30 today

So I'm thirty today... it's just another day really... there is so much other stuff going on in my world really that it's the least of my concerns if  you can believe it.

The house thing didn't work out (It was a blessing in disguise) our credit was fine, but we had a couple of things to clear up before getting the final approval... it really would have just taken a couple of months to have reached that point, but some things have gone down at Jen's work and we may very well be becoming a single family income soon... MINE (the smaller one of course) 

I'm trying to stay positive of course but deep down I'm scared. I'm angry at the fuckers that initiated the stuff they did and really do hope that karma beats the living shit out of them, which I know it will in due time.  I'm not going to go into specifics, out of respect for Jen and because the situation is still in the present and I can't...

Luckily June 30th marks the end of our lease so we just have to pay June rent and be done... we will probably end up moving to the country to my mom's house and stay there for a while...since my sister and niece moved... my mom has two rooms free which will be plenty of space for me, jen, and lil man to stay temporarily... 

Another opportunity is trying to present itself and I really do hope it pans out... It involves a move to another state, a great job for Jen, us being closer to some of Jen's family (but not in colorado...) actually in a portion of new england... which will be a huge adjustment but a longtime dream of mine even though i am not a fan of the cold or snow hell...I am job hunting but if said opportunity pans out I have been offered a job as a nanny (older kids, no younger than second grade, which will also give me the chance to save Jen and I the money on child care for lil man... so time will tell) right now we're too scared out of our minds to know what's real and what's not...

I told the lady that if it does work out I don't want to be called a Nanny, simply on the grounds of it's lame, lol. I want to be called Director of domestic operations... she said she was fine with that there will be an emphasis on acquisitions (grocery shopping) and something else clever that I can't remember that meant getting the kids to school on time...

I'm not opposed to the nanny thing really. It will give me the chance to really focus on my mental health... granted I wont have medical insurance which will suck, but it will be okay... there are ways to work with that... but I can also go back to school for my masters if I decide to and I can seriously work towards becoming a writer like I've always wanted to. Sure I blog all the time... which hell I could do a lot more... but I want to actually write... like a book. And I could do that. I could exercise during the day... I could do all kinds of stuff during the day.

I could be a homemaker. I could have dinner ready everyday when Jen got home... how cute would that be.  I dunno there are a lot of coulds...but even more what ifs... I know that no matter what life throws at us right now we'll figure it out and work through it... that's just how we are... we're tough and we have each others back. We're dreamers as well and we have good intentions. I'd like to see a lot of things happen but I'm not going to lose sight of reality in the process you know...

For now, I've gotta be Jen's rock... or better yet her boulder. I won't let her buy me a birthday present because obviously money is potentially going to be very tight very very soon. But even so, we aren't going to stop living. This weekend has been planned since last year... we are going to hatteras, NC and we are using any birthday money to get down there... if she still has a job by this weekend then she'll go down after me and lil man... we are going from Friday to Monday... she'll probably go from Saturday night to Monday ... the point is... we are going to go, relax and unwind... leave our worries behind, stick our feet in the sand and let the waves wash away our unrest...

Everything happens for a reason.

"Problems are opportunities with thorns on them." - Hugh Miller