Bugger

I didn't sleep well at all, yet again.  I figure that everything off and on last night I got about 4 and 1/2 hours of sleep...I'm not tired right now but it didn't help me deal with the routine bullshit at work to say the least.  I was put into a bad mood almost immediately, though I tried really hard to not be.

I was talking to my boss this morning.  Her team came in 5th at the Gay World Series, so that's cool...but not what pissed me off.  I had asked her if it would okay for me to take Friday as a vacation day so that I'd have extra time to have my papers done... She told me that she wouldn't be able to cover it because the company outing was that day.  (There is a company outing?) And sense the outing is happening at her house she wouldn't be able to do it... maybe I should try taking a 1/2 a day she suggested.  Okay here's where I got pissed.  Not over the fact that I can't have the whole day... I'll leave and I can take responsibility with the fact that no one procrastinated but me and I have to deal with the repercussions....

What pissed me off is the fact that there is a company outing and I wasn't fucking invited.  Hello...I work for the company too. This is where the limbo shit comes into play and helps to illustrate why I feel like I'm on a deserted island from time to time.  You see last year I was invited to the function.  I was working 2nd shift then and at 4 o'clock the day of I was invited to come out and have a beer if I didn't want my hours.  I drove out to my bosses house where the keg was already floated, only three people from the office still remained and she was on the verge of passing out.  Yay...glad I drove an hour to get here just in time for it to be over (it had started at like ten or 11 that morning)....REALLY??? I ended up hanging out with my boss's girlfriend and some of their lesbo friends (no one from work) while she went in the house and passed out...okay no biggie.

The most recent company outing was to Busch Gardens--company paid, but I wasn't invited.  I was however asked to go to the main office to answer the phones.  No, that doesn't bother me in the slightest....WTF??? and now I find out about this function which if I was going to to be invited would have been after the fact or nonchalantly in passing...

I feel like this is some real bullshit to say the least.  The kicker is when I was hired, 13 months ago today it was with the intention of becoming an internal employee....well 13 months later and I'm still a "contractor"...I'm a supervisor but because I'm not internal, I don't get sick time or the perks of internal and because I'm a contractor I had to work 1500 hours before getting paid holidays and 2000 hours before getting a week of vacation.

The fucked up part is that if I did opt to only work 1/2 a day on Friday, I can't use my vacation time because since I'm a contractor I can only use my vacation in 8 hour increments... fuck me in the ass sideways.

I'm tired of this limbo shit.  I'm not invited to do shit with the client company because I work for the staffing agency and my own company doesn't ask me to do shit because I'm just a "contractor." Fuck the bullshit.  I'm so glad that I only have a couple weeks of school left.  As soon as I dont have homework to do my time will be spent updating my resume and finding my dream job.  I've had about all the repetitive non-challenging shit I can take at this place...and it baffles me.  Why have I remained so loyal to this company.  I've only called out once in 13 months and then I was legitimately ill...

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to have a job, especially with the economy the way that it is--but I'm ready for a career.  This place was a mere stepping stone, a short stop on my journey to career greatness...but I'm feeling like I've overstayed my welcome.

I want a job that I feel good when I go home at the end of the day, like I've made a difference or had an impact on some aspect of the buisness or the people in it...I don't have that here.  I don't have that here at all.

I'm just a supervisor in limbo with no real niche to fit into...trapped in the middle and invisible by all.