In response

(Original Post)

dear hair goddess,

i want to cut my hair short.i am a lazy bitch

i hate standing up to do it

i am always tired

did i mention I'm a lazy bitch?

your thoughts?

yours always-Standing with scissors in my hands...

The Response:

Dear Standing with Scissors in my hands...

After meeting with the Hair Goddess Tribunal, we have decided that a haircut is appropriate for you at this time. One of our representatives will take care of your request in order to prevent you from doing anything crazy with those scissors you are holding. Actually, scratch that...I'll tend to this matter personally, consider it already done.

Signed--

The Hair Goddess

P.S. You left a shit ton of hair on my bathroom floor can you please come pick it up, hehe--You're haircut rocks by the way...it makes me want to bend you over the bathroom counter and yank it really hard... oh dear... I don't think the Tribunal would approve of my unprofessional antics at this point... so hit me up later... on the down low, ha.

Retraction

Okay--I have yet another retraction. Lil Miss Bubbly in the office isn't as bad as I described her to be. I think I was just overly cranky yesterday. Granted I have to deal with her in small doses...I had an epiphany yesterday when Jen was over and she was like, "so you really just don't like bubbly people huh..." I had to pump the brakes a bit and I realized that yes, I have an overall issue for the super smiley, cheery, cheerleader types... I dunno...perhaps I'm just one of THOSE people, lol.

Anyway, it really isn't anything against her as a person, cuz like I said, she's super nice... its just this energy level she has that makes me want to shut the door in her face (well only sometimes).

Just thought I'd clarify this matter. It's not her...I'm obviously the one with issues...many many many issues, ha ha.

Sidenote: Pepper Puppy (who just celebrated her 1 yr. birthday a couple of weeks ago, has gotten so big. Considering she was 4 pounds and a "sickly puppy" at that when I got her... I'm so happy with how she's growing up. Now if I could get her to stop eating litter critters and rolling in dead shit we'd be good to go. What a great dog--and quite the soccer player as well. (the bandana she's wearing in the pic was made for her by my mom... she ate it from around her neck the day after this picture was taken... no more bandanas for a while.

The Deep End

What's the word that means smart and dumb simultaneously--seriously? Because I fell off the deep end and did just that, something that was dumb and brilliant all at the same time.

I got a new car. Sure, the economy blows right now, no one is guaranteed a job from one day to the next and so on--BUT WHAT A BEAUTY.

I traded in my 2004 Dodge Ram 1500 (with all sorts of body damage)...her name was "Butchie" and she was my quasi-dream truck (quasi because she wasn't an extended cab and didn't have power windows for four wheel drive, lol) but I loved her nonetheless. I picked her because of her throaty rumble and how everytime I started the ignition the "musical" noise that escaped the dual pipes made me cream my pants to say the least. I got rid of her for a few reasons: 1. Everytime I looked at her I thought of my ex and got pissed because of all the body damage that could have been avoided had I just broke it off with her sooner and stayed broken up with her, lol. 2. Gas at one time was high as giraffe pussy and was killing me to keep her filled. I was averaging 89 bucks a week in fuel and thats if I strictly drove to work and back, no social outings... most of the time I'd have to fill up once and top off in the same week--OUCH. 3. She was wearing out quickly, poor girl.

I bought a 2008 Hyundai Tiburon because: 1. Hyundai has this thing right now where if you lose your job, they make your payment for 3 months and if after that you aren't back on your feet, you can turn the car back in without damaging your credit (there is a catch to that of course). 2. When I did my research she's the one that caught my eye (and they were able to hide my negative equity pretty well in him because of various rebates and discounts) 3. Kelley blue book estimated my truck to be worth between 3 and 4 grand because of its mileage (and that does not include the body damage that was over 3 grand worth to fix in itself)--I got 3500 for her, so I'm content with that. 4. She's my first NEW car (not just new to me but NEW new), he had 21 miles on her. 5. DUDE--automatic or manual (i'm going to stick with automatic), Satellite Radio, CD, Removable Faceplate and remote, and 18 presets for the tuner, lol... Better gas mileage, super cute car, V4 instead of V8 and just good stuff all around.

What's her name you ask? Well I say her, but she's really a gay man. (I think) Her name is JAZZ... why? Well Jen's son, lil man was so stoked when he saw my new car and he went on and on and on about how it looked like the transformer Jazz and even went as far as to call his Grandma in Colorado and tell her "Tommy got a new car and it has guns on the front..." lol... He thinks that my front lights look like guns, which I find amusing, but anyway. I think that Jazz has stuck and is completely appropriate for her to be named.

