I didn't sleep well at all, yet again. I figure that everything off and on last night I got about 4 and 1/2 hours of sleep...I'm not tired right now but it didn't help me deal with the routine bullshit at work to say the least. I was put into a bad mood almost immediately, though I tried really hard to not be.
I was talking to my boss this morning. Her team came in 5th at the Gay World Series, so that's cool...but not what pissed me off. I had asked her if it would okay for me to take Friday as a vacation day so that I'd have extra time to have my papers done... She told me that she wouldn't be able to cover it because the company outing was that day. (There is a company outing?) And sense the outing is happening at her house she wouldn't be able to do it... maybe I should try taking a 1/2 a day she suggested. Okay here's where I got pissed. Not over the fact that I can't have the whole day... I'll leave and I can take responsibility with the fact that no one procrastinated but me and I have to deal with the repercussions....
What pissed me off is the fact that there is a company outing and I wasn't fucking invited. Hello...I work for the company too. This is where the limbo shit comes into play and helps to illustrate why I feel like I'm on a deserted island from time to time. You see last year I was invited to the function. I was working 2nd shift then and at 4 o'clock the day of I was invited to come out and have a beer if I didn't want my hours. I drove out to my bosses house where the keg was already floated, only three people from the office still remained and she was on the verge of passing out. Yay...glad I drove an hour to get here just in time for it to be over (it had started at like ten or 11 that morning)....REALLY??? I ended up hanging out with my boss's girlfriend and some of their lesbo friends (no one from work) while she went in the house and passed out...okay no biggie.
The most recent company outing was to Busch Gardens--company paid, but I wasn't invited. I was however asked to go to the main office to answer the phones. No, that doesn't bother me in the slightest....WTF??? and now I find out about this function which if I was going to to be invited would have been after the fact or nonchalantly in passing...
I feel like this is some real bullshit to say the least. The kicker is when I was hired, 13 months ago today it was with the intention of becoming an internal employee....well 13 months later and I'm still a "contractor"...I'm a supervisor but because I'm not internal, I don't get sick time or the perks of internal and because I'm a contractor I had to work 1500 hours before getting paid holidays and 2000 hours before getting a week of vacation.
The fucked up part is that if I did opt to only work 1/2 a day on Friday, I can't use my vacation time because since I'm a contractor I can only use my vacation in 8 hour increments... fuck me in the ass sideways.
I'm tired of this limbo shit. I'm not invited to do shit with the client company because I work for the staffing agency and my own company doesn't ask me to do shit because I'm just a "contractor." Fuck the bullshit. I'm so glad that I only have a couple weeks of school left. As soon as I dont have homework to do my time will be spent updating my resume and finding my dream job. I've had about all the repetitive non-challenging shit I can take at this place...and it baffles me. Why have I remained so loyal to this company. I've only called out once in 13 months and then I was legitimately ill...
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to have a job, especially with the economy the way that it is--but I'm ready for a career. This place was a mere stepping stone, a short stop on my journey to career greatness...but I'm feeling like I've overstayed my welcome.
I want a job that I feel good when I go home at the end of the day, like I've made a difference or had an impact on some aspect of the buisness or the people in it...I don't have that here. I don't have that here at all.
I'm just a supervisor in limbo with no real niche to fit into...trapped in the middle and invisible by all.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Plans go awry
I had such big plans for my Labor Day. There was no work since it dawned on the "big guys" that in a time where they are trying to cut expenses and what not, it was cheaper to not work rather than pay their people double time (since they were ahead of the game production wise)...
Today was going to be the day I put a huge dent in my papers since the deadlines are quickly approaching...The 12th at 9 o'clock--that's Saturday. Dear lord.
I didn't sleep well last night for some reason. I woke up to Jen giving me a kiss goodbye. She had to work today and was taking Lil man to the sitters and I was going to get motivated and work on my papers. I got up and tried to help her to her car...she's very "mommish" in that she is one of those people that can carry like seventeen bags, a kid, a drink, and like nine other things ALL AT THE SAME TIME... so in actuality I was no help at all. I had a bowl of cereal with grandma and went back upstairs with intentions of starting on my paper.
The bed looked more enticing than the computer so I laid back down. I sat an alarm so that I wouldn't get too carried away, which I ignored all nine times it went off. At 11:15 I started texting Jen asking her why the hell I was soooo tired and unmotivated...I woke up at 12 something and actually finished typing the text and sent it...it made no damn sense how tired I was.
I blogged a lil bit though it took what seemed like all day because of how tired I was... Before I knew it it was like four o'clock in the afternoon and I hadn't even done so much as log into my school's website.
I went out to the flower bed thinking that the mums werent going to plant themselves and today's the day...it had been raining off and on all day so the weeds in theory were going to be easy to pull. Within three seconds of being out there I saw like nineteen spiders of varying sizes and species, but I kept going...giving myself a pep talk of sorts and trying to make a point that I COULD do this ONE thing...
I got about 1/5 of the way finished...pulling weeds that came up past my knees. My insides turning and me skeeving out because of all the bugs and ick that was crawling around. I was scared to death of reaching my bare hand around the base of a clump of weeds and yanking and unveiling the domicile for the king spider--a big mother fucker that is fluent in like nine different languages and when discovered would look at me with his million eyes and say, "Pardon me maam, what's the meaning of this...." (you see, he'd be able to tell from my scream that I only spoke english and would choose his words accordingly, lol)...The rain came. A drizzle here and there but then it started pouring. I was going to stick it out just out of principle, but when Pepper go to the point of noting how ridiculous this was I had to take the hint from Mother Nature who was telling me to stop fucking procrastinating.
I came in and showered. Cussing. The only thing that came out of it were muddy foot prints in the bathroom that now have to be cleaned. Fuck it. I have accomplished nothing. Wasted an entire day. I don't want to do anything. I thought about rearranging the living room, and the bedroom, deep cleaning the upstairs--didn't happen.
I want to cry and sleep and then sleep some more. Grandma had people over so that was fun. Fuck me in the ass sideways. I want to disappear. I want to pay someone to write a paper for me, but no one would do it for what I can afford. I just need to tighten up and do them.
Tomorrow I have new starts and I'm not looking forward to work at all. In the evening I've got a class meeting then Wednesday I might be able to squeeze in some research/paper writing. Thursday is another class meeting...maybe I'll ask for friday off if my boss will approve it and then just go sit in the library until the shit is done...
Fuck. Last day of classes is the 20th and I so don't have it in me to give a shit about anything. My research paper is going to be on Domestic partner benefits and diversity training in the workplace in reference to homosexuals. For my business plan I think my fake business will have something to do with coming to your place of business and doing diversity training or something, I dunno I'll figure out some bullshit and make it sound good...just not tonight.
Lil man starts school in the morning and poor Jen is freaking I'm sure. I wish I could be there with her to help our and make her realize that it's going to be okay, that HE'S going to be okay...
I'm calling it a night. sigh.
Today was going to be the day I put a huge dent in my papers since the deadlines are quickly approaching...The 12th at 9 o'clock--that's Saturday. Dear lord.
I didn't sleep well last night for some reason. I woke up to Jen giving me a kiss goodbye. She had to work today and was taking Lil man to the sitters and I was going to get motivated and work on my papers. I got up and tried to help her to her car...she's very "mommish" in that she is one of those people that can carry like seventeen bags, a kid, a drink, and like nine other things ALL AT THE SAME TIME... so in actuality I was no help at all. I had a bowl of cereal with grandma and went back upstairs with intentions of starting on my paper.
