Sunday, September 11, 2011

Breaking the silence

Queen of Ruckus of Rainbow Over Central Avenue pointed out to me that it's been around two months of utter silence from me on the blog front.  There's a few reasons for that. I moved out of civilization and into the country which I had mentioned I would be doing...and with that comes no constant internet connection...only dial up and my parents Verizon Air card which is not unlimited and my dad needs for school... so I can't be blowing it up to do my little "rants" that I am so famous for here on blogger... I have to come into town once a week with Jen and now lil man since his return from his various summer visitation obligations to use the free wifi in town at the Dairy Queen... that sounds so quaint and old timey... almost like I hitch up the horse to the buggy and take all day getting to the DQ, but really if that was the case, not like internet would be an issue, lol.

Secondly, I am still working and I just finished up the fall flower bulb season working 14 to 18 hours a day for 5 ho 6 days a week, when not doing that, I have to still do stuff for grandma like her hair or other small things she needs done weekly (and well my cat still lives there so I need to go change the litter box regardless and give Chino kitty some love)... plus go to the laundromat and do the ungodly amount of laundry that Jen and I manage to dirty in one weeks time and hope to have one day to recoop (which still is used to clean the bedrooms, bathrooms, etc and do chores around the house to help mom out and "carry our weight" and not free load, even though we do help out financially as well)

Jen is working over 55 hours a week and hates her job, lil man has started school and loves it, loves the bus, loves his teacher, loves the country (minus the bugs and bug bites), loves that my mom and aunt help get him on and off the bus, loves his bedroom, etc... So he's happy, while Jen and I put on a smile and pretend to be happy all the time but really are miserable in our work situations... I'm about to be out of a job.

The company officially closes on Sept 30, but will run through mid November or December sometime, Depends on when we ship the last of the holiday bulbs out (which we have already started producing stuff for now...) I spend my online time applying for new jobs and not blogging... and when i have a second at work to be online its normally spent on facebook to bitch about my boss or say something fucked up and morbid to freak people out because I really am on the verge of snapping somedays... my boss is putting me over the edge...further than I've been pushed before. 

I had strongly considered taking the loss and filing for unemployment on 10/1/11 and trying to live off of the 400 bucks a week which is the maximum I could get and just trying to make it work... I have no insurance after 9/30... but if I attempt that I may very well just be out of work and denied unemployment because I can in theory continue doing my same job, but go to work through a  temp agency and make the "money" until the business physically shuts it's doors (there are two different end days, the 30th when the name and everything associated with it is no more and then when the doors physically close).. I'd be an idiot to stop working on the 30th, but my concern at this point is my mental health.

Even after being successfully medicated for like 7 or so months now and stable, my boss is purposely pushing my buttons and trying to make me crack.  I wait until i get home to really have my moments but it's really eating at me.  I'm scared to death that i'll end up in the "looney bin" and I think i blogged once before a long time ago about voluntarily committing myself a couple months after my the death of my grandfather (my first grandfather to pass away... I was maybe like 20 or 21 i can't remember now... I didn't stay long and I don't see myself trying to go back, but still it is a fear in the back of my mind...

So to say the least there is a lot going on...

I have thought about blogging without the internet, more as jounaling and then saving them to my flash drive and then just uploading them at work in the early mornings when I have time... and maybe I'll start doing that... because to be honest I've been thinking about blogging for a while... fiending is a better word.

So much has happened, I wouldn't even know where to begin to fill in the gaps.

The hurricane... my parents beach house... stuff for my bipolar blog.... my sisters weight loss and how its affected her... just stuff in general.

I'll be back eventually...maybe sooner than later... I won't be quiet for long, Believe that.  Thanks for checking on me.