Good times and very exciting... only downside is that my license plate no longer fits... you see it says AGYNA, but its on a UVA plate with a Big orange V in front so my plate spells VAGYNA, lol...worked on my pick up, not so much on Jazz.

Chewing

I have chewed the same piece of gum for so long today that it has literally sucked every ounce of spit out of my mouth and stored it somewhere else...what the hell? I need to drink more water and chew less gum...my jaw hurts.

Side note: the real bubbly new girl keeps coming into my office and talking to me for no apparent reason. The sad thing is she's a completely nice person, but the fact that she is like the mini me version of the member of management who urks the living shit out of me makes me want to just look at her and say, "Can you do me a favor and stop breathing please?" K, Thanks...

I'm such a bitch and I can't even help it. Super happy, cheery, bouncy, oh my gosh everything is wonderful, perhaps overly medicated on antidepressant people make me want to cut myself. Again, nothing against her...she seems like such a nice person...lol

I did it

Okay, I did it, let the ass raping begin...(no not seriously)

I just submitted my information to have a recruiter for Haircuttery give me a call. Not just a call...you see they are like head hunters...they want to call and check on you, see if you have any questions, give you thirty minutes to decide what you want to do, where you're able to work and what your availability is then call you all over again.

I've decided that I'm going to pick up a few nights during the week (attempting to avoid weekends entirely) to supplement my income and use for "fun money." No, I'm not planning on making this my sole livelihood again, but hey it's a start. I love doing hair (just on my terms)--I hate doing perms and old lady hairstyles...I like the hip/funky styles like obnoxious colors, punk rock razor cuts, even updos but ya know I have to grow up sometime and for right now...it is what it is.

I'm proud of myself for taking this step, but at the same time I'm a little nervous in general...doing hair isn't just about doing hair... it also means that I'm going to have turn my charm back on, tolerate ignorant asses who come in with pictures of Jennifer Aniston but look like Quasimoto--i'm not saying I don't want to do ugly peoples' hair... I just hate how a lot of folks don't realize that they need to get haircuts that are flattering... If you have a five-head (elongated forehead) you probably need bangs, etc...

I'm such a damn hair snob. But on the plus side haircuttery does free classes with no limit to how many you take...so I can broaden my horizon's again. Good times good times.

When and if I decide to do hair fulltime again...It will be on my terms and only fabulous stuff...no crazy shit like MULLETS....I FUCKING HATE MULLETS.

Need for speed

So here's some background for you...I have a history of lead foot disease. No, it's not genetic and really I seem to be the only one in my family with the issue, but it's there nonetheless. Let's just say that in the State of Virginia that you are only allowed to accrue so many points before they revoke your shit (in a one and two year period...)--well I am one ticket/incident away from that happening for real.

I've already been entered into the Driver's Improvement program that the state has (which translates into hey, take the defensive driving course, get five points back on your license and slow the hell down) once...and I'm back in it again it turns out (found this out about a year go).

Part of it is my ex's fault. (okay so not directly, but it's way easier to blame her for it) Okay, I hit a parked car a while after getting my truck and rather than driving off and having karma catch up with me I reported it to my insurance and left a note on the persons car. That "at fault accident" cost me points. Then I got a ticket for following too closely ON TOP OF the "at fault accident" charge --(the scene: I had just finished working the night shift and was driving into VA Beach to an interview for a different job. My ex called me and attempted to continue a fight that had drug on for what seemed like years, but was only days that morning before she went to work. I kept trying to get off the phone and she just kept pushing the issue...I was getting more irritated by the moment because I'm the type of person where if people keep pushing issues rather than letting me cool off or wrap my head around shit then I'm gonna snap or just dump your ass so I don't have to deal with it anymore. So anyway, the car in front of me slams on its brakes and then weaves into the other lane, the car in front of him slammed on his brakes and I in one swift motion said: "I'LL CALL YOU BACK" hung up my phone and drove into the back of a guy on 64 in rush hour morning traffic. FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. So anyway I had a shit ton of damage to my truck, which I never fixed because I had tuition due at the same time the insurance check came in and well...I justified spending the money on school because a truck in my mind is supposed to look a little abused...but in reality it just pissed me off to look at it later on and made me want to punch the ex in the face even though that is not my scene. I did try and run her over later in the day though...but that's a whole other story...)

So anyway then a speeding ticket as well...moral of the story, lots of points, one more strike and I'm out.

