Plans go awry

I had such big plans for my Labor Day.  There was no work since it dawned on the "big guys" that in a time where they are trying to cut expenses and what not, it was cheaper to not work rather than pay their people double time (since they were ahead of the game production wise)...

Today was going to be the day I put a huge dent in my papers since the deadlines are quickly approaching...The 12th at 9 o'clock--that's Saturday.  Dear lord.

I didn't sleep well last night for some reason.  I woke up to Jen giving me a kiss goodbye.  She had to work today and was taking Lil man to the sitters and I was going to get motivated and work on my papers.  I got up and tried to help her to her car...she's very "mommish" in that she is one of those people that can carry like seventeen bags, a kid, a drink, and like nine other things ALL AT THE SAME TIME... so in actuality I was no help at all.  I had a bowl of cereal with grandma and went back upstairs with intentions of starting on my paper.

The bed looked more enticing than the computer so I laid back down.  I sat an alarm so that I wouldn't get too carried away, which I ignored all nine times it went off.  At 11:15 I started texting Jen asking her why the hell I was soooo tired and unmotivated...I woke up at 12 something and actually finished typing the text and sent it...it made no damn sense how tired I was.

I blogged a lil bit though it took what seemed like all day because of how tired I was... Before I knew it it was like four o'clock in the afternoon and I hadn't even done so much as log into my school's website. 

I went out to the flower bed thinking that the mums werent going to plant themselves and today's the day...it had been raining off and on all day so the weeds in theory were going to be easy to pull.  Within three seconds of being out there I saw like nineteen spiders of varying sizes and species, but I kept going...giving myself a pep talk of sorts and trying to make a point that I COULD do this ONE thing...

I got about 1/5 of the way finished...pulling weeds that came up past my knees.  My insides turning and me skeeving out because of all the bugs and ick that was crawling around.  I was scared to death of reaching my bare hand around the base of a clump of weeds and yanking and unveiling the domicile for the king spider--a big mother fucker that is fluent in like nine different languages and when discovered would look at me with his million eyes and say, "Pardon me maam, what's the meaning of this...." (you see, he'd be able to tell from my scream that I only spoke english and would choose his words accordingly, lol)...The rain came.  A drizzle here and there but then it started pouring.  I was going to stick it out just out of principle, but when Pepper go to the point of noting how ridiculous this was I had to take the hint from Mother Nature who was telling me to stop fucking procrastinating. 

I came in and showered.  Cussing.  The only thing that came out of it were muddy foot prints in the bathroom that now have to be cleaned.  Fuck it.  I have accomplished nothing.  Wasted an entire day.  I don't want to do anything.  I thought about rearranging the living room, and the bedroom, deep cleaning the upstairs--didn't happen.

I want to cry and sleep and then sleep some more.  Grandma had people over so that was fun.  Fuck me in the ass sideways.  I want to disappear.  I want to pay someone to write a paper for me, but no one would do it for what I can afford.  I just need to tighten up and do them.

Tomorrow I have new starts and I'm not looking forward to work at all.  In the evening I've got a class meeting then Wednesday I might be able to squeeze in some research/paper writing.  Thursday is another class meeting...maybe I'll ask for friday off if my boss will approve it and then just go sit in the library until the shit is done...

Fuck.  Last day of classes is the 20th and I so don't have it in me to give a shit about anything.  My research paper is going to be on Domestic partner benefits and diversity training in the workplace in reference to homosexuals.  For my business plan I think my fake business will have something to do with coming to your place of business and doing diversity training or something, I dunno I'll figure out some bullshit and make it sound good...just not tonight.

Lil man starts school in the morning and poor Jen is freaking I'm sure.  I wish I could be there with her to help our and make her realize that it's going to be okay, that HE'S going to be okay...

I'm calling it a night. sigh.