Hot Poker

I have determined that I seriously need a hobby. Though it's not so much the not having things to do, but more of a poor time management thing on my part. Of all the the things I needed to get accomplished yesterday (i.e. homework, hip hop abs, cleaning, and what not) I pretty much only did the hip hop abs and then out of shear boredom apparently had a moment of pure stupidity.

Okay, what had happened was...I realized that Jen is going to be busy the majority of this week (she leaves on Sunday to fly back home to Colorado to pick up her son who has had visitation with his dad since like Aprilish)--So I get the bright idea to invite her over to hang out with me, Grandma, and Aunt Melissa and have dinner (and of course stay the night). I told her we were having beans and cornbread (though I'm sure she was a little disappointed when she realized that when my family says beans, we literally mean beans) lol--she thought I meant Chili... I was like, no, I would have said Chili if we were having chili :) Six of one, 1/2 dozen of another...

So anyway--the 15 bean soup was pretty bad ass and hit the spot. After cleaning up the mess I decided that while I was still motivated I'd do my workout. Yesterday was the first day that I had to do two DVDs rather than the normal one. 3/4 of the way into it I was cussing the TV and Shaun T, the hip hop abs guy...flipping the TV off and everything. I was convinced I was going to die, but I finished it...so right on.

While I worked out I had the wax heating (one of the great things about being a professional cosmetologist is that I can buy professional products for home use, but get them at a killer deal, not what they are marked up to in salons--last year I treated myself to a waxing spa. It comes with the stuff to do legs, arms, bikini, eyebrows...anything you can think to wax really)...

I trimmed up Jen's hair so that she'd be presentable to see her folks this weekend and waxed her brows for her. She's kind of a wimp when it comes to these things and on a fucked up level I really enjoy inflicting pain on people in that sense (I wanted to be a piercer or tattoo artist for a while, lol)... Well Jen, got a wild hair up her ass and was like let me wax your arm pits.

Ya'll should know that I only shave the pits like maybe once a week (and that's if I think about it)... kind of gross I know, but skin is easily irritated and I'd rather have hairy pits than itchy bumpy ones ya know, but again, I digress. But it drives jen insane (she's a I shave every day kind of girl)

So I agree to her waxing my pits. Granted, I know its going to hurt like a mother fucker because when I first got the wax system I attempted to wax my arm pits just to try it out and I nearly died. So she's all like, "We don't have to do this..." I told her that it would make her feel better (she had had a shitty day and I knew that if she was anything like me she'd enjoy being on that end of the wax...

YANK!!! Dear god--okay I survived, the problem was that I put my arm down and the wax residue made my arm stick to my body so the lifting of my arm part was rather difficult...a couple more Yanks trying to remedy this situation...and the pit was smooth as a babys butt...the other one was done for symmetry but by this point, Jen, who was feeling bad for "not doing it right," as she put it (I think she did fine under the circumstances)... out of nowhere says, so you wanna wax me... "down there..."

I said I would do an "edge" as a test strip because I didnt want her to have a reaction to the wax and be miserable and out of commission for several days...some how or another we decided to wax her lower back (side note...in a past life I was part Sasquatch and am always having to wax or pluck...its kind of out of control, Jen is similar in many ways)...so anyway-- I apply the wax over her "tramp stamp" and attempt to yank out the little baby hairs that have come in, but before I can really even get it on her she's freaking out...."okay i can't do this, it's gonna be hot, oh my god..." and what have you....

Thats when it happened. I pissed my pants. Literally, no almost about it. 28 damn years old and peed my pants like I was 2... REALLY...I could not stop laughing...neither one of us could breathe I was laughing so hard...Aunt Melissa hollers up the stairs..."Are you guys alright...are ya'll laughing or crying? BOTH I yelled down the stairs...

I pull myself together and get the strip applied....she changes her mind. Nope I can't do it she yelled...I start to flip out in the midst of my laughing explaining that once the wax is on and strip to remove it is pressed to it, there is no turning back, it's gotta come off and the only way to have that happen is to YANK!!! Suprise yank....she jumped up went running into the other room, cussing, tearing up, the works...me...I'm still laughing...

Moral of the story is, homework was postponed one more day, the upstairs is still a mess, but damn if I don't have some killer smooth arm pits--it's a shame that it feels like I put out a hot poker in each one of them. It's not even comfortable to have my arms down yet....FRIGGIN' A... I need to get a hobby.