Imagery of a slumbering mind

So I watched the movie The Unborn with my friend Julie last night--quite freaky if you ask me but rather enjoyable. There was this creepy little boy in it who was like possessed or something thoughout the entire movie so of course I had to have something similar to it in my dream.

The difference is that in my dream it was actually my brother's girlfriends daughter that was standing there possessed like the boy in the movie and she freaked me out. You should know however, that this girl is kind of like that in real life. She's shady, always kicking my dog and what not and just the way she acts towards people being a little smartass, antisocial, rude kid puts me over the edge. I'm not a huge fan of kids in the first place, though the majority of them love me (I used to really dig kids back when I was babysitting and then when I went off to college it seemed like most of them just drove me to drink, lol)... but this kid is ridiculous and she needs her ass beat and an attitude adjustment. I just dont have a high tolerance for disrespectful kids...if I had acted like she does when I was a little kid I would have been beat and forced to get over the attitude rather quickly.

But anyway, thats not the important part of the dream--I'm not quite done with my rant yet though. This girl is like a demon just from the stares she throws that send daggers of death directly at you...and her mother just babies her and condones it... I guess that's probably why I'll never actually give birth. I don't want to risk having a demon child, lol. Jen has a five year old son (he'll actually be back on Tuesday from visiting his dad)...that kid has manners, behaves, and I've never even had to hit him. That sounds awful I'm sure...I'm sitting here blogging about beating kids and what not, but dammit, some kids need it from time to time. Whenever I'm hanging out with lil man (Jen's son) he's an angel...most of the time he acts better when she's not around, lol...but I think a lot of kids do that. If he starts acting up I just have to say, alright dude...we've gotta talk...I explain the situation and he gets it... Sometimes he'll throw a quasi tantrum or freak out about not getting his way and I put him in time out. A lot of kids don't really learn anythign from time out (and he may very well be one of them) but I think he's caught on that if he's in time out he can't be playing with legos, watching a movie, hanging out with us, or whatever which are things he'd rather be doing than sitting in a room alone on time out. I dunno.

Anyway...ever sense my grandfather passed away about 4 and 1/2 years ago I've had nightmares that involve him. Not like zombies or werewolves type stuff, more like him disapproving of the way my life is going type stuff. You see I was very close to him and always went to him for advice. He was really disappointed went I quit college, but I was depressed and couldn't function at the time. He still loved me I know but he wanted me to succeed despite it all. He told me shortly before he died, that it didn't matter how long it took me to accomplish something so long as I worked for it and made it happen eventually...which is what I've done.

The nightmares normally consist of him being alive and me being so happy to see him, running up to give him a hug and him not even acknowledging me, like I'm invisible or something...in others he pretends not to know me, or just shakes his head and flat out tells me he's disappointed in me. Those type of dreams I always wake up crying... they are hard to deal with.

Last night's dream was different. After having the weird evil kid dream, things transitioned into the grandpa dream. Normally when I have grandpa dreams he is inside, sometimes with oxygen, sometimes without, but always dark and cold....in the dream last night I was getting out my car and he walked out of the gargage. He looked healthy, though still old and had a bright aura about him. I saw him and smiled and he smiled back, he held his arms out and gave me a hug and told me that I was doing a wonderful job and that I'm almost there. He stopped speaking out loud but I could still hear him telling me things...does that make sense? He told me that he appreciated everything I've done for my grandmother since he's been gone and that he wished he could physically be at my graduation to see me walk across that stage...

He told me he was proud of me and that I was doing a great job. Four and half years after the fact and it seems that things are finally "acceptable," with him, me, and my subconscious

I woke up refreshed and felling good. I made it to work on time (with one minute to spare) started my day off right because I woke up to a text from Jen which is always nice.... I just feel good. Yeah, I'm still drained and tired but I feel better overall.

One of my biggest fears is failure. I don't want to fall short and not meet/exceed my goals. I can see the finish line for this venture....now I just have to keep it moving and not pass out before getting there.