Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Current day demon possession

Maybe it’s something to do with him being 8 and a boy. Maybe he is possessed, but I have witnessed a change sweep over lil man and it’s not for the positive. He’s always been a momma’s boy and I’ve always felt like a 3rd wheel a large portion of the time. But this is absurd.

Lil man constantly back talks me and it’s like he does stuff just to piss me off. It used to be that when he was with my mom or aunt (they’d watch him after school while his mom and I worked) that he’d act a certain way (like an angel) and then when Jen and I would get home, he’d start showing his ass…get really whiny and basically do anything to get attention. You would think that no one spent time with him the way he would switch gears…

Well now hes just out of control with everyone. He back talks, thinks he has to have the last word in every situation. I’m now the one who gets him ready for school and off the bus during the week with the exception of a day or two. Well it was a situation for a while that he would do nothing but give me a hard time…like a crazy hard time.

It’s driving me crazy. We’ve switched to no tv during the week (he already had no videogames during the week)…hasn’t phased him…we take things from him to try and make him act like he’s supposed to, told him that we can reward his good behavior with something that’s fun (but inexpensive)… he gets excited but then the next day it’s the same thing.

Maybe its just me. Perhaps even though I’ve been around for over three years, maybe I’m just screwing up his “master plan.” Maybe I’m just bothered by the wrong stuff. Maybe I’m just “just” and we’ll insert whatever is appropriate into those quotes…

Last week he talked back to my mom and I’m surprised she didn’t lay his ass out right then… I wouldn’t have got away with that when I was a kid. I dunno, I don’t want to beat him by any means, but I’ve got to figure something out, I can only handle so much more before I really snap and say fuck it and raise money to send him to military school.

I’m sure Jen disagrees with me on the seriousness or something in general because we don’t always see eye to eye in these matters. I don’t know, I feel helpless. He came home today and has a science test tomorrow, no science notes in his possession…. I’ve been trying to get him to bring everything home FOREVER…so today, knowing that Jen was coming home early I just threw my hands up and said “fuck it” (the fuck it was in my head and not aloud, lol) but still I’m sooooo over it. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to fix it and I can’t continue to live like this forever.

This weekend I’m going to go help my sister with my niece because of babysitting issues. I’m going to take him with me and see if it’s just a change of scenery…. He didn’t used to act like this in the apartment… sure he had a few issues in school, but nothing at home. Now it’s no issues in school and shit at home. I don’t know whats changed other than where we live and the number of people in the house.

At the end of the day I’m baffled… lost, drained, I don’t know how to do this or what to do. It’s ridiculous. Somedays just the sound of his voice upsets me… the constant whiny sound… It can’t be like this forever. I’ve adjusted my meds, in case all of it was in my head but it’s not going away and it’s just getting worse.

UGH! I need to be rescued. We need an exorcism, ASAP.

A view from the other side--UNEMPLOYMENT

I’ve been officially unemployed now since end of day December 30, 2011—almost an entire month. You would think I would have had plenty of time to blog, but that hasn’t been the case. Not because I’m super busy by any means but because I have been spending my time applying for jobs and actually seeking work.

I had such huge plans for my unemployment. I was going to get up in the morning, put the kid on the bus, go for a 2 mile walk with Pepper, come back, shower, dress, and start my day…. RIIIGGGGHHHHT!! That walk has yet to happen and the whole shower, dress, and start my day is in reality is trumped by me crawling back in the bed, snuggling up where it’s warm… Pepper tucked in the fold of my legs zonked out… we get up maybe around 11 or 12 and decide what to do, lmao.

I’m getting a paycheck from unemployment and since I became credit card debt free a few months ago, I don’t have that to worry about. I don’t have student loans to worry about because I got my unemployment deferment approved (with no interest accruing –awesome). So in short my only responsibilities right now are car insurance, my car payment, and money to help out with the bills here. So who would be stressed under these conditions? Me. I’m not stressing money, I saved plenty while I was working ninety hours a week, so that’s not the issue. The issue is finding the motivation when you have nothing that you HAVE to do.

I no longer have a sense of purpose. I no longer have somewhere to be by seven o’clock every morning. So let’s just say I’m doing my best to work through that. My first week of being unemployed, I submitted 153 applications online to various companies for positions all around the country. I’ve since then had several phone screenings and am now just waiting. I have slowed myself down with the applications to prevent exhausting my resources. I report my “2” attempts at finding employment to the VEC (Virginia Employment Commission), write down my confirmation number for my weekly filing, and wait. On Friday after 5 up until Monday at 6 am I am required to report to the temp agency that I last worked for (for the tail end of employment pre-layoff) and say that I am available, so that should something that matches my skills and profile become available, I can start work. Pfft. I have had nothing but drama in dealing with this company.

On my last day of work, I called and spoke to the recruiter that was in charge of the “account” for which I worked. I explained to her what I was looking for, salary requirements, and that I was quite open to relocation (I’m actually aiming for it). The recruiter assured me that if I sent her my most up to date resume that she would forward it to the other temp agency offices that were located in bigger areas and were growing rapidly, since they might have more opportunities available. THE EMAIL NEVER WENT THROUGH… after a week of the email message being denied and my email being notified of this, I called the office. Said recruiter no longer worked there. She left for Atlanta, GA THAT VERY SAME DAY!!!! Why tell me that you would do something when you knew that once you clocked out, none of it would even fucking matter. In addition to that the other lady in the office has nothing but an attitude and it seems that her goal is to fuck me and anyone else out of their unemployment benefits, when in fact my unemployment is based on where I was laid off from, not them because it was the last place I worked. It’s not like she’s writing me a personal check to keep me afloat while I look for work. My previous coworker and I both have had issues with her.

But I digress. It’s just irritating. I did get some great news the other day though. After I didn’t get the “sure thing” job that I thought for sure I was getting I was DEVASTATED. I had been told that once you make it to the level of interviewing with the VP of Distribution, it was just a formality… but then I didn’t get the job??? I was being told that there was nothing but positive feedback so me not getting the job just didn’t make since to me or the headhunter that was doing such a great job lining things up.

But I did my best accepting it, EVEN though it was the one company that I felt was EVERYTHING I was looking for AND THEN SOME. Well on Monday I reapplied for the job on the headhunting website because it was still showing (which made no sense to me)… I received an email about 6 minutes later from the Director of said headhunting/recruiting firm. She told me that the recruiter I had worked with was no longer employed there (not sure of details), but she had an update about the company that I had spent so much time interviewing with. She said that she had contacted the head recruiter for the company and asked why if the final interview was just a formality and they were receiving nothing but positive feedback, well WHAT HAPPENED? His response is that it came down to an end of year issue…they wanted both me and the other guy (the one they picked) but only had room for one before year end. I’m not out of the running and if I can wait maybe 2 to 3 weeks, then he may have a position for me and I won’t have to reinterview… So sure, it’s more of a waiting game but trust me it is AWESOME nonetheless. To know that not all hope is lost on a company who I would love to work for and whose values and community involvement is tremendous… FREAKING FABULOUS.

For now, My goal is to get into a new routine. One that doesn’t involve so much sleep (which causes me to not sleep at night)… I dunno, I want to feel like I have a purpose and I need to take this time to take better care of myself. I’m going to do it and I’m going to get the job of my dreams.