Hitchhiking 101

I had to stop after work yesterday to pick up some groceries and then go to the gas station (since my gas light had been on for a hot minute)...on my way I see this hitchhiker next to the gas station, thumb up headed in the direction I was going.

I filled my car up with gas and thought...you know I don't have any hitchhiking stories. I want to have at least one "yeah I picked up a hitchhiker" story...in my mind it was a risk, but a fun and exciting thing to try as well. I mean it's one of those if you survive moments that you can talk about whenever. I figured if I ever found myself in an awkward silence I could just switch it up with, "you know I picked up a hitchhiker once...."

In my mind it seemed like a good idea AND it would be a good deed. No good deed goes unrewarded grandma always says. (I had done a good deed earlier in the day when a Lexus with four chicks in it were trying to take pictures of my license plate but were having troubles....I got to the stop light and told them I'm going to pull up enough for you to get the pic so do it quick while I'm sitting still...they were excited, got the pic and sped off past me....) Look, everyone has their own concept of good deeds--heh heh.

So anyway back to Mr. Hitchhiker....He was an old white man. White hair, tanned, white tube socks that came up mid-calf, shorts, a t-shirt, sneakers...he didn't look scary, just unkempt. I figured I could take him if he tried to do anything stupid...FUCK IT I'M GOING TO DO IT. I put the gas cap on and drive over near where he was and flag him over. I tell him I'll take him to Zuni which is five miles in the direction of where he is going. (I live in Zuni but off the main road and actually already going 2 miles out of my way to do this....) he looks at me and says, "how much would you charge me to get to Waverly? Waverly is 25 miles past Zuni...You see on the stretch of 460 in between fields of peanuts, cotton, corn, and soybeans lies Windsor (where we were), then Zuni, then Ivor, then something else, then Waverly....

I told him I was only going as far as Zuni because I had things to do and if he wanted to be 5 miles closer to Waverly he could take it, otherwise I was peacin' out. He told me that I was the second girl to offer to take him to this Zuni (pronounced Zoo nye) place and that he was going to tell me the same thing he told the other girl....

"I've got some killer weed in my pocket and if you take me to Waverly, I'll blow your mind." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. Did he just say killer weed and blow my mind in the same sentence....I told him, that I wasn't interested in pot because I couldn't smoke it anyway, do you want a ride to Zuni or not...

He asked if I'd come back after dinner to take him...yeah...probably not. He said thank you and went back to his thumb up in the air.

This my friends is whats wrong with the world today. Too many people fail to realize that sometimes you have to take a tiny step in the direction you are headed...you aren't guaranteed to just get there. If the hitchhiker had taken the ride the first time someone offered it, he'd be 5 miles close to his destination AND increased his chances of finding someone that would take him the rest of the way...but instead he stood there for hours in the heat waiting for the straight shot.

This applies in the workplace as well. Sometimes you have to accept a job you don't really want, just to pay bills and get your foot in the door and then transition into something "better" when it becomes available...

I dunno...I'm still skeeved out by a dirty old man offering to "blow my mind" whether it was the killer weed he was referring to or not, those are just not words I want muttered out of an old man with no teeth mouth.

I've decided that having a hitchhiker story isn't all that important...I'll just start the conversation that "I offered a ride to a hitchhiker once but he offered me some killer weed instead" story...

Need for speed

So here's some background for you...I have a history of lead foot disease. No, it's not genetic and really I seem to be the only one in my family with the issue, but it's there nonetheless. Let's just say that in the State of Virginia that you are only allowed to accrue so many points before they revoke your shit (in a one and two year period...)--well I am one ticket/incident away from that happening for real.

I've already been entered into the Driver's Improvement program that the state has (which translates into hey, take the defensive driving course, get five points back on your license and slow the hell down) once...and I'm back in it again it turns out (found this out about a year go).

Part of it is my ex's fault. (okay so not directly, but it's way easier to blame her for it) Okay, I hit a parked car a while after getting my truck and rather than driving off and having karma catch up with me I reported it to my insurance and left a note on the persons car. That "at fault accident" cost me points. Then I got a ticket for following too closely ON TOP OF the "at fault accident" charge --(the scene: I had just finished working the night shift and was driving into VA Beach to an interview for a different job. My ex called me and attempted to continue a fight that had drug on for what seemed like years, but was only days that morning before she went to work. I kept trying to get off the phone and she just kept pushing the issue...I was getting more irritated by the moment because I'm the type of person where if people keep pushing issues rather than letting me cool off or wrap my head around shit then I'm gonna snap or just dump your ass so I don't have to deal with it anymore. So anyway, the car in front of me slams on its brakes and then weaves into the other lane, the car in front of him slammed on his brakes and I in one swift motion said: "I'LL CALL YOU BACK" hung up my phone and drove into the back of a guy on 64 in rush hour morning traffic. FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. So anyway I had a shit ton of damage to my truck, which I never fixed because I had tuition due at the same time the insurance check came in and well...I justified spending the money on school because a truck in my mind is supposed to look a little abused...but in reality it just pissed me off to look at it later on and made me want to punch the ex in the face even though that is not my scene. I did try and run her over later in the day though...but that's a whole other story...)

So anyway then a speeding ticket as well...moral of the story, lots of points, one more strike and I'm out.

So yesterday I was in a rental car because I just bought a new car and they were doing the work for the stuff I had added to it. Its a fabulous car, but I'll save that for another blog when I have pics or something--so anyway they give me a Freaking Chevy Aveo, which really turns out to be one of the ugliest cars I've ever seen (its like a shortbus jelly bean or something) Seriously it must have like 2 cylinders and get like 87 miles to the gallon right...well anyway I'm driving back to the dealership yesterday and going to return the rental when I pass a state trooper--I look down at the speedometer and am going 70 miles an hour in a 55 (might have been 45 by then...I dunno) so i let off the accelerator and coasted by figuring the cop would turn around and give me that one last ticket and cut my license up on the spot...well they didn't, but I went off on a tangent...

What it boils down to is that the whole time I was thinking...it isn't the fact that I'm potentially going to lose my license that sucks because, yeah I was in the wrong for speeding again--i just didn't want my last speeding ticket to be issued while i was driving A MOTHER FUCKING CHEVY AVEO... I mean seriously... had it been my Dodge Ram 1500 with the V8 and dual pipes and the throaty rumble...HELL YEAH WRITE ME A TICKET....but an AVEO... that would have seriously sucked!!! Luckily no tickets were issued.

I'm going to have to be super careful in my new car too...no point in having a new car if I have no license to operate it. Geez. What a close call.

one of those people

SO I'm totally one of those people that picks their nose in traffic. Granted, I don't eat boogers or anything there is just this total sense of accomplishment and relief that comes with digging in my nose.

My technique involves the rolling function--you know where you just roll it in a ball until it falls off your fingers...(it encourages vacuuming of the car more frequently) lol

But my real question and really...anyone share their thoughts: what do boogers smell like?