So I start my new job tomorrow which is excellent because I've missed the routine of reporting to work and having stuff to do reguarly for six months. Before I was extended an offer however, my references had to be called.
This was concerning because my most recent supervisor and I didn't get along. We faught all the time, I was consistently insubordinate, and he always found a way to belittle my work and do things to piss me off in hopes that I would snap.
The entire time we worked together I never friended him on facebook. I am just as open on facebook as I am in blogging (a bit less than blogging actually, but anyway...) Luckily, as the lay off approached we called a truce and just kept it moving...
He told me I could use him as a reference and when my new boss called him for a reference apparently he had nice things to say which included that he'd hire me again... (though Ih ave a hard time believing)
So anyway about a month or so ago, I added my old boss on facebook, I figured hey it was a safe thing to do. Well I get a message from him after he talked to my now current boss... He said that my now new boss really sounded like he wanted to hire me and that he wished me well. I jokingly responded that I was worried he'd tell the guy the "truth" and I'd never be hired anywhere....
He then responded with (my paraphrasing of course): Tommy, you are great at what you do but you just share too much personal information about yourself... if you think of the "perfect" boss for you and then be that same "perfect" boss for your employees, you'll be fine, just keep your personal life out of it.
Sure this makes sense, but it bothered me. You see prior to the layoff we worked as much as 90 hours in a week. I was at work wayyyyyy more than I was at home and the only people I talked to at that time were my coworkers, 2 fellow supervisors (1 of which I talked to more than the other, because the other annoyed the piss out of me) and then my boss, who Id talk to about random stuff. Since I'm gay, I'd always be the one at lunch if we all went out to ask a woman who had a nice rack if they were real or not because they were chicken shits and I wasn't, but could ask without sounding like an asshole... Out of the 3, I talked to 1 more than anyone, whether I was venting or talking to him about his family, didn't matter, we just talked because we were the only ones we'd see most of the time, not necessarily because we were best friends.... (if that makes sense)
Well I learned the hard way that it is imparative to success in management that you keep your work and personal life as separate as possible. Even when I was interviewing I'd play the pronoun game so that no one knew my fiance was a woman, I didn't share details about lil man other than his age or grade, and even now when I start work tomorrow I plan on keeping it basic which is going to be difficult because sometimes in order to get a rapport with your people you have to be friendly and be part of the conversation and if they're talking about their wives then you should too... The point is that it's a fine balance and I have a better concept of how to keep it just that, balanced...
But the part that pissed me off about his comment was that he mixed personal/work just as much as I did and a lot of the time he was the one that initiated conversations.
Maybe I got mad because it was something that I didn't want to hear... maybe I needed to hear it... either way, I've got a new job, a chance for a clean slate, and I can be whoever I choose to be. I can't believe he said that I was great at what I do... I just wanted to say, look ass, why did you have such a problem telling me that when you were my boss and making me feel like shit.... I've got a lot riding on this opportunity and I'm not going to let someone else's opinion fuck it up for me. I've got this. I know more now than i did then... life has a learning curve ya know... luckily for me my mistakes didn't cripple me permanently.
I've got this.
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