me every single time I sit down to pee.)... not only is it not worded properly or grammatically, but come on...it should be changed to: HEY YOU DIRTY BITCH...WOULD YOU FLUSH THAT AT YOUR HOUSE AND RISK FUCKING UP THE PLUMBING AND SERIOUSLY IF YOUR ASS IS DIRTY ENOUGH TO REQUIRE HALF A BULK ROLL OF TOILET PAPER THEN BE COURTEOUS AND FLUSH IN BETWEEN WIPES.....
Management
8. For some reason the truck that I learned to drive and was my first vehicle (well that my dad let me use) was an 83 dodge pick up truck has been on my mind. I Loved that tank/beast of a truck... the horn went off and periodically got stuck when making right hand turns and if you turned too sharply to the left, the passenger side door would fling open and dump your passenger out if they were not belted in. My brother as a child was rolled out of the truck on five separate occasions, the dumbass still doesn't wear a seatbelt...once on a major highway he rolled out and my dad had to flag traffic to stop while my brother regained his composure climbed back in the truck, a few times on some hunting paths, various places... oddly enough he never adopted a nickname like road rash or anything... hmmm
9. Long hair amuses me. Not in the normal sense....but the fact that generally after a weekend of Jen being at my house or one visit from my sister I end up finding rogue long ass hairs in my ass crack and other inappropriate places...talk about a literal, "wild hair"
10. I was just handed a case that has 12 eleven oz. bags of "witches fingers" (aka crunchy cheetos) they are part of the halloween stuff that didn't get shipped out, they expire at the end of october and the distributer doesn't want them back....WOOHOO I heart carbs, lol (I'm going to give most of them away and store some for lil man as well
11. Today is payday and everything was fucked up. I have three guys with the same last name, the chick who handles the payroll at the main office switched up two of them, so one got underpaid while the other got over paid, someone else's check got mailed (it was supposed to be here at the facility), and just a bunch of other stuff...really, is it time go yet?
12. I'm oddly amped and can't wait to go home and thoroughly clean and organize, I'm talking take curtains down and scrub kind of cleaning, hands and knees with a toothbrush on the bathroom floor kind of shit....oh yeah :)
Granted, I realize that due to paper size restrictions theirs may be more appropriate.
2. Field Hockey and Cheerleader (2 HR people for the client company...) and I were eating lunch the other day in the break room. The topic of flu shots came up and we were all debating on whether or not to get it or not (the company is paying)... Field hockey shared that the last time she had the flu she was so sick she was laid out on the floor and her boyfriend (now fiance) asked her if she was alright and she responded: "I'm one stomach flu away from my goal weight." Lol. That was some funny shit. That triggered Cheerleader who is at times neurotic about weight loss to ask if she lost any weight from it....Field hockey told her about 10 pounds, but it came back once she was able to keep food down again.... Cheerleader later joked (i think it was a joke) about she wanted to get the flu so I can lose some weight...I had to shake my head to that one.
I can't judge though...I'd like to find a tapeworm on the black market or eBay and start hard core on my weight loss ventures. I promised myself I'd get serious about losing some weight after school finished and I had one less stressor in my life.... Looks like Monday is going to be a good day to start...Hip Hop Abs here I come, lol.
3. There's this cool ass supervisor I work with...he's ex-navy and way more warped than I could ever hope to be. It's funny because we are often on the same perverse page when someone says something... He noticed my license plate a few weeks ago and it clicked (and or verified) that I am indeed a fan of the ladies... This opened up a whole new can of worms in the inappropriate shit for us to talk about at work category. He's got a couple of kids, 11 and 14, and a wife.... I'm easy to talk to--he once confided in me that he was looking for a new job or considering one that he was offered...no biggie... well today, he told me that we need to pencil in a "technique" discussion...Hell it wasn't even 8 this morning I wasn't even fully awake so I was a little slow on the uptake...he meant Oral technique...lol. He wants me to give him pointers on licking pussy, lol. That made me laugh my ass off. A grown man looking for pointers... but I'm not shy...I told him I wasn't willing to demonstrate nor would I draw him a diagram but I could make a few suggestions if he was interested, ha.
I told one of the guys at work (not one of my employees...i'm not that inappropriate) a technique to try a few days later he comes back with:
Him: Dude that thing you told me to do worked
Me: I told you...nice huh...
