A story about a woman

I want to tell a story.  A story about a wonderful woman.  Her name is Jen and well she hasn't been mentioned as much as she used to be in my blogs for several reasons. The most obviously being that we aren't actually together.

Let me tell you about Jen. Jen and I dated for over two years before we broke up (my doing), I had intended on asking her to spend the rest of her life with me on our second anniversary...had it mapped out in my head how I would do it and what not... but to keep it simply--things got complicated.  We grew apart, had expectations of the other that neither of us could fulfill and what not.  I broke Jen's heart and was sure that Jen would eventually get to the point that she would want nothing whatsoever to do with me.

Well it turns out that Jen is the exception to every person I have ever dated in my entire life.  You see Jen forgave me despite how brutally I ripped her heart out. Jen never stopped loving me, even when I stopped loving myself.  We don't live together right now, and we both agree that it's for the best... you see she has things she needs to work on for herself and I have plenty of my own demons to harness... but we are both confident that once we fix ourselves as individuals, we have a chance to have an even more intense relationship that we did the first go round.

When I told Jen in shame that I was seeing a therapist and eventually shared with her about seeing a psychiatrist to get my bipolar disorder under control, she did research to try and help, and to be there for me. 

We always had incredible sex, but over the last few months, with all the walls coming down and a "nothing to lose attitude" I've seen a dirtier, kinkier side to her which is incredible in my opinion and I've opened up a great deal more myself... but this blog isn't to focus on our sex life....

It is for me to share with you details about a woman who I can once again say is phenomenal.  I say once again, because for a while I lost sight of why she was/is important to me. For a while I got lost in the darkness that is my "low" I didn't even see many of the red flags that i normally do until it was entirely too late.  I can't blame it all on being bipolar... I have to blame it on not communicating with my partner... among other issues.

But back to the point.  The most recent example of why I love this woman and hope to eventually spend the rest of my life with is because she had arranged with a friend of the family to drive 12 hours through the night to be with me at my grandpa's funeral tomorrow.  She was going to go to the funeral, turn around grab a bite to eat and then drive another 12 hours through the night in order to make it to work and get the family friend back to his wife who is in the hospital.

Unfortunately, the family friend (Santa, whose hair I do) has to have another procedure or blood transfusioin early am thursday so he won't be able to carpool with Jen.  I cried this morning as I made Jen promise she wouldn't make the trip on her own. You see the anxiety of her coming with lack of sleep was already killing me...but the thought of her doing it ALONE and on unfamiliar roads...well I'm already dealing with my grandpa and uncle dying this week, I can't handle losing her too....I just don't have it in me.

The intention she had was great however and what a wonderful gesture... I think the gesture is enough.  That and knowing that when I get home at the end of this week that I can pack a bag, go to her apartment, wait for her to get off of work and then lay in her arms and cry my ass off if necessary.  I love her.

Jen--I'm sorry for everything I've done, you didn't deserve any of it.