The bed looked more enticing than the computer so I laid back down. I sat an alarm so that I wouldn't get too carried away, which I ignored all nine times it went off. At 11:15 I started texting Jen asking her why the hell I was soooo tired and unmotivated...I woke up at 12 something and actually finished typing the text and sent it...it made no damn sense how tired I was.
I blogged a lil bit though it took what seemed like all day because of how tired I was... Before I knew it it was like four o'clock in the afternoon and I hadn't even done so much as log into my school's website.
I went out to the flower bed thinking that the mums werent going to plant themselves and today's the day...it had been raining off and on all day so the weeds in theory were going to be easy to pull. Within three seconds of being out there I saw like nineteen spiders of varying sizes and species, but I kept going...giving myself a pep talk of sorts and trying to make a point that I COULD do this ONE thing...
I got about 1/5 of the way finished...pulling weeds that came up past my knees. My insides turning and me skeeving out because of all the bugs and ick that was crawling around. I was scared to death of reaching my bare hand around the base of a clump of weeds and yanking and unveiling the domicile for the king spider--a big mother fucker that is fluent in like nine different languages and when discovered would look at me with his million eyes and say, "Pardon me maam, what's the meaning of this...." (you see, he'd be able to tell from my scream that I only spoke english and would choose his words accordingly, lol)...The rain came. A drizzle here and there but then it started pouring. I was going to stick it out just out of principle, but when Pepper go to the point of noting how ridiculous this was I had to take the hint from Mother Nature who was telling me to stop fucking procrastinating.
I came in and showered. Cussing. The only thing that came out of it were muddy foot prints in the bathroom that now have to be cleaned. Fuck it. I have accomplished nothing. Wasted an entire day. I don't want to do anything. I thought about rearranging the living room, and the bedroom, deep cleaning the upstairs--didn't happen.
I want to cry and sleep and then sleep some more. Grandma had people over so that was fun. Fuck me in the ass sideways. I want to disappear. I want to pay someone to write a paper for me, but no one would do it for what I can afford. I just need to tighten up and do them.
Tomorrow I have new starts and I'm not looking forward to work at all. In the evening I've got a class meeting then Wednesday I might be able to squeeze in some research/paper writing. Thursday is another class meeting...maybe I'll ask for friday off if my boss will approve it and then just go sit in the library until the shit is done...
Fuck. Last day of classes is the 20th and I so don't have it in me to give a shit about anything. My research paper is going to be on Domestic partner benefits and diversity training in the workplace in reference to homosexuals. For my business plan I think my fake business will have something to do with coming to your place of business and doing diversity training or something, I dunno I'll figure out some bullshit and make it sound good...just not tonight.
Lil man starts school in the morning and poor Jen is freaking I'm sure. I wish I could be there with her to help our and make her realize that it's going to be okay, that HE'S going to be okay...
I'm calling it a night. sigh.
Bzzzzzzzzed.
Jen knew something was up when I met her in the driveway when she got off of work Saturday night and told her to set her stuff down, "let's chill out here for a bit" while I unlocked my car and grabbed my emergency pack of smokes (Marlboro Smooths)... She Looked at me questionably with eyebrow raised a look that translated to, WTF? is wrong with you, you never wanna hang outside in the dark and you like NEVER smoke...
Hehe... I shared a cigarette with her and sat on the hood of my car, happy go lucky, chatty Cathy style... just full of randomness... She wasn't used to me in this manner. I admitted that I had misjudged when she'd get to my house and started drinking too early, lol. While I had bought my customized six pack on Friday, I didn't drink it until Saturday... I saved the Purple Haze since she had never tried it so we could "share the experience..."
So what was up? Well I was on beer 5 and 1/2 (and for me who only occasionally taps the rockies a beer or two at a time that was crucial)...lol. So I had a nice lil buzz, was excited Jen had made it to my house... I had already put lil man to bed so he was knocked out...that meant a few more beers to unwind and we'll just see what happened...(side note: Jen has requested that from now on when I refer to "tapping the rockies" it should be code for having sex with her since she's from colorado/Rockies....but I don't know how I feel about that since I've always referred to her as an all you can eat mexican buffet...but I'll consider it)
She finished off the last of my Wild Blue blueberry Lager and wanted more, but all I had was Purple Haze which I told her tasted like a fruity beer with a "bong hit" after taste--she disagreed but didn't hate it, lol. Long story short, as the night progressed we got sillier and sillier....
Hehe... I shared a cigarette with her and sat on the hood of my car, happy go lucky, chatty Cathy style... just full of randomness... She wasn't used to me in this manner. I admitted that I had misjudged when she'd get to my house and started drinking too early, lol. While I had bought my customized six pack on Friday, I didn't drink it until Saturday... I saved the Purple Haze since she had never tried it so we could "share the experience..."
So what was up? Well I was on beer 5 and 1/2 (and for me who only occasionally taps the rockies a beer or two at a time that was crucial)...lol. So I had a nice lil buzz, was excited Jen had made it to my house... I had already put lil man to bed so he was knocked out...that meant a few more beers to unwind and we'll just see what happened...(side note: Jen has requested that from now on when I refer to "tapping the rockies" it should be code for having sex with her since she's from colorado/Rockies....but I don't know how I feel about that since I've always referred to her as an all you can eat mexican buffet...but I'll consider it)
She finished off the last of my Wild Blue blueberry Lager and wanted more, but all I had was Purple Haze which I told her tasted like a fruity beer with a "bong hit" after taste--she disagreed but didn't hate it, lol. Long story short, as the night progressed we got sillier and sillier....
Jen in my Yankees cap-- I love this pic of her...
After a few Purple Haze(s) :) I'll take this is good shit for 1000 Alex
Purple Haze commercial?? Come on give it a try, everyone's doing it.
I looked over to see lil man's Spongebob shoes and just HAD to try them on... (you may recall, he's FIVE!!)
Pepper snuggles with Jen, Jen offers some Purple Haze, pepper declined.
The evening concluded with some X rated deeds (I'm sure everyone can use their imagination if you even want to go there....) The funniest thing is that I had this whole kinky fun evening planned (alcohol and waiting on Jen to get off of work definitely contributed to my master plan)... My kinky bubble was almost busted when I was in the middle of some stuff thinking "Yeah I'm a rock star...you like that huh...and she randomly looks at me and says, "So um, do you want me to get the step ladder..." HAHAHAHAHA.... I could have died. I felt three feet tall to her eight... In real life I'm like 5'3 to her 5'7 or 5'8, I dunno... my plotting prior to her arrival had failed to calculate the height difference in some areas of my "master plan..." I love that the two of us can laugh at even the most inappropriate times and still love each other in the end.
SUNDAY:
We spent the day with Grandma, taking her on a car ride and running errands. We all had lunch together, made a few stops, visited some folks and after dropping Gma off at the house for a nap, ended up at mom's house for some burgers on the grill.
My brother the grill master??? His shirt was too short and his ensemble was rather scary, seriously dude--you left your house in camo slippers, boardshorts and a shirt that was way to short. YIKES. The regulator is going out on mom's grill so it took like three hours for the burgers to cook.
Sunset from mom's back porch.
A fabulous weekend indeed.
Beer Review
I feel it's important to start at the beginning. Friday night I started getting a little stir crazy. I should have been writing a ten or a twenty page paper, both due within the week, but I wasn't in the mood. I needed to get out of the house. It's hard to go anywhere and actually drink because the drive is too far and I'm not trying to get a DUI or kill anyone on the way home, ya know.