Him: Hell nah
Me: What are you talking about
Him: Now the bitch wont leave me alone...
Lol.
4. My chin hairs are back with a vengeance... is about that time... waxing, plucking--I've decided that if i let them get long enough I could just close them in a door and turn my head really fast... who am i kidding..>I cant handle these bristlely fuckers any longer...need to do the lip and brows done too...
5. If my sister hasn't gone into labor by Sunday night they are going to admit her...start softening random parts of her anatomy and induce Monday Morning...So I'll definitely be an Aunt by no later than Monday :)
6. I'm tempted to pay the $5 admission to the fair, just so I can go buy a funnel cake....mmmmmm funnel cake.
7. The sign in on the bathroom stall door reads: Please do not put sanitary napkins or heavily used toilet paper in the toilet that may cause a clog (this bothers me every single time I sit down to pee.)... not only is it not worded properly or grammatically, but come on...it should be changed to: HEY YOU DIRTY BITCH...WOULD YOU FLUSH THAT AT YOUR HOUSE AND RISK FUCKING UP THE PLUMBING AND SERIOUSLY IF YOUR ASS IS DIRTY ENOUGH TO REQUIRE HALF A BULK ROLL OF TOILET PAPER THEN BE COURTEOUS AND FLUSH IN BETWEEN WIPES.....
Management
8. For some reason the truck that I learned to drive and was my first vehicle (well that my dad let me use) was an 83 dodge pick up truck has been on my mind. I Loved that tank/beast of a truck... the horn went off and periodically got stuck when making right hand turns and if you turned too sharply to the left, the passenger side door would fling open and dump your passenger out if they were not belted in. My brother as a child was rolled out of the truck on five separate occasions, the dumbass still doesn't wear a seatbelt...once on a major highway he rolled out and my dad had to flag traffic to stop while my brother regained his composure climbed back in the truck, a few times on some hunting paths, various places... oddly enough he never adopted a nickname like road rash or anything... hmmm
9. Long hair amuses me. Not in the normal sense....but the fact that generally after a weekend of Jen being at my house or one visit from my sister I end up finding rogue long ass hairs in my ass crack and other inappropriate places...talk about a literal, "wild hair"
10. I was just handed a case that has 12 eleven oz. bags of "witches fingers" (aka crunchy cheetos) they are part of the halloween stuff that didn't get shipped out, they expire at the end of october and the distributer doesn't want them back....WOOHOO I heart carbs, lol (I'm going to give most of them away and store some for lil man as well
11. Today is payday and everything was fucked up. I have three guys with the same last name, the chick who handles the payroll at the main office switched up two of them, so one got underpaid while the other got over paid, someone else's check got mailed (it was supposed to be here at the facility), and just a bunch of other stuff...really, is it time go yet?
12. I'm oddly amped and can't wait to go home and thoroughly clean and organize, I'm talking take curtains down and scrub kind of cleaning, hands and knees with a toothbrush on the bathroom floor kind of shit....oh yeah :)
Granted, I realize that due to paper size restrictions theirs may be more appropriate.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Miserable Monday #2?
So I had a brilliant idea last night that involved fasting for three days and then kicking off a new ultimate healthy lifestyle of fruits and vegetables after the three day mark. I woke up this morning and was going to attempt it...
Three hours into my work day I was fighting serious hunger pains and thinking I would die for sure.... at lunch time I went to Subway... lol... who the fuck was I kidding, I so can't NOT eat.
Today was a bad day in general. I just feel icky. I would like to take a coat hanger and remove my ovaries/uterus...the shit is defective anyway and I'm not using it for anything productive...so why have it? I woke up feeling sick to my stomach after not sleeping well. I had a headache but made myself get up and go to work instead. I made my first lap around the warehouse and was pouring with sweat....the fever I was rocking certainly helped that along... my boss was like whoa... you don't look good... I kept working anyway...
The headache got worse...subsided for a minute but then came back with a vengeance... ugh. Fucking migraines... I got home with the headache even worse.... my uncle was in the driveway and wanted to talk, I essentially told him as politely as I could manage to shut the hell up I need to vomit...hey, I wasn't lying. I told grandma the same...she mumbled something about my flow? or some 1850s hip slang referring to God's warped sense of humor, aka a PERIOD... wtf?
