Sunday, June 24, 2012

One shit day after another

My mood today is less than desirable, for me but especially for those around me.  I have taken a xanax to try and ease the angst that I'm feeling, but it didn't help.  I took a three and a half hour nap (which I will regret later tonight when I'm not able to sleep and have to get up at 4am for work).  I'm just fucking pissed off.

I don't feel like it's okay for me to just be in a shitty mood.  I always have to take everyone elses feelings into consideration and dammit, I don't fucking feel like it.

I want to be mad, I want to scream, I want to punch someone in the face and I want to break something all at the same time.

The fact that EVERY single time I have a day like this there always seems to be some fucking "pressing" converation to be had just pisses me off that much more.  I'm tired of being accused of being a cold hearted bitch and the fact that people around me want to sugar coat shit for them, when they know that from day one, I never have.  I don't have it in me to bullshit someone or say just what I think they want to hear. If you don't want my thoughts, don't fucking ask for them.

If you're sensitive and want me to smother you with affection, go elsewhere, I'm not going to do that either.  I don't want to do things because you want me to, I want to do it when I want to.  So fuck it.  I've accepted that this is a no fucking win situation...the kicker is however, that eventually someone has to win.  It's all in how the cards are dealt and how far I get backed into a corner.... today is not the fucking day, let me tell you.  Don't ask me my fucking thoughts because I know you can't fucking handle them.

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