Torture Redefined

I love carbs.  I love carbs so much that I consume them every single day, every single meal, and every single snack without any thought to the number of them I'm taking in.  This would be okay if I were a size 2 with a wicked tapeworm.

Unfortunately, I'm a 22 and looking to buy a tapeworm on the black market (not really)(well unless you know of a great deal, lol)... I've always been a bigger girl, but had a pretty face to play it off... I do things that take the focus away from my size and divert it to things I like such as my hair or make up or TATTOOS. I love tattoos almost as much as I love carbs, but I digress.

I realized the other day after seeing pictures of me that were taken over memorial day weekend that I'm much bigger than I thought.  I did some math and realized that since I lost my job at the end of December, I've packed on about 25 pounds...

You may be wondering how any of this is relevant (to which I'll remind you of the name of my blog: empty thoughts and leave it at that... the name alone implies plenty)...

I am currently going through a divorce with the love of my life CARBS.  I decided that since my sister's wedding is on August 18th and the dress that I have on order is a size 20 (and fit at the time of the fitting... oh how I wish my dress size was my real size, lmao...) that I need to at least not gain any weight in the days leading up to the event. 

I figured that the fastest way to drop the pounds would be going low carb.  Im not wiping them out completely, but I am trying to keep them below 50g a day.  By the time you figure the carbs in veggies, or salad dressing or the residual ones in some meats and cheeses... it will all work out (I don't actually count them).  In fact, I started this about 4 days ago and today is the only day I haven't cheated.

Enter Torture stage left.  Lil man had a field trip today to the VA Living Museum.  His teacher asked Jen if she could provide the pizza for the class so that the kids wouldn't have to worry about packing a lunch.  She agreed, but neglected to realize the location of the museum versus the location of her work.  Tommy to the rescue.  I drove a little over an hour to pick up the pizzas and then back tracked about 15 minutes to get to the museum at which time I called the teacher and let her know I was there and that she could meet me out front. 

Sounds simple enough, right?  Not so much.  We are talking 15 minutes in a 2 door Tiburon with 6 hot and fresh pizzas (3 pepperoni, 3 cheese).  It was impossible to not smell them and even more difficult to turn off my stomach, which by this point was now growling and sending messages to my brain that said, "Come on man, you know you want it...let's get our fatass on." Torture. 

I am however proud to report that I triumped over said torture and did not cave. I realized that I could eat pizza whenever I want it (I just can't eat the bread/crust parts)... The cheese is my favorite part (I normally scrape it off the pizza and save it for last anyway) so hey... I got this.

It's hard.  I miss carbs already.  I hear "her" in the cabinets calling my name.  Cereal that beckons me to pour ice cold milk over it and enjoy. Loaves of bread that magically shape themselves into a heart to show their love for me... pasta speaking to me in italian (which I don't speak, but totally get the jist of what he's saying.  Carbs is in nearly everything, especially in all the things that I love.

But I can do this.  I'm going to do this.  Hell, I gave up candy for 40 days during lent and I'm not even Catholic...I should be able to do this if I put my mind to it... right? Oh for the love of pete I hope so. 

I've already lost 3 pounds (which in this girls world is PHENOMENAL) My mom saw me gettind discouraged and handed me 3 pounds of butter to hold so I had an idea of how much that really is... ALOT. 

Triumph over torture, maybe I'll make that my new motto.

I suppose it's not as catchy as "I heart carbs" but hey...we'll work out the logistics later.