I got sick, curled up in my dark bedroom with Pepper... Chino joined us after a few minutes and I was out. Woke up, tried to grab a sandwich before my class meeting...only to get sick again... what the hell is going on. I feel like shit. My head STILL hurts. and I get this stabbing pain in the dome piece that makes me dry heave... I don't get it. But I need to blog...since I'm addicted and all... so it is what it is.
Moral of the story is... my mom, aunt, and preggo sister have opted to do Weight Watchers and count their points... I have to dig all the info out so that I can start...for now I'm not real concerned since by definition I'm bulemic today... ugh.
Why did my vacation have to end... and why didn't I get a say in this whole fucking uterus situation. Fuck me in the ass sideways... (not really).
Three hours into my work day I was fighting serious hunger pains and thinking I would die for sure.... at lunch time I went to Subway... lol... who the fuck was I kidding, I so can't NOT eat.
Today was a bad day in general. I just feel icky. I would like to take a coat hanger and remove my ovaries/uterus...the shit is defective anyway and I'm not using it for anything productive...so why have it? I woke up feeling sick to my stomach after not sleeping well. I had a headache but made myself get up and go to work instead. I made my first lap around the warehouse and was pouring with sweat....the fever I was rocking certainly helped that along... my boss was like whoa... you don't look good... I kept working anyway...
The headache got worse...subsided for a minute but then came back with a vengeance... ugh. Fucking migraines... I got home with the headache even worse.... my uncle was in the driveway and wanted to talk, I essentially told him as politely as I could manage to shut the hell up I need to vomit...hey, I wasn't lying. I told grandma the same...she mumbled something about my flow? or some 1850s hip slang referring to God's warped sense of humor, aka a PERIOD... wtf?
I got sick, curled up in my dark bedroom with Pepper... Chino joined us after a few minutes and I was out. Woke up, tried to grab a sandwich before my class meeting...only to get sick again... what the hell is going on. I feel like shit. My head STILL hurts. and I get this stabbing pain in the dome piece that makes me dry heave... I don't get it. But I need to blog...since I'm addicted and all... so it is what it is.
Moral of the story is... my mom, aunt, and preggo sister have opted to do Weight Watchers and count their points... I have to dig all the info out so that I can start...for now I'm not real concerned since by definition I'm bulemic today... ugh.
Why did my vacation have to end... and why didn't I get a say in this whole fucking uterus situation. Fuck me in the ass sideways... (not really).
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Self discoveries and fabulosities
So over the last few days I've been kind of reflecting...attempt to figure things out in general and to stay motivated to do the things that I need and want to get done. One of my classes requires a portion of the work to be done by Wednesday at 11 pm which leaves me little room for procrastination to say the least--not to mention its a business simulation and I am part of a team and we work together to make the biz successful starting with Research and Development and I find myself why the hell I opted for business in the first place to be my major when I have no real interest in it AT ALL...but alas, it's generic and I can do a lot with it so it will work out fine. I do have to figure out the software used for this course to make this "business" successful...I don't know what the hell is going on really.
Everyone knows I'm a junkfood junkie...normally I crave things like chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate, sometimes with a splash of caramel or anything of the sort...but for the past week I've been craving things like fruit juices and smoothies...like cold/fruity combos if you will. I went to the grocery store yesterday to buy some V8 Splash because I love it (and the Diet version isn't ridiculously loaded with sugar...), I picked up some Honey Bunches of Oats with Peaches because I just really dig it and it's been hitting the spot (and is easy to eat with milk on the way to work while driving, lol), and found myself on the ice cream aisle. I had found the skinny cow icecream that had been suggested to me before (would insert names of those who said I should try those here to link to their blogs, but I haven't figured out how...but would love to know if anyone wants to share: blogger for dummies, lol) But for what I was craving I just wasn't feeling those....I instead had had sherbet stuck in my head for a while. I just really wanted some which is odd because I've never really cared for Sherbet....but I bought a tub of Pineapple and Raspberry in keeping with my fruity sweet cravings.
Let me tell you that Pineapple sherbet is like THE BEST THING EVER!!! Oh my god, I seriously took one bite of it's smooth, light, fabulousness and seriously creamed my pants (sure tmi...but I'm not even kidding) It made me happy in places that ya'll don't even want to know about...IT WAS THAT GOOD. It may be my new favorite guilty pleasure and if you haven't tried Pineapple sherbet I highly recommend it.
