Games

I hate the games that people don't play. Does that make sense? It will to anyone who has ever been with someone that denied ever playing mind games when in fact they were fucking masters at them. Ridiculous. I should have known better than to think that this shit would just flow...be natural... that we could truly be friends.

I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. You were so worried about me "falling off the radar" the minute I walked out the door...you were so worried that I wouldn't talk to you anymore... you talked about how much that would hurt.  So I guess your solution to the problem is to ignore my texts...have your son call me to tell me he misses me and hang up as soon as he says bye, to avoid having to talk to me.

You accused me of defriending you on facebook, which I didn't....as an act of good faith I sent you a friend request.... so I guess it's easier for you to ignore that as well.

I have to take into account that everyone processes shit differently. Maybe you are hurting on the inside, and maybe, secretly you are relieved to be free.  Free from my OCD tendencies and "debbie downerness" and my constant raining on your parade.  I wouldn't fucking know.

I wouldnt fucking know much of anything right now as it pertains to your world. That's your choice. I just hope that you've taken into consideration all f the possibilities here. This may not go the way you pictured it in you head. This may not go that way at all... and then again, since I'm no mind reader...it just very well may go exactly where you want it to. I don't fucking know.

I hope it brings you some type of solace to know that I am in deed hurting. I think that what you are doing sucks, but then again I have to respect that you are dealing with your own hurt and it is what it is.

Living with my mom is not an ideal situation from me, but there are some bright sides.  For example, I have a wonderful family that loves me and just the fact that I have a place to call home and find refuge means the world to me right now.  I get to spend time with my niece and give her baths at night and rock her to sleep if I want... The 45 minute commute gives me time to decompress at the end of the work day... No one makes me talk about anything I don't want to and I love that.

It's probably best you aren't speaking to me right now. Neither one of us are ready. This whole "non" game thing that you are doing is giving me the ability to really address my own rage, my own anger...

My feelings have shifted from guilt to jaw clenching aggressive anger. I cant explain it right now, but alas, it is what it is.

I'm disappointed with the outcome...and like you, I'm left questioning the sincerity of our last words with one another... I'm left questioning what roles we will play in each other's life. I'm left lost, lost--but certainly not alone.

I can't stand these games that you don't play.  I guess now you know the answer to one of your questions... I'll take "what would you do if you were in my shoes" for 1000 alex.

Fuck it.