Caution: Unedited Rant

I'm screaming on the inside today. I'm fucking fed up. I'm tired and irritated and just pissed off in general. I'm tired of being on repeat all day at work because nobody fucking listens.

I'm tired of having a job that is not hard at all be so difficult...does that make sense? I'm tired of being a "partner" to the supervisors/management here and seeing nothing but a lack of partnership.

This whole fucking place right now is a contradiction. I'm apparently bat shit crazy.

I want to scream aloud, yell, kick, punch, push, throw...I want to be destructive and break something....I'm like two steps away from turning green and Incredible Hulking it.


I'm irrational and just fucking done. I'm so fucking tired of the level of ignorance I have to deal with on a daily basis. My boss is the "bitchy one" and I'm the "nice, but straight forward" one...that's about to change...there's about to be two bitchy ones because the fuckers just aren't getting it.

I can't even tell up from down right now I'm so infuriated. It makes no fucking sense. Most of the time I'm fine, but today I just can't effing handle it anymore. I refuse. If I walk out on the floor one more time and have to deal with the same fucking bullshit I'm going to snap...not even kidding.

I just called my boss to fill her in on some details pertaining to an email that was sent earlier and told her flat out...I don't even want to be here right now. I want to go out, stand on a stack of pallets and just scream FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING CUNTS.

Who gives a shit anymore if you don't hit your number...I'm tired of you not holding yourself accountable, I can't come out here and fucking hold your hand for you... And if I hear..."Well you don't know what its like out here" one for fucking time I'm going to lose it...

YES I DO...I'VE WORKED IN WAREHOUSES BEFORE...do you think they just gave me this job because they liked my haircut at the time...NO YOU BASTARD....I've worked in the heat, I've unloaded trucks, I've loaded them, I've shipped them, forecasted loads, handled damaged goods and HAZMAT material and their documents....and you know what...I HIT MY FUCKING NUMBERS TOO!!!!

(Deep breath out)...I was bitching to Field Hockey...she used to work for my company before getting laid off and then hired by the client company....I mentioned that I was at the point of going and buying a pack of smokes and just calling it a day...she made a suggestion that I hadn't even considered....BEER!!!! Duh...why didn't I think of that. I prefer the taste of beer to cigs, beer wont make me smell like smoke or leave that taste in my mouth that lingers forever....

Beer would be oh so fabulous right now...except I'm pretty sure the beer i have is skunky by this point....It's leftover from my birthday weekend at the end of May...I can't believe I don't really drink that often.... For now....those McSkinnys (you know the lil skinny mich ultras--water with a splash of hops), skunky or not....ARE CALLING MY NAME!!!

My boss told me that I can leave early if I want, but Now i have to make sure that people from a particular department know they don't have work tomorrow and their floor supervisor isn't reliable as far as telling them goes....so might as well just chill out.

Good news...sort of

So Gma went to the doctor yesterday is she is allowed to put weight on her leg as she feels she's ready. She is also able to drive again (scary) as soon as she feels ready, but will have to practice in a parking lot or something prior to hitting the road. Honestly, I don't know of anyone that is going to volunteer for this because she was scary behind the wheel even before her fall this past April...I just don't see myself being an eager beaver in this scenario.

This news translates into no one having to stay the night with her anymore. She still needs help changing her clothes, but she's got to the point where she is walking with her walker in the evenings to bed and setting things up so all she has to do is walk to the bathroom first thing, handle her business and then she gets in the shower (where she has a shower chair) and can manage until someone helps her with her clothes.

Mom had planned on coming over last night to help her to bed, but she is busy as hell packing and trying to get all my dad's shit together so he can "play army" and leave for Kosovo at the end of the week. I told Gma that I'd be able to help her, but that I had wanted to be in bed by the nine to nine thirty mark because it was the one day I had this week where I'd actually be able to do that. So nine twenty five rolls around and she's in bed...I'm flipping the light off when her cell phone rings. FUCK. I continue with what I was doing and let the dog back in so that I can be in bed by my planned time for a change.

My cellphone rings shortly after and Gma tells me that George (my jackass deacon uncle who has his own concept of time) has decided that because he's going to his daughter's house (this bitchy spoiled chick) in South Carolina in the morning and will be there for a week he needed to cut the grass tonight. Gma actually agreed which pissed me off. She tells me that if it gets too loud and distracting to just put the covers over my head....REALLY LADY, REALLY?

It's nine forty five by this point, I send Jen the last text of the night, urging her to get some sleep for a change too when I hear it. THE LAWNMOWER--one of those industrial grade landscaping deals (because he couldnt just buy a simple John Deere)...he wanted one that sounds like it has a jet engine apparently. I dose off for a few minutes while he cut the opposite side of the house.

10:08 pm I hear the house phone ring, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS...(I'm sorry, I'm old school and don't believe in calling anyone after nine o'clock at night...you never know what they're doing)...I never answer Gma's phone because no one I know even has the number, I know it's not for me....(unless it's XM radio trying to get me to come back...they found the number via my address I suppose, because I don't even have Gma's number listed on my car loan application where they got my original information...I'm strictly a cell phone person and hell of my 450 anytime minutes, I might use 13 in a given month...) But I digress....