Yesterday I graduated to a new DVD with the Hip Hop Abs collection. I'm glad too because I was tired of doing the same two and alternating them. Yesterday was Total Body Burn and dear god let me tell you I'm feeling it today. Could hardly walk...total body burn is no joke for real. Today I'm supposed to do an older one (fat burning cardio) plus hips, buns, and thighs which I haven't done yet so this should be interesting. I've stopped allowing myself to feel guilty if I miss a day or two because my demons take over and would prefer I sit in the dark with my pjs on...I'm allowed a break every now and then, so long as I stick with it in the long run. This weight isn't going to fall off by itself you know.
Finally, I love thrift stores. LOVE THEM. You can't let yourself get disappointed because there are somedays you'll find something awesome and others you'll feel like you wasted a trip out... I have my favorite thrift stores that I go to on the regular, but switched it up this past weekend while out with my sister. (baby clothes are fun to buy at thrift stores because they are inexpensive and most of the time practically brand new, because they are worn for such a short period of time--she's the pregnant one, but I'm the soon to be aunt who really digs buying baby clothes--though my sister has many rules...for instance, she will not allow clothing with characters on it (i.e. Elmo, Pooh, etc), no animal print riff raff, nothing with fake fur, nothing that looks hoochie-fied and way to old for a baby, etc the list goes on) but I digress. Well thrift stores are also great because its one of two ways that I'm green. The second is peeing in the shower to save on water...I mean lets be real, it makes sense to pee in the shower when you first wake up in the morning and not have to flush the toilet...it's not like I'd do it while sitting in a bath...eww. But anyway....Sunday's find was:
Everyone knows I'm a junkfood junkie...normally I crave things like chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate, sometimes with a splash of caramel or anything of the sort...but for the past week I've been craving things like fruit juices and smoothies...like cold/fruity combos if you will. I went to the grocery store yesterday to buy some V8 Splash because I love it (and the Diet version isn't ridiculously loaded with sugar...), I picked up some Honey Bunches of Oats with Peaches because I just really dig it and it's been hitting the spot (and is easy to eat with milk on the way to work while driving, lol), and found myself on the ice cream aisle. I had found the skinny cow icecream that had been suggested to me before (would insert names of those who said I should try those here to link to their blogs, but I haven't figured out how...but would love to know if anyone wants to share: blogger for dummies, lol) But for what I was craving I just wasn't feeling those....I instead had had sherbet stuck in my head for a while. I just really wanted some which is odd because I've never really cared for Sherbet....but I bought a tub of Pineapple and Raspberry in keeping with my fruity sweet cravings.
Let me tell you that Pineapple sherbet is like THE BEST THING EVER!!! Oh my god, I seriously took one bite of it's smooth, light, fabulousness and seriously creamed my pants (sure tmi...but I'm not even kidding) It made me happy in places that ya'll don't even want to know about...IT WAS THAT GOOD. It may be my new favorite guilty pleasure and if you haven't tried Pineapple sherbet I highly recommend it.
Yesterday I graduated to a new DVD with the Hip Hop Abs collection. I'm glad too because I was tired of doing the same two and alternating them. Yesterday was Total Body Burn and dear god let me tell you I'm feeling it today. Could hardly walk...total body burn is no joke for real. Today I'm supposed to do an older one (fat burning cardio) plus hips, buns, and thighs which I haven't done yet so this should be interesting. I've stopped allowing myself to feel guilty if I miss a day or two because my demons take over and would prefer I sit in the dark with my pjs on...I'm allowed a break every now and then, so long as I stick with it in the long run. This weight isn't going to fall off by itself you know.
Finally, I love thrift stores. LOVE THEM. You can't let yourself get disappointed because there are somedays you'll find something awesome and others you'll feel like you wasted a trip out... I have my favorite thrift stores that I go to on the regular, but switched it up this past weekend while out with my sister. (baby clothes are fun to buy at thrift stores because they are inexpensive and most of the time practically brand new, because they are worn for such a short period of time--she's the pregnant one, but I'm the soon to be aunt who really digs buying baby clothes--though my sister has many rules...for instance, she will not allow clothing with characters on it (i.e. Elmo, Pooh, etc), no animal print riff raff, nothing with fake fur, nothing that looks hoochie-fied and way to old for a baby, etc the list goes on) but I digress. Well thrift stores are also great because its one of two ways that I'm green. The second is peeing in the shower to save on water...I mean lets be real, it makes sense to pee in the shower when you first wake up in the morning and not have to flush the toilet...it's not like I'd do it while sitting in a bath...eww. But anyway....Sunday's find was:
I'm wearing them today in the warehouse and I noticed they were getting dirty and I needed to get a pic of them before they got WHOA dirty...I washed them on Sunday and today was the first day they were dry and on my feet they went. A men's 6 (equal to a woman's 8) and my new to me, patent leather shiny SUPER GAY, Adidas sneakers. I'm in love...