So yesterday I was in a rental car because I just bought a new car and they were doing the work for the stuff I had added to it. Its a fabulous car, but I'll save that for another blog when I have pics or something--so anyway they give me a Freaking Chevy Aveo, which really turns out to be one of the ugliest cars I've ever seen (its like a shortbus jelly bean or something) Seriously it must have like 2 cylinders and get like 87 miles to the gallon right...well anyway I'm driving back to the dealership yesterday and going to return the rental when I pass a state trooper--I look down at the speedometer and am going 70 miles an hour in a 55 (might have been 45 by then...I dunno) so i let off the accelerator and coasted by figuring the cop would turn around and give me that one last ticket and cut my license up on the spot...well they didn't, but I went off on a tangent...

What it boils down to is that the whole time I was thinking...it isn't the fact that I'm potentially going to lose my license that sucks because, yeah I was in the wrong for speeding again--i just didn't want my last speeding ticket to be issued while i was driving A MOTHER FUCKING CHEVY AVEO... I mean seriously... had it been my Dodge Ram 1500 with the V8 and dual pipes and the throaty rumble...HELL YEAH WRITE ME A TICKET....but an AVEO... that would have seriously sucked!!! Luckily no tickets were issued.

I'm going to have to be super careful in my new car too...no point in having a new car if I have no license to operate it. Geez. What a close call.

one of those people

SO I'm totally one of those people that picks their nose in traffic. Granted, I don't eat boogers or anything there is just this total sense of accomplishment and relief that comes with digging in my nose.

My technique involves the rolling function--you know where you just roll it in a ball until it falls off your fingers...(it encourages vacuuming of the car more frequently) lol

But my real question and really...anyone share their thoughts: what do boogers smell like?

What it boils down to...

I'm going to have to change my haircut and color. The fucking HR manager for the client company I work onsite for totally copied me...(several times...) therefore I'm going to rock some shit I know she can't pull off. I'm thinking platinum blonde with purple streaks/chunks...

I dunno gotta do something different...I have way more hair than I'm used to and when I faux hawk it it's way too tall...decisions decisions.

Heads up

I just wanted to inform everyone that I just purchased the winning lottery ticket for tonight's drawing. No, the drawing hasn't been held yet, but I know I'm a winner. End of story.

With my winnings I have many things planned, to include--but not limited to:
-buying the Lipstick Lounge in Nashville, TN and turning it into a chain it will be in all the hot spots...at least most of them, lol

-pay off my bazillion dollars in student loans

-buy a house (with a wrap around porch and bathroom with a bathtub big enough for six people--though there is only one other person I can think of wanting in there with me, and a yard and a swingset and a hammock... and a wireless fence thing to keep Pepper in check, etc)

-Split it with my family

-Give a big ass chunk to Jen so she can do whatever she wants to with it, such as give to her family, or build a guest house out behind my house (KIDDING...she can totally live with me.)

-Pay off all my bills

-Take all 6 of my last remaining classes to complete my bachelor's

-I'd create my own reality tv show...because really my dysfunctional family and the random shit that happens on the day to day is definitely worth the investment

-INVEST INVEST INVEST (but not right away, lol...I'd wait to be sure that the economy is ready for my investments...I'm not trying to lose the shit, lol)

-NEVER WORK AGAIN at a normal job (I'd oversee my club/bars but I'd keep my own schedule) and a lot of my time would be spent doing charity work

-I'd then be able to do one of those three day breast cancer walks...which I think would be awesome

-I forgot to mention I'd have a hair salon in my home so that I could still do hair when I felt like it (like mine for instance, and Jens, moms and mandis, etc etc) but I want a shampoo bowl and the real deal I don't have that in house at the moment

-I'd spend a lot of my time working for the charities that do hair and makeup for cancer patients (styling wigs, or their hair, putting on their makeup to help make them feel better)

-I'd continue to do quasi-pro bono hairdos as well. (the fact is I don't do hair fulltime anymore for many reasons, but the most relevant one at the moment is that I cant stand how ridiculous salon prices are these days. I have a client whose hair I do, I go to her house and color, cut and style her hair--mind you I foil in two colors and do an all over glaze and only charge her fifty bucks...dude the shit alone is 20...and I'm not even tacking on gas money...that to me is a steal...) sure I could charge more, but it just doesn't feel right.

Sidenote: I was once offered a job at an upscale salon whose haircuts for women started at 45 bucks...all because the manager saw some haircolor I had done...she wanted me to work there and I refused. It wasn't my scene, not to say that that scene is bad--but I didnt feel right about it...The easiest way to explain it is that I'm all about fabulous for less.

Okay so I'm rambling, but you get the point....IMA BOUT TO BE A RICH BITCH, LOL.

Correction

So in my last post I referred to the issue being a stupid VA state law--I'd like to retract that and state that it's actually an assanine California State law and because the client company is CA based, they have the right to act upon it. BOO HISS. Okay, work to do peace out.