Well I sent Jen a text at work and asked her to meet me at IHOP when she got off, before she picked up lil man from the sitter. I invited my sister (I knew that with her being whoa pregnant she wouldn't be able to resist pancakes, lol. (I'm so evil, I know)... Well I knew if I was already going out that I'd have an excuse to go to Farm Fresh and buy beer. Farm Fresh has way more beer selection than most places around here, but it's a pain in the ass to make a trip to since I live in the country it's a damn hike to go anywhere... but I digress. I wanted Purple Haze. One of my favorite beers EVER. They sell it in 6 packs there, though it's always better on tap.
I get there, Mandi with me, very pregnant and due any day now, standing in the beer cooler and discover that I can BUILD MY OWN SIX PACK....um, exciting. I couldn't resist. I bought the Purple Haze and built my own.... YAY. Mandi helped me pick out a couple...I was in the mood to try something new.
My customized six pack consisted of:
Saranac Adirondack Lager : I picked this one because Adirondack chairs are one of my favorite things... it, like the chairs point of origination is the Adirondack Mountains (NY)... This beer was pretty fabulous, but probably not one that I'd drink all the time.
Starr Hill's Northen Lights is brewed right here in Virginia (about three hours away around Charlottesville--where UVA is)... it turns out that this beer's original name was STINKY-- and they should have kept it that in order to prevent me from buying it, UGH....HORRID. I picked this one because I liked the bottle, haha.
Starr Hill's Jomo Lager was actually picked by Mandi. She thought for sure that the J was prounced H (like in spanish) and she felt that drinking "Homo" lager was appropriate since I'm a homo she told me... I played along. This one was actually pretty decent. But again, not one that I'd drink all the time.
Hoegaarden is a Belgian White Wheat beer. Not bad, but not my favorite among the wheats... I picked it for obvious reasons...it's called Hoe Garden (with an extra a, lol) It's website claims it to be the "drink of gods"--I wouldn't go that far, but it was eh...alright.
Road Dog Porter by Flying Dog was my choice because (I don't know if you can make it out in the picture I took) but it's slogan says "Good beer, No shit"...How could I leave that one sitting there on the shelf and not give it a go. It's a very dark malty beer with hints of chocolate and licorice...it was pretty damn good in my opinion. It turns out that it's brewed in Colorado (where Jen is from) so in telling her all about it and how they faught the state of CO for the right to put "good beer no shit" on the label for FIVE YEARS....wow, I thought the Commonwealth of Virginia was uptight... Jen shared with me that she knows of many breweries near where she's from and how the next time we go to see her folks she'll take me on a tour where I can sample all kinds of beer so long as I sign a waiver saying I won't drink and drive... um, check because I don't drive there anyway...why should I when Jen knows where everything is already, haha. I'd drink this one again, probably before I'd drink Guiness (which I go through phases in drinking) (but not sense my sleep walking incident, that's another blog though)
Wild Blue Blueberry Lager was my FAVORITE OF THE EVENING!!! Jen enjoyed this one as well...I may have to venture back to Farm Fresh to buy more in the future...I need to start and finish my papers first though... lol. This one was super fabulous and it's purple from the blueberries and real fruit juice its brewed with. I'd recommend this one to EVERYBODY...anytime. Mandi picked this one for me :) Good job--now if she'll just pop this kid out already, breast feed for a while and then get back to able to drink every now and then we'll be in BIZNAZ...I'm thinking that come May for our birthdays she'll be drinking again....EXCITING.
After the time spent on writing this blog, drinking all these beers, and getting overly excited by the concept of customizing my own six pack...I have determined that I NEED A HOBBY.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Guilt
I was feeling guilty for a little while for killing the snake that had found its way into the house the other day. That was until I saw a report on the news that said snake bites were WAY up from where they normally are for our area... Considering that there is a "swamp" in my proverbial back yard and copperheads and water mocassins are quite popular in this area...and the fact that mom just killed a snake in the flower bed the other day... Sorry PETA, but I don't feel guilty at all. It's survival of the fittest out here in the country and while I'm not going to go hunting for innocent creatures to kill...I will do whatever is necessary to keep them out of my "personal space."
I came in the house today and grandma told me that Chino kitty had killed what she called a skinx?? Apparently it's a lizard of some sort because sure enough, I walk out on to the sunroom (where the snake was last week) to fnd Chino Kitty, chest puffed out and a look that said, "Hey mom, check out what I killed and ate half of for you...this is your half, I'm in a sharing mood." I patted his head and told him good kitty and with a paper towel discarded the rest.
I'm going to work in the flower bed tomorrow...hopefully the reptile nation has not caught wind of my latest victim and no retalliation or coo is in the winds... I need to find gloves... there are some big damn spiders out there... which is exactly why the flower garden is overgrown this year... I can do this, I can overcome my fear just long enough to make it pretty and plant some mums (they were buy one get one free at Lowe's--I couldn't resist)...
sigh.
I came in the house today and grandma told me that Chino kitty had killed what she called a skinx?? Apparently it's a lizard of some sort because sure enough, I walk out on to the sunroom (where the snake was last week) to fnd Chino Kitty, chest puffed out and a look that said, "Hey mom, check out what I killed and ate half of for you...this is your half, I'm in a sharing mood." I patted his head and told him good kitty and with a paper towel discarded the rest.
I'm going to work in the flower bed tomorrow...hopefully the reptile nation has not caught wind of my latest victim and no retalliation or coo is in the winds... I need to find gloves... there are some big damn spiders out there... which is exactly why the flower garden is overgrown this year... I can do this, I can overcome my fear just long enough to make it pretty and plant some mums (they were buy one get one free at Lowe's--I couldn't resist)...
sigh.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Things that make you go hmmmm....
It feels like I pulled a muscle under my chin, how random is that. I'd love to blog about how I was trying out this new acrobatic style tantric cunnilingus move that I learned from a traveling lesbian gypsy--but alas, that is not the case. It happened sometime while I was asleep. How ridiculous is that.
I went to bed last night which was Thursday and was confident that I'd wake up and it would be Saturday morning so that I could sleep in... what a disappointment waking up was. Nope, still Friday (normally a great day, but my 5 to 6 hours of actual sleep a night has finally caught up with me and I just want to sleep in some kind of terrible)... I got to work a few minutes late because I fell asleep while standing in a hot shower. All was cool until I woke myself up freaking out because of a dream where I was drowning...
Since I was already late I called security to see if anyone was waiting for me (they weren't thank goodness)...stopped at the gas station for some liquid crack (aka Mountain Dew--I tried drinking a lo carb monster yesterday and just couldn't, my taste buds rejected it)... I get here to work, grab my clip board and head out to the warehouse floor. In the midst of my rounds I notice that a couple of my contractors are missing. (My contractors have two supervisors, me because I work for the staffing agency that employs them and their floor supervisor who works for the client, part of my job is to ensure that all of my people show up and/or are accounted for and that they perform to the expectations of the client...)
I hear my name being paged over the intercom followed by an extension to call--I call and discover the two missing people were now in the building but way late... I come to the front to coach them and see what the hell the deal is... they looked stoned out of their minds and the dude tells me that the reason he's late is "it's his birthday." Okay, happy birthday but you're still late and normal points apply... had you been here on time then you would have work, but since your late, your floor sup opted to not give you any work today... (he looked, real bent out of shape over it, NOT)... the girl, who rides with him was conveniently not feeling well but felt okay to come pick up her pay check. Today is not the day for shit like this. I don't have the patience. I issued her double points because even though she showed up, its still like calling out on a friday (which are double points days) because she didn't even make an effort to work. At five attendance points, people get fired. End of story.