Now If I could just find a pair of Sperry Topsiders in mint condition at the thrift store I'd be good to go...Or some Birkenstocks...Fun FUn Fun.... These shoes really have made my day because I look down and see my feet and think clown on crack...hhahahaha....
Good times. Good times.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
She called me out
Okay so I had a revelation last night (well not really, Jen called me out...but it's something I had been aware of for a while). Even though I gave up soda and what not all I've really done is find a sugar substitute. By substitute I don't mean Splenda, or equal or sweet n low...nope...that would be too smart...too easy...I mean POPSICLES. Lol.
Those wonderfully delightful frozen treats...you cut the top off and push them up and enjoy what awaits you (essentially frozen sugar water, lol). I wasn't going to do Hip Hop Abs last night, but at the last minute opted to (only to make it difficult to fall asleep because I was all "pumped up" and not so much in relax mode any longer)... I'm still glad I did it. I had Jen measure me and while neither one of us think we are measuring accurately....but it seems that I've already lost about 4 and half inches off of my bottom half (though I might have gained an inch or two up top) HA..I don't freaking know. I feel better when I do it thats the important thing.
Now if I can lay off the sugar for a while I'll be in real good shape. Whats the moral of this morning's most random you ask? I need to buy the stuff to start making my own popsicles. Lol. The question is do I finish off the ones that are left in the freezer as to not be wasteful or just give them to my brother and his girlfriends kid? Ugh...decisions decisions.
I'm kind of boring myself always talking about hip hop abs or soda or sugar or whatever...but its weird its like you alter your lifestyle to try and make healthier decisions and you become more aware of the situation at hand. I don't want the concept of weight loss to consume my life in terms of conversation and what not...I still want to be able to function in a group with other topics and what not...I dunno...it's difficult to explain.
Oh well...I need to do some work. I was a few minutes late this morning. I almost called out, I had two excuses to choose from. But since I couldn't choose between a case of "anal glaucoma" (not being able to see my ass going to work) or merely surviving monday I figured I might as well come in...its not like I have sick time to take advantage of and I need as many hours as I can get.
Those wonderfully delightful frozen treats...you cut the top off and push them up and enjoy what awaits you (essentially frozen sugar water, lol). I wasn't going to do Hip Hop Abs last night, but at the last minute opted to (only to make it difficult to fall asleep because I was all "pumped up" and not so much in relax mode any longer)... I'm still glad I did it. I had Jen measure me and while neither one of us think we are measuring accurately....but it seems that I've already lost about 4 and half inches off of my bottom half (though I might have gained an inch or two up top) HA..I don't freaking know. I feel better when I do it thats the important thing.
Now if I can lay off the sugar for a while I'll be in real good shape. Whats the moral of this morning's most random you ask? I need to buy the stuff to start making my own popsicles. Lol. The question is do I finish off the ones that are left in the freezer as to not be wasteful or just give them to my brother and his girlfriends kid? Ugh...decisions decisions.
I'm kind of boring myself always talking about hip hop abs or soda or sugar or whatever...but its weird its like you alter your lifestyle to try and make healthier decisions and you become more aware of the situation at hand. I don't want the concept of weight loss to consume my life in terms of conversation and what not...I still want to be able to function in a group with other topics and what not...I dunno...it's difficult to explain.
Oh well...I need to do some work. I was a few minutes late this morning. I almost called out, I had two excuses to choose from. But since I couldn't choose between a case of "anal glaucoma" (not being able to see my ass going to work) or merely surviving monday I figured I might as well come in...its not like I have sick time to take advantage of and I need as many hours as I can get.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Skinny Dieters?
