I was talking to my mom this evening--i just wanted to vent for a second and have someone listen. In talking to her... I began to feel better. This is a good thing. When I was finished she called me out on something, which is something she is really good at...
This time, she called me out on the fact that I think too much. I'm constantly in a what if scenario--I KNOW THIS ABOUT MYSELF, but it doesn't make it any easier to not do it, you know...
But the other interesting thing she called me out on and she's mentioned it before was how it seems that I won't allow myself to be happy. She looked at me and asked me, "Tommy, why won't you allow yourself to be happy?" What an excellent question. She said that I don't think I deserve to be happy...
Heres the kicker... I really do feel like I deserve to be happy, but 9 times out of 10 I feel like someone else deserves it more...which is what makes it so difficult when it comes to time give someone bad news or say something that may hurt someone's feelings. It's only once in a blue moon that I get selfish and choose my own happiness over someone else's, but dammit, in the long run--I FUCKING DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.
And for now, I'm happy with many pieces of the puzzle that is tommy's life right now. When it's all said and done, I'm going to come out on top and make happiness my bitch. No easier way to say it right now.
1 comment:
Tommy sure is talkative tonight!
Happy to read you kept your doctor appointment. Nurse A has been speculating about your condition...she's obsessive.
New tattoo on the inside of your forearm; "I deserve to be happy."
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