at ease

I got a text message that put my mind at ease... it hasn't solved all of my issues and concerns, fears, or doubts, but for that particular moment it was what I needed to hear.  I told Jen what the message said, and she started to cry tears of relief... she stood up and gave me a hug...we had both been on the edge of our seats all weekend... worrying, sometimes in silence, sometimes acting as if we weren't but still thinking about it, wondering what ifs and the hows and whys of the universe...

Jen asked me on Saturday night what I pray about and I told her that I normally keep it fairly general... You see even before all this stuff happened with her work we had decided that something was missing in our lives and we both felt like it was a "church" setting... somewhere we could go and have a relationship with people that were like us... the church we find that I think i mentioned before, kind of does that...

Well it's interesting to me because I've never seen Jen pray prior to all this stuff, I've never seen her ask questions, or worry about whether she's praying the right way or not which is where that conversation led... she told me she didn't think she was doing it right... at which point I told her I didn't think you could do it incorrectly, you know... and I personally feel like you can have you own personal relationship with whomever you choose to identify with, whether you call him/her God, or whatever Name you come up with... it's a completely personal thing... and it's a one on one thing... I don't buy into the whole cookie cutter religions where there are doctrines and rules and one specific set of writings from a bazillion years ago is supposed to fit for ALL people in todays age... it just doesn't make sense to me how that could work... hey, for some it works, but for me, it doesn't...

That's why I like that I've found something that accepts ALL people... and allows you to believe whatever you want... because from the time I was in youth group at church something didn't sit right with me... I've always questioned things... I've always disagreed with a lot of other things... I dunno... I guess I just have this side to me that wanted more and wasn't content with what I was being spoon fed... now I'm plenty old enough to hold my own damn spoon and I'm doing just that...

But I digress and this isnt even the point of this blog... the point is that a simple text brought relief to both Jen and I, and though it doesn't solve everything that we are going through right now... it sure as hell is a step in the direction I wanna go...