I love quotes. I spend a lot of time at www.quotegarden.com because I can pull up a topic for the day based on how I'm feeling and what not and just get lost. Today I found these fabulous treats:
I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge. ~Paula Poundstone
That's a quote I can relate to, plus Paula Poundstone is just an hilarious comic. I remember seeing her on comedy central several times...always made me laugh)
Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. ~Author Unknown
That quote baffles me and pisses me off at the same time. That's the gayest supposed inspirational shit I've EVER heard. How does one know how fabulous thin feels when she came out of the womb plus size. Ugh... It's a good thing the author is unknown, otherwise I'd have to google the idiot who said it, go to their house and hit them in the forehead with a snickers bar or something out of shear principle.
When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad. ~Janette Barber
I found this amusing as well. I can't even begin to count the number of times I've thrown out things I shouldn't be eating and really considered digging it out of the trash to finish it. I can't help it, I have a love hate relationship with food. I love it and it hates me in the most offensive fashion.
Why is it that when you are trying to better yourself (like I am, but in baby steps)...there is always someone who comes along and tries to screw it up for you. There is this girl that I work with, a few years younger than me, so in her mid 20s who is maybe like a size 3, if that. She's obsessed with losing weight. She's always loudly counting her calories talking about how gross she is and what not....I really just want to shake her and be like "Bitch, shut up and eat a cheeseburger before you blow away." I'm not generally one of those angry "big girls" that hates skinny women by any means. There is a lot that comes into play in the area of weight and you'll never know ALL of someone's circumstances.
It just irks me to know end when skinny women talk about how fat they are and this and that...I want to scream, are you kidding me I'D KILL TO BE ABLE TO BUY CLOTHES THAT SIZE AND HAVE THEM ACTUALLY FIT, to get clothes at a bargain rather than have to rely on overpriced clothing like Lane Bryant and what not.
I just don't understand it. I love myself and I want to better myself so I'm at the point where I'm doing it little by little. I've never been a little girl...hell, my senior year of high school I was a 16, but I was curvy and sexy...now I'm just REALLY CURVY and sexy, lol. But for real, it's discouraging to be working so hard at something (though I know there are things that I still need to improve, such as my eating habits) but I'm getting there, only to have someone rail then everything short of a super model suck the life out of me and go on and on and on about how she feels guilty for eating a big sandwhich...or taking too many breaths of air...how many calories are in air again...OH MY GOD SHUT THE HELL UP WILL YOU.
Go put yourself in Time out before I'm snap and begin force feeding you cheeseburgers and candy bars--JUST MAKE THE INSANITY STOP.
I'm much like Cathy from the comic strip (remember her? She was always dieting and stuff was always going awry...What is this world coming to. I've got well over a hundred pounds to lose to get to where I ideal want to be and if I kill her it's going to fuck up my progress thus far (the little I've made) because I'm going to have to barbeque her and eat her to hide the evidence....eww. Just kidding...I kinda just vomited in my mouth.
I guess I can get off my soap box for a minute...I mean it's lunchtime and all...priorities priorities priorities.
I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge. ~Paula Poundstone
That's a quote I can relate to, plus Paula Poundstone is just an hilarious comic. I remember seeing her on comedy central several times...always made me laugh)
Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. ~Author Unknown
That quote baffles me and pisses me off at the same time. That's the gayest supposed inspirational shit I've EVER heard. How does one know how fabulous thin feels when she came out of the womb plus size. Ugh... It's a good thing the author is unknown, otherwise I'd have to google the idiot who said it, go to their house and hit them in the forehead with a snickers bar or something out of shear principle.
When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad. ~Janette Barber
I found this amusing as well. I can't even begin to count the number of times I've thrown out things I shouldn't be eating and really considered digging it out of the trash to finish it. I can't help it, I have a love hate relationship with food. I love it and it hates me in the most offensive fashion.
Why is it that when you are trying to better yourself (like I am, but in baby steps)...there is always someone who comes along and tries to screw it up for you. There is this girl that I work with, a few years younger than me, so in her mid 20s who is maybe like a size 3, if that. She's obsessed with losing weight. She's always loudly counting her calories talking about how gross she is and what not....I really just want to shake her and be like "Bitch, shut up and eat a cheeseburger before you blow away." I'm not generally one of those angry "big girls" that hates skinny women by any means. There is a lot that comes into play in the area of weight and you'll never know ALL of someone's circumstances.