So I've been a bitch already this morning...still trying to get caught up on my reports, print equipment badges for my new starts next week and get things lined up for Tuesday. The great news is that they just made the announcement that they are leaning towards NOT working on Monday which is Labor Day... they were scheduled to at first, but they got caught up with the pick and are thinking its not necessary...but we will be scheduled for ten hour days for next week in order to avoid working next Saturday....
Peak season is kind of officially here...as much as it can be right now with the economy the way it is. They are going to start picking Christmas product on Tuesday and start shipping to the stores....that's one downside to the warehouse industry (and even retail) you have to look at holiday product months before its even time to buy it...Halloween has already been shipped out, Christmas stuff is up to bat.
Friday's are supposed to be fun days as far as the daily meeting go. Ugh. Today was guess who one the Super Bowl every single year it was played. Oh yay, NOT. I don't follow football or any sports really, I like watching some from time to time,but I just don't get into it. Exes have been huge sports fanatics... mainly Football (the Giants or the Bills depending on who I was seeing at the time)... one was all about UFC, watched a few pay per views and always fell asleep before the main event... i just don't have an interest. Jen is apparently a huge Bears fan (it's sad that I just text her prior to posting this to ensure that that is in fact the team she's been talking about...I had it right which made me feel good and like I do pay attention, but since she's from Colorado, my first thought was to say the Broncos)... College basketball, Pro ball as well... I try and share this interest with her but I'm not even good at faking it.... she'll watch the stuff on tv and I'll sigh deeply, roll my eyes, and just do homework instead. What am I going to do with Regular season football fast approaching and school about to come to an end... maybe I'll take up knitting again instead...I dunno...just something about commentators and the sports thing in general that stresses me out.
I'd like to physically go to a hockey game since I've never been, but I dont want to watch it on TV. I like baseball, but don't follow on TV, I love Softball, but I just wanna go watch real people play up close and personal, not watch via TV....I dunno...
The moral of the story is that I was totally ganged up on in the meeting today. Out of five women in the room, and about 13 men, only three of us weren't football fans and could have given a shit...of those three, two of us are lesbos so a lot of the guys just assumed we were supposed to have an interest. I'm sorry but when I was given my "lesbian card" it said nothing about having to like sports in order to keep it. But then again, maybe I was too distracted by the shiny new toaster oven and swiss army knife that they gave me for "crossing over" HA.
Okay, I have work to do for real. Have to be caught up and ready for the bosses return from the Gay World Series.
I went to bed last night which was Thursday and was confident that I'd wake up and it would be Saturday morning so that I could sleep in... what a disappointment waking up was. Nope, still Friday (normally a great day, but my 5 to 6 hours of actual sleep a night has finally caught up with me and I just want to sleep in some kind of terrible)... I got to work a few minutes late because I fell asleep while standing in a hot shower. All was cool until I woke myself up freaking out because of a dream where I was drowning...
Since I was already late I called security to see if anyone was waiting for me (they weren't thank goodness)...stopped at the gas station for some liquid crack (aka Mountain Dew--I tried drinking a lo carb monster yesterday and just couldn't, my taste buds rejected it)... I get here to work, grab my clip board and head out to the warehouse floor. In the midst of my rounds I notice that a couple of my contractors are missing. (My contractors have two supervisors, me because I work for the staffing agency that employs them and their floor supervisor who works for the client, part of my job is to ensure that all of my people show up and/or are accounted for and that they perform to the expectations of the client...)
I hear my name being paged over the intercom followed by an extension to call--I call and discover the two missing people were now in the building but way late... I come to the front to coach them and see what the hell the deal is... they looked stoned out of their minds and the dude tells me that the reason he's late is "it's his birthday." Okay, happy birthday but you're still late and normal points apply... had you been here on time then you would have work, but since your late, your floor sup opted to not give you any work today... (he looked, real bent out of shape over it, NOT)... the girl, who rides with him was conveniently not feeling well but felt okay to come pick up her pay check. Today is not the day for shit like this. I don't have the patience. I issued her double points because even though she showed up, its still like calling out on a friday (which are double points days) because she didn't even make an effort to work. At five attendance points, people get fired. End of story.
So I've been a bitch already this morning...still trying to get caught up on my reports, print equipment badges for my new starts next week and get things lined up for Tuesday. The great news is that they just made the announcement that they are leaning towards NOT working on Monday which is Labor Day... they were scheduled to at first, but they got caught up with the pick and are thinking its not necessary...but we will be scheduled for ten hour days for next week in order to avoid working next Saturday....
Peak season is kind of officially here...as much as it can be right now with the economy the way it is. They are going to start picking Christmas product on Tuesday and start shipping to the stores....that's one downside to the warehouse industry (and even retail) you have to look at holiday product months before its even time to buy it...Halloween has already been shipped out, Christmas stuff is up to bat.
Friday's are supposed to be fun days as far as the daily meeting go. Ugh. Today was guess who one the Super Bowl every single year it was played. Oh yay, NOT. I don't follow football or any sports really, I like watching some from time to time,but I just don't get into it. Exes have been huge sports fanatics... mainly Football (the Giants or the Bills depending on who I was seeing at the time)... one was all about UFC, watched a few pay per views and always fell asleep before the main event... i just don't have an interest. Jen is apparently a huge Bears fan (it's sad that I just text her prior to posting this to ensure that that is in fact the team she's been talking about...I had it right which made me feel good and like I do pay attention, but since she's from Colorado, my first thought was to say the Broncos)... College basketball, Pro ball as well... I try and share this interest with her but I'm not even good at faking it.... she'll watch the stuff on tv and I'll sigh deeply, roll my eyes, and just do homework instead. What am I going to do with Regular season football fast approaching and school about to come to an end... maybe I'll take up knitting again instead...I dunno...just something about commentators and the sports thing in general that stresses me out.
I'd like to physically go to a hockey game since I've never been, but I dont want to watch it on TV. I like baseball, but don't follow on TV, I love Softball, but I just wanna go watch real people play up close and personal, not watch via TV....I dunno...
The moral of the story is that I was totally ganged up on in the meeting today. Out of five women in the room, and about 13 men, only three of us weren't football fans and could have given a shit...of those three, two of us are lesbos so a lot of the guys just assumed we were supposed to have an interest. I'm sorry but when I was given my "lesbian card" it said nothing about having to like sports in order to keep it. But then again, maybe I was too distracted by the shiny new toaster oven and swiss army knife that they gave me for "crossing over" HA.
Okay, I have work to do for real. Have to be caught up and ready for the bosses return from the Gay World Series.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I'm special
I from time to time have to force myself to remember just how fabulous and special I am. Today was one of those days where I made "fabulous happen." I got off of work and headed to the nail salon...there is very little as wonderful as a pedicure (my last pedicure was in February--I maintain things the best I can in the shower to save money). My feet hurt all the time these days...I'm still searching for the perfect pair of comfortable shoes to counteract the 1.7 million square feet of warehouse floor I walk daily... add my weight (which is my next project to work on... if I can survive the last couple of weeks of school) it equals aches and pains...
While my feet were soaking I got a wild hair up my ass and decided that in addition to the pedicure, I needed a manicure as well...Yes folks, My name is Tommy and today I have matching finger and toenails, lol. It's so cute seeing my lil nubby nails painted (I'm a nail biter...but hello the short nails are a necessity for the "fun factor" in my life)...
I opted for a coral color (an OPI shade called something like Conga-line Coral or something)... totally out of character but dammit if felt good. While my nails were drying I got cornered by an older woman who was like isn't your last name such and such....um, yeah... I thought I knew you she said. Turns out she remembers me from church. She then proceeded in asking about Gma and the family and this and that and invited me back to church. Mind you I haven't been to this church in a LONG LONG LONG time.