I close my eyes after tossing and turning a few times to fall asleep again, only to be woke up by the loud jet propelled lawn mower under my window...I get up, stomp over the light switch, flip it on....along with every other light I possibly can on my way to the bathroom....Pee since I was up anyway, stomp back to bed after turning lights off and try it one more time, cussing my uncle the most creative ways I possibly can. He's such a fuckhead with no concept of mowing etiquette. I wanted him to know I was up thats why I flipped on all the lights and did everything short of opening the blinds, tossing out the screen as I opened the window to hang out of it flipping him off and yelling obscenities into the night.

I mean just because they put lights on the front end of lawnmowers doesn't mean you HAVE to use them. Why is this such a hard concept to grasp? It's like just because my car comes with a lighter...I'm not required to use it. It's decoration. Ten Forty eight... and still awake....

Why do I even fucking try. The alarm goes off at five forty five, I get out of bed at six fifteen, grumpy, eyes swollen, and the thought of calling in in my mind....I officially do not like my uncle. (this time for a legitimate reason...--before the reason just included that he talked to fucking much, was annoying, has it in his head I'm going to hell for being gay, avoids touching his own brother...not my dad but my other uncle who is gay as if he's scared my uncle is contagious...) Most days I see him talking and I'm not listening...I'm looking through him and wishing I hadn't gotten rid of that 18" double ended dildo that was like a coke can in girth, lol....(it was scary) but made an excellent prop for when drinking at parties. I'd pull it out and if someone was annoying me I'd smack them in the face with it....I should invest in another one....hell seeing his face as he got smacked by a translucent hot pink monster cock would definitely be worth the investment. And if I'm going to hell anyway....why not.... haha.

On the upside...the grass is cut so I don't have to worry about not seeing a snake coming after me in the tall grass....I'M STILL PISSED HOWEVER.

Ignorant Redneck Assholes

So Jen and I are in Food Lion this evening when this family (a mom, dad, and three teens) come barreling obnoxiously down the frozen foods aisle. One of the girls was bouncing a ball like she was five...(I was thinking I swear if I was her parent I'd beat the shit out of her right now, teenager or not)...of course then I realized that the parents were just as bad.

Anyway some comments were made having something to with how butch one of us was (Jen thinks it was her and I think it was me)--I'm thinking I'd be the "butch one" since I've got the fucked up dude haircut right now...though its hard to say since Jen is "Sporty spice, lol"...anyway they say some bullshit, snicker, and try to play it off when Jen starts glaring at them.

We get out into the parking lot where I find myself fighing the urge to flip the fuckers off (though I did mouth the word asshole in the their general direction... I'm so not the "bigger person" that I'd like to be...

Jen got quite fired up by the ignorance demonstrated..."yay small towns," lol. Ignorance is everywhere, small towns, big towns...EVERYWHERE. For example, I frequently get asked...well which one of you is the boy and which is the girl. WTF people....neither one of us is the boy...WE ARE BOTH GIRLS/WOMEN...Thats kind of the whole point of Lesbianism...

Let the recruiting begin....only three free toaster ovens left....ACT NOW!!! If you become a lesbian in the next three minutes I'll also throw in a really cool swiss army knife...WHO CAN RESIST THAT... a toaster and a knife ...all for joining the team... GIVE ME AN "L" GIVE ME AN e GIVE ME AN S GIVE ME AND B....OKAY YOU GET THE POINT, YAY LESBIAN!!! LOL

The roof is on fire

My mom has shingles and every time I think about it, that song..."the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire..." pops in my head.

I feel bad for my mom. Today she had a situation occur that actually really upset her and who likes seeing their mom upset (NOT ME). Her "best friend's" real dad was in town and my mom told her friend that she wanted to meet him. Well her friend blew my mom off yesterday saying they had lunch plans (even though it turns out they didn't go to lunch after all, they stayed home). Today, my mom rearranged her schedule to accomodate her friend and when her friend finally called her, she went over.

She gets there and her friend is acting weird, and the dad and step mom came out of the room for like a split second, my mom reached her hand out to shake his hand and he barely touched her fingertips, much less hand, and then hauled ass back to the room.

Mom's feelings were hurt because apparently, Her friend told her parents about mom having shingles and they were all super paranoid they were going to get it. Mom was mortified. She had been treated like a leper and she's not even contagious (per her doctor) unless in the rare instance that you've never had chicken pocks and you touch an open pock thing that she has (which are covered anyway so what the fuck)...

Mom's whole point was, if you knew they were worried about getting it, why not just say so and avoid the embarrassment that came with being treated as if she was a person with a debilitating skin disorder or disease in general.

My poor mom. I told her she needed to divorce that friend years ago (and tell her frequently still)...its wierd because this friend is so self centered and my mom is always there for her and the minute my mom needs someone to talk to, the friend always says shit like, well if it doesnt affect me directly then I dont give a shit....what the fuck.

I still love her shingles and all.

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. The roof the roof the roof is on fire, we don't need no water let the mother fucker burn....burn mother fucker burn.