It just irks me to know end when skinny women talk about how fat they are and this and that...I want to scream, are you kidding me I'D KILL TO BE ABLE TO BUY CLOTHES THAT SIZE AND HAVE THEM ACTUALLY FIT, to get clothes at a bargain rather than have to rely on overpriced clothing like Lane Bryant and what not.
I just don't understand it. I love myself and I want to better myself so I'm at the point where I'm doing it little by little. I've never been a little girl...hell, my senior year of high school I was a 16, but I was curvy and sexy...now I'm just REALLY CURVY and sexy, lol. But for real, it's discouraging to be working so hard at something (though I know there are things that I still need to improve, such as my eating habits) but I'm getting there, only to have someone rail then everything short of a super model suck the life out of me and go on and on and on about how she feels guilty for eating a big sandwhich...or taking too many breaths of air...how many calories are in air again...OH MY GOD SHUT THE HELL UP WILL YOU.
Go put yourself in Time out before I'm snap and begin force feeding you cheeseburgers and candy bars--JUST MAKE THE INSANITY STOP.
I'm much like Cathy from the comic strip (remember her? She was always dieting and stuff was always going awry...What is this world coming to. I've got well over a hundred pounds to lose to get to where I ideal want to be and if I kill her it's going to fuck up my progress thus far (the little I've made) because I'm going to have to barbeque her and eat her to hide the evidence....eww. Just kidding...I kinda just vomited in my mouth.
I guess I can get off my soap box for a minute...I mean it's lunchtime and all...priorities priorities priorities.
While you were out...
I've done it...28 days with no soda. (For the sake of a nice even number I'm going to simply say I've accomplished this goal and maintained for an entire month.) This is exciting to me.
Last week also marked my first full six day Hip Hop Ab work out regimen (just the exercise portion, not so much my diet)...Sunday was the day for rest/recovery and I was thankful for it to say the least...but I've gotta keep going. It's going to take time, since the proverbial small print points out that the six pack abs don't actually come with the DVDs--you have to actually work at it...a bummer, but nonetheless.
I start my last three classes today to finish my bachelor's degree. Yep...11 weeks from today I'm done...with graduation to follow sometime in October. Downside--student loan payments will be expected then....and I'll slowly have to start chiseling my way at over fifty grand in student loans I've accumulated in the last ten years of trying to make this happen, ick.
The senior seminar course I'm required to take may be the death of me--in reviewing the syllabus I realized that there is going to be a twenty page paper due at the end of the course. Ugh, are you kidding me. I love to write blogs...not actual papers...come on now. My other two classes want ten pages papers so yep...forty typed pages by APA standards over the course of the next 11 weeks...all which are a substantial portion of my grade. Perhaps this quarter, with it being my last few classes will inspire me to do things differently (like NOT procrastinate for instance)... I guess time will tell.
I need a nap. I want to curl up in the down comforter and just sleep the day away....oh how fabulous that would be. Blah...not today I'm afraid.
Last week also marked my first full six day Hip Hop Ab work out regimen (just the exercise portion, not so much my diet)...Sunday was the day for rest/recovery and I was thankful for it to say the least...but I've gotta keep going. It's going to take time, since the proverbial small print points out that the six pack abs don't actually come with the DVDs--you have to actually work at it...a bummer, but nonetheless.
I start my last three classes today to finish my bachelor's degree. Yep...11 weeks from today I'm done...with graduation to follow sometime in October. Downside--student loan payments will be expected then....and I'll slowly have to start chiseling my way at over fifty grand in student loans I've accumulated in the last ten years of trying to make this happen, ick.
The senior seminar course I'm required to take may be the death of me--in reviewing the syllabus I realized that there is going to be a twenty page paper due at the end of the course. Ugh, are you kidding me. I love to write blogs...not actual papers...come on now. My other two classes want ten pages papers so yep...forty typed pages by APA standards over the course of the next 11 weeks...all which are a substantial portion of my grade. Perhaps this quarter, with it being my last few classes will inspire me to do things differently (like NOT procrastinate for instance)... I guess time will tell.
I need a nap. I want to curl up in the down comforter and just sleep the day away....oh how fabulous that would be. Blah...not today I'm afraid.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
For the love of all things holy
So I'm really proud of myself. I have worked out every night this week so far (granted that's only three nights to this point, with plans of doing it again tonight but dear god) I have pains in muscles I didn't even know existed.