(side note: This is a very uptight Southern Baptist Church. I was one of the founders of their youth group, did the missions trips, the works...well in 1999 my mom's youngest brother, my uncle charley (who my sister's baby is to be named after) killed himself. He had a history of psychological issues, he was paranoid schizophrenic, wrote a suicide note, hid it, robbed a cab at gunpoint and lead police on a high speed chase...it ultimately ended with him shooting himself...it was tragic and we all took it really hard, especially my mom. He was only 4 years older than me and one of the coolest people in the world....(there is a point to all of this) So we are sitting as a family in church one Sunday shortly following his death... I was already getting pissed at the people in the church because they'd give my mom a hard time for letting me paint my nails crazy color...(she'd always tell the blue haired old ladies to "bite her" saying that you know, it's not like she's doing crack)..and they figured I was going to burst into flames upon walking through the threshold of the church after getting my first tattoo... anyway... on this particular sunday the preacher stood in front of the congregation and announced that the churches thoughts and prayers were with my family, for our recent loss of Charley, (are you ready for it?) WHO IS NOW ROASTING IN HELL AFTER TAKING HIS OWN LIFE.
Um, are you fucking kidding me. So needless to say the whole "gay" thing (which in their minds is just a phase that they pray I'll get bored with) I don't waste my time going there. I have my own thoughts on religion and my own relationship with a higher power...I don't need to go to a physical church to have it. But I digress. The moral of the story is I smiled and made conversation with the lady but I decided a long time ago that it didn't matter who the preacher was at the time, the congregation was still there and I can do something better than be judged on my damn day off, lol. On a scale of 1 to 10 of the likelihood of me voluntarily ever attending that church again is like a -5.
The humorous part of my day was the fact that the refrigerator in my office died a few months ago. I was tired of looking at this table top monstrosity so I loaded in my car to take to the dump after work and my pedicure. In the process of getting it in the trunk I SCRATCHED MY FUCKING BUMPER. Fuck. Then the damn trunk wouldn't close so I had to put it in the passenger seat. Fucking a.
Well after my pedicure, the dude made me leave on those disposable flip flops they give you because I had come in with sneakers from work and they didn't want me to jack up my toenails. So I Get to the dump and all dainty like (which just makes me laugh BECAUSE THIS IS SOOOOO NOT ME) I prance to the passenger side, carefully opening the door to not chip my nail polish, pick up the fridge, and carefully glide across the pavement with my pink faux flip flops trying to not drop a fridge on my freshly painted toes...I successfully put it in the correct disposal area and prance back to the car swaying uncharacteristically while swishing my hands about as if if the air touched them they'd smudge.
I mean damn, I know I'm special and all, but when the hell did I become such a fucking girl?
I'm glad tomorrow is Friday.
While my feet were soaking I got a wild hair up my ass and decided that in addition to the pedicure, I needed a manicure as well...Yes folks, My name is Tommy and today I have matching finger and toenails, lol. It's so cute seeing my lil nubby nails painted (I'm a nail biter...but hello the short nails are a necessity for the "fun factor" in my life)...
I opted for a coral color (an OPI shade called something like Conga-line Coral or something)... totally out of character but dammit if felt good. While my nails were drying I got cornered by an older woman who was like isn't your last name such and such....um, yeah... I thought I knew you she said. Turns out she remembers me from church. She then proceeded in asking about Gma and the family and this and that and invited me back to church. Mind you I haven't been to this church in a LONG LONG LONG time.
(side note: This is a very uptight Southern Baptist Church. I was one of the founders of their youth group, did the missions trips, the works...well in 1999 my mom's youngest brother, my uncle charley (who my sister's baby is to be named after) killed himself. He had a history of psychological issues, he was paranoid schizophrenic, wrote a suicide note, hid it, robbed a cab at gunpoint and lead police on a high speed chase...it ultimately ended with him shooting himself...it was tragic and we all took it really hard, especially my mom. He was only 4 years older than me and one of the coolest people in the world....(there is a point to all of this) So we are sitting as a family in church one Sunday shortly following his death... I was already getting pissed at the people in the church because they'd give my mom a hard time for letting me paint my nails crazy color...(she'd always tell the blue haired old ladies to "bite her" saying that you know, it's not like she's doing crack)..and they figured I was going to burst into flames upon walking through the threshold of the church after getting my first tattoo... anyway... on this particular sunday the preacher stood in front of the congregation and announced that the churches thoughts and prayers were with my family, for our recent loss of Charley, (are you ready for it?) WHO IS NOW ROASTING IN HELL AFTER TAKING HIS OWN LIFE.
Um, are you fucking kidding me. So needless to say the whole "gay" thing (which in their minds is just a phase that they pray I'll get bored with) I don't waste my time going there. I have my own thoughts on religion and my own relationship with a higher power...I don't need to go to a physical church to have it. But I digress. The moral of the story is I smiled and made conversation with the lady but I decided a long time ago that it didn't matter who the preacher was at the time, the congregation was still there and I can do something better than be judged on my damn day off, lol. On a scale of 1 to 10 of the likelihood of me voluntarily ever attending that church again is like a -5.
The humorous part of my day was the fact that the refrigerator in my office died a few months ago. I was tired of looking at this table top monstrosity so I loaded in my car to take to the dump after work and my pedicure. In the process of getting it in the trunk I SCRATCHED MY FUCKING BUMPER. Fuck. Then the damn trunk wouldn't close so I had to put it in the passenger seat. Fucking a.
Well after my pedicure, the dude made me leave on those disposable flip flops they give you because I had come in with sneakers from work and they didn't want me to jack up my toenails. So I Get to the dump and all dainty like (which just makes me laugh BECAUSE THIS IS SOOOOO NOT ME) I prance to the passenger side, carefully opening the door to not chip my nail polish, pick up the fridge, and carefully glide across the pavement with my pink faux flip flops trying to not drop a fridge on my freshly painted toes...I successfully put it in the correct disposal area and prance back to the car swaying uncharacteristically while swishing my hands about as if if the air touched them they'd smudge.
I mean damn, I know I'm special and all, but when the hell did I become such a fucking girl?
I'm glad tomorrow is Friday.
Lost treasures
So I was screwing around with my camera today and the batteries died. I went into my other camera bag and put the batteries that were in that bag in the OTHER camera....I turned it on and discovered pics that I had never downloaded from back in May--my birthday weekend/trip to Hatteras with Jen and my family.First of all, we're so frickin' cute together...look at how happy we are...and Second of all, look at how short my hair was, damn it's grown fast since then.
Here's to the unexpected surprise that made my night.
Empty Thoughts
Today is Thursday which means that tomorrow when I wake up it will be FRIDAY. I must stop "wishing my life away" as many put it. I can't help it though--it's like I dread Mondays, the rest of the week seems to creep by and then by the time the weekend finally arrives, I blink and it's gone. I'm still trying to work out a way where I work two days a week, get five days off and still make the same money (or more, lol)--but I have to be realistic as this is not likely to EVER happen.
Since my boss is out of her office this week, I get to take a field trip today--EXCITING. All it entails is driving to the main office (about 45 minutes away), dropping off paperwork for the new starts I processed yesterday and picking up paychecks for my contractors so that they can be handed out tomorrow. But I am going to take my lunch while I'm out and that area has some excellent options for lunch. Moe's Southwest Grill is kind of on my mind...I'm in the mood for some Mexican...but I dunno yet...It might just be a burger while I'm driving back to the warehouse.
