R-E-S-P-E-C-T...

I have decided that my ideal job would be that of Mediator. Someone who mediates in any situation ranging from messy divorces to peace treaties and the UN or something...I dunno.

I had noticed lately that Gma seems to have a real issue with my sister. She's always making comments that would indicate that she doesn't even like my sister (and keep in my mind she's not even my grandmother by blood and I'm her favorite...it's weird)...it concerned me. My sister has voiced concerns as well and talks about how "the old bat" as she put it doesn't even like her. She used me as an example and said that if I needed new tires all I'd have to do is mention and bam, four brand new tires. If Mandi mentions needing new tires, grandma cuts out a coupon for tires to give her, lol. (It's true. Gma has bought me new tires before...so valid point)

Well on top of that it seems that everyone and their mom vents to me. I honestly don't have a problem with that until it comes time for me to vent and I feel like I can't talk to anyone (so I blog instead) because everyone has too much already weighing on them as it is. Or if I do talk to them I'm perceived as just being melodramatic. Mom vents to me about the shit that Gma does to piss her off and threatens to smother her in her sleep...(which is funny only because I used to threaten that and mom would say that when Gma dies they are ordering an autopsy because they aren't convinced I wouldn't really do it...wtf?) Here's an example of a similar conversation:

I'm upstairs getting ready to watch a movie and my sister is downstairs so I texted her...

Me: Hey I'm about to hit play, do you wanna watch Transporter 3 or not
Mandi: mom and I are down here on the verge of killing grandma
Me: is that a yes or a no
Mandi: Turn the volume up so when the police come you won't be able to answer any questions
Me: lol
Mandi: lol, and no to the movie, yes to really thinking about hurting Gma

It's apparent that Grandma is putting a little of everyone over the edge at this point. Well I went to sleep on Friday night and had the most jacked up dream. Grandma was reading me an email in the dream (which she is famous for speaking over an entire room of people to ensure that at least one person hears the email that some random cousin of an uncles moms dad sent her..."don't you remember who that is..." no, "oh sure ya do..." blah blah blah blah) I yelled at her in the dream. No, I didn't just yell, I straight up flipped the hell out on her and in the dream, she died shortly after.

I woke up feeling guilty for letting things get so built up to the point that I am having bad dreams about things that are happening in my waking life...so I go downstairs prior to running errands with my sister and I trapped Gma in the bathroom. I literally trapped her. You see the bathroom is narrow, she pees with the door open so I walk in and see she has finished peeing and is now back in her wheelchair in front of the sink. I stand behind her wheelchair looking into the mirror to talk to her, and her using the mirror to talk to me. There was not enough space for her to maneuver or turn around with me standing there so she was trapped and had to hear me out. I did this, not because I'm evil...but because my grandmother has the attention span of a goldfish and I needed her full undivided attention for what I had to say.

I calmly explained that I needed to talk to her and that I didn't want to hurt her feelings but I have noticed some things that were bothering me and that I had concerns with. The topics ranged from my sister and how grandma seems to hate her and how she constantly knit picks with my mom, and how she doesn't say please and thank you, I mean everything.

I made a great deal of progress. It turns out that my Gma had let things that my sister is doing or has done that she doesn't approve of get in the way of normal daily activities. (my theory is that my sister is getting all the attention right now with the baby coming and the attention isn't on Gma so much since her leg is healing and well Gma is jealous) but I digress. I reminded Gma that there are things in my life that she doesn't approve of (the gay thing in a way) but it doesnt make her love me any less and so on. In the end she cried because she said, "I'm sad because I'm too old to hold the baby like I want to." I said grandma, get over yourself, you could be 93 and you're not going to be too old to hold the baby. By the time the baby gets here you'll be driving around and walking on your own...she patted her belly and I used it as a cue to point out that she already had a shelf for the baby to lay on, she laughed....

Her issues with mom have to do with mom always wanting to be right (and Gma being the same way) and neither of them backing down until someone is proved right. My mom is the same way with Aunt Melissa and it gets annoying to listen to but no one, including me likes to be wrong...she commented on how mom doesn't even let her pick out her own clothes....and how mom is so anxious all the time to have everything done just right that she feels like she doesn't have the option to do things for herself like she would like to. I pointed out that she needed to sit down and nicely tell these things to mom so that they could work them out. End of story...she agreed and then told me not to tell mom the things she said...

On Thursday Gma barked an order at me without a please or a thank you after it was done. I called her out on it. I'm always reminding lil man to use his manners...what happened to Gma's I wonder. For a lady that taught 1st grade for years, she should know that these things are essential. I explained that while I understand she's not used to so many people being around trying to help, that she shouldn't stop treating us like people by not saying please and thank you...I said we are not your slaves....we are not cool with you barking orders and doing as told. Just ask us nicely...that sparred another topic...she feels like she doesn't get the respect she deserves from people sometimes...okay again....TELL SOMEONE WHEN IT HAPPENS, IN A NICE TONE AND STOP YELLING AT PEOPLE...you have to give respect to get it....everyone knows that

The talk lasted about 20 minutes and at the end grandma said that she is just trying to guide us in the way the Lord is guiding us. I told her that if the Lord has a plan for us I'm sure he can manage just fine getting his message across without you micromanaging and turning your nose up at something we do that you disagree with. She agreed. I used the whole me being gay thing to prove my point. I told her that just because you think I should be with a man, marry one, have kids and all that shit...doesn't mean it's right for me and on the same token, just because I'm gay doesn't mean that my relationship with God is any less important or great than yours is.

One of my favorite lines from a movie comes from Dogma.... "Jesus, I know Jesus...nigga owes me 20 dollas." lol.

But anyway I called my mom after the talk I had with Gma gave her only the details she needed (though I don't know what will come of it....at least she and dad are on vacation this week) it's just me and Aunt Melissa and Gma this week.... I also filled Mandi in on some of the details. For now, the dust has settled and as much peace that can exist, has moved into the house.

Yep...I'm such a damn mediator...but when it comes to my personal life I can't seem to figure shit out or make things function as smoothly...it baffles me sometimes.