I've been using Hip Hop Abs in the comfort of my own living room as the second step in my grand plan to weight loss. The first was giving up soda and well I'm almost at the month mark on that one. I'm going to work out with Hip Hop Abs six nights a week for a month straight and then see if I notice a difference. I hope that by then I'll be addicted to it and craving more work outs.
I've always dreamed of running. Of course when I start running in real life I make it about three feet before the urge to pass out and die comes...not to mention shin splints being an issue. I need to get past these excuses and just do it. I want to feel a runner's high and I want to at some point before I die, run a complete marathon....
I'll work on that eventually...I mean there has to be a secret to it right? I dunno...I'm sure it will be easier when I start losing some weight...
It's kind of funny, I go through phases where I want to dress really girly (normally in the winter time)...I find myself wanting the boot cut jeans with the killer square toe boots with heels, a button up shirt, etc.... well I'm a big girl so those heels really kill my feet because of all the weight misappropriately proportioned and such...
Summer time attire consists of cargo shorts and tshirts or polos and flip flops...hell when i'm at work the only difference is I wear tennis shoes instead of flip flops because I have to have on real shoes for the warehouse. But I digress...
The moral of the story is that i'm taking baby steps to be where I want/need to be. I want to be able to see cute clothes and buy them, not have to search for big girl clothes that are cute and not grandma-esque you know.
I will be graduating in October...cap and gowns only look right on super skinny folks...I'm not going to be super skinny by then, but I can at least be on my way....
I pulled my hamstring...I didn't sign up for this...the dvd is not called Hip hop fucking hamstrings you know.
I've been using Hip Hop Abs in the comfort of my own living room as the second step in my grand plan to weight loss. The first was giving up soda and well I'm almost at the month mark on that one. I'm going to work out with Hip Hop Abs six nights a week for a month straight and then see if I notice a difference. I hope that by then I'll be addicted to it and craving more work outs.
I've always dreamed of running. Of course when I start running in real life I make it about three feet before the urge to pass out and die comes...not to mention shin splints being an issue. I need to get past these excuses and just do it. I want to feel a runner's high and I want to at some point before I die, run a complete marathon....
I'll work on that eventually...I mean there has to be a secret to it right? I dunno...I'm sure it will be easier when I start losing some weight...
It's kind of funny, I go through phases where I want to dress really girly (normally in the winter time)...I find myself wanting the boot cut jeans with the killer square toe boots with heels, a button up shirt, etc.... well I'm a big girl so those heels really kill my feet because of all the weight misappropriately proportioned and such...
Summer time attire consists of cargo shorts and tshirts or polos and flip flops...hell when i'm at work the only difference is I wear tennis shoes instead of flip flops because I have to have on real shoes for the warehouse. But I digress...
The moral of the story is that i'm taking baby steps to be where I want/need to be. I want to be able to see cute clothes and buy them, not have to search for big girl clothes that are cute and not grandma-esque you know.
I will be graduating in October...cap and gowns only look right on super skinny folks...I'm not going to be super skinny by then, but I can at least be on my way....
I pulled my hamstring...I didn't sign up for this...the dvd is not called Hip hop fucking hamstrings you know.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Homicide
So in the midst of writing papers this weekend, contemplating taking my finals, and doing grandma's laundry, I found myself stressed (like usual).
I went to the gas station, bought a Take 5 candy bar (which I didn't need but I was jonesing for chocolate), a rice krispy treat, and a Dr. Pepper.
I'm happy to report that I devoured the take five, and the rice krispy treat, but the Dr. Pepper remained unopened in the refrigerator until Jen got to my house and drank it with dinner.
Yes folks, today marks my no soda attempt at 2 WHOLE WEEKS! And to be quite honest with you, I would kill for a soda right now....not even kidding. Fucking a.
I went to the gas station, bought a Take 5 candy bar (which I didn't need but I was jonesing for chocolate), a rice krispy treat, and a Dr. Pepper.
I'm happy to report that I devoured the take five, and the rice krispy treat, but the Dr. Pepper remained unopened in the refrigerator until Jen got to my house and drank it with dinner.
Yes folks, today marks my no soda attempt at 2 WHOLE WEEKS! And to be quite honest with you, I would kill for a soda right now....not even kidding. Fucking a.
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