Pepper has had awful gas lately. I had to plea with grandma yesterday to PLEASE stop feeding her from the table because it's tearing her lil stomach up. From the time she was a puppy she had issues. The first of them was not her fault and involved about two weeks straight of me not sleeping because Pepper was up all night with the runs and it was during the time I was trying to house break her. So if I slept hard and didn't hear her wimper trying to wake me up to let her out, I'd be undoing the training I taught her AND cleaning up liquid shit from the carpet. Come to find out she had some type of parasite (I don't remember off the top of my head) that was causing fading puppy syndrome...basically Pepper still had an appetite but the parasite was eating it and her from the inside out. She would have died had I delayed any longer in getting her to the vet. This is also when I first noticed that Pepper was going to be a "fatty." The only dog I've ever had who I didn't have to trick to take pills or "drink" medicine.... the lil hefer would beg for more after I gave her the stuff from the vet via syringe in her mouth....RIDICULOUS. She loves food that is for sure. Unfortunately Gma feeds her nonstop and even I am guilty of sharing people food with (as is everyone else that comes to the house)...so it's not like just one person is responsible...but we all need to stop.
So anyway, Jen helped pick up a pile and I got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the carpet because for whatever reason Pepper couldn't get anyone's attention quick enough when the shit cramp hit her. This is two days in a row and I told grandma that I'm tired of cleaning up shit for a dog that is house broke... (I wanted to say, "look you ol' bag, stop feeding the dog random shit that you think won't hurt her because you can't get your ass on the floor to clean up the mess she makes because her stomach is out of wack."--But I didn't. Gma gives Pepper everything ranging from the whip cream and remnants of her Dairy Queen Moolatte (key word being DAIRY)...something that Pepper has never handled well, chips, nuts, just junk in general... lean meats and veggies are one thing but come on.
I fired someone before they even started yesterday. I was expecting 8 for the training class I held for people projected to start on Tuesday--7 showed up. I called him in the afternoon when all was said and done to follow up and see what happened. He didn't seem like he actually gave a shit, so I told him that if he couldn't see the importance of coming to training and didn't bother to call me ahead of time to tell me he wouldn't be attending that I couldn't trust he'd find coming to work important either--I told him he missed his opportunity to work out here... Someone that is reliable and actually WANTS to work can be hired instead.
I'm wearing the most fabulous pair of Jeans today...They are truly wonderful. I found them at a thrift store this past weekend... (I've been wearing my baggy cargo shorts...aka my fat pants because of how comfy and NOT restricting they are)... so I wasn't sure if they size would even work. I bought them anyway because a brand new looking pair of jeans for $3.99 should never stay on the rack. I figured that even if I needed to lose a few pounds it was a deal...I tried them on this morning planning for the worst.... if they actually went on they'd never button.... they went on like I had greased my legs with Crisco prior to and buttoned without me even sucking it in. Thank you Liz Claiborne for making my day with your fabulous jeans in a smaller size than I generally wear...a little stretch makes all the difference (granted it's not like leggings stretch...just a lil give. I'm opposed to wearing pants that show my actual shape. A lil curve here and there will suffice, no one needs to know every intimate detail and I refuse to wear jeans that make me rock a camel toe/moose knuckle.)
I'm also a firm believer that underwear should be directly proportionate to the size of one's ass. I'm not saying every inch needs to be covered...but I will say that with the size of my ass...if I were to put a thong on, I'd spend more time looking for the shit, trying to dig it out of my ass crack that I'd never find time for anything else. I don't wear granny panties, but I do wear those that make the most since for me and my ass.
I remember the days when I used to find jeans and in order for them to fit through the hips and ass they'd be WAY to big in the waist.... THIS IS NOT THE CASE ANYMORE... my stomach has caught up, lol.
I have blown my hair dry two days in a row now....I'm actually rocking my "girl hair" which is different from the normal wild crazy faux hawk type look. It's my more feminine side...SIKE what it really boils down to is that my hair is getting longer in the back quicker than it is growing on top, so I blow dry my hair up in the back for the messy look and lay the front down...otherwise I feel like I have a mullet because my hair is touching my neck and immediately want to go get the clippers to get rid of it...I'm going to try the hair thing for a while (or at least as long as I can)...
Grandma rode with my mom, aunt, and sister to Sam's Club yesterday. It was nice that mom took her, because otherwise I was going to have to and it just stresses me out because she insists on going up every single aisle despite only coming in for toilet paper or other few things that might be on her list....$598.00 later she came home with a metric shit ton of stuff that we didn't need....she's out of control. She bought my mom a laptop bag and my aunt a "pallet" of LoCarb Monster (that which is my fault because I was on a LoCarb Monster kick for a while and got my mom hooked, she in turn got her sister/my aunt hooked)..I've since shaken my habit and really only drink one, every couple of months--mom and aunt melissa are still very much every day people.
Mandi is officially ready to have the baby. Translation: I'm going to be an Aunt really any day now. The baby is locked and loaded, at her last Dr. Appt on Monday she was actually having contractions (but not feeling them) the machine she was hooked up to was registering them....EXCITING I'm going to be an Aunt...FUN FUN FUN.
I've officially decided that the motherhood thing is not for me (in terms of actually carrying something around inside of me for nine months and then pushing it out...) NEGATIVE. Freaks me out...not interested...I'm quite okay with someone else doing it and letting me play "aunt" or the other mom (sort of)... It's funny...when it comes to me and Jen/Jen and I? I'm too tired to remember which one is proper at this point, but really how proper am I most days? Lil man refers to us as Mommy and Tommy (it being obvious which one is which)... he sometimes slips up and calls me Mommy, but soon corrects himself...which is no biggie. He knows who is who. I often wonder what he understands about the whole situation. I know that he knows that Jen and I love each other and that we Love him too, but past that I'm not sure. In my mind it's like Jen is his mom and I'm his buddy to play games and legos with, but who doesn't play when it comes to whining or arguing, or running in the house---so sometimes if I've told him to not do something (i.e. run laps in the house) he immediately wants to go home and he tells his mom that... it becomes, Tommy isn't my fun loving buddy anymore so it's pointless for me to be here. Lol. Last night he said something about me living at his house (so I know that when the time is right and Jen and I are able to move in together, he'll be fine with the transition).
Tupperware is a great invention (storage containers for food in general)...the downside is that some food you store in them the smell gets trapped in the bowl. This normally isn't an issue if you wash them in the dishwasher...I put some pineapple slices in a tupperware container yesterday after lunch (I opened the can but couldn't finish it)... well today I open them to eat the rest of them and smell spaghetti sauce...GROSS. Pineapple and spaghetti sauce... not a cool flavor combo, luckily they haven't been in the container long enough to absorb the taste of how spaghetti smells--are you following me, lol? This container obviously doesn't get used often so it was probably hand washed last then put in the cabinet....today however it's going in the dishwasher for sure.
I was thinking about labels earlier today... I hear the terms butch and femme on the regular but don't feel I really fit into either. I've always considered myself a lil CHAPSTICK instead... you know definitely not butch...just dress a lil bit from time to time and definitely not lipstick, just like to look cute from time to time. I'm not sure why everything needs to have a label anyway...but no matter how I feel about labels, I still find myself trying to fit into the corresponding one for me.--WEIRD.
I don't miss Myspace or Facebook. It dawned on me last night when a random person my sister knows stopped me in Food Lion and was like, Oh My god did Mandi have her baby yet...it said on face book, blah blah...Its funny...I like the sort of anonymity that comes with blogger. Sure, anyone who googled my name would come across it, and I'm not exactly secretive about my life by any means... but I don't want people from my past being all in my biznazz... Mainly folks from high school that are fake nowadays and act like we actually miss each other when we don't... I already live in a small town... blogger lets me be not only a voyeur to someone else's life (from near to far) and vent about anything and everything and just write...which is one of my passions. I guess what I'm saying is that I know this isn't exactly private and that the World Wide Web invites the potential for many people into my life via my blog, but dammit, for the most part it prevents that awkward fake bullshit associated with Myspace or Facebook where ex friends or people that you used to know but could give a shit about now do that whole "oh my life is great and this this and this" how is yours and then pretend to really care....
Wow, I'm bitter. I just hate that. I had friends in highschool and in the past don't get me wrong, but I can't think of a single person I still talk to from high school other than bumping into from time to time at the store... I have a few people that I still have contact info for in Nashville, but we don't keep up like we should...life gets away from you sometimes and dammit...I'm just not the same person they knew me as. I love who I am, and who I've become, and the person I'm still working towards becoming if that makes any sense. One should never stop growing and never be content with things being just as they are. I feel like it's important to strive for "better" things, situations, personal growth, and stuff in general. Just getting to where you wanted to be and becoming complacent, in my opinion isn't good enough. I know that I deserve better and that I am better...that's why I'm working so hard on my own personal goals (though some of those goals take priority to others...I'll accomplish them all eventually)
Since my boss is out of her office this week, I get to take a field trip today--EXCITING. All it entails is driving to the main office (about 45 minutes away), dropping off paperwork for the new starts I processed yesterday and picking up paychecks for my contractors so that they can be handed out tomorrow. But I am going to take my lunch while I'm out and that area has some excellent options for lunch. Moe's Southwest Grill is kind of on my mind...I'm in the mood for some Mexican...but I dunno yet...It might just be a burger while I'm driving back to the warehouse.
Pepper has had awful gas lately. I had to plea with grandma yesterday to PLEASE stop feeding her from the table because it's tearing her lil stomach up. From the time she was a puppy she had issues. The first of them was not her fault and involved about two weeks straight of me not sleeping because Pepper was up all night with the runs and it was during the time I was trying to house break her. So if I slept hard and didn't hear her wimper trying to wake me up to let her out, I'd be undoing the training I taught her AND cleaning up liquid shit from the carpet. Come to find out she had some type of parasite (I don't remember off the top of my head) that was causing fading puppy syndrome...basically Pepper still had an appetite but the parasite was eating it and her from the inside out. She would have died had I delayed any longer in getting her to the vet. This is also when I first noticed that Pepper was going to be a "fatty." The only dog I've ever had who I didn't have to trick to take pills or "drink" medicine.... the lil hefer would beg for more after I gave her the stuff from the vet via syringe in her mouth....RIDICULOUS. She loves food that is for sure. Unfortunately Gma feeds her nonstop and even I am guilty of sharing people food with (as is everyone else that comes to the house)...so it's not like just one person is responsible...but we all need to stop.
So anyway, Jen helped pick up a pile and I got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the carpet because for whatever reason Pepper couldn't get anyone's attention quick enough when the shit cramp hit her. This is two days in a row and I told grandma that I'm tired of cleaning up shit for a dog that is house broke... (I wanted to say, "look you ol' bag, stop feeding the dog random shit that you think won't hurt her because you can't get your ass on the floor to clean up the mess she makes because her stomach is out of wack."--But I didn't. Gma gives Pepper everything ranging from the whip cream and remnants of her Dairy Queen Moolatte (key word being DAIRY)...something that Pepper has never handled well, chips, nuts, just junk in general... lean meats and veggies are one thing but come on.
I fired someone before they even started yesterday. I was expecting 8 for the training class I held for people projected to start on Tuesday--7 showed up. I called him in the afternoon when all was said and done to follow up and see what happened. He didn't seem like he actually gave a shit, so I told him that if he couldn't see the importance of coming to training and didn't bother to call me ahead of time to tell me he wouldn't be attending that I couldn't trust he'd find coming to work important either--I told him he missed his opportunity to work out here... Someone that is reliable and actually WANTS to work can be hired instead.
I'm wearing the most fabulous pair of Jeans today...They are truly wonderful. I found them at a thrift store this past weekend... (I've been wearing my baggy cargo shorts...aka my fat pants because of how comfy and NOT restricting they are)... so I wasn't sure if they size would even work. I bought them anyway because a brand new looking pair of jeans for $3.99 should never stay on the rack. I figured that even if I needed to lose a few pounds it was a deal...I tried them on this morning planning for the worst.... if they actually went on they'd never button.... they went on like I had greased my legs with Crisco prior to and buttoned without me even sucking it in. Thank you Liz Claiborne for making my day with your fabulous jeans in a smaller size than I generally wear...a little stretch makes all the difference (granted it's not like leggings stretch...just a lil give. I'm opposed to wearing pants that show my actual shape. A lil curve here and there will suffice, no one needs to know every intimate detail and I refuse to wear jeans that make me rock a camel toe/moose knuckle.)
I'm also a firm believer that underwear should be directly proportionate to the size of one's ass. I'm not saying every inch needs to be covered...but I will say that with the size of my ass...if I were to put a thong on, I'd spend more time looking for the shit, trying to dig it out of my ass crack that I'd never find time for anything else. I don't wear granny panties, but I do wear those that make the most since for me and my ass.
I remember the days when I used to find jeans and in order for them to fit through the hips and ass they'd be WAY to big in the waist.... THIS IS NOT THE CASE ANYMORE... my stomach has caught up, lol.
I have blown my hair dry two days in a row now....I'm actually rocking my "girl hair" which is different from the normal wild crazy faux hawk type look. It's my more feminine side...SIKE what it really boils down to is that my hair is getting longer in the back quicker than it is growing on top, so I blow dry my hair up in the back for the messy look and lay the front down...otherwise I feel like I have a mullet because my hair is touching my neck and immediately want to go get the clippers to get rid of it...I'm going to try the hair thing for a while (or at least as long as I can)...
Grandma rode with my mom, aunt, and sister to Sam's Club yesterday. It was nice that mom took her, because otherwise I was going to have to and it just stresses me out because she insists on going up every single aisle despite only coming in for toilet paper or other few things that might be on her list....$598.00 later she came home with a metric shit ton of stuff that we didn't need....she's out of control. She bought my mom a laptop bag and my aunt a "pallet" of LoCarb Monster (that which is my fault because I was on a LoCarb Monster kick for a while and got my mom hooked, she in turn got her sister/my aunt hooked)..I've since shaken my habit and really only drink one, every couple of months--mom and aunt melissa are still very much every day people.
Mandi is officially ready to have the baby. Translation: I'm going to be an Aunt really any day now. The baby is locked and loaded, at her last Dr. Appt on Monday she was actually having contractions (but not feeling them) the machine she was hooked up to was registering them....EXCITING I'm going to be an Aunt...FUN FUN FUN.
I've officially decided that the motherhood thing is not for me (in terms of actually carrying something around inside of me for nine months and then pushing it out...) NEGATIVE. Freaks me out...not interested...I'm quite okay with someone else doing it and letting me play "aunt" or the other mom (sort of)... It's funny...when it comes to me and Jen/Jen and I? I'm too tired to remember which one is proper at this point, but really how proper am I most days? Lil man refers to us as Mommy and Tommy (it being obvious which one is which)... he sometimes slips up and calls me Mommy, but soon corrects himself...which is no biggie. He knows who is who. I often wonder what he understands about the whole situation. I know that he knows that Jen and I love each other and that we Love him too, but past that I'm not sure. In my mind it's like Jen is his mom and I'm his buddy to play games and legos with, but who doesn't play when it comes to whining or arguing, or running in the house---so sometimes if I've told him to not do something (i.e. run laps in the house) he immediately wants to go home and he tells his mom that... it becomes, Tommy isn't my fun loving buddy anymore so it's pointless for me to be here. Lol. Last night he said something about me living at his house (so I know that when the time is right and Jen and I are able to move in together, he'll be fine with the transition).
Tupperware is a great invention (storage containers for food in general)...the downside is that some food you store in them the smell gets trapped in the bowl. This normally isn't an issue if you wash them in the dishwasher...I put some pineapple slices in a tupperware container yesterday after lunch (I opened the can but couldn't finish it)... well today I open them to eat the rest of them and smell spaghetti sauce...GROSS. Pineapple and spaghetti sauce... not a cool flavor combo, luckily they haven't been in the container long enough to absorb the taste of how spaghetti smells--are you following me, lol? This container obviously doesn't get used often so it was probably hand washed last then put in the cabinet....today however it's going in the dishwasher for sure.
I was thinking about labels earlier today... I hear the terms butch and femme on the regular but don't feel I really fit into either. I've always considered myself a lil CHAPSTICK instead... you know definitely not butch...just dress a lil bit from time to time and definitely not lipstick, just like to look cute from time to time. I'm not sure why everything needs to have a label anyway...but no matter how I feel about labels, I still find myself trying to fit into the corresponding one for me.--WEIRD.
I don't miss Myspace or Facebook. It dawned on me last night when a random person my sister knows stopped me in Food Lion and was like, Oh My god did Mandi have her baby yet...it said on face book, blah blah...Its funny...I like the sort of anonymity that comes with blogger. Sure, anyone who googled my name would come across it, and I'm not exactly secretive about my life by any means... but I don't want people from my past being all in my biznazz... Mainly folks from high school that are fake nowadays and act like we actually miss each other when we don't... I already live in a small town... blogger lets me be not only a voyeur to someone else's life (from near to far) and vent about anything and everything and just write...which is one of my passions. I guess what I'm saying is that I know this isn't exactly private and that the World Wide Web invites the potential for many people into my life via my blog, but dammit, for the most part it prevents that awkward fake bullshit associated with Myspace or Facebook where ex friends or people that you used to know but could give a shit about now do that whole "oh my life is great and this this and this" how is yours and then pretend to really care....
Wow, I'm bitter. I just hate that. I had friends in highschool and in the past don't get me wrong, but I can't think of a single person I still talk to from high school other than bumping into from time to time at the store... I have a few people that I still have contact info for in Nashville, but we don't keep up like we should...life gets away from you sometimes and dammit...I'm just not the same person they knew me as. I love who I am, and who I've become, and the person I'm still working towards becoming if that makes any sense. One should never stop growing and never be content with things being just as they are. I feel like it's important to strive for "better" things, situations, personal growth, and stuff in general. Just getting to where you wanted to be and becoming complacent, in my opinion isn't good enough. I know that I deserve better and that I am better...that's why I'm working so hard on my own personal goals (though some of those goals take priority to others...I'll accomplish them all eventually)
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Peacefully Chaotic
I have a metric shit ton of things to do today at work since today is day number one of the boss being out (she flew to Wisconsin for the Gay World Series yesterday afternoon)....
I found out this morning that one of the guys I work with (he wasn't one of my contractors, just a cool guy to talk to from time to time) was killed on Monday in an accident that killed him on impact. I don't know details, just that whatever happened the end result was him driving into the back of an 18-wheeler. Tragic. I know he left behind a young daughter...he was one of those guys who never had a negative thing to say and kept a positive outlook despite how dim the future may have looked at the moment.
Like I said I didn't know him on a personal level, but it's still sad nonetheless. I found it rather tacky when one of my contractors came up and asked me where they could get an application because he wanted to apply for his job (the guy worked for the maintenance dept for the client)... Really, the news was just announced like four minutes ago and your first thought is trying to get his job... What I really wanted to say was Look Jackass, you aren't even qualified and you don't come to work on the regular anyway, why would they hire you...you are barely keeping the job you have now FUCKER.
But alas, I didn't. I told him he could get one from security. What a shame. What a shame.
I have a meeting this morning, followed by Walkie Rider training for a class of 8 new hires that are slotted to start on Tuesday.
Monday is a regular scheduled work day which sucks, but hey money is money. I think I'm going to take next Friday off so I can be sure to have a window of cushion in getting my final two papers done.
I'm tired.
I'm hungry.
I'm chilly, but loving this weather. Fall is obviously around the corner. I had to bring a hoodie to work so that I wouldn't freeze to death from the chill outside. This is my FAVORITE kind of weather...60 to 70 degrees, breezy, but not too gusty...lol.
Good stuff. Okay, seriously work to do now...
Oh yeah, there must be a full moon tonight or one coming soon (I dunno for real) because I just had an ex contractor of mine (she went permanent with the client) vent to me. This is a 100 pound when soaking wet, 50ish woman who barely spoke other than to say hi and what's up--anything additional, while it happened was always executed in a very low voice... She flagged me over and proceeded to vent about how FUCKED UP and RIDICULOUS and blah blah blah and she said GD a whole lot as well...at the top of her lungs, which was still muffled by warehouse noises...SHE IS PISSED. I had never seen that side of her...I guess because I never pissed her off when I was her boss (which looking at what I see now is a definite good thing, lol)...I was scared for a second, didn't know what to say so just provided an ear. This place makes people crazy...I will be looking into getting out as soon as I can.
I found out this morning that one of the guys I work with (he wasn't one of my contractors, just a cool guy to talk to from time to time) was killed on Monday in an accident that killed him on impact. I don't know details, just that whatever happened the end result was him driving into the back of an 18-wheeler. Tragic. I know he left behind a young daughter...he was one of those guys who never had a negative thing to say and kept a positive outlook despite how dim the future may have looked at the moment.
Like I said I didn't know him on a personal level, but it's still sad nonetheless. I found it rather tacky when one of my contractors came up and asked me where they could get an application because he wanted to apply for his job (the guy worked for the maintenance dept for the client)... Really, the news was just announced like four minutes ago and your first thought is trying to get his job... What I really wanted to say was Look Jackass, you aren't even qualified and you don't come to work on the regular anyway, why would they hire you...you are barely keeping the job you have now FUCKER.
But alas, I didn't. I told him he could get one from security. What a shame. What a shame.
I have a meeting this morning, followed by Walkie Rider training for a class of 8 new hires that are slotted to start on Tuesday.
Monday is a regular scheduled work day which sucks, but hey money is money. I think I'm going to take next Friday off so I can be sure to have a window of cushion in getting my final two papers done.
I'm tired.
I'm hungry.
I'm chilly, but loving this weather. Fall is obviously around the corner. I had to bring a hoodie to work so that I wouldn't freeze to death from the chill outside. This is my FAVORITE kind of weather...60 to 70 degrees, breezy, but not too gusty...lol.
Good stuff. Okay, seriously work to do now...
Oh yeah, there must be a full moon tonight or one coming soon (I dunno for real) because I just had an ex contractor of mine (she went permanent with the client) vent to me. This is a 100 pound when soaking wet, 50ish woman who barely spoke other than to say hi and what's up--anything additional, while it happened was always executed in a very low voice... She flagged me over and proceeded to vent about how FUCKED UP and RIDICULOUS and blah blah blah and she said GD a whole lot as well...at the top of her lungs, which was still muffled by warehouse noises...SHE IS PISSED. I had never seen that side of her...I guess because I never pissed her off when I was her boss (which looking at what I see now is a definite good thing, lol)...I was scared for a second, didn't know what to say so just provided an ear. This place makes people crazy...I will be looking into getting out as